Working with a Colleague with a Dominating Personality

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Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.

Has anyone ever worked with a colleague who has a dominating, overbearing personality? 

I am currently having issues with my colleague, or co-manager. Everytime something comes up, or a decision is made that she disagrees with, she overturns everything in her favor. Whatever she says goes, no matter what anyone else thinks. 

For example, when it comes to staffing, if there is any changes that aren't according to her plan, she overrides them.  Nothing you say can convince her otherwise.  She always somehow manages to secure better staffing for herself, and unfortunately, the scheduler and DON seem to rule in her favor. 

For instance, this afternoon, I made an attempt to switch aides between two units because we had a resident request not to work with the aide we were originally assigned.  Keeping this aide on my unit meant that the nurse working on my unit would be responsible for everything having to do with this patient's care, since there was not a second nurse or aide assigned.   I made arrangements for a change in assignments as I felt this was unfair to the nurse. 

Unfortunately, the new, reassigned aide was not on my unit for more than 5 minutes before my colleague storms over, stating that the change in assignments cannot happen.  She goes to staffing, who unfortunately sides with her and changes the assignment back.  When I explain the situation,  the response was that if there are really issues with the aide and the residents, a change in assignments would likely only transfer the problem over to the other side and not address the issue.  They stated that if he is not performing up to standards it won't matter what unit he is on.  They failed to acknowledge the lack of fairness to the assigned nurse.  

Anyway, this is only one example, but I'm getting tired of the other nurse manager being favored as a result of her dominating personality.   It's very frustrating that staffing works out per her preference and I'm tired of the blatant favoritism.  

Anyone else experience such issues? 

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

Yes.

And, surprisingly, it wasn't me!

An adolescent psych unit nurse, Olive, had to have things her way, supervisors sided with her, even when the decisions were ludicrous. So, when I was pulled to the adolescent unit, it was her way, unless the decision involved patient and/or staff safety, which one time, it did.

The adolescent unit was housed on two units adjacent to the NS if there were too many patients for the main unit. Olive asked me if I wanted the main unit or the adjacent unit. Since there was a female patient who had made past accusations of inappropriate behavior by male staff on the adjacent unit, I said I'd take the main unit.

Olive went ballistic saying that since this was her home unit, she should take the main unit. I said that, under these circumstances, I would refuse to take the adjacent unit unless rooms were switched with the accusing patient moved to the main unit. Olive refused to move the patient and contacted the MN house sup.

The following discussion was, in and of itself, ludicrous with the house sup, Bubble-Headed Beth, but suffice it to say that Olive got her way and worked the main unit. Beth switched me with a female RN on an adult unit.

"With these oxen we must plow" unless safety becomes a factor.

Then we switch the oxen for asses.

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Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
6 hours ago, Davey Do said:

Yes.

And, surprisingly, it wasn't me!

An adolescent psych unit nurse, Olive, had to have things her way, supervisors sided with her, even when the decisions were ludicrous. So, when I was pulled to the adolescent unit, it was her way, unless the decision involved patient and/or staff safety, which one time, it did.

The adolescent unit was housed on two units adjacent to the NS if there were too many patients for the main unit. Olive asked me if I wanted the main unit or the adjacent unit. Since there was a female patient who had made past accusations of inappropriate behavior by male staff on the adjacent unit, I said I'd take the main unit.

Olive went ballistic saying that since this was her home unit, she should take the main unit. I said that, under these circumstances, I would refuse to take the adjacent unit unless rooms were switched with the accusing patient moved to the main unit. Olive refused to move the patient and contacted the MN house sup.

The following discussion was, in and of itself, ludicrous with the house sup, Bubble-Headed Beth, but suffice it to say that Olive got her way and worked the main unit. Beth switched me with a female RN on an adult unit.

"With these oxen we must plow" unless safety becomes a factor.

Then we switch the oxen for asses.

Olive sounds like my colleague 

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Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.

At the same time, there might be some truth to my supervisor's feedback from yesterday--if the aide is really causing problems on my unit, he'll probably just do the same on the other. Maybe there are some people that feel that my solution to problems that come up too many times involves transferring those problems elsewhere or to someone else, rather than resolving them myself.  

As it turns out, a little investigating revealed that there weren't any residents that had actually requested not to work with my unit's assigned aide.   The assigned nurse yesterday just didn't particularly care to work with the assigned aide.  It seems likely she was overexaggerating a resident's statement in an attempt to be assigned to work with an aide she personally likes better.  

