I apologize..

Nurses New Nurse

Published

I apologize...

To the DON:

For giving me a chance to work on your unit. I apologize for the opportunity that was given to me as a new grad. I apologize for giving my notice effective immediately when I know you would be put in a rut with one nurse down on the days I was scheduled. I had tried and tried, I work the best I could. You have to understand, given the circumstances, I am scared of losing my license when every week, an experienced nurse would threaten safe harbor due to high patient loads and no CNA. I tried and really tried hard to withstand it, knowing as a new grad it would take some time to adjust to. I can not admit, discharge and also be the transporter for patients when it is time for discharge. This takes 15 minutes of my time to take them four buildings away and have no one to watch my other patients. First week off orientation, you had given me unstable patients whom I can not handle.

I had suffered panic attacks, anxiety, and sleepless nights. I had asked to switch to nights so I can adjust, you denied my request. During our meeting, I wanted it to end in good terms but you gave me the cold shoulder, and had said no one would hire me and it's because of you, I found another job. That is not the case, I had multiple job offers, offers in a speciality that was my dream job and had turned them down because I believe that my loyalty was to the hospital.

I can no longer work in a toxic environment that does not take care of their own so in the end I had to take another job offer. No teamwork because all the nurses are overwhelm with their own workload. You would send a nurse home because we have a low census, adding more patients to all of us overwhelmed RNs. Most us nurses work 15 hours, when our shift should only be 12 hours has caused us all to burn out so quickly. Please I beg of you, please take it into consideration of putting more nurses on the schedule so your nurses can have a break, sit down and recuperate. You were once a nurse, please have some empathy. Every week, a nurse and interns quits, this is one of the reasons why.

To the patients:

I apologize for not being able to sit there and try to calm you down when you are scared and crying. I apologize for not providing you the best of care like you should have. I apologize when lunch arrives and I am unable to feed you in a timely manner due to a condition where you are unable to feed yourself without assistance. I am sorry, I am so sorry.. I apologize when you ask me to stay and talk to you for a little while when you're feeling lonely and seem abrupt and just give you a couple of words and run out of the room. You see I other patients who needs their meds, doctor's calling me, Lab calling me, chart checks, documentation. I would love to talk to you and try to comfort you,but with the workload, I can not.

To the Nurses:

Thank you for giving me the encouragement to leave stating if I stay here longer, I would lose my license. Thank you for being so understanding when I put in my notice. I had no intention of giving you a larger work load due to my absence. I am humbly appreciative of all you, especially my preceptor who has taught me so much.

To the New Grads with no job offers as of yet:

I apologize for making such a bad name for the new grads who have been trying for so long in finding a job. I am sorry.

I know most of you that works with me and the DON visit this forum, my intent is to apologize, to try to release this feeling of guilt.

Please excuse my grammar, I am crying at the moment, and it is hard to try and correct my grammatical mistakes.

Letters like this one should go to State, CMS, AHCA, TJC, and all those other regulatory agencies we know and love so that they can start fixing this mess and do the right thing. SMH.

Oh my Lord, my hearts breaks for you reading this. I believe every nurse who wants to give 100% all of the time feels the exact same way you are feeling right now. There is not one sentence you have written I have not felt. Please forgive yourself for feeling so broken, and respect yourself for knowing what you can and can not handle which could have put one of your patients in harms way. The fact you put their safety first, even if it made you look like you were not strong enough to handle it tells me how incredible of a nurse you are. You will find your spot, and will know you made the right decision to leave the last place. Best wishes to you, and remember to keep your head up! Hugs!

Keep your chin up, take a deep breath and drive on ! Good for you for having the insight to really see that you did not need that company.

Now copy and paste this post in an official letter to your state board of nursing and to the hospital CEO and CNO. If they are a corporate entity I would also send a copy to the board of directors. Unfortunately most hospitals want to make money and their way of doing it is to have nurses work with the highest patient load based on the statistics of "safe" nursing. Who ever made that data and decided on the ratios have never worked with patients, and were probably not nurses!

What a bummer way to start your career! So, sit down and have a good cry. In fact, cry for a day or two (I'm a cryer). Then, take a deep breath and say, "This is just a JOB! J O B JOB!" Yes, you need one to pay bills, but no job is worth what that one put you through. You never want to be put in a position where you will a) wreck your health, b) almost kill somone or c) ACTUALLY kill someone! You WILL find a place that suits you. Also realize that even in a good job, you work with jerks, you will be understaffed sometimes, you will transport patients to Guam (isn't there another nurse in the unit with working legs??), you'll sometimes get your butt kicked up and down the unit and, what on Earth is a lunch break? I don't think I've had one since 1999! I still regularly work 14-18 hour days. Sometimes I have to cover a unit 100 miles from where I live and do the 15 hour day! But, I work with great people (a few jerks, but hey, God was pretty liberal with the sprinkling). It may take awhile, but you'll find a place much better suited for you. And, you'll learn to find your balance so you can actually spend time caring for your patients, and not just chasing paperwork and lab reports.

