"Doing too much"

mostdesired3 · Aug 19, 2013

.... Unfortunately, the woman you just described is my mother.

Sometimes, I cant believe we have the same DNA. Worlds apart. But then again, I left home when I was 14 and never looked back. She barely had anything to do with my upbringing. That probably has something to do with it...

My advice to you is: smile, nod and keep on climbing toward your goals. Without divine help, people like that never change; she'll just keep throwing daggers. Maybe one day she'll be your patient and she'll be glad you "did too much."

futurenurseOB · Aug 19, 2013

Thank you all for the responses. I know we're different. Heck I'm different from most of the whole neighborhood by just having goals.

I'll keep you all updated, it's a long road ahead. My pre reqs start Wednesday

Finally a nurse...All for my three♡♡♡

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Aug 19, 2013

.... Maybe one day she'll be your patient and she'll be glad you "did too much."

Don't count on that. :) Sure didn't work out for me. Live your life-- everyone else's is taken.

Sterling-RN · Aug 19, 2013

I guess I would say, try not to compare yourself with people who have clearly destroyed their lives, and compare yourself with someone who is successful. We can all point to someone who has it worse than us, and to someone who has it better.

katiescow · Aug 20, 2013

Who cares what your neighbor says....like you said she has nothing to show for herself. I am also 23 recently earned my LPN license and now work as a peds nurse. Planning to go on to the RN bridge program once I get those pesky pre-req's out of the way. Keep up the good work! Best of luck to you in your studies!

RN&mom · Aug 20, 2013

I was a teenage mom too. There are still those that are jealous I succeeded and they didn't... It's never too much be proud of yourself for being one of us who rebelled against the stigma of the teenage mom :)

Wrench Party · Aug 20, 2013

I'm sure you're in a positive relationship with the child's father, you have three children who can look up to you as a role

model, and you're bettering yourself in your life to get out of the projects, of all places- that's awesome! The lady next

door just wants to suck any positivity out of you and bring you down. Don't let her.

:yes:

EquestrianRN · Aug 20, 2013

My direct supervisor, at 35, is four years younger than I, has two children under age three and went from LPN school, worked as an LPN for seven years and then earned her BSN, got a supervisory position, has a happy marriage, a well-off lifestyle, and works extremely hard.

People knock her every way possible saying, "I'm not going to take direction from a one year RN who then went into management & thinks she knows more than I do...not to mention, she's going to leave her kids with family while she goes BACK TO SCHOOL in January to get her NP!"

My comment is always this,"Yes. She has far less experience than those of us with nearly twenty years bedside nursing, with Bachelors degrees in nursing, and with the life experience that she hasn't yet encountered. However, she's got SOME PRETTY TOUGH STUFF to get through a BSN @ one of the top non-private universities for nursing while pregnant, to do get first year of bedside RN nursing with an infant at home, to do her first year in management while pregnant with a SECOND baby AND WITH a 13 month old at home, having to learn to balance new motherhood, being a good manager, as well as telling nurses with far more experience than she obviously has how to do a difficult job and be taken seriously!"

Can you even imagine that kind of judgment and pressure? At her point in life, I was nowhere NEAR STEELY ENOUGH to write up a seasoned nurse for making an error which I hadn't yet made myself because I'd not been in the field long enough to get the CHANCE TO MAKE AN ERROR, REALLY! On top of it all, she's beautiful, thin, and people are flat out jealous of her!

I've gotten friendly with her because aside from my not currently being in management, (I have been in the past), we have a lot in common. I have always been judged as "stupid" because I have a certain look which others describe as "youthful", because I'm small; and unbelievably, (this one blows me AWAY with its pettiness!!) though my husband and I struggle for $$ as much as or more than the next person, so much so that we couldn't AFFORD WEDDING RINGS WHEN WE GOT MARRIED TEN YEARS AGO, thus my grandmother gave us her wedding set so I'd have something TRULY SPECIAL...thus, I wear a 3 karat wedding ring (it is a 130 year old family heirloom, and I wear it proudly, never hesitating to tell those who compliment me the story of it being given to my hubby to give to me, etc...and that we could never afford such a luxury, etc...), & my husband, wearing the band my grandfather left to him, which Pop wore while married to my grandmother for 62&1/2 years is equally proud to have been given such!)...so people THINK WE ARE WEALTHY because of one item of jewelry, that WE THINK WE ARE "better than them"!! Its so sad the petty jealousies people will judge others about...

Everyone (new coworkers and new patients) who've ever thought me "dumb" due to my appearance quickly change their tune when I open my mouth and, with compassion and knowledge, am able to explain exactly what is happening within their body, or their loved one's health, and they see that I'm much more than what shows on the outside.

I never tell my manager she's doing "too much", because it's working for her!! Plus, the amount she is doing inspired me, at age 40 in six days (!), when I was starting to feel "washed up", that it was time to get my butt in gear and earn MY NP ALONG WITH HER!!

As soon as my husband starts his new job, I'm applying to go back to school and get my Doctoral NP...WHY THE HECK NOT?? I love school, always got A's in every class throughout college and cannot wait to see what opportunities are out there to not only improve my life and that of my family, but to allow me to do a lot more to properly help my patients!

