Workplace bullying

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Mar 15, 2014

The original description did sound like it could be a pattern of bullying. We can't determine that from a distance like this. But we CAN discuss workplace bullying and how to address it.

Yes, workplace bullying; rather IMHO hostile work environments do occur; however, I rather the OP give specific examples in order to provide support, since we do not know the situation; it would be not to apt to provide anecdotal information unless more specific information is available, but that's me; I need to assess the situation before making a definite decision.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 15, 2014

That's true, Ruby, we don't know the specifics of the OP's case. We can't know that without firsthand, on the scene knowledge. But we DO know that bullying DOES exist in nursing. A good manager will investigate and monitor, rather than sweep under the rug.
The original description did sound like it could be a pattern of bullying. We can't determine that from a distance like this. But we CAN discuss workplace bullying and how to address it.
Unfortunately, without management support, it does make it difficult to deal with an entrenched bully.

We can -- and too often do -- discuss workplace bullying. It does exist, but not as often as posters claim it does. Often, when the poster describes the incidents in question it amounts to a newer nurse who hasn't yet learned to get along with work colleagues, someone who is far too sensitive and needs to grow a thicker skin or someone who is crying "bully" to deflect from their own shortcomings. Many of the posts here are supporting the OP, but we really don't know if she needs to address a bully at work or if she needs to take a look at her own behavior.

AJ1980 · Mar 15, 2014

The first day I started she made the remark to me "looks like I have been replaced" and has never offered to help me out like she does some people. She will get onto me about charting at one particular computer area but some of my other co workers turn around and use same computer and that's okay for them. I had some bleeding and cramping occur as I am pregnant and when I went to my Charge to tell her I needed to go to L&D and give report on my one patient her response was "bleeding and cramping is normal and not a big deal and was not allowed to leave and needed to take the next patient right now". After that I told my OB who was at hospital at that time..told me to go to L&D right then. She gave me a negative review saying that I ask too many questions or ask for help too much when I first started. Just to name a few examples..making nasty comments about me, etc.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Mar 15, 2014

The first day I started she made the remark to me "looks like I have been replaced" and has never offered to help me out like she does some people. She will get onto me about charting at one particular computer area but some of my other co workers turn around and use same computer and that's okay for them. I had some bleeding and cramping occur as I am pregnant and when I went to my Charge to tell her I needed to go to L&D and give report on my one patient her response was "bleeding and cramping is normal and not a big deal and was not allowed to leave and needed to take the next patient right now". After that I told my OB who was at hospital at that time..told me to go to L&D right then. She gave me a negative review saying that I ask too many questions or ask for help too much when I first started. Just to name a few examples..making nasty comments about me, etc.

While some bleeding and cramping may be normal. She pulls another stunt like that again....call the supervisor. If you need to go to the ED or L&D you need to go. NO facility wants to be responsible for your miscarriage. I hope you are fine now ((HUGS)).

If you ask too many questions tell her it is because you are new and respect her input as a mentor.

She sounds very insecure and passive aggressive. My advice? Give her no feed back. Comply with her wishes. Smile like you have not a care in the world. Clearly she feels threatened by her comment..."looks like I have been replaced". Go about your business....give her no satisfaction. Bullies stop when they don't get their secondary reward.

YOu have two choices. Look for another position and transfer off that floor. OR ignore her and be so sweet sugar won't melt in your mouth.

After all do you really care what she thinks? Is she your friend? does her opinion really matter? In a hundred years is this going to matter?

The only way to stop a sailing ship is to stop the wind that feeds it. ((HUGS))

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 15, 2014

The first day I started she made the remark to me "looks like I have been replaced" and has never offered to help me out like she does some people. She will get onto me about charting at one particular computer area but some of my other co workers turn around and use same computer and that's okay for them. I had some bleeding and cramping occur as I am pregnant and when I went to my Charge to tell her I needed to go to L&D and give report on my one patient her response was "bleeding and cramping is normal and not a big deal and was not allowed to leave and needed to take the next patient right now". After that I told my OB who was at hospital at that time..told me to go to L&D right then. She gave me a negative review saying that I ask too many questions or ask for help too much when I first started. Just to name a few examples..making nasty comments about me, etc.