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
11 hours ago, SilverBells said:

Olive sounds like my colleague 

In an attempt not to always be cynically negative, I tried to understand and find rationale for Olive's behavior and discussed my thoughts with tech extraordinaire, Rooty Payne. 

After I got through with my "Maybe it's because" list, Rooty offered his opinion:

"No, Dave. She's crazy."

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Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.

There's something to be said for "the squeaky wheel gets the grease". Obviously this pattern of behavior has worked for your colleague in either her professional or personal life- or both. I think everyone has dealt with these people, whether they were our teachers, coworkers, bosses, or member of any group to which we belong. It can make things difficult at times, but I usually don't push many issues, I reserve my energy for the things I determine are truly worth fighting for. 

Unfortunately in this situation, after you investigated, it was determined she may have been correct. Good luck. 

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Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.

One more thing I can think of--it's possible I'm perceiving her as "dominating" when, in fact, she feels too much is being expected of her.   My requests for more staffing on my unit, less difficult patients, etc are maybe placing an unreasonable strain on her as a consequence, and she's just standing up for herself.  I know many other people have issues with her as well, so some of it could be personality-related, but likely not all of it.  It may suit me to step back on my own requests and let her have what she feels she needs.   In many aspects, she is drowning in her own work. I, on the other hand, probably don't need as much help as I claim I do; I probably just need to reset my priorities so that I don't make requests that negatively impact others.  In other words, I need to find a way to make things work for myself in a way that don't add to her, or someone else's, workload.  Maybe I'll see a change in her, maybe not, but it's worth considering.  

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
9 hours ago, SilverBells said:

 an unreasonable strain on her as a consequence, and she's just standing up for herself. 

Outstanding insight and perspective, SilverBells! Your entire post was excellent, but I choose that portion of it because it's the essence of it.

Those of us with strong personalities will use intimidation if need be. However, if our thoughts and feelings are heard and we're given understanding, we're more likely to work with you.

The concept of validation and understanding work across the board for all personality types, but I'm applying it to the dominating personality for example and application.

Reinforcing another's positive endeavors is another way of manipulating our media to achieve a desired result. As the dominating nurse merely wants what she feels and believes is the right thing- quality care rendered with as less hassle as possible- to identify that endeavor will result in a decreasing of defenses.

Your final statement, "maybe I'll see a change in her" is prophetic. I do believe a change in your relationship will take place, and a higher consciousness will result in both involved parties.

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There's something to be said for "the squeaky wheel gets the grease".

Yes, this happens time and again in nursing. Supervisors are typically conflict avoiders, so it's just easier to let them have their way. I have seen these personality types get the best hours, work the least vacation days and use FMLA to manipulate masterfully (making sure elective surgery/procedure is performed during vacation time)! Unfortunately, those of us who just want to show up and do our jobs with the least amount of drama will suffer. At my stage in life and in this current job market, I will just move on.

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I would get really close to this person, be extremely nice, learn what you need, and then slowly takeover.

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Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
On 5/5/2022 at 1:29 PM, JBMmom said:

I usually don't push many issues, I reserve my energy for the things I determine are truly worth fighting for

I think this is a good way of looking at things.   This is something that I'd like to do a better job with.   I think I probably ask for help or more staffing when maybe it's not needed, for example.  Patients using their call lights, for instance, isn't necessarily an indicator another staff member is needed; it might just mean that I'm the one who answers some of them.   Nor do we necessarily need more staff just because we have a patient who requires assist of 2 for transfers; if I'm at work, I can also be the second person.  Thing is, I feel that more times I need to find a way to make things work the way they are rather than trying to change them.  I should try and limit asking for help to situations only in which it is needed. 

Also, just a review of my workload in comparison to my colleague's clearly indicates she is drowning.  For the most part, I'm actually doing very well.  I almost always accomplish everything on my To Do list everyday.  She has over 30 items on her list needing follow up or completion.  In that sense, it's no wonder she's frustrated.  She's struggling and needs all the help she can get.  I don't need to take that away from her.  

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On 5/4/2022 at 7:08 PM, SilverBells said:

Olive sounds like my colleague 

LOL, Olive also sounds like my colleague.  I almost thought this was my facility you were talking about.

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