The next time you see someone being told they are doing "too much", stop and consider the SOURCE...AND, IF YOU AGREE, STOP AND WONDER IF PERHAPS YOU MIGHT BE DOING "too little", & don't want to be outshined!!

futurenurseOB · Aug 20, 2013

I loved those replies. Those are my thoughts exactly maybe I'm outshining them. I'll never dull my shine to benefit someone else. I'm not cocky or overly confident. But I'm definitely not gonna "dumb myself down" to make people like me.

I love you ALLNURSES. you keep me on my toes and keep it real when needed. Thanks so much

Finally a nurse...All for my three♡♡♡

SENSUALBLISSINFL, BSN, RN · Aug 21, 2013

Congratulations, pat yourself on the back for us. You are doing great and you are setting a wonderful example for your children.

We are sometimes surrounded by people who are jealous and just cannot understand that with hard work great things can be accomplished. I will be compassionate towards your neighbor and realize that she does not know better, she probably never had anyone to mentor her and push her to achieve great things, or does not have the mentality of wanting more meaningful things for herself.

Keep on your track, you are on your way to achieving great things in such a wonderful profession :nurse:

NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · May 25, 2014

Everyone makes mistakes at some point in their lives and everyone makes choices that guides the direction to be taken after those mistakes, whether the choices we're good or bad. I had my first child as a teenager and as soon as I was old enough to sit in nursing school (LPN), I was there. I lost quite a few close relationships, some family and some who I "thought" we're my friends, when I began going to nursing school because, in their eyes, I was supposed to do a whole lotta 'nothing' like the rest of them who had made similar mistakes. The difference for me was that I had a very strong support system within my immediate family and my mistakes were not a result of my family teachings and my environment. It was a non-thought-out decision on my part. Your living in the 'projects' subjects your ears and eyes to a lot of negative feedback; not your mind, as you've demonstrated. When I got back home to visit, those same people have progressed not one step in improving their lives. Some are still sitting under shade trees in sweltering temperatures, with the beer and what I assume is a cigarette. My cousin in particular, has been raising kids her entire life because before her baby came out of high school, her oldest had already brought home a new baby, and now her baby has a baby.
As a teenage parent still living at home, I was made to partake in the public income system known as welfare. I hated every minute of it. To me, that was MORE embarrassing than having a baby at too-early an age! I don't knock it or judge anyone who has to utilize it but it was not for 'me'. So, when I got my very first check as an LPN, I drove straight to DFACS and showed them my check,told them to stop all future payments IMMEDIATELY, and instructed me to stay away from my home! (Back then, anyone receiving payments were not allowed to own a car (making it impossible to get a job), jewelry, or savings account, and they made monthly visits to come check the kitchen cabinets for groceries that they deemed appropriate, checked the dressers for the children's clothing, checked the crib where the child was living....basically INVADED my privacy for three of the longest years of my life!!! Thank God nursing school was only a year long back in one days!!!!
Since nursing school was not my plan, but my dad's, I had no intention of furthering my education in nursing. So, I began working as an LPN, kids #s 2 & 3 came along, and work continued. Before I we it, my babies were not babies anymore and it was time to put them on a decent path in life. I was working 16-hour shifts with home health vent patients to pay for my oldest's college education. Since there was a 5-year difference between the next child, I had time before I had to bust my *** like that again. Unfortunately, the next two were two peas in a pod, with only one year separating the two. They put their head together, combined forces against ANYTHING that made sense, went to trade school, got thrown out (BOTH OF THEM), and are finally and gradually about to piece together a life for themselves. Throughout all this time, I was always trying to reason with them but you cannot tell grown folks what to do. I finally washed my hands of it so that they can learn life's lessons much harder than I had to.
You are NEVER doing too much unless YOU believe your endeavors are beginning to have adverse effects on your life. There are those that will judge you. As The Commuter said, misery loves company. Now when I go back home, I hear all kinds of stuff about me and I haven't even lived in my hometown since 2004! Even then, I never shopped there, didn't get gas for my vehicles there, didn't hang out there or anywhere else. The latest talk is that I'm a grandmother who drives a 2-seater, 6-speed convertible. So *******what!! (Lord, I love that car!!!) I served my years with a 4-door sedan and baby seats in the back. My baby is 26 years old. My kids had their kids AFTER graduating high school and becoming adults. I gave up my life for my kids...well not really because as an LPN, I was able to take them to the beach and zoo and park and anywhere else I liked to go. My point is when I want to go somewhere with my grandchildren, I will drive my car to them, park it, and get in one of the three vehicles that already has the baby seats locked down in the back. I don't know about these nosey-*** neighbors, but my grandchildren have parents as did my children. My parents's vehicles didn't have baby seats, they weren't required when I was a little girl and they were not required when my kids were babies. I had one because I got tired of looking in the rear view mirror only to see my kids standing in between the two front seats. They were some hard-headed little cusses!
On darn! I went way off topic, didn't it? What I came here to say was, let them talk. She knows that if you keep it up, you won't be her neighbor for long. Keep doing what you're doing. That should encourage the COPD lady to lay off the cigarettes so that she will have the breath to keep talking about you! And as long as you can hear her talking, you don't have to do CPR.
By the way, I did receive my RN license 3 years ago and should be done with the BSN by summer. Victim of the environment? Hell no! I did what I did, except the LPN, on my on terms. Keep it moving while it's moving. You will have greater rewards sooner than you think!

Wow! I just re-read this post. It appears autocorrect on this iPad was in overdrive with replacing some of my words! Please forgive those out-of-place words....very embarrassing. Thank goodness my papers for the BSN are not of such poor quality...