While unpleasant, this really doesn't sound like bullying to me. The "looks like I have been replaced" could have been an attempt at a joke. It may have fallen flat, but could have been. Has she said WHY she doesn't want you to use a particular computer but it's OK for others? That one could be anything from "This is the only computer from which I can see my confused patient to know whether he's pulling out his tubes" to "This computer is right next to the RT with whom I'm collaborating on a presentation" to "This computer is next to the phone and if you're not going to answer it, let someone sit here who will." If you haven't asked, you don't know why she doesn't want you to use it but it's OK for others to do so.

I'm not sure what to say about the bleeding and cramping issue . . . I don't really understand the problem. You were having bleeding and cramping and wanted to go to L & D? You needed to give report to someone so you could go? Again, that may be a misunderstanding rather than bullying.

Negative reviews aren't actually evidence of bullying. It could be you were asking too many of the wrong type of questions when you first started, or that you were asking for help when you really should have been able to figure things out or manage for yourself.

None of what you're bringing up is in and of itself evidence of bullying. I'd urge you to try and find out exactly what this nurse's concerns with your using that particular computer consist of. I'd also urge you to consider that your bad review may have been justified -- at least in this nurse's eyes -- and find out exactly what she means by asking too many questions and asking for too much help. It could very well be that she has some specific feedback that will be valuable to you in your future practice.

AJ1980 · Mar 15, 2014

Oh I also forgot to mention when I went to L&D..she came up to my room and asked me if I was going to return to work and I said no I was put on bed rest, she gave me and my hubby a dirty look, stormed out of my room and slammed the door. I have tried talking to NM and she makes excuses for CN and defends her in meetings. She acts chummy with CN. I feel helpless.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Mar 15, 2014

Oh I also forgot to mention when I went to L&D..she came up to my room and asked me if I was going to return to work and I said no I was put on bed rest, she gave me and my hubby a dirty look, stormed out of my room and slammed the door. I have tried talking to NM and she makes excuses for CN and defends her in meetings. She acts chummy with CN. I feel helpless.

She probably should NOT have come to your room without asking. It should have been your manager or the house supervisor. Shame on the facility. How did she know what room you were in....you are protected by HIPAA as a patient.

((HUGS)) sacred rituals (and people) are hard to beat. If you can't beat them pretend you belong. Never let them see you sweat.

Who cares what she thinks....like I said pretend you don't have a care in the world.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 15, 2014

Oh I also forgot to mention when I went to L&D..she came up to my room and asked me if I was going to return to work and I said no I was put on bed rest, she gave me and my hubby a dirty look, stormed out of my room and slammed the door. I have tried talking to NM and she makes excuses for CN and defends her in meetings. She acts chummy with CN. I feel helpless.

She should not have come to L & D to visit you, especially without first making sure her visit was welcome.

When you have talked to your nurse manager, have you kept the discussion objective or have you allowed your emotions to color your descriptions of the charge nurse's behavior? Things like "gave me a dirty look", "Stormed out of my room" and "belittled me" are pretty subjective. Try to keep your language and demeanor as factual and unemotional as possible. Instead of saying she "gave me a dirty look", or "stormed out of the room," you could say that the charge nurse visited you in L & D when she should not have been able to find out where you were without circumventing HIPAA. You describe the facts without coloring it with emotion. Emotion is too difficult to address, but behavior is something that can be addressed.

Even though you have so many negative feelings about this particular charge nurse, however, I'd urge you to examine your practice and see if she has valuable or potentially valuable feedback for you. "Too many questions" is very vague, but this woman may not be adept at offering feedback. When you've asked questions, have you asked the same one multiple times? Have you asked for an answer rather than asking where to find the answer? Have you asked for help without describing what you've done to solve the problem yourself?

