You're Right, It Is You: How do I get out of this career please?

[KalipsoRed21]

So has anyone figure out a path out of nursing yet? One that allows me as the sole earner for my family of three to live our 80K a year lifestyle? I'm honestly curious because I am ready to get out, I just don't know what to do.

I have worked past the hate and anger I have for this field. I have worked through the disillusionment of choosing a helping profession that is all about profit and uses punitive action and bullying to keep it's enslaved work force self doubting and willing to take the blame and subsequent fall for poor outcomes. Outcomes that could have only been prevented by an increased workforce with a wealth of knowledge (right now...and for the last decade plus...we've been working with to few bodies and brain drain of expertise as people just leave and there is no one to replace them), and neither of which the staff have any say in.

I just don't see a path forward in this career that is going to give me a tranquil spot. I am not looking for, "Love what you do and you will never work a day in your life.” I am just aiming to go to work, work as scheduled, have energy at the end of my day to play with my kid and do a few chores, and not have extreme paralyzingly anxiety about the insurmountable amount of work I will do when I go back OR if I forgot something important before I left. 

And, unfortunately, I don't see nursing as the kind of career worth keeping as a mindless means of income....because it just cannot be. Mostly because nursing is so abusive. Management is abusive (mentally), patients & family members are abusive (mentally & physically), doctors are abusive (mostly mentally but I've had a couple of physical as well), the demands of the career destroy your body, your mind, and your peace. It has taken me A LONG TIME to realize that I am a pretty good nurse (I'd say a 7 out of 10, with 10 being top notch). And I am sorry to use this example, because I have never experienced this in my personal life, but I feel like I have reached the point that an abused spouse does when they realize it is time to go, for good. When someone just finally realizes the gaslighting and the manipulation, the time wasted, the fact that things aren't going to get better no matter how much you try or want them to. That there is no path forward in this situation where you have the life you wanted for yourself, your family, and your partner. You are going to have to cut out the worst and start over because that is all you can do. And you deserved better from the get go. 

I have changed jobs almost every 2 years. I have worked in several states as both a traveler and a facility employee. I have worked at soooooo many hospitals. I have worked critical care, surgical care, telemetry, home care, coordination, and now work in an out patient surgical clinic.  By far my experiences with home care and now this outpatient clinic have been better than 1 micro second at bedside, but the demands always are: do everything with no resources on time and perfectly. I am tired of that pace. I am old enough to know that is not even a reasonable expectation and that there will not be a day that I succeed in doing that. I know that most, if not all, of my efforts will be in vein and then scrutinized by management so that they can get their job done. Which is always to tell me what I should have done as opposed to what I did while thinking on the fly....never a time that anyone just says, "well thanks for getting that done.”  or if unsatisfied, "I'm sorry you felt like that was your best option, let's see how we can get you some more support for the next time.” 

I don't want to go into management. I don't hate them for the crappy decisions they are also having to make, I just don't really see that their lives are any better than mine. I don't aspire to continue the crap that I've been suffering for over a decade??. I see management and NP as a means to make more money, maybe, but mostly just to work more and spend less time with the people you love. And I think I would love teaching, except my advice would be to direct them out of the field entirely. 

Sorry I am aimless here. I'm just writing down where I am in hopes of getting pointed in a direction that I actually want to go. ??

[Kitiger, RN]

On 12/12/2022 at 12:19 PM, Davey Do said:

A philosophical perspective on dealing with life's problems, take Zen philosophy for example, has definite practical applications.

What one interprets as negativism, another sees it as truth.

As the saying goes, "If you want a positive perspective, talk to an optimist. If you want a realistic perspective, talk to a pessimist".

An optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The realist fills the glass. 

?

[londonflo]

On 12/12/2022 at 10:47 PM, KalipsoRed21 said:

. My husband is a stay at home dad after retirement from brick masonry. He physically cannot go back to his profession, but I am trying to make sure we don’t start using his retirement to early…

Has he looked at the work force programs at your community college? He would have a wealth of knowledge to transition to another career!  My local college provides a stipend and child care.  And even if your income does not qualify for these programs, it may help in the long term. (electrical, culinary, aviation mechanics, pharmacy tech, medical assistant, radiology, neurodiagnostic technology) many online or one night a week. Best wishes to you and your family.

