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Working night shift and keeping up with love

Posted

Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.

Maybe this is a silly question but I'm hoping someone out there can relate. I'm interesting in working night shift and might be receiving a job offer to do just that. My fiance works days consistently (8A-4:30P or 11A-7P) and sleeps during the night like a normal person. Does anyone else out there work 12 hour nights (7P-7A) and have a significant other who does the opposite? I know we can sleep independently without much problem but my biggest concern in getting in the time for intimacy. I'm all for scheduling if it comes to that but does anyone have any creative solutions?

i've been in the exact same situation in the past, working 12h nights and being in relationships with someone working a normal 9-5. it has never worked for me. you're always on opposite schedules, i'd get home in the morning and my gf would leave for work. i'd leave in the evening and see her for maybe 5 minutes after she got home from work. and even on nights when i didn't work i'd be totally nocturnal, sleepy during the day and wide awake at night. you get the idea. it effectively destroyed the relationship.

kmarie724

Specializes in LTC. Has 5 years experience.

My hubby is always in the mood for love in the morning and I am not, so when his morning was my bedtime, it worked great for us :wink2: Also we had time together in the evening after he got home and before i went to work. I managed to get pg while I was working nights and he was working days, so we obviously found the time.

ETA: I worked 8 hour noc shifts, not 12, so that might have made things easier on us.

It depends on how many 12's you are working and on what days.. if its 5-12 hour shifts... I wouldn't do it, but if its 3-12s then don't worry about it you'll have 4 days to "get it on" and spend time together. also' its unclear exactly what hours he works (mornings, afternoons, both). need more detail.

Edited by keithjones

Tait, MSN, RN

Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice. Has 14 years experience.

I am currently considering taking on 5 8 hour day shifts just so I can see my DH more. I feel right now like I am missing out on the world and missing out on seeing him a lot (considering I tend to work 3 12's back to back). I know I am not missing much with him, but man it feels like the world to me.

I was happy with nights when I was single, but I do feel the strain now that I am married.

Tait

I totally missed the part about intimacy. However I know my husband spends a lot of nights on the couch, even when I am home because I am not going to bed with him, so he falls asleep watching TV. Even when I go to bed around 3am, if he is asleep on the couch, I miss him desperately. It's really quite odd to me. He is there, but the minute he goes to bed I miss him. I do believe that makes our "carnal intimacy" time even less than it normally would be.

Edited by Tait

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN

Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics. Has 6 years experience.

What about your days off?? Or are you planning on working 5 days a week?? I am thinking 3-4 days work still gives you 3 times a week for extracurricular activities :D

JY10

Specializes in ICU.

I work 7p-7a and my wife works 8-5 and we have a 1 yr old daughter, my schedule is very flexible so that helps and I usually work 3 12s one week and then 3 12s plus an 8hr shift the next. We both enjoy it but my wife is not needy, before we had Reece (our daughter) I could golf or do whatever I wanted on my days off and then still be with her at night and I try to cook dinner for us on my days off. Now my wife gets jealous of all the time i get to spend with Reece and I can still send her to the sitters if I want to golf or study or just say I am gonna study and then sleep. The only unexpected consequence has been that my wife now expects me to clean up the house on my days off!!! My advice would be if you think ur significant other is the type who wants you around all the time and does not do well entertaining themselves you may want avoid the night shift and you have to have trust in each other because you will be gone atleast 3 nights a week. It works great for us though, I hope this helps.

Been married 5 years worked nights the entire time.!2 hour shifts. My husband works days 8hours. Although he does not like it, he know I prefer nights so for the past 4 years we have done it. We still have supper together every night even when I work I make the effort to have supper made when he cames home so we can spend time together. On my days off he makes the supper and I make the effort to have breakfast with him or play on my days off. When he can he waits for me to come home so we can spend a few minutes before he goes to work. Six months ago I took a rotation shift (day/night) he loves it I hate it. He now makes supper for me when I come home at 1930. I will be returning to permanent nights as soon as a position opens again. We have a healthy sex life he has no complaints but it is true I do have to be the one to make compromises. It takes work but then again relationships take work anyway.

mbeasttbelle

Specializes in Pediatrics. Has 3 years experience.

I have been working noc shifts (7p-7a/3 shifts per week) for 3 yrs and my hubby works 5 shifts (7a-4p). Sometimes the lovin gets put on hold (Especially if one of the kids crawls in to bed) and sometimes its REALLY quick lovin', BUT we make it work. I get to spend most of Sat. and all of sunday with my family and I get to take my oldest kid to school 2 days a week and spend time with my little one. No, it is not a perfect system and lord knows I am always tired, but we make it work and that is worth it!!!!!!

Midwest4me

Specializes in A myriad of specialties.

I really don't have any helpful creative solutions. We've worked it different ways--one of us on day shift, one of us on night shift; one of us on swing shift, one on night shift, both of us on noc shift(current situation). Intimacy ended for us probably 5+ years ago due to his health issues and mutual lack of interest(after all, we've been married nearly 25 years--getting a little too old for that crap! Working different shifts DOES MAKE for a challenging love life---I wish you all the best! If it's meant to be andyou have a mutual interest, then it will happen.

pinkiepie_RN

Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.

