3 1/2 y/o daughter won't potty......please give advice.

Dixiedi · Jul 12, 2004

My youngest just wouldn't potty train! I tried everything I and everybody I know could think of.

He would get into the closet, get a fresh diaper, stop in the bathroom and get a washcloth and bring them to me whenever hee needed a change.

One fine day, he got into the closet and the bag was empty. He dragged the empty bag into the kitchen (I was making supper) and told me all about it.

I informed him there aren't any more diapers and I wasn't going to buy anymore.

He went over to the trash can, took the wet diaper off put it in the can and promptly went to his room, got a pair of undies and never wet (or poo'd) himself again.

If that had been one of my older kids, it never would have happened because cloth diapers were still the norm. Guess I got lucky that it was my youngest!

My sister was glad to take that full bag of diapers that was on the shelf at the top of the closet!

I can still remember him toddling into the kitchen dragging that big empty bag, precious memories come in all flavors, even eeewy ones.

MG-NotANurse · Jul 12, 2004

Hi, J Lynn. I have some experience in this area. Our son (he's 7) and another one or two boys were the only ones in his preschool class who wouldn't use the toilet at 3 ½.

We tried the books; we tried the videos; we tried bribing him; we tried appealing to his sense of logic: he just wasn't interested.

Finally, after getting a lot of opinions, we enlisted the preschool director, who announced to his class that they were all big boys and girls, and, after spring break, there would be no more pull-ups in preschool. My wife and I ceremonially put away the pullups, unwrapped the new big boy underwear, and rolled up the carpets. (We have hardwood floors). And we ceremonially installed the new toilet seat, Just For Him, that screwed over the larger adult seat, with a stool to rest his feet on. (We figured it would be disorienting not to be able to touch the floor).

By the third day, there were a number of spectacular accidents, and also some successes, which we reinforced long and loud. After twelve days, he was using the toilet exclusively. Of course, I was constantly bringing new underwear (for him) and flowers (for my wife) home from work ...

Good luck; let me know how it goes. MG

J Lynn · Jul 13, 2004

Dixiedi, I imagined what my daughter would have done in that situation and she would have taken off her wet pull up, tossed it in the trash and continued to play.

MG, my daughter doesn't understand when I tell her she's a big girl now and they only let kids go to school who go to the potty.

I appriciate reading your stories. They make me feel like I'm not alone in this. You see, Katie was a bit delayed in her verbal development. She doesn't understand reason and rational. It's hard to negotiate with her. Can you see my frustration? I don't think I'll have her ready for school.

I heard that putting their hand or foot in warm water will make 'em pee. Any other clever tricks anybody want to add?

moonchild20002000 · Jul 13, 2004

You said your daughter was verbally delayed.

Have you talked with her Doctor?

Seems like a visit is in order to make sure everything is ok.

hypnotic_nurse · Jul 13, 2004

Send her to my mom for a week. That's how "I" potty trained both of mine! :rotfl:

J Lynn · Jul 13, 2004

Send her to my mom for a week. That's how "I" potty trained both of mine! :rotfl:

Thats funny, except my mother is so laid back, she wouldn't do it.

As for the delayed speech, she's been evaluated by her pediatritan and a speech therapist. Both said she fine, just going to learn her words slower than others. My concern is that, she's starting school in Aug and I need her potty trained by then. I've been trying since January, but no results.

wv_nurse 2003 · Jul 13, 2004

Since its summer--try no pants for a day or so. One of my sons just didn't take the time to notice he needed to pee--but with no pants, well it was OBVIOUS! :rotfl:

We also did the tiered reward system. A "potty chart" if you will--the first row had one box, the second two, etc. We used stars for each success--and 6 stars filled a box. At the end of the row I glued a picture of a small toy the child wanted---the toys got "bigger" as more successful potty runs were required. So after 6 potty runs--they got the pictured reward. The next reward required 12 runs, etc. It worked for all 4 of my kids, and I saved the charts! I hung the charts on the fridge--with a picture of the child on it, and lots of smiley faces!

Kids are amazing really--when they are ready, they are ready--good luck!

Jolie, BSN · Jul 14, 2004

I agree with the "just throw away the diapers and pull-ups" crowd.

My oldest was also 3-1/2 and had absolutely no interest in potty training. We were certain that she was capable, just not interested. We went thru the ritual of planning, buying big-girl underpants, rewards, etc. to no avail. One day, we just got rid of all the disposables and insisted that she wear underwear. We went for a walk that night to her friend's house, where she wet herself. She peed in her brand new shoes, and had to walk home in them. That upset her so greatly, that she never wet herself again.

If you think that she has an inability to train, that's another story, and might necessitate delaying pre-school. But I suspect that she is quite capable, given the right push.

allnurses Guide · Jul 14, 2004

I agree with the no pants crowd. Especially since this is summer. I'm on my 4th kid who will turn 3 on the 22nd of July and he has only managed to have a bm on the potty and accidently catch himself peeing at the same time.

My second son was potty trained while we were camped out logging for the summer. Made it pretty easy to keep him naked and then wash up in the creek.

My kids didn't go to preschool so I didn't have that timetable to adhere to. I just let nature take it's course. Maybe postpone preschool for awhile.

Sooner or later they will be potty trained. Even though it doesn't feel like it. My other kids are 21, 19 and almost 15 . . and all are potty trained. :)

Good luck.

steph

Dixiedi · Jul 14, 2004

Does she not understand that "she's a big girl now" or does she not understand "when you have to pee or poop, it's done on the toilet"?

"Your a big girl now" might be confusing to her with her delayed language skills. Try the basics. When you think she might be ready to urinate or have a bowel movement, sit her on the potty and tell her, "P in the potty" or "poop on the potty."

I hope you've been telling her what it is she has been doing in her diaper since she was a newborn.

I always told my kids what they had done and what I was doing. My last was the only one who gave me any "trouble." That may well have been because a lot his diapers were changed by his oldest brother since for more than a year of his first 3 I spent 9 months in a non-wt bearing cast and surgery three times then finally back to work 3 months and broke my back (violent fall) which knocked me down another 3 months. Bad beginning for the little guy. No wonder he was slow to potty train! Gees, I never thought of it before. His mommy spent more time immobile than mobile.

txspadequeenRN, BSN, RN · Jul 14, 2004

Boy o Boy, let me tell you. I have a 4 year old that was traumatized at 14 months old ,the doctor said this may delay her with developmental issues. She is not completly potty trained. I also have a two and 1 year old, that dosent make it any better, they get attention when their panties are changed so the 4 year old gets mad. What better way to get momies attention than to poo poo in my panties. Today I ran out of pull ups and had to go to walmart. I left them at home with dad. The 4 year old had on only real panties she went potty on her own and did not have a accident for 2 hours. So starting tomm we will be wearing real panties and pull ups at night....:)