[londonflo]

On 12/12/2022 at 12:23 AM, KalipsoRed21 said:

I have changed jobs almost every 2 years. I have worked in several states as both a traveler and a facility employee. I have worked at soooooo many hospitals. I have worked critical care, surgical care, telemetry, home care, coordination, and now work in an out patient surgical clinic.

I wonder if when you "come and go" you miss out on a better role/reputation with your employer?

On 12/12/2022 at 12:23 AM, KalipsoRed21 said:

So has anyone figure out a path out of nursing yet? One that allows me as the sole earner for my family of three to live our 80K a year lifestyle? I’m honestly curious because I am ready to get out, I just don’t know what to do.

You are NOT alone, and the 'jumping off the ship' takes a lot of preparation, education, motivation and initiative. We have all thought the same thing but put one leg in front of the other, and went to work the next day. (personally I think these 12 hour days have no small part in the exhaustion RNs feel). 

On 12/12/2022 at 8:27 AM, FiremedicMike said:

So you want a low-stress, rewarding job with supportive bosses and good work-life balance that can financially support you and your family?

Isn't that what literally everyone on the planet is looking for?

It it will probably not come with the income you are looking for,

On 12/12/2022 at 9:10 AM, Wuzzie said:

Wanting a rewarding job with supportive managment and a good work-life balance isn't particulary unreasonable...just unreasonably difficult to find in healthcare at the moment. 

My husband (who does not work in health care told me a long time ago..."that's why they call it work."

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

On 12/12/2022 at 8:31 AM, Davey Do said:

But what do I know? I'm only in a position where every nurse, now or someday, wants to be.

When did you retire?

[londonflo]

Who ever fixed the Your..  to You're. Thank you.

OP, I am retired but my husband and I have always made some money from antiques before retirement. Antiques are not the profitable business they once were 30 years ago and it takes a lot of knowledge/study/reading/experience to excel but we do well selling used books. We go to book sales (at libraries, church sales etc ). My description of 'selling well' may not be yours but.....we are profitable. You can message me for more information. 

[KalipsoRed21, BSN, RN]

On 12/13/2022 at 10:52 AM, Emergent said:

My advise is to look into occupational health nursing at a large construction site. You will get paid well to watch Netflix, catch a nap, and cheer on the awesome workers!

Sometimes there will be cookouts when they fire up the grill. You'll have plenty of time to keep up with the site's gossip, and there can be good opportunities to rake in big bucks if they ramp up to double shifts. 

Thank you!

[KalipsoRed21, BSN, RN]

9 hours ago, londonflo said:

I wonder if when you "come and go" you miss out on a better role/reputation with your employer?

In side a year at most positions I am the “go to girl”. I have a stellar reputation with all my previous employers. I do not believe that further tenure at any position I have held would have further benefits than I obtained the couple of years I worked them. Employers are willing to offer tons of unpaid opportunities to expand one’s career and a crap ton of over time. What they are not willing (just flat out don’t have the staff to do) is offer you flexibility or adequate pay for all the extra education I already completed….or the extra unpaid education they want me to have so they an expand their services and thus their income. Nursing as a whole just does not allow one to be a breadwinner and the mother. This is true of most fields, but really just unreasonable in this day in age. The silver wave is coming, women have to be able to be both without pushing themselves to exhaustion. 

You are NOT alone, and the 'jumping off the ship' takes a lot of preparation, education, motivation and initiative. We have all thought the same thing but put one leg in front of the other, and went to work the next day. (personally I think these 12 hour days have no small part in the exhaustion RNs feel). 

It it will probably not come with the income you are looking for,

Why not? It should be fairly easy with the amount of education and experience I have. In 1980, my parents, highschool graduates, got married, bought a brand new home 1500sq ft home and had two children. My dad did computer repair out of his garage and my mom ran a little in home day care. My sister and I had mostly new everything, went to dance and music classes AND preschool. 

