I apologize..

  1. I apologize...

    To the DON:

    For giving me a chance to work on your unit. I apologize for the opportunity that was given to me as a new grad. I apologize for giving my notice effective immediately when I know you would be put in a rut with one nurse down on the days I was scheduled. I had tried and tried, I work the best I could. You have to understand, given the circumstances, I am scared of losing my license when every week, an experienced nurse would threaten safe harbor due to high patient loads and no CNA. I tried and really tried hard to withstand it, knowing as a new grad it would take some time to adjust to. I can not admit, discharge and also be the transporter for patients when it is time for discharge. This takes 15 minutes of my time to take them four buildings away and have no one to watch my other patients. First week off orientation, you had given me unstable patients whom I can not handle.

    I had suffered panic attacks, anxiety, and sleepless nights. I had asked to switch to nights so I can adjust, you denied my request. During our meeting, I wanted it to end in good terms but you gave me the cold shoulder, and had said no one would hire me and it's because of you, I found another job. That is not the case, I had multiple job offers, offers in a speciality that was my dream job and had turned them down because I believe that my loyalty was to the hospital.

    I can no longer work in a toxic environment that does not take care of their own so in the end I had to take another job offer. No teamwork because all the nurses are overwhelm with their own workload. You would send a nurse home because we have a low census, adding more patients to all of us overwhelmed RNs. Most us nurses work 15 hours, when our shift should only be 12 hours has caused us all to burn out so quickly. Please I beg of you, please take it into consideration of putting more nurses on the schedule so your nurses can have a break, sit down and recuperate. You were once a nurse, please have some empathy. Every week, a nurse and interns quits, this is one of the reasons why.

    To the patients:

    I apologize for not being able to sit there and try to calm you down when you are scared and crying. I apologize for not providing you the best of care like you should have. I apologize when lunch arrives and I am unable to feed you in a timely manner due to a condition where you are unable to feed yourself without assistance. I am sorry, I am so sorry.. I apologize when you ask me to stay and talk to you for a little while when you're feeling lonely and seem abrupt and just give you a couple of words and run out of the room. You see I other patients who needs their meds, doctor's calling me, Lab calling me, chart checks, documentation. I would love to talk to you and try to comfort you,but with the workload, I can not.

    To the Nurses:

    Thank you for giving me the encouragement to leave stating if I stay here longer, I would lose my license. Thank you for being so understanding when I put in my notice. I had no intention of giving you a larger work load due to my absence. I am humbly appreciative of all you, especially my preceptor who has taught me so much.

    To the New Grads with no job offers as of yet:

    I apologize for making such a bad name for the new grads who have been trying for so long in finding a job. I am sorry.

    I know most of you that works with me and the DON visit this forum, my intent is to apologize, to try to release this feeling of guilt.

    Please excuse my grammar, I am crying at the moment, and it is hard to try and correct my grammatical mistakes.
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    About letsbefriends

    Joined: Jan '13; Posts: 9; Likes: 35
    from US


  3. by   CrufflerJJ
    I'm sorry you had to go through this. ((hugs))
  4. by   Neonursej
    What a powerful story! I hope that this hasn't made you want to get out of the nursing profession, as there are so many opportunities for us. I read this like a nursing article, you should submit!
  5. by   sistasoul
    Your post was beautiful. It is so true that we don't have time to comfort our patients the way we would like. I am sorry you had to be put through this. It is very busy where I work but having the nursing assistants makes it somewhat doable. I can not imagine working in this environment. It is simply horrendous. You will find another job.


  6. by   Esme12
    ((HUGS))...I am so sorry you have gone through this....you did your best. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on. Your DON can say what she likes. Be honest with your next employer that you knew pretty quick it was NEVER going to be a good fit and to not allow the facility spend money to train you...you left...you feel horrible and were not happy.

    The sun will come up tomorrow ((HUGS))
  7. by   tokmom
    Your DON is still a nurse. I think they sometimes forget what it's like to work on the floor. Of course if she is an older nurse, it *was* easier back then.

    Your DON is getting the squeeze to cut staffing, or she can be out the door. Nursing has turned into survival of the fittest and sadly those with the most clout win.
  8. by   xoemmylouox
    Best of luck in your next position. Sometimes you just have to get out. I have been there before. Better things will come along.
  9. by   cienurse
    I'm so sorry that this was your first experience in nursing. Please don't let it taint your feeling for the profession. Your post is heartfelt and sincere and I can tell you truly ached for your patients and co-workers. Best of luck and let us know when you adjust to your new position. I would love to hear that your heart now has wings!
  10. by   martymoose
    The definition of Soul- sucking.

    I hope something comes better to you op.
    Even if it's not nursing.
    I always think of it as a life lesson learned the hard way
  11. by   Songbird,RN
    Don't worry, you did your very best. And be happy your license still hangs on the wall.
  12. by   Flatlander
    Congratulations for having the guts to get out when you did. Sometimes you just have to put your own needs first. Take pride in knowing your heart was in the right place. I'm sure you will land on your feet!

    In the meantime, wrap yourself in scented cotton... rest... and heal....
  13. by   multi10
    OP, you did the best you could. Have no regrets. What kind of place requires you, the nurse, to transport your patient 4 buildings over, for a discharge? Round-trip, that adds up to a real hike, and a significant investment of the Hospital's time and your energy. A reality with larger medical centers is that they cover miles of real-estate. Not only are you waiting for elevators part of the transport-then you have to go 4 buildings over? Does the institution not have a transport team? Volunteers?
    Last edit by multi10 on Jan 18, '13 : Reason: add "Hospital"
  14. by   ZenLover
    It didn't happen in nursing, but I have definitely worked in a situation that left me with a similar feeling. I am so sorry that you have gone through this. I really admire how you have opened up and shared with us. I think it will help you tremendously as you move on...and it will help countless others that read your words. It is amazing how even when it is sad, true and heartfelt words are simply beautiful. Thank you.