Often what some newer nurses perceive as a bully is just an experienced nurse with poor teaching skills or deplorable social skills who is honestly trying to help them improve their practice. Sometimes a bully really is a bully, but if your manager is chummy with this one, complaining about her probably isn't going to get you very far unless you offer concrete examples of behavior to be addressed. Often you can turn the behavior around by taking the criticism seriously and changing those aspects of your practice she finds problematic. Even bullies can have valuable feedback. Good luck with this one.

Emergent, RN · Mar 15, 2014

The first day I started she made the remark to me "looks like I have been replaced" and has never offered to help me out like she does some people. She will get onto me about charting at one particular computer area but some of my other co workers turn around and use same computer and that's okay for them. I had some bleeding and cramping occur as I am pregnant and when I went to my Charge to tell her I needed to go to L&D and give report on my one patient her response was "bleeding and cramping is normal and not a big deal and was not allowed to leave and needed to take the next patient right now". After that I told my OB who was at hospital at that time..told me to go to L&D right then. She gave me a negative review saying that I ask too many questions or ask for help too much when I first started. Just to name a few examples..making nasty comments about me, etc.

What you describe does sound like bullying. Since you are new, and your nurse manager seems to tolerate this insufferable woman's terrible behavior, my advise is to suck it up, put a smile on your face, and lay the groundwork to get into a better run unit.

Good luck to you. I'm sure you'll eventually find greener pastures, there is a lot of variety in nursing. Some units, unfortunately, seem to foster this sort of toxic behavior, and people like this charge nurse become entrenched fixtures. Many of them are highly skilled nurses, but sadly unkind and disrespectful human beings. :no:

kellycina · Mar 16, 2014

I had a nurse manager that only helped others who were her skin color. My co workers all got out on time while I was there 2 hours past my shift. She would always give me dirty looks and make remarks and talk about me while I was sitting there. She posted a post on fb about me and being stupid and no one likes me. My friend sent me it and I showed HR. One day I had it. Told her she only helped others and never helped me. This turned into a shouting match behind close door. I went to H R and they wrote her up and gave her an ultimatum. She started helping me and apologized. She no longer works with me and on her last day posted on fb about me. I no longer hate going to work:)

TriciaJ, RN · Mar 16, 2014

Some people are bullies and some are just poor communicators. Treat them both the same. When you get negative feedback, calmly ask for more information. If the feedback is legitimate, the person will be able to clarify and you can learn from it. You can also impress the person because you are open to feedback.

If someone is just trying to power-trip at your expense, calmly ask for more information. This puts the turd back in their pocket. They will have a hard time clarifying a complaint that has no basis. It takes practice to remain calm and keep attempting to clarify, but your calmness will only highlight their lack of control. You will gradually make yourself a less attractive bully target.

As for slamming someone who is "asking too many questions" - WTH? My pet peeve with new grads is the ones who don't ask any questions, think they already know everything and make constant dumb mistakes. I encourage new people to clarify anything they feel unsure of. If their questions indicate they're unwilling to think for themselves, then I respond with other questions to help them learn how to problem-solve. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Nola009 · Mar 16, 2014

@Esme12:

Respectfully,

Some consider nursing a vocation or semi-profession rather than a profession due to the lack of autonomy we as RNs with an Associate or Bachelor's Degree can exercise. Its been therorized that lack of autonomy often leads to a sense of powerlessness amongst nurses, which can then lead to horizontal bullying.

I for one behave in a professional manner, and know first hand that our jobs as nurses are very difficult and require much skill even just to obtain the education needed for licensure.

When practicing, we get the much (most?) of the stress involved w/ pt care, but not much control. Yeah, im new, and I heard that nurses can call providers to 'guide' them toward what we want, or think is best for the patient, but we still need to ask!!