I went to college, have a BSN in a high demand field, paid my career dues, have 15 years of experience under my belt, waited 15 years longer than my parents to even start a family, and I can’t even provide half of what my parents did for my child without choosing to go into some very irresponsible debt. So I cordially say “***” to your opinion that I should lower my expectations.

My husband (who does not work in health care told me a long time ago..."that's why they call it work."

I again, the work harder not smarter crowd I really cannot get behind. It is a convoluted idea that ‘work’ means I should allow greedy, wealthy, powerful people make my life miserable for their benefit. This isn’t the 1960s when union membership is high and working hard for a company was synonymous for working hard for your community. 
 

We just went through the pandemic of a generation. One that the government paid for all the nursing care, hospitals profited out their butts, and they threw us to the wolves. If the work model was a bit more like the past where workers were shareholders of the companies they worked for and therefore profited along with their employers….maybe your argument would hold some water.

 

Thank you for your thoughts.
 

 

 

[KalipsoRed21, BSN, RN]

2 hours ago, londonflo said:

Who ever fixed the Your..  to You're. Thank you.

OP, I am retired but my husband and I have always made some money from antiques before retirement. Antiques are not the profitable business they once were 30 years ago and it takes a lot of knowledge/study/reading/experience to excel but we do well selling used books. We go to book sales (at libraries, church sales etc ). My description of 'selling well' may not be yours but.....we are profitable. You can message me for more information. 

Ha! I am happy for you! I love antiques! Interestingly my husband and his second wife ran an antique booth before she died. I don’t feel the trade will currently make the income we need with a 2 year old or allow us to have medical benefits. As my husband is 62 and my daughter is 2, I kinda need the benefits and the pay right now. Thank you!

[LizRN572, BSN, MSN]

Have you ever thought of opening your own laser-hair removal and or beauty spa? That would make well over 80k and it’s extremely easy! Once you get over the business hump of course. I live near Motecito so I’m lucky I guess, in that I live around the right clientele (people with money who are vain as well, perfect LOL). 
I have  been a school nurse as well and btw it only pays less because you work way less hours and have summers off. Isn’t that what you wanted? I personally didn’t like school nursing but it would probably do well for you considering you want a less abusive environment and more time for your kids.

Regarding Nursing Education, imo there’s nothing wrong with telling nursing students how horrible the field is that they’re entering because it can be horrible at times both singularly and as a whole. I wish my instructors told me what I was in for and nobody did. I’d say it’s an option if you like the subject matter (textbook theory of nursing). Most of the time, physically being a nurse does not fulfill me, but I love the subject matter (physiology etc). And that part does fulfill me, in that I have a passion for it. It may take more of your time away from your kids prepping for classes  but it also pays more. 

4) Have you ever considered Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. Psych Nursing can be generally less stressful, the pay is there, school takes only a year and you can work per diem if you want. The 4 schools that offer one-year schooling are UC Davis, UCSF, UCLA AND UC Irvine. You can do it all online and Skype basically for the clinical portion. You never once have to go on campus.

 

You can also try Certified Wound Nursing. Super low stress and in-demand. That is the most “regular-job” type job you can find in nursing imo. Work 8hr shifts, no one is dying. Perfect.

 

Those are 5 options within nursing. 
Jobs outside of nursing is a whole other ball park I would have to know you better, hand you some aptitude and personality tests to feel comfortable rambling off random career choices. I have taken the Johnson-OConnor, Meyers Briggs tests myself and they are worth the time and money. 
 

You’d be surprised at the number of certification fields out there that require minimal schooling. Wish you the best.

[KalipsoRed21, BSN, RN]

On 12/13/2022 at 4:20 PM, CommunityRNBSN said:

I'm not usually a word nit-picker, but I am going to take issue with calling nurses an "enslaved work force."  I know you were using hyperbole; obviously I know you don't mean we are literally slaves.  But honestly, I get paid very well to be a nurse.  I have the freedom to change jobs or quit entirely (I've changed jobs a couple of times to find the best fit for myself). I don't deal with "abuse" on a regular basis, although I've certainly encountered some difficult doctors and difficult patients.  I definitely support you getting out of a career that doesn't suit you, but it might help you gain a little equilibrium in the meantime if you consciously try to de-catastrophize the whole thing.  You aren't a slave; you are working in a job you don't like.