Take heart my dear, we ALL get kicked! I just did a rapid response assignment a few months ago, and there were several dozen, well-seasoned nurses drinking down in the bar because we had all had the very same terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad day. Every. Last. One. And I got there late, so I missed the first wave. You are in fabulous, beautiful company :)

I started my career working for a dreadful don who was so bad she was asked to resign. I left and felt like a failure. I also felt guilty for not doing enough for my patients. Please know it gets better. Your experience will help you appreciate the right job when you find it! Best of luck.

Specializes in Acute Mental Health.

Well, I can certainly relate as I sit here after working yet another night late. I was sitting thinking how awful I felt that I spend so much of my time doing paperwork, that I rarely actually see/touch a patient anymore. I'm starving for that contact. I work psych so it's so important to touch base with pts and I can count on one finger how many patients I actually had contact with tonight besides my admit. One, that it :( It's becoming too little or too much.

Wishing you the very best on your new job and I love that not one post was bashing!

After reading all the responses from my last post, brought tears to my eyes. I don't know what to say, but thank you, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for all the wonderful kind words! The amount of support from this forum is extraordinary!

Reading all the responses from all of you made me realize that I made the right decision, again thank you.

I will be starting orientation next week and I am ecstatic! Regardless of what had happened, I will not let the previous job affect me and make me feel like a failure. I will definitely come into this job with an open mind and be the best that I can be!

Good luck with your new job!

I apologize...

That could have been me! My first job, I worked on a Med/Surg floor for 4 months and left. I was never sure if I was doing the whole job, properly, and that safety was an issue. I wanted to give more to my patients, but was reprimanded for doing so. Every time I spent too much time with a patient, I am denying another patient care. So what do you do?

I am a older, earned my RN at age 47. I found a job 3 miles from my home and got myself together. I worked for a year in a residential psych facility for kids and absolutely loved it! I've raised my own, so it is extremely rewarding to help other families come together again. BUT... if I stay in psych, I will be a psych nurse. I hadn't been a nurse long enough to set all my skills; so what do I do?

I want to give CARE to my patients. Really and truly take care of them and be sure they are safe, stable, and happy when I leave them. I want to ensure continuity of care. This led me to home health. I LOVE home health. I can do all of the above & more. I work Monday through Friday and on call once a month. I finish Friday's charting on Saturday morning... at home. I am the hands, eyes and ears (and nose) of the MD and call orders in to them. (Embrace the SBAR! No one wants to hear rambling stuff.) The patients are happy and safe, the docs are covered and glad to keep patients out of the waiting room and ER. Sometimes we convince patients to go to ER when it's necessary; it's part of the safety issue. I can spend 30-60 minutes with a patient to address their problems. I may see the patient weekly, more or less, depending on the problems. Coordination of care is easy with the right team of PTs, OTs, STs, MSWs, etc. We work with wound centers and get to do wound care, which was very limited in hospital setting, as was phlebotomy. I still get to work with O2, trachs, catheters, IV antibiotics, etc. so my skills are good and current. I love to teach & have the time to do it now.

I told my Home Health Exec Director I would "do right by" her if she gave me a chance. I know my nursing, gave the valedictorian speech at graduation, and am old enough to know what I DON'T know and to ask. I feel from here, I could work anywhere, but I have no desire to work on a hospital floor again. Ever. And for those of you who do, my hat is off to you. I was running around so much, there was barely time to think. Send your patients home and let home health continue their care so they don't end up back with the same dx you sent them home with. No one is going to get paid for that in the near future anyway.

That's how I solved my hospital-nursing dilemma. Just know that in nursing, there is a job for every type of nurse. Everyone has their strengths and there is a nursing job for yours! Hope this helps someone. :yes:

I love this. Even though I complain and complain I do genuinely care about my patients. But there is so much crap I have to put up with that it is extremely care about anyone. I think every nurse who is going through this should read your post. I needed to hear this and will direct my friend to this post too.

Good luck to you. And yay for getting out of a toxic environment.

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses.com

+ Add a Comment