A Tribute To My Mom
My mom has been born with a congenital heart defect. So, her family has been very protective of her. So protective, that, they wouldn't allow her to get married for fear that she would die of childbirth.
But my mom was a stubborn woman, despite of her family's objection; she married my father and had two children with him. I grew up seeing my mom being admitted to the hospital too many times.
Her condition worsened through the years and her heart just developed too many complications. I saw her struggling for breath, and sometimes wake up to the sound of her groans of pain.
I grew up wondering how long I will have my mom with me. Every day I fear that I might wake up and not see her at all. I felt so helpless.
When I finished high school, she convinced me to take up Nursing, which I did reluctantly. After graduation and obtaining my license, I realized that this time I can do something for my mom. I can finally take care of her. That everything will be alright now.
I found a job in a hospital near our home so I can earn and at the same time be with my family and watch over my mom. But eventually, I have come to realize that my salary was not enough to see through my family's needs. I wanted to make my mom stop working and just stay at home. So, I got a job in a hospital in the Middle East.
Finally, I was earning enough money to give my mom all the comfort and luxury that she deserves. Finally, all her dreams for me are coming true.
Despite the nostalgia I was feeling, I consoled myself with the thought that after 10 months, I can come home to my mom. With every phone call I tried to convey how much I love her. I only want the best for her. I urged her to go visit her cardiologist frequently and I had my former colleagues look up on her to make sure that she is ok.
God knows, I wanted to be the one to take care of her, to meet her needs. But fate is cruel; it would not allow me to do so. My mom suffered from a fatal heart attack. Despite the regular visits to the doctor and the daily visits from my colleagues, her heart gave out.
She didn't even make it to the hospital which is only 10 minutes away from our home. It breaks my heart how I ended up miles away from home, during the time my mother needed me most. How, when I can provide her everything she is taken from me. How, I spent most of my time holding the hands of dying strangers and not be given the chance to say goodbye to my own mother. How, I help save other people's lives but I cannot save my own mother.
There are too many things I regret, but also too many things I have to be thankful for. Although I have been treated with my life's greatest irony, I have come to realize the value of my profession. That even though the dying persons: whose hands I held, whose souls I have prayed for; are strangers for me, they are fathers, mothers, and loved ones for someone who wasn't given the chance to be with them during those last moments. Like me.Last edit by Joe V on Dec 23, '08
Joined: Dec '05; Posts: 45; Likes: 163
4 year(s) of experience in trauma, gen. surgeryDec 11, '08Wow - that was amazing...thank you for sharing that. I lost my own mother to a heart condition, & I was away from her as well. May you be blessed each day as you comfort your patients...this is the reason I went into nursing. My mother would be so proud of me now, and I'm sure yours was as well. Each patient whose life we touch is someone who depends on us, just as our mothers depended on nurses to be with her when we couldn't be. (Now, 10 years later, I actually ended up working with a nurse that took care of my mother). My thoughts & prayers are with you - may you have peace & may your memories console you. Mine help me be a better nurse each day. Thanks again for your story!Dec 11, '08It was very touching.
I think your mom was very proud of you! You have fulfilled her expectations and probably made her happy by becoming such a great caring person.
Thank you for sharing.Dec 11, '08Amazing! Great JOb! Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I am so sorry you lost your mother. You seem like you were a wonderful daughter.Dec 11, '08That was powerful. I'm sure your mother was VERY proud of you. I don't even know you, and I'm proud of you! Thank you for sharing.Dec 13, '08thank you for your comments. i'm really grateful. although im still at a loss on how i can start to live without my mom, its a relief to know that you care for me even when im just a stranger for you..Dec 15, '08I can relate to you in so many ways. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things a child will ever go through. I lost my mother to ALS in August and I still haven't figured out how to live without her. But I take it day by day, and I try to choose the path that would make her the proudest. As for coping with the grief, I turn it around and have become more compassionate towards my patients and their families, because I know what it is like. I sat on edge for almost 3 years watching and waiting, and I couldn't be with her every second she wanted me to, but in spirit I was, and now she will be with me. Believe it or not, through all of it, you and I will become stronger. Thank you.Dec 16, '08It was a very wonderful story that you shared. And i am sorry for a loss that i myself can personally relate to, though my mom passed more than 12 years ago when i was just starting my nursing career... but up to these days when things are just plainly tough, i still feel like running to her for comfort. Thank you for sharing, it made me realized i am not so alone.
I hope the best for all those other loving and wonderful daugthers. My prayers are with you.Dec 17, '08Thank you for sharing.
I, also lost my Mom, but was fortunate enough to be able to help in small ways, for my Mom resided in a different state than I was licensed to practice in. There were wonderful folks who cared for her.
All that I could do this time is to sit by her bed and do my studying. I had finals in both my Nursing semester and my renewal of my Medic license at the same time.
I have been blessed to be able to find my niche in Nursing and it looks like you have as well.
Your Mom got to see you practice in the field that she wanted you to go into. She knew what you were doing and how you were helping others. It seems to me that was what she wanted.
You should be proud, for you have learned one of the most difficult lessons in caring for others.
She knew and knows now. She is watching over you in all that you do.
God bless you.
macspudsDec 21, '08i'm touched by this article.
i just graduated early this year, and i'm having my trainings right now. few days from now, i'll be leaving my country (philippines), to work in another country... with the same reason just as yours...
few days from now, i'll be experiencing the same experience of yours...
but i'm happy knowing that when that thing happen to my mom or any member of my family, i know, one of our companions, in this nursing profession will do the same to my them...
lets just do the best we can to our patients, because somebody else will do the same for our love ones...Dec 21, '08You have made me cry. That was beautiful what you said "the patients are somebody's loves one"Dec 21, '08Very touching. I feel for you. I know how your heart must be bleeding, but I'm sure your mom knows more.Dec 22, '08I feel for you. I just recently lossed my mom (nov 23), I too lived in another state but was able to be with her during her last few days. My mom had a massive stroke and was placed on comfort measures. Watching my mom dying was very difficult for me as a nurse. She never opened her eyes, but I feel she knew I was there as she did squeeze my hand when I first arrived there. Being trained to save lives and sitting there just watching my mom die.... I felt so helpless. It was the saddest experience in my life.
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