Yes, I was using hyperbole, however, I feel the USA work force is more enslaved it was 2 - 3 generations ago.

Just one and a half generations ago my parents, high graduates, were able to buy a new house, raise two kids, allow my sister and I luxuries such as dance and music lessons, preschool, etc. my sister had her tonsils removed, braces, we both had glasses, out of school tutoring. 
I have a college degree, BSN, in an in demand field, AND I delayed starting a family 15 years later than my parents. I cannot afford a new house. I live in one built before I was born. My two year old is not talking, I took her to the local school system spot for evaluation, she is borderline. (Needs assistance but does not qualify for assistance.) I cannot afford both speech therapy AND preschool….and I have insurance. So I have chosen one of the two.
I live in a smallish town (80K people).  I buy used clothes for all of us. I am very Dave Ramsey regarding my finances, but haven’t been able to get out of the “pay off your debt” stage. I got done with my student loans 15 years yearly and then got back into it when I had my daughter. My husband regularly has $150 dollars every couple of weeks to buy food for a family of 3 with.

I am well aware that I am lucky compared to many people. I am well aware that some people are working 2 and 3 jobs compared to me and barely able to make it. But that is what I would call wage slavery. Also I find it a terrible breach of freedom and the American dream that I will be able to provide my child less than what  my parents were able to afford for my sister and me. 
 

Not to mention the fact that to earn enough money to afford the life I have described for my family, I must endure hateful patients, family, abusive work conditions, and abusive managers. The work conditions at bedside are insane…everywhere. The pandemic just further proved we are sacrificial lambs. Facilities grew their profits with government money and insurance money without passing it on to their staff. If you traveled during that time, yes you could make bank. My point is that the money made was not a cost the facilities were eating; it was afforded by our government and tax payers. There is just something very wrong about a work force that is that abused and yet has no say in their work conditions. 
 

Yeah, I do not have a terrible life. I am grateful that I don’t have it worse. I just wholeheartedly believe that for the work and money put into it, nursing has not had the returns. 

[londonflo]

12 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

It is a convoluted idea that ‘work’ means I should allow greedy, wealthy, powerful people make my life miserable for their benefit.

He was self-employed.....

11 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

I don’t feel the trade will currently make the income we need with a 2 year old or allow us to have medical benefits.

Yes you are so right, You will not bring in the income. It is just a side business. But a business that pays some of the bills. While you find a job that suits you and your knowledge base. Believe me.. those jobs are out there...but not at $85,000. Sit and reflect what you want out of life,,,,you have a substantial knowledge base. 

Your husband has acquired a great knowledge base...Ask him to use it.....write articles for 'Antique Weekly' when your child is sleeping. 

I have to ask, if you are looking for a job for you that will pay all of the bills.... I retired at 62... a wonderful event in my opinion. But I always had a non-nursing job (antiques). But frankly working until I was 62 gave me this opportunity! Yes I encountered everything you said...(Grimly, I believed this is work but I powered through! ) When other RNs think you are the 'go to person' how do you feel? 

[londonflo]

13 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

Why not? It should be fairly easy with the amount of education and experience I have

Have you looked at teaching at an LPN program at a Community College?

13 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

harder not smarter crowd

I just hated this phrase and it is so phoney. I remember being told to wash the commodes before they went to Central supply for cleaning. 

13 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

1980, my parents, highschool graduates, got married, bought a brand new home 1500sq ft home and had two children.

I felt they same when I could not buy my first home  (a condo)in the early 1980s as a 'single unmarried woman " on the deed. And 'brand new' is over rated. I bought a 1931 home, (figured in the costs every year to update it while keeping it to the period)  and made profit..

 The reality: My sister got married in 1973 and my parents gave her $350 dollars for a 'house present'. I bought my first home in 1985 and my father gave me $350 dollars for a 'house present'. (My mother had died in the interim) This is the reality. Time stays still for the payer but the recipient pays higher bills.