Working night shift and keeping up with love

flg8tr · May 14, 2009

i've been in the exact same situation in the past, working 12h nights and being in relationships with someone working a normal 9-5. it has never worked for me. you're always on opposite schedules, i'd get home in the morning and my gf would leave for work. i'd leave in the evening and see her for maybe 5 minutes after she got home from work. and even on nights when i didn't work i'd be totally nocturnal, sleepy during the day and wide awake at night. you get the idea. it effectively destroyed the relationship.

kmarie724 · May 14, 2009

My hubby is always in the mood for love in the morning and I am not, so when his morning was my bedtime, it worked great for us :wink2: Also we had time together in the evening after he got home and before i went to work. I managed to get pg while I was working nights and he was working days, so we obviously found the time.

ETA: I worked 8 hour noc shifts, not 12, so that might have made things easier on us.

keithjones · May 14, 2009

It depends on how many 12's you are working and on what days.. if its 5-12 hour shifts... I wouldn't do it, but if its 3-12s then don't worry about it you'll have 4 days to "get it on" and spend time together. also' its unclear exactly what hours he works (mornings, afternoons, both). need more detail.

Tait, MSN, RN · May 14, 2009

I am currently considering taking on 5 8 hour day shifts just so I can see my DH more. I feel right now like I am missing out on the world and missing out on seeing him a lot (considering I tend to work 3 12's back to back). I know I am not missing much with him, but man it feels like the world to me.

I was happy with nights when I was single, but I do feel the strain now that I am married.

Tait

I totally missed the part about intimacy. However I know my husband spends a lot of nights on the couch, even when I am home because I am not going to bed with him, so he falls asleep watching TV. Even when I go to bed around 3am, if he is asleep on the couch, I miss him desperately. It's really quite odd to me. He is there, but the minute he goes to bed I miss him. I do believe that makes our "carnal intimacy" time even less than it normally would be.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · May 14, 2009

What about your days off?? Or are you planning on working 5 days a week?? I am thinking 3-4 days work still gives you 3 times a week for extracurricular activities

JY10 · May 14, 2009

I work 7p-7a and my wife works 8-5 and we have a 1 yr old daughter, my schedule is very flexible so that helps and I usually work 3 12s one week and then 3 12s plus an 8hr shift the next. We both enjoy it but my wife is not needy, before we had Reece (our daughter) I could golf or do whatever I wanted on my days off and then still be with her at night and I try to cook dinner for us on my days off. Now my wife gets jealous of all the time i get to spend with Reece and I can still send her to the sitters if I want to golf or study or just say I am gonna study and then sleep. The only unexpected consequence has been that my wife now expects me to clean up the house on my days off!!! My advice would be if you think ur significant other is the type who wants you around all the time and does not do well entertaining themselves you may want avoid the night shift and you have to have trust in each other because you will be gone atleast 3 nights a week. It works great for us though, I hope this helps.

JessicRN · May 14, 2009

Been married 5 years worked nights the entire time.!2 hour shifts. My husband works days 8hours. Although he does not like it, he know I prefer nights so for the past 4 years we have done it. We still have supper together every night even when I work I make the effort to have supper made when he cames home so we can spend time together. On my days off he makes the supper and I make the effort to have breakfast with him or play on my days off. When he can he waits for me to come home so we can spend a few minutes before he goes to work. Six months ago I took a rotation shift (day/night) he loves it I hate it. He now makes supper for me when I come home at 1930. I will be returning to permanent nights as soon as a position opens again. We have a healthy sex life he has no complaints but it is true I do have to be the one to make compromises. It takes work but then again relationships take work anyway.

mbeasttbelle · May 14, 2009

I have been working noc shifts (7p-7a/3 shifts per week) for 3 yrs and my hubby works 5 shifts (7a-4p). Sometimes the lovin gets put on hold (Especially if one of the kids crawls in to bed) and sometimes its REALLY quick lovin', BUT we make it work. I get to spend most of Sat. and all of sunday with my family and I get to take my oldest kid to school 2 days a week and spend time with my little one. No, it is not a perfect system and lord knows I am always tired, but we make it work and that is worth it!!!!!!

Midwest4me · May 14, 2009

I really don't have any helpful creative solutions. We've worked it different ways--one of us on day shift, one of us on night shift; one of us on swing shift, one on night shift, both of us on noc shift(current situation). Intimacy ended for us probably 5+ years ago due to his health issues and mutual lack of interest(after all, we've been married nearly 25 years--getting a little too old for that crap! Working different shifts DOES MAKE for a challenging love life---I wish you all the best! If it's meant to be andyou have a mutual interest, then it will happen.

pinkiepie_RN · May 14, 2009

It depends on how many 12's you are working and on what days.. if its 5-12 hour shifts... I wouldn't do it, but if its 3-12s then don't worry about it you'll have 4 days to "get it on" and spend time together. also' its unclear exactly what hours he works (mornings, afternoons, both). need more detail.

I'll be working 3-12 hour shifts/week. He works 8A-4:30P M, W, Thur, and 11A-7P every other weekend. He always has Fridays off.

pinkiepie_RN · May 14, 2009

The only unexpected consequence has been that my wife now expects me to clean up the house on my days off!!! My advice would be if you think ur significant other is the type who wants you around all the time and does not do well entertaining themselves you may want avoid the night shift and you have to have trust in each other because you will be gone atleast 3 nights a week. It works great for us though, I hope this helps.

This is great. He isn't the type to want me around all the time (he plays this lovely game called World of Warcrack, lol); it's mainly the him getting lonely sleeping by himself that I'm sad and worried about. We do have great trust and I'm sure I can get creative.

Thanks!