Last weekend, I drove over to visit my son - about 120 miles. I was kinda tired so about mid-way thru the drive, I decided to stop at Starbucks. I pulled off the highway and the drive-thru was packed so I decided I would go inside. It would give me time to stretch my legs.
As I pulled into a parking space, I noticed absentmindedly that there was a man sitting at the side of the building. He was shivering and had remnants of several hot beverages spread around him. I felt bad for him - it was in the 20's and rainy. However, I kinda did the glance above his head and went inside. I didn't really want to see him as my mind was occupied with spending the weekend with my husband.
So I ordered my latte and stepped over in the second line to wait for my order to come up. There was a lady in front of me, who turned to me and said that she always came to Starbucks every morning to get three shots of espresso over ice.
I casually mentioned that it was very strong drink and that it must give her lots of energy. She turned away for a second and then turned back to me and said with tears streaming down her face, "its for my son. He's homeless and its the only way I can try to make sure he is okay every day." I felt so sorry for her, I gave her a hug and told her I was on my way to see my son, in prison; before going on to see my husband.
I got my drink, gave her another smile as we exited together and went on past the shivering man to my car. I gathered a blanket I keep in my car for the winter and gave it to the man. He thanked me and wished me a good day.
My son, too has been homeless at times. It is a heartache that many parents experience: the pain of addiction and poor choices. Some of our kids are homeless, some in prison, others in places unknown to their families. Others sadly, are dead.
I started this article to point out that I never was a very kind or compassionate ER nurse, the tougher and rougher crowd were my kind of patients. I had little patience for drunk, high or mentally ill patients, I was so tough, nothing could touch me.
However, in the deep recesses of my mind, I thought my family was somehow above the addicted patient, the homeless patient, the mentally ill patient. After all, if their parents and/or families REALLY cared about them, they wouldn't be that way, right?
I was higher and mightier and more smug than I had any right to be.
And...one day, I found out how far the mighty can fall. The story isn't pretty and I won't bore anyone with the details.
Suffice it to say that I am now what is known as a Prison Mom. I visit my son 4-5 times per month. The families sit in the waiting room after checking in, waiting for their turn to go the "pat down" room and then on to the visitation room where they wait some more for their husbands, fathers, sons to come in.
It is a demeaning experience for us. We share a bond with all the families. Though we all come from varied backgrounds - the one thing we have in common is that we love our family members that have made these poor choices that have imprisoned them and in turn....us.
I tell this story as a gentle reminder that we never know what is beneath the surface ot other's attitudes: the "crusty" nurse might have a disabled husband or adult child whom she cares for, the young "flaky" nurse might have been up with a colicky baby all night, the "nasty" doctor might have just lost a family member of his own.
Our lives are so finite and if you've been a nurse for very long you know this to be true. So...take some time today to be thankful for TODAY because your LIFE can change QUICKLY!
Thanks T.A.U. for sharing your story. I can relate! I breathe a sigh of relief when my daughter gets locked up. Mothers and fathers of addicts will relate.
I hope your boy comes around from this experience. I hope he appreciates your love and all you do. May you always find the sanctuary and comfort and support that you need. Mothering can be thankless and brutal.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am the mother of an addict who is also mentally ill. She has been homeless at times, and left us with the job of raising her young child. Unfortunately, this doesn't always give me the empathy I need to deal with difficult patients. Sometimes the patients behavior actually triggers me when it is too similar with what I deal with in my personal life. The one thing I am sure of is that addiction doesn't discriminate--addicts come from good families, too. Rich or poor, black or white doesn't matter--addiction and mental illness affect people from all walks of life.
Love and hugs... Thank you for sharing something so personal and moving. It reminds me of the quote from the Dalai Lama: Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.â€
Thank you everyone. Its taken me a few days to get thru these post. The compassion and empathy is amazing - thank you.
I know my story is only one of thousands. It is humiliating going to the prison - we went recently. We've been going so many years now that the CO's (correctional officers) know us and know who we visit. They frequently point out new visitors and ask if we could help them navigate the visit rules - the vending machine card, in which order you go thru the rooms, how you access the visitor's room, etc.
I know we looked so scared and alone and yes...embarrassed years ago too.
Our son as always greeted us with a smile and hug. We are some of the fortunate ones - many families have non-contact visits. Imagine not being able to touch your loved one or having them touch you for years on end, sometimes for life?
Why do I get so emotional when I read these articles? Thank you so much for being brave enough to share what is beneath your surface. I could only imagine what it is like to go through that.
Me too, I cried my way through! I can really feel her pain.
I sincerely apologize as I did not want to make anyone cry. What happened to our family has happened to many families. My purpose for sharing this was that we just never know what burdens others carry and it just never hurts to give people the benefit of the doubt - to be a little kind, turn the other cheek.
This experience has changed our entire family. We are more forgiving of others and ourselves.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is one of those subjects we find the most difficult to talk about. My son has been in jail, has substance and emotional issues, and now lives on the street. No matter how we raise our children, they make their own choices. I feel a kindred heart with other moms who mourns for their child's lost soul. Yes, we have to remember that each person has their own story - heartache. I pray daily for my son and those like him. God Bless you and your family
zephyr9
151 Posts
Thanks T.A.U. for sharing your story. I can relate! I breathe a sigh of relief when my daughter gets locked up. Mothers and fathers of addicts will relate.
I hope your boy comes around from this experience. I hope he appreciates your love and all you do. May you always find the sanctuary and comfort and support that you need. Mothering can be thankless and brutal.