Return to trauma after husband's death

Specialties Emergency

Published

Hi. I am a nurse in the busiest er in my state, a level 2 trauma center. On New Year's day, I worked trauma all shift, then came home to find my husband dead. He had comitted suicide. I will save you all of the details.

I love my job, have worked er for over five years, and especially love trauma, and all of my coworkers are eager to have me back at work, but am concerned abouthow I will perform after such a personal tragedy. I'm afraid a trauma will trigger memories and affect my performanc.

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? FYI - My husband passed away on 1/1/13, 10 days ago.

Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

So sorry, from another widow who had small kids.

Altra is right, the 4 hour bits were what I did. Mine was different scenario, cancer, but I'd scheduled myself to go in for a few 4 hour shifts. He died before then, but I went back anyway. 4 hours was enough to start with.

What really helped, the next year, was to take time off at the one year anniversary. The kids and I went on a trip and just escaped for a while.

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Specializes in Emergency.

NURSESNUFFLES, I am so sorry for your loss! My son died unexpectedly at 6 months old in the middle of nursing school. I don't know how I was able to continue because believe me when I say that I thought about giving school up many times. Thank God it happened at the beginning of summer break. I took 3 weeks off of work, and my employer was wonderful. I returned to school as scheduled in the fall. While it was difficult, especially during my pediatric rotation, somehow my son's memory kept me going. My experience provided me with an insight most people, nurses included, don't have about the stress and struggles that parents experience when their children are sick or die. I was able to use my experience to better empathize with parents and children and felt so much more comfortable giving that hug or crying with families. Eventually, it was Connor's (my son) death that inspired me to become an emergency nurse. Death should never be an easy part of the job, but I am so much more able to understand and help with the families' emotions after my experience.

I will pray for you and your family's healing :)

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

As someone who experienced a sudden trauma, Altra is correct about cognitive therapies that are available. Almost 5 years later (anniversary date 1/29/2008) I feel as though I am coming full circle. I have been in cognitive therapy for almost two years after psychiatric counseling for 18 months, grief counseling for 18. It's a process. Sometimes you feel as though you are ok, sometimes you may not, and that is OK too. It sounds as if your employer is very supportive, which sounds positive. And you have great support here on this thread. :) I hope you are able to create a balance. I think YOU ROCK for being upfront and active in your healing process!!!

*HUGS*

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Specializes in ER.

Absolutely horrible, I'm so sorry.

My gut says it would be easier to get back on that horse sooner rather than later, in 4 hour shifts, and even with the less acute beds. No traumas. Not even as the recorder. Whatever you choose, I hope you feel support in your healing. sometimes things are moving so fast, we forget to tell our coworkers how important they are.

Your manager may have a day or two of research or teaching she wants done to get you started.

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Thanks so much for all of your replies, and your condolences. I plan to go back this Friday, on intermittent fmla. My boss was adament that I be there when my kids wake up, so I will begin with a 9-3 shift, and the understanding by all coworkers that if I feel overwhelmed or need to leave for any reason, I can go. This was discussed at length with my pcc, manager, director and my grief counselor. They will start me out in minor care, and I'll have the lead on when to go forward from there. I feel good about it.

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.
Thanks so much for all of your replies, and your condolences. I plan to go back this Friday, on intermittent fmla. My boss was adament that I be there when my kids wake up, so I will begin with a 9-3 shift, and the understanding by all coworkers that if I feel overwhelmed or need to leave for any reason, I can go. This was discussed at length with my pcc, manager, director and my grief counselor. They will start me out in minor care, and I'll have the lead on when to go forward from there. I feel good about it.

Best of luck to you, it sounds like a great start especially with an understanding management team and coworkers. It's wonderful that they want you to be home when your children wake up and get ready and have a routine. One day at a time.

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Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

I'm so happy to hear of this plan. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

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I'm so, so sorry to read this. I can't imagine how difficult this must be.

I do know about the pain of suicide. When I was 15, a close family friend of mine killed himself. He was only 17. I never, ever talked about it. My husband didn't even know. All of this time--15 years--it was as if it was eating me alive. I finally opened up to my PT about it this summer when I went for a shoulder injury. She recommended counseling, and I'm so glad I did it. My counselor also thought I would benefit from EMDR. I also write about it. No one has to read it, but I write it all out.

It's working through all of this that I realized I wanted to be a nurse, especially an ER or ICU nurse. Sometimes I think about becoming a flight nurse (never told anyone that), because he died in the helicopter on the way to the hospital.

I'm so, so sorry that you're having to go through this. You're in my thoughts.

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Specializes in Peds/Neo CCT,Flight, ER, Hem/Onc.

The same thing happened to a co-worker/friend of mine. Her husband shot himself in the bathroom of their home. She returned very quickly because we were her support system and she didn't want to be in the house. It worked for her. The most amazing part of the whole thing is that because, as ER nurses, we work closely with the local fire departments and have a special relationship with them. One of the fire departments actually got together, on their own, and gutted her bathroom and bedroom, totally rearranged everything including the plumbing fixtures so it looked completely different and re-did it completely for free. The ER staff pooled their money and bought her an entire new bedroom suite. It was such a blessing to her.

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Specializes in LTC, Acute care.

NURSESNUFFLES, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and that my thoughts are with you and your children. {{Hugs}}

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Thank you. I have also been recommended to do EMDR. Happy to hear of someone who benefitted from it. I worked a half day Friday, and had a great day. I'm always a little overeager, so I decided to do a 12 hr shift Saturday. I broke down at lunch abd had some anxiety after that, but I have a great support system at work, and they helpedme through it. Sunday was another 12 hr shift, and it went very well. Thanks to all who responded!

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

Please keep us posted...yes, EDMR is a GREAT process...been in therapy for 2 years, and it is a positive experience. Much prayers and positive vibes to you and your family!!! :)

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