Broken

[NotAllWhoWandeRN, ASN, RN]

After wrestling through one job after another going south, and last autumn posting about tangling with an employer over a bloodborne pathogen exposure OSHA violation (series of violations, actually), I found a good job at a good hospital.

General orientation was solid, my preceptors were helpful, orientation lengths and styles were personalized to each of us that were starting together. The unit has a designation, but the reality is that it's often a hodgepodge of patient types - so no worries about losing clinical skills. The charge nurses are mostly helpful, there are a lot of phenomenal techs. Things were going pretty well.

And then I got injured lifting a patient. Being the eternally dutiful employee (and thinking it was a minor strain at first) I kept working - that shift, and the following, and the one after that. I rested on my days off, but after the 4th shift things got bad.

Things could be a lot worse... I initially sought treatment on my own, and I did not complete an incident report at the time, but when I asked to have a few days without heavy lifting, my manager insisted I fill out a report and get care under employee health. They will not let me work with employee health's lifting restriction, so I have been out of work and on worker's comp. It's not 100% pay, but it keeps my rent current.

But the employee health doc seems endlessly convinced that this is a minor injury, or one that I have worsened myself. She asked if I have kids (!!). She asked if I've been exercising. She offered no treatment besides medication and rest until I'd been sitting at home in pain for over 30 days.

I've had a few PT sessions now, and I'm having less pain, but the doc seems determined to send me back to unrestricted work because "It's been too long. You should be better by now." I believe she will release me at my next appointment, despite the fact that no one has done any assessment of my ability to lift, and I still have pain with unweighted movement.

My pain at this time, while persistent (going on 6 weeks), is not unbearable, but I think this experience has knocked out what little resilience I had left. I started looking for nursing jobs that do not involve frequent strenuous labor, and found myself wandering back to AllNurses and perusing the injury experiences. They're not pretty. I don't want to end up permanently disable and in pain.

I'm not asking for advice with how to handle the current situation. I'm just utterly at the end of my rope with nursing. My hope in the short term is that they will at least continue to cover PT if they send me back to work, and that I can last long enough without getting hurt again to find or transfer into a part-time, non-physical nursing job like a doctor's office. I am looking at other options for income, but if I need to, I will learn to live on less.

I'm barely north of 30, and the physical toll that 4 years of nursing has taken on my body terrifies me. Nursing appealed to me as a service profession, but it's not worth it to sacrifice my own wholeness to contribute to other people's.

I need out.

[Davey Do]

Life does take its toll on us, NotAllWhoWandeRN. It is scary to feel the limitations that the aging process can put on us.

I had an MVA in 1976 at the age of 19 which involved multiple fractures, head, and internal injuries. I never had any professional PT and regained use of my extremities and taught myself to walk again with the aid of some loving family and friends.

Through the years, I've had multiple injuries, like a torn left ACL. But I kept pretty active, bicycling, lifting weights, etc. for years. I sort of tapered off from my routine and, when I was in my mid thirties, started feeling "old". So I joined a gym and began bicycling avidly.

I've found the single best way to deal with and prevent injuries is through exercise. Once I allowed the healing process to take place and worked those weakened areas, I was able to lessen the pain and increase the health of structures.

I'm pushing 60 and I work out everyday, for at least 30 minutes, aerobic and weights. I live a relatively healthy lifestyle and visit a Chiropractor about once a month. In spite of my numerous injuries, I feel pretty good.

I'm not giving you medical advice. I'm just letting you know what's worked for me.

Good luck and the best to you in your endeavors, NotAllWhoWandeRN!

[NotAllWhoWandeRN, ASN, RN]

The irony is that I was JUST getting pain under control from a hip problem (not work-related) that started last fall - and the low back pain that had been going on for so long I didn't even notice it any more (most surely work-related), but worked through with a PT. I have had my eye on training for my first sprint triathlon this summer (in the past I have raced up to half marathon length, and been a non-competitive swimmer) and was about to get serious with regular walking and swimming when this crap happened.

I know that in theory if I can get to a point where all the causes for pain have healed, I can rebuild strength. It's hard to keep that in mind when I've been sidelined by constant pain for so long and have zero certainty about how my near future will play out.

Thanks for your reply and your positivity!

[Farawyn]

I worked in a group home prior to becoming an RN. One of the residents beat me up pretty badly, and knocked me into a wall, my back broke the wall. Fast forward to a few years later as a nurse, lifting a 400 pound patient (with 3 other people) and my back was suddenly done. Fini. I have herniations from L1-3 and the ONLY thing that got me back on track was PT, and swimming.

My core is not the strongest right now, but I was able to carry 2 giant babies in my 5'2" body with the herniated disks because I strengthened my core prior.

Yes, I still have back pain. Part of the reason I left floor nursing was due to that. I still miss it, and I struggled for a long time not feeling like as real nurse in a clinic, HH or as a SN. I'm over it now, but we get pissed when our bodies fail us, right?

Anyway. Another one here saying Yes to exercise.

Best of luck. Pain sucks. I hope you find some relief.

[Hollybobs]

I'm sorry this has happened, it's absolutely rubbish when you are injured doing the career you love, especially as you'd settled in the new and improved role. I just wanted to say as well that I understand what a toll persistent pain can take, even if it isn't "unbearable", it can really get you down, it is stressful and can make it hard to stay positive.

I think your plans sound excellent; working with the PT, looking for something else, considering other sources of income. Is it the same as in the UK where if you get another, lighter job for a while and your back "heals" then you could return to bedside nursing? I agree with what you and the other posters have said- as soon as your back gets to the stage where you won't make it worse, exercise that the PT advises (that you can tolerate) makes all the difference.

