"Men should be EMT's or Doctors!"

[Antikigirl]

So our floor had this little old lady who was basically your general pain in the keester. Declined meds, treatments, tests...and was needy as all get go but no one could satisfy her. Very bold woman who likes things her way...and no other..family was the same and catered to her every whim...which didn't help us out at all! It was like she was on respite not being treated for a medical probelm!

We have this wonderful male nurse who is kind and very realistic when it comes to women having a probelm with male nurses during certain things (like bathing, cath, tolieting, etc.) and we always help him out in those cases. Well...I guess this woman read him the riot act saying that males should NEVER be nurses, they should get a set of testies and be a EMT or Doctor! Then she excused him from the room saying to never even step towards the door...this was just seconds after he introduced himself!!!!

I was furious!!!!! Here is this lady who actually is about 90 and was an editor for a major newspaper and she is being sexist??? Okay I think when she was trying for editor she had her share of sexism in her day!!! I was just so peved!

I took over care for her because she liked me quite a bit...and I had a little talk with her. I told her that I knew her son was an EMT, and my hubby is a paramedic. That I know that many EMT's and paramedics would like to switch to RN because of the pay, and actually getting to know a patient for more than 5-15 minutes in a screaming ambulance. Because of HIPAA they are not 'in the know' about their patients once they transfer care...so they stablize some of the worse things and never get to hear an outcome! So nursing can be quite nice because you can see what happens beyond the ER doors! I also reminded her and had her share stories of how it was like being a female editor....after that is sunk in to her what she had done, and she felt very sorry..but remained bull headed about not letting him in.

I think I did well...I knew this lady wouldn't respond to anything to put her defenses up, so I had to be patient and make her think of the reasons why she said what she did, and HERSELF come to the conclusion with a little proding from me that it was very insensitive and wrong.

I then talked to the nurse and we had a good laugh and he was fine, and then we both went to the charge nurse and wrote an incident report for verbal abuse and sexism towards the nurse. I felt that was right to do since you shouldn't ever treat a professional that only wants to help you (even if you are a pain in the keester big time) get well!

Basically I really made him see things in the right perspective by just saying "it really doesn't matter with her or some people what sex or color you are...they just want to make you miserable for some reason...just the lazy ones with no creativity choose sex or color because it is easier than actually getting to know a person! Plus hon...I think if she said anything positive or even smiled her head would cave in from the pressure! LOL!!!!".

Don't let the turkeys get ya down folks...

[smk1, LPN]

My favorite nurse to work with at clinical is a male. He is patient, knows what he is doing, doesn't try to get us to do things outside of our scope and the patients all like him because he is just a very nice person. We all love it when our patient is assigned to him. There is another nurse that I love to follow around too even though I have never been assigned to her. She is just a born teacher. Having a member shouldn't preclude someone from being a nurse. If you have the knowledge, intelligence, skills and compassion to do the job then that's all I can ask.

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

Great responses guys!

The lady really got her two cents from medics when she kept declining all her treatment. One even said to her that if she is okay enough to not need all this then she should go home. Okay that may be true..but ouch, seemed rather harsh to me! So I tried a different approach...try to help pt and my collegue. I think I did a-okay!

I have worked in LTC/ALF and I too know my share of patients having their minds set on certain social factors that are no longer tollerated by the general public. That is why I took a person proactive stance and just brought up items in her history and mind to open it up to think for herself. I didn't lecture her, berate her for what she said...just talked with her during assessment and shared stories...and at all times respecting her rights...even if she still came to the wrong conclusion...she has that right (not to harass though). Lecturing causes a defensive reaction, though and poliet conversation can do wonders .

It was actually our charge nurse that wanted the incident report to be filled out. Proably so that the MD in charge of her actually saw it. Not that all MD's read our notes about these things (they call it a nursing probelm and pass the buck back!). After three days of total declination of items (I was off during the first two days) and all treatments...I think that was fair since she was rude and very outspoken about anyone that came in.

But I guess at the time, my anger over that comment took a purely back seat. I found out this very independant woman is going to have to live in a nursing home from now on. Okay...that is depressing and scary to folks. I didn't want to upset her anymore with a lecture on how to act...just open conversation with a hidden lesson inside for her to chew on.

I do fear for the nursing home she goes to though...ouch, that one is going to be time consuming and non-compliant. I also fear that she will get kicked out of homes over and over again for non compliance...very sad. (our homes lately are kicking people out for almost anything...some have been kicked out for certain antibiotics/meds not covered by insurance and they say they can't take them anymore???).

Oh well...I think I handled this one better than most of my collegues that either wouldn't go into the room or lectured her. At least I got her to change her mind to the point she would bring it down a notch or two.

[imenid37]

I look at things a little differently

At 90 years old, she should be allowed to feel what ever way she wants to feel. By God she has earned that right.She has served her time, paid her dues,and who knows what factors she faced while achieving her 90 years.

This world is big enough for all types, even me

Let the Democrats regain control, please Lord

Ya know, I just don't agree w/ you. Rude is rude. My co-worker told me her mother uses this excuse to insult various people and act out. She can feel however she wants. She should be called on acting out. As long as she is mentally coherent, her over the top behaviour shouldn't be dismissed. Hey my daughter is 18 and has been very ill. It doesn't mean she can get away w/ being a jerk, even though some people have lived a lifetime and not gone through all of the pain she had during a 7 year illness. I would be the first one to set her straight. Society validates and excuses too much bad behaviour, IMHO.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

But Tom's idea that 90s can think and act anyway they choose doesn't set well with me unless they have dementia. But certainly, you're not going to change a 90 year old's mind about many things. :)

Why we all know you supported Reagan, and we all know he had Dementia.

