Best ER Nurse quotes

  1. 2 To the loudly snoring ETOHer found in an Auto Repair Shop: "Maybe she needs her air filter changed."

    To the drug seeker throwing out his best pseudo-seizure: "Sir, that's not a seizure. Stop shaking." Response by pt: Immediately sits straight up and says, "I'm fine... sometimes that happens."

    From security guard to combative ETOHer being introduced to his very first Foley: "Just relax and enjoy it!"

    Triage nurse note: "Pt presents with L wrist pain, fell while off-road unicycling."

    Charge nurse to triage nurse: "I think that 'penis suture removal' needs to be upgraded to a level 1."


    I think this could turn into a good thread. :wink2:
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  3. Visit  JennyAS profile page

    About JennyAS

    From 'FL'; 29 Years Old; Joined Sep '05; Posts: 25; Likes: 19.

    64 Comments so far...

  4. Visit  magnolia nurse profile page
    0
    I love it.. expecially Charge nurse to triage nurse: "I think that 'penis suture removal' needs to be upgraded to a level 1."

    too funny
  5. Visit  nursebrandie28 profile page
    2
    "Never put anything is your butt that you cannot get out later"
    vhern246 and CrazyScrubNurse like this.
  6. Visit  squeakykitty profile page
    0
    There is a reason they say "Don't try this at home".
    Never try anything you wouldn't want to explain to an ER nurse.

    I love this thread.
  7. Visit  Pixie.RN profile page
    1
    One of my coworkers always liked to say, "You can't cure [or fix] stupid." (I actually had a chainsaw-vs.-thigh patient jokingly say something to me like, "My stupidity keeps you employed/pays your mortgage." LOL)
    squeakykitty likes this.
  8. Visit  Christy1019 profile page
    2
    Trauma Junkie: "it's not that i WANT you to get hurt... it's just that i want to be there when you do"
    crackheads = job security
    i'm here to save your as*, not kiss it!
    you know you're a nurse when you avoid sick looking people at the grocery store for fear you'll have to do CPR on your day off
    flowerjack31672 and squeakykitty like this.
  9. Visit  Larry77 profile page
    2
    Cut a wedding ring off a penis once...pt stated, "I just wanted to see if I could get it in there." Wife was bright red in the corner...:-)

    Sent a male patient with a 14" "toy" up his rectum to surgery, even put the handle up there...yikers (not really a quote but funny)
    Chapis and squeakykitty like this.
  10. Visit  squeakykitty profile page
    1
    Quote from Larry77
    Cut a wedding ring off a penis once...pt stated, "I just wanted to see if I could get it in there." Wife was bright red in the corner...:-)

    Sent a male patient with a 14" "toy" up his rectum to surgery, even put the handle up there...yikers (not really a quote but funny)
    As far as the wedding ring is concerned, he either has a big finger or a little penis. I've heard of people doing this before.
    Chapis likes this.
  11. Visit  Ruby Vee profile page
    5
    great thread!

    i'm an icu nurse -- i heard this one on my last trip to er as a patient: from triage nurse to the mother of twenty-something year old male having a tantrum in the er waiting room, "he wants to go home if we don't take him back immediately? drive carefully!"
    Joe B1, murphyle, squeakykitty, and 2 others like this.
  12. Visit  Rickbos profile page
    2
    I once heard one of my co-workers, with a straight face, tell a frequent flyer, drug seeking patient in triage........"Pain is natures way of telling us to slow down." followed by about 30 seconds of dead air.....
    Joe B1 and squeakykitty like this.
  13. Visit  TraciRN profile page
    1
    About the mom who brings in her 5 year old with cp of fever who didn't check temp. at home and didn't give an antipyretic ie... tylenol. "I just brought him here".

    My ER director will say "well, we aint tried nothing and were all out of ideas"
    canoehead likes this.
  14. Visit  Dragonnurse1 profile page
    0
    My best ER lines - hum I will have to dig out my old journals. I tend to remember people for one of two reasons 1: really really really dumb names and 2 even dumber reasons for coming to the ER.
    Example of #1 Shithead J****. Work on it,:thnkg:
    Example of #2 New construction worker wondered if nail gun would actually nail his fingers together. Yep it did.
  15. Visit  Ruby Vee profile page
    2
    Quote from dragonnurse1
    my best er lines - hum i will have to dig out my old journals. i tend to remember people for one of two reasons 1: really really really dumb names and 2 even dumber reasons for coming to the er.
    example of #1 shithead j****. work on it,:thnkg:
    example of #2 new construction worker wondered if nail gun would actually nail his fingers together. yep it did.
    ouch!

    not that i doubted any of my buddies on allnurses.com, but some of those er stories are pretty unbelievable. some of those patients are unbelievably stupid. but now, after just one day of jury duty, i can say that i definitely believe!
    squeakykitty and Altra like this.


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