Working night shift and keeping up with love

Nurses General Nursing

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Maybe this is a silly question but I'm hoping someone out there can relate. I'm interesting in working night shift and might be receiving a job offer to do just that. My fiance works days consistently (8A-4:30P or 11A-7P) and sleeps during the night like a normal person. Does anyone else out there work 12 hour nights (7P-7A) and have a significant other who does the opposite? I know we can sleep independently without much problem but my biggest concern in getting in the time for intimacy. I'm all for scheduling if it comes to that but does anyone have any creative solutions?

Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Been married 5 years worked nights the entire time.!2 hour shifts. My husband works days 8hours. Although he does not like it, he know I prefer nights so for the past 4 years we have done it. We still have supper together every night even when I work I make the effort to have supper made when he cames home so we can spend time together. On my days off he makes the supper and I make the effort to have breakfast with him or play on my days off. When he can he waits for me to come home so we can spend a few minutes before he goes to work. Six months ago I took a rotation shift (day/night) he loves it I hate it. He now makes supper for me when I come home at 1930. I will be returning to permanent nights as soon as a position opens again. We have a healthy sex life he has no complaints but it is true I do have to be the one to make compromises. It takes work but then again relationships take work anyway.

Thanks for your story! For some reason it slipped my mind that we could do dinner every night, even if I'm working and I think that could really help, as could breakfast and switching who makes the meal. :) I was never enticed by day/night rotating shifts, because I feel it would screw us up more than straight nocs. Thanks again!

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Hmmm - well, I've been married almost 30 years now and in the beginning, hubby worked days and I worked nights (we were both in the military) - mornings before he went to work.

Then..as the kids came along, I worked days and he worked days so no problems

When I became a nurse - 1992 - I worked nights and hubby was deployed - real problem then! lol

Now - I work days, hubby works days but we live 158 miles apart - due to jobs. So...weekends is it!

I tell you all this because things can and do change. So...what works for someone else might not work for you. However, being open and talking about it helps

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Hello

I have been married for 18yrs and worked noc (7p-7a) for most of our marriage. The best is our kids are able to have a parent around at all times. My husband works from home so he is able to help when I work and I help when he is at work. I love the atmosphere on nocs vs days and would have a hard time flipping back. If you feel your sig other is going to have a hard time with it then you are probably right. Think long and hard about your decision then decided if you want the added stress. Relationship stress is pretty hard.

Just my thoughts.......

~Tracy

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Specializes in LTC.

Thanks for all the replies ! I'll be a new grad and newly wed soon. Pinning is in July wedding is 8 days later. So far my fiancee and I have been celebant, so I know I'll have to be creative when choosing my shifts as a nurse. I hate, really hate mornings, I hate nights even more... so I'm thinking the 3-11 shift may be good for us. We can play in the AM before he goes to work and then when I get off from work.

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Specializes in Adolescent Psych, PICU.

I work nights and my hubby works days and we ALWAYS make time for the lovin :)

We have been married for 15 years, 2 young kids..... I think sex is really important and you need to make time for it no matter when you work.

I think what cause more problems than whether you work noc shift or not is not having any days off together. Me and my dh have 1 day/night off together a week which we really enjoy and that gives us our fun time together...not just sex but going out to eat, going to the movies, hanging out at home, etc.

For ME I have found that working 8 hr shifts is a LOT easier and gives me more time with my husband/family than 12's did. When I was working 12's I was much more tired and felt like my whole freakin day/night was sucked into work (work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, day off to recover)--I never really felt like I had 4 days off a week. With working 8's I wake up about 2pm and then have the WHOLE rest of the day and evening off (work 11p-7am), take a hr nap before work. It's awesome! And I have my schedule worked out that I have a 3 day weekend q other week and I flip back to days. So we actually have a lot of time together.

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Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.

we've been on opposite shifts for a while now... i work 7a-7p, and JB works 7p-7a (i'm going to nights soon though, thank god!)... and when we lived in NC, i worked swing shifts (usually 8 hrs) and he worked 7p-7a about 80 miles away.

i'm four months pregnant, so we found time, lol...

i find the best time is in the morning. if i am off and he comes home from work at 8am, that's a good time for us...and since we're both night owls, if he's got the night off, i don't mind him waking me up at 3am for some snuggle time. we also try and plan atleast one fun thing for us to do a week... either go to the beach, go our to dinner, watch a movie--just to have time together.

it takes some effort and it's hard, bc i miss him alot when i have to sleep by myself at night, but even if you're tired putting the little extra time in to spend with your SO is super important.

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Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Hello

I have been married for 18yrs and worked noc (7p-7a) for most of our marriage. The best is our kids are able to have a parent around at all times. My husband works from home so he is able to help when I work and I help when he is at work. I love the atmosphere on nocs vs days and would have a hard time flipping back. If you feel your sig other is going to have a hard time with it then you are probably right. Think long and hard about your decision then decided if you want the added stress. Relationship stress is pretty hard.

Just my thoughts.......

~Tracy

I think it's something we'll definitely be able to deal with though. I've worked 8 hour nights before and I think I'll just have to get him something to snuggle up to or maybe when we get a kitten she'll sleep in the bed with him. :D We've been flexible as far as work schedules go so I bet he'll take it better, particularly if our days off coincide. :) Thanks for your advice.

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Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
I work nights and my hubby works days and we ALWAYS make time for the lovin :)

We have been married for 15 years, 2 young kids..... I think sex is really important and you need to make time for it no matter when you work.

I think what cause more problems than whether you work noc shift or not is not having any days off together. Me and my dh have 1 day/night off together a week which we really enjoy and that gives us our fun time together...not just sex but going out to eat, going to the movies, hanging out at home, etc.

For ME I have found that working 8 hr shifts is a LOT easier and gives me more time with my husband/family than 12's did. When I was working 12's I was much more tired and felt like my whole freakin day/night was sucked into work (work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, day off to recover)--I never really felt like I had 4 days off a week. With working 8's I wake up about 2pm and then have the WHOLE rest of the day and evening off (work 11p-7am), take a hr nap before work. It's awesome! And I have my schedule worked out that I have a 3 day weekend q other week and I flip back to days. So we actually have a lot of time together.

It's really re-assuring to hear your story. I agree that the days off will be important. I've been told that I'll probably be working every other weekend and he does the same thing, so hopefully we can coordinate that. The 12 hour shifts are non-negotiable; they have nurses that work 8 hour shift but the unit is working towards a 12 hour shift kind of thing. I don't have a problem with 12s, really but maybe I won't schedule them all in a row.

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Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Thanks for all the replies ! I'll be a new grad and newly wed soon. Pinning is in July wedding is 8 days later. So far my fiancee and I have been celebant, so I know I'll have to be creative when choosing my shifts as a nurse. I hate, really hate mornings, I hate nights even more... so I'm thinking the 3-11 shift may be good for us. We can play in the AM before he goes to work and then when I get off from work.

Because I can only work 12's at this hospital (and most around here), I'm picking nights because I really really really hate mornings. :D

Congrats on being a new grad too! I just took my last final and graduate in a week!

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