You Never Know What's Beneath the Surface - I'm a Prison Mom

[traumaRUs]

Last weekend, I drove over to visit my son - about 120 miles. I was kinda tired so about mid-way thru the drive, I decided to stop at Starbucks. I pulled off the highway and the drive-thru was packed so I decided I would go inside. It would give me time to stretch my legs.

As I pulled into a parking space, I noticed absentmindedly that there was a man sitting at the side of the building. He was shivering and had remnants of several hot beverages spread around him. I felt bad for him - it was in the 20's and rainy. However, I kinda did the glance above his head and went inside. I didn't really want to see him as my mind was occupied with spending the weekend with my husband.

So I ordered my latte and stepped over in the second line to wait for my order to come up. There was a lady in front of me, who turned to me and said that she always came to Starbucks every morning to get three shots of espresso over ice.

I casually mentioned that it was very strong drink and that it must give her lots of energy. She turned away for a second and then turned back to me and said with tears streaming down her face, "its for my son. He's homeless and its the only way I can try to make sure he is okay every day." I felt so sorry for her, I gave her a hug and told her I was on my way to see my son, in prison; before going on to see my husband.

I got my drink, gave her another smile as we exited together and went on past the shivering man to my car. I gathered a blanket I keep in my car for the winter and gave it to the man. He thanked me and wished me a good day.

My son, too has been homeless at times. It is a heartache that many parents experience: the pain of addiction and poor choices. Some of our kids are homeless, some in prison, others in places unknown to their families. Others sadly, are dead.

I started this article to point out that I never was a very kind or compassionate ER nurse, the tougher and rougher crowd were my kind of patients. I had little patience for drunk, high or mentally ill patients, I was so tough, nothing could touch me.

However, in the deep recesses of my mind, I thought my family was somehow above the addicted patient, the homeless patient, the mentally ill patient. After all, if their parents and/or families REALLY cared about them, they wouldn't be that way, right?

I was higher and mightier and more smug than I had any right to be.

And...one day, I found out how far the mighty can fall. The story isn't pretty and I won't bore anyone with the details.

Suffice it to say that I am now what is known as a Prison Mom. I visit my son 4-5 times per month. The families sit in the waiting room after checking in, waiting for their turn to go the "pat down" room and then on to the visitation room where they wait some more for their husbands, fathers, sons to come in.

It is a demeaning experience for us. We share a bond with all the families. Though we all come from varied backgrounds - the one thing we have in common is that we love our family members that have made these poor choices that have imprisoned them and in turn....us.

I tell this story as a gentle reminder that we never know what is beneath the surface ot other's attitudes: the "crusty" nurse might have a disabled husband or adult child whom she cares for, the young "flaky" nurse might have been up with a colicky baby all night, the "nasty" doctor might have just lost a family member of his own.

Our lives are so finite and if you've been a nurse for very long you know this to be true. So...take some time today to be thankful for TODAY because your LIFE can change QUICKLY!

[SmilingBluEyes]

Can you believe, my son going to jail was a RELIEF?

It meant, he was ALIVE?

Yea, it was that dire.

Drugs = death.

Jail = alive.

today, he is doing very well. Gainfully employed and with a wonderful woman who is not tolerant of drugs or games. He is clean 3 years.

Where there is life, there is hope. I believe that.

Hang in there.

[LockportRN]

We don't. It's spam and it will be deleted.

Please report when you see things like this.

I thought something was odd...saw this on several of the articles. Thanks for responding!

[Ironnie]

Thank you for this reminder.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Yes, while they are alive, there is always hope. That is my rock on many days!

[CBlover, BSN, RN]

Something like this doesn't really hit home until you have your own child. I had my first child this year. And as much as I love him, it's hard to imagine how hard this must be for parents to go through. I can't fathom it. Thank you again for sharing.