At 90 if they want Vermouth daily then let them have it.

At 90 if they want to smoke then let them

At 90 if they want to be the way they are, then respect them for it.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

Ya know, I just don't agree w/ you. Rude is rude. My co-worker told me her mother uses this excuse to insult various people and act out. She can feel however she wants. She should be called on acting out. As long as she is mentally coherent, her over the top behaviour shouldn't be dismissed. Hey my daughter is 18 and has been very ill. It doesn't mean she can get away w/ being a jerk, even though some people have lived a lifetime and not gone through all of the pain she had during a 7 year illness. I would be the first one to set her straight. Society validates and excuses too much bad behaviour, IMHO.

I will tolerate it gladly from a 90 yr old person, they have earned the right. You take a 90 yo once independent female, once a dominant female, and place her in position of total dependence. That has to be a very very difficult change for her to go through.

I may work ER, but I do like the geriatric part of it. The elderly deserve all our respect, no matter their behaviour. I like them with fire personally.

Now you take some young pup that comes in acting out, with overbearing and strongly enabling parents. Now I admit they do try my patience.

Let the Democrats regain control of the Congree and the Senate, Thank you Lord

[arelius]

I look at things a little differently

At 90 years old, she should be allowed to feel what ever way she wants to feel. By God she has earned that right.She has served her time, paid her dues,and who knows what factors she faced while achieving her 90 years.

This world is big enough for all types, even me

Let the Democrats regain control, please Lord

Are you trying to be funny because that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

[Multicollinearity, BSN, RN]

I will tolerate it gladly from a 90 yr old person, they have earned the right. You take a 90 yo once independent female, once a dominant female, and place her in position of total dependence. That has to be a very very difficult change for her to go through.

I may work ER, but I do like the geriatric part of it. The elderly deserve all our respect, no matter their behaviour. I like them with fire personally.

Now you take some young pup that comes in acting out, with overbearing and strongly enabling parents. Now I admit they do try my patience.

Let the Democrats regain control of the Congree and the Senate, Thank you Lord

This sounds reasonable to me.

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

Though I totally disagree with this lady, I do understand she's from a different era. However consider this.....a year down the road your co-worker gets a summons for harrassment, assault whatever. The writeup is an excellent move. That way the circumstances are documented, Triage is in the loop and the co-worker is protected. It will be in the hands of the facility attorney and the facts will be there.

[imenid37]

I am glad someone thinks that they are willing to tolerate this on the basis of the person's age. Not me! I feel rudenes and selfishness should be labelled as just that, no matter what the age of the person (providing they are mentally intact). I don't think the response would be the same if she were a racial bigot or homophobe, or refused care from a Jewish person (happened to my friend). She would not be a cute little old lady who can do as she pleased, she'd be unpleasant and prejudiced because that is what this behaviour is. I know other people don't agree w/ me. I accept that. I just won't give someone a free pass to be obnoxious. O h well, I am glad people have more patience than me. I guess this is why I don't work w/ the elderly. The documentation and teamwork here were great. Do you think maybe she was just a spoiled person who was used to getting her own way all of the time?

[arelius]

I will tolerate it gladly from a 90 yr old person, they have earned the right. You take a 90 yo once independent female, once a dominant female, and place her in position of total dependence. That has to be a very very difficult change for her to go through.

I may work ER, but I do like the geriatric part of it. The elderly deserve all our respect, no matter their behaviour. I like them with fire personally.

Now you take some young pup that comes in acting out, with overbearing and strongly enabling parents. Now I admit they do try my patience.

Let the Democrats regain control of the Congree and the Senate, Thank you Lord

It doesn't matter what their age is. If they want respect they need to be respectful also. And wouldn't it make more sense for an elderly person who having gone through a long life would have a better understanding of that concept instead of the exact opposite of being respectful? It doesn't matter what changes she is going through.

[Multicollinearity, BSN, RN]

It doesn't matter what their age is. If they want respect they need to be respectful also. And wouldn't it make more sense for an elderly person who having gone through a long life would have a better understanding of that concept instead of the exact opposite of being respectful? It doesn't matter what changes she is going through.

That's a bit harsh. Why not show respect regardless of whether you receive it or not? We don't need to lower ourselves to their level.

As far as it "doesn't matter what changes she is going through?" Have you ever been unkind or lashed out in anger at a source other than the correct one? I have. I think we all have. Severe stress can push us to do things we would have never imagined. But by the grace of g-d...

[arelius]

That's a bit harsh. Why not show respect regardless of whether you receive it or not? We don't need to lower ourselves to their level.

As far as it "doesn't matter what changes she is going through?" Have you ever been unkind or lashed out in anger at a source other than the correct one? I have. I think we all have. Severe stress can push us to do things we would have never imagined. But by the grace of g-d...

The point I was trying to make is I would not respect a person if they are being disrespectful to me. If someone told me to get some "testes" and become a EMT or a doctor then, no, I would not have respect for that person. I would keep my cool and I would not lash out at that person but I would have ZERO respect for that person. And, sure, I agree that we have all lashed out at the wrong time, person, in the wrong place, etc..., but the fact still remains that it is wrong thing do that and I think you would agree with me on that. And since you use that line, "by the grace of G-d", wouldn't God tell you to be keep your cool and not lash out and be disrespectful, especially in this situation where some lady who should know better with all her life experience decided to be the bad guy?