I injured my back/hip doing general med/surg bedside nursing duties. I'm still in a bedside nursing post, doing my PT, keeping my core strong and my posture good. However, my patients are not light and every single shift I wonder if it is worth it. I love my job but I'm in pain every day and don't know whether to apply for lighter jobs. I use a lot of non-pharmaceutical methods to decrease pain eg. TENS/meditation/massage etc but it still significantly impacts my life out of work. I also read the allnurses experiences and whilst they scared me, a lot managed to find jobs where they could still "make a difference" like Farawyn describes.

I wish you the best of luck with this and hope your pain and job situation resolve.

[RainMom]

You might want to look into your state's rules for workers' comp. You stated that you are seeing the employee health doc (ie, on the payroll of your facility). Sometimes those providers are very good & reasonable in their treatment & advice but sometimes they are simply there to tell the employer that the injury is minor & for a release back to work. Their allegiance is to the employer, not the patient.

Every state has their own rules & guidelines. My state gives the injured employee the right to see 2 providers of their own choice & the employee never has to see the employer's physician if they don't want to. Really, the pt can seek treatment from more than 2 providers as long as they are referred from one of those original docs. As long as the chain of referral is there, it is accepted.

[NotAllWhoWandeRN, ASN, RN]

To rub a little salt into the uncertainty, my employer sent me a letter today saying that as a new employee, my job is not protected by Worker's Compensation. *It is possible that your position may no longer be available at the time you return to work.* I am not eligible for FMLA because I have not been with the employer for a year.

In other words, I am disposable. It makes me wonder if I should start looking for that doctor's office position... Or any position, really. On the other hand, the unit (and the other med/surg units in the hospital) is still consistently understaffed. I get regular pages from the central staffing system that they need nurses... so I don't THINK they would dump me and go through the cost of training someone new?

This. This is me coming unglued.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

To rub a little salt into the uncertainty, my employer sent me a letter today saying that as a new employee, my job is not protected by Worker's Compensation. *It is possible that your position may no longer be available at the time you return to work.* I am not eligible for FMLA because I have not been with the employer for a year.

In other words, I am disposable. It makes me wonder if I should start looking for that doctor's office position... Or any position, really. On the other hand, the unit (and the other med/surg units in the hospital) is still consistently understaffed. I get regular pages from the central staffing system that they need nurses... so I don't THINK they would dump me and go through the cost of training someone new?

This. This is me coming unglued.

Each and everyone of is disposable. You do not have the option of being broken or unglued.

Re -read your latest communication. All staff nurses will have their position held for 12 weeks. Any extension, is then up to management. How much do you think your employer owes you?

Yes the unit needs you, but you are not physically able to fill the needs. This is a moot point.

You need to take responsibility for yourself now. Find a position you can physically perform , while you heal.

Best of luck to you... but you really need to move on. It's now up to you.

[NotAllWhoWandeRN, ASN, RN]

Re -read your latest communication. All staff nurses will have their position held for 12 weeks. Any extension, is then up to management. How much do you think your employer owes you?

I'm curious, why do you say 12 weeks? I have been injured for less than two months, and off work due to the lifting restriction for 4 weeks. The letter they sent did not specify any time frames. I would rather be working in some way, but they won't accommodate lifting restrictions.

I don't think the employer "owes" me a job, but I doubt that it is financially beneficial for them to let me go when they will have to invest months training a replacement. My unit still has night and hybrid positions open, the hospital has many positions open, and they have just introduced sign-on bonuses. It would not be logical to let me go when the hospital is understaffed, but I don't tolerate uncertainly well, and "You may not have a job" is a doozy when it comes to uncertainty.

[AspiringNurseMW]

I am just a nursing student but I can totally understand where you are coming from. My husband's experience with workers comp was HORRIBLE we fought them for years on and issue, retained a lawyer, and still lost. My husband finally got a new job in a new state and we paid for surgery to fix the issue on our own. That part at least, is less a nursing issue and more of Workers Comp not actually being about well being of the Workers anymore.

[NotAllWhoWandeRN, ASN, RN]

Mixed news! I am being released for work Monday, I get to continue physical therapy, and have an order not to work consecutive shifts so that I can rest between. If the doc had cleared me to work unrestricted as of the last appointment, I was originally scheduled for 5 out of 6 days in a row. I have trouble being assertive, but I was going to put up a stink if they thought that was appropriate when I haven't lifted anything more than 15 pounds in 6 weeks.

I'm still uneasy, but I was so shocked by the relief of what the doc ordered that I didn't fight her on going back to work. I'll start with one day back instead of three in a row, and I'll go from there. If I'm still having trouble after returning to work, I'll ask if they'll change my employee health visits to the location where I work so I'll have a second opinion (current doc seems to persistently believe my injury is something other than what the PT says it is, possibly contributing to her insistence that I should be recovered) and possibly get better assessment/treatment. I still see a huge number of possible outcomes here, not all of them good, but I have the next step, and knowing that is some comfort.

[heron, ASN, RN]

Each and everyone of is disposable. You do not have the option of being broken or unglued.

Re -read your latest communication. All staff nurses will have their position held for 12 weeks. Any extension, is then up to management. How much do you think your employer owes you?

Yes the unit needs you, but you are not physically able to fill the needs. This is a moot point.

You need to take responsibility for yourself now. Find a position you can physically perform , while you heal.

Best of luck to you... but you really need to move on. It's now up to you.

All this, plus the observation that this kind of disposability is not unique to nursing. If you go to the Pro Publica website and read their series on workers' comp, you'll find lots of company.