So here I was running my tailfeathers off the other night! One, I was part of the code team, and had to run to the ER to assist with a code...code save
. Then a nurse who has never done an NG tube needed someone to do it...I was the only one that night...so I did it...great placement, but patient was gagging so much that I had to remove it..it was all blood and air...off to the ICU for her...her stomach was filled with blood! (unknown GI problem just off the ER floor to our floor). Then we had a patient die who was about to go home on hospice...and it was my nursing friends first death...so I had to console her and help (gladly!).
Then I get a fresh admit after all of this and 4 patients of my own that had been neglected from all the other happenings....a suicidal ideation!
I took a break to wipe the slate clean from all this other stuff and focus on my pts and the new one..and I couldn't stop thinking "here I am saving folks...running my arse off doing it...and then we get someone that doesn't even WANT to live! Why should I waste my time tending to those that don't want to live when I have so much to do for the people struggling TO live!!!!!!!".
I was so mad at myself for even thinking that! It really disturbed me...but for some reason a little grinch in the back of my head was saying this...UHGGGGG! And I went home to ponder it...
I know they need my help too...guess I was just burnt out with all the excitement and watching someone slowly pass away and seeing a nurse cry. But sheesh...I am a very proactive sweet funny nurse..that very thought distrubed me (guess that is a good thing..If I didn't get disturbed..then I would be in trouble).
Anyone else think that some days? Why are we doing things for some patients that either don't want to live, or whos quality of life will be decreased something fierce for making them live????
(sometimes I feel we do too much on some people somedays).
Anyway...I am good to go now, and found out that the patient had just had a change in psych meds and really wasn't so suicidal as having withdrawls from her old meds (which were not tapered) and was scared...and lucky for me..that grinch may have been talking, but I always feel there is a rational story behind everything..the trick is to be open and find it out
. BTW..she adored me and felt better talking with me about things (I had to be her one on one for two hours...so it all turned out wonderfully!!!!).
Nov 28, '06
We all have those moments, remember it's the actions that count. We are only human, don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone at one time or another has had a patient that kind of gets under their skin a little, or bothers them somewhat. Again what matters is that we put a smile on our face and give the best care around to that patient, not the private, crabby thoughts that we sometimes have. Besides, no one can know what personal horrors that the suicidal patient has had. Honestly, they are the patients I feel for the most. Just take a deep breath and try to feel blessed that your life hasn't been so dark or painful that you would want to die.
You are a FABULOUS nurse! Just think of all the craziness you were dealing with that shift. Only a caring, loving person would take the time to ponder their thoughts. If you really didn't give a d***, the thought never would have bothered you.
Last edit by dream'n on Nov 28, '06