To the DON:
For giving me a chance to work on your unit. I apologize for the opportunity that was given to me as a new grad. I apologize for giving my notice effective immediately when I know you would be put in a rut with one nurse down on the days I was scheduled. I had tried and tried, I work the best I could. You have to understand, given the circumstances, I am scared of losing my license when every week, an experienced nurse would threaten safe harbor due to high patient loads and no CNA. I tried and really tried hard to withstand it, knowing as a new grad it would take some time to adjust to. I can not admit, discharge and also be the transporter for patients when it is time for discharge. This takes 15 minutes of my time to take them four buildings away and have no one to watch my other patients. First week off orientation, you had given me unstable patients whom I can not handle.
I had suffered panic attacks, anxiety, and sleepless nights. I had asked to switch to nights so I can adjust, you denied my request. During our meeting, I wanted it to end in good terms but you gave me the cold shoulder, and had said no one would hire me and it's because of you, I found another job. That is not the case, I had multiple job offers, offers in a speciality that was my dream job and had turned them down because I believe that my loyalty was to the hospital.
I can no longer work in a toxic environment that does not take care of their own so in the end I had to take another job offer. No teamwork because all the nurses are overwhelm with their own workload. You would send a nurse home because we have a low census, adding more patients to all of us overwhelmed RNs. Most us nurses work 15 hours, when our shift should only be 12 hours has caused us all to burn out so quickly. Please I beg of you, please take it into consideration of putting more nurses on the schedule so your nurses can have a break, sit down and recuperate. You were once a nurse, please have some empathy. Every week, a nurse and interns quits, this is one of the reasons why.
To the patients:
I apologize for not being able to sit there and try to calm you down when you are scared and crying. I apologize for not providing you the best of care like you should have. I apologize when lunch arrives and I am unable to feed you in a timely manner due to a condition where you are unable to feed yourself without assistance. I am sorry, I am so sorry.. I apologize when you ask me to stay and talk to you for a little while when you're feeling lonely and seem abrupt and just give you a couple of words and run out of the room. You see I other patients who needs their meds, doctor's calling me, Lab calling me, chart checks, documentation. I would love to talk to you and try to comfort you,but with the workload, I can not.
To the Nurses:
Thank you for giving me the encouragement to leave stating if I stay here longer, I would lose my license. Thank you for being so understanding when I put in my notice. I had no intention of giving you a larger work load due to my absence. I am humbly appreciative of all you, especially my preceptor who has taught me so much.
To the New Grads with no job offers as of yet:
I apologize for making such a bad name for the new grads who have been trying for so long in finding a job. I am sorry.
I know most of you that works with me and the DON visit this forum, my intent is to apologize, to try to release this feeling of guilt.
Please excuse my grammar, I am crying at the moment, and it is hard to try and correct my grammatical mistakes.