It depends on how many 12's you are working and on what days.. if its 5-12 hour shifts... I wouldn't do it, but if its 3-12s then don't worry about it you'll have 4 days to "get it on" and spend time together. also' its unclear exactly what hours he works (mornings, afternoons, both). need more detail.

I'll be working 3-12 hour shifts/week. He works 8A-4:30P M, W, Thur, and 11A-7P every other weekend. He always has Fridays off.

pinkiepie_RN

Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.

The only unexpected consequence has been that my wife now expects me to clean up the house on my days off!!! My advice would be if you think ur significant other is the type who wants you around all the time and does not do well entertaining themselves you may want avoid the night shift and you have to have trust in each other because you will be gone atleast 3 nights a week. It works great for us though, I hope this helps.

This is great. He isn't the type to want me around all the time (he plays this lovely game called World of Warcrack, lol); it's mainly the him getting lonely sleeping by himself that I'm sad and worried about. We do have great trust and I'm sure I can get creative.

Thanks!

pinkiepie_RN

Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.

Been married 5 years worked nights the entire time.!2 hour shifts. My husband works days 8hours. Although he does not like it, he know I prefer nights so for the past 4 years we have done it. We still have supper together every night even when I work I make the effort to have supper made when he cames home so we can spend time together. On my days off he makes the supper and I make the effort to have breakfast with him or play on my days off. When he can he waits for me to come home so we can spend a few minutes before he goes to work. Six months ago I took a rotation shift (day/night) he loves it I hate it. He now makes supper for me when I come home at 1930. I will be returning to permanent nights as soon as a position opens again. We have a healthy sex life he has no complaints but it is true I do have to be the one to make compromises. It takes work but then again relationships take work anyway.

Thanks for your story! For some reason it slipped my mind that we could do dinner every night, even if I'm working and I think that could really help, as could breakfast and switching who makes the meal. :) I was never enticed by day/night rotating shifts, because I feel it would screw us up more than straight nocs. Thanks again!

traumaRUs, MSN, APRN, CNS

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU. Has 27 years experience.

Hmmm - well, I've been married almost 30 years now and in the beginning, hubby worked days and I worked nights (we were both in the military) - mornings before he went to work.

Then..as the kids came along, I worked days and he worked days so no problems

When I became a nurse - 1992 - I worked nights and hubby was deployed - real problem then! lol

Now - I work days, hubby works days but we live 158 miles apart - due to jobs. So...weekends is it!

I tell you all this because things can and do change. So...what works for someone else might not work for you. However, being open and talking about it helps

Hello

I have been married for 18yrs and worked noc (7p-7a) for most of our marriage. The best is our kids are able to have a parent around at all times. My husband works from home so he is able to help when I work and I help when he is at work. I love the atmosphere on nocs vs days and would have a hard time flipping back. If you feel your sig other is going to have a hard time with it then you are probably right. Think long and hard about your decision then decided if you want the added stress. Relationship stress is pretty hard.

Just my thoughts.......

~Tracy

NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN

Specializes in LTC. Has 6 years experience.

Thanks for all the replies ! I'll be a new grad and newly wed soon. Pinning is in July wedding is 8 days later. So far my fiancee and I have been celebant, so I know I'll have to be creative when choosing my shifts as a nurse. I hate, really hate mornings, I hate nights even more... so I'm thinking the 3-11 shift may be good for us. We can play in the AM before he goes to work and then when I get off from work.

marilynmom, LPN, NP

Specializes in Adolescent Psych, PICU.

I work nights and my hubby works days and we ALWAYS make time for the lovin :)

We have been married for 15 years, 2 young kids..... I think sex is really important and you need to make time for it no matter when you work.

I think what cause more problems than whether you work noc shift or not is not having any days off together. Me and my dh have 1 day/night off together a week which we really enjoy and that gives us our fun time together...not just sex but going out to eat, going to the movies, hanging out at home, etc.

For ME I have found that working 8 hr shifts is a LOT easier and gives me more time with my husband/family than 12's did. When I was working 12's I was much more tired and felt like my whole freakin day/night was sucked into work (work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, day off to recover)--I never really felt like I had 4 days off a week. With working 8's I wake up about 2pm and then have the WHOLE rest of the day and evening off (work 11p-7am), take a hr nap before work. It's awesome! And I have my schedule worked out that I have a 3 day weekend q other week and I flip back to days. So we actually have a lot of time together.

flightnurse2b, LPN

Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.

we've been on opposite shifts for a while now... i work 7a-7p, and JB works 7p-7a (i'm going to nights soon though, thank god!)... and when we lived in NC, i worked swing shifts (usually 8 hrs) and he worked 7p-7a about 80 miles away.

i'm four months pregnant, so we found time, lol...

i find the best time is in the morning. if i am off and he comes home from work at 8am, that's a good time for us...and since we're both night owls, if he's got the night off, i don't mind him waking me up at 3am for some snuggle time. we also try and plan atleast one fun thing for us to do a week... either go to the beach, go our to dinner, watch a movie--just to have time together.

it takes some effort and it's hard, bc i miss him alot when i have to sleep by myself at night, but even if you're tired putting the little extra time in to spend with your SO is super important.

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