Wife, mother, nurse

0402 · Sep 6, 2011

Not at all- my husband is very understanding about those things. Now, my 4 yr old? Not so much.... I work nights, so during the week, he's long gone to work by the time I get home regardless of if I get out on time or not, but on the weekends, if I'm going to be late, I just keep him informed, in case it impacts something like going to one of the kids sports events or other family things.

Then again, I'm married to an Active Duty Marine, so if I'm going to understand 2-4 week long work-ups, 7 month deployments and ever so amazing 2am call regarding one of his Marines who has found himself on the wrong side of the law through some, no doubt, interesting series of events, me being late on occasion is an understood part of the job. I'm almost always out the door very close to on time, but things do happen from time to time (and I'm precepting right now, so going over things can take additional time, as well).

planteater · Sep 6, 2011

When my husband was in the custom cabinet business, he was always late getting home and had to run do work stuff or take work calls at the worst times. Over time I did start to resent it because it felt like work was more important to him than me. I also resented the fact that I could never plan anything because I was never sure when he would actually be home. It wasn't the amount of time per say, but the fact that he wouldn't draw a line (like no work phone calls in the evening when we were trying to hang out). However, now he works as a CNA and is in full-time nursing school, so I see him less than I did back then (with 2 kids thrown in the mix). I sometimes resent the situation, but I am not angry at him for it- this is what is good for our family and we just have to deal with it until it is over (in MAY 2012- YAY!). I am more mature now, yes, but I think the real difference is that there were things in his other work that I thought he could change yet was choosing not to. This time around I know that he just has to do what he has to do. But, he also makes a real effort to be home for dinner time and/or the kids' bedtime every day that he is not working. So, I guess what I am saying is maybe you need to draw a teeny line just to show your husband that he IS more important to you than work. Maybe no phone calls at home (they can leave a message and you can decide if it is really important), or calling to let him know when you are staying late, or only staying for 45 extra minutes and anything that doesn't get done so be it. IDK if any of those things will work for you, but he might appreciate your effort.

Rob72, ASN, RN · Sep 6, 2011

I HAD a husband like that.

In my best John Wayne imitation drawl: "Well, damn, darlin', tell us how you really feel! Do you still have the shovel, or did you bury that too...?":D

(No sexsim intended, and no puppies were maimed in the drafting of the above.)

We all have psycho-social needs. The give and take, in recognizing the frequently conflicting needs and attempting to find a mutually satisfying resolution, is the measure of grace. I like Whitney's suggestion, and I hope you both can work it out.

brownbook · Sep 6, 2011

There is a middle ground. You should not feel badly to leave things for the next shift. That is why nursing is 24/7. If you have to choose between them being annoyed or your husband being annoyed, let them be annoyed.

However your husband needs to know "it is not okay" to make you feel bad for things you have no control over. You don't plan on or even want to get home late. You have no control over patient X needing a STAT intervention near the end of your shift.

Your husband sounds exactly like mine. He is (mine is) way too controlling, I am finally learning the words "it is not okay.....," are okay to say.

germanshep · Sep 6, 2011

My husband is never on time, even when he calls saying he is "leaving." I become soooo frustrated at him so I pick up extra night shifts :) Then he complains he never spends time with me lol.

Anna Flaxis, BSN, RN · Sep 6, 2011

Just wondering, do any of your husbands give you a hard time about not getting out on time...i have been a nurse for a year now and I cant seem to get him to understand that nursing is not an 8-5 job... And he also doesn't like it when other nurses call me and have a question about anything. Nursing is my passion and my heart and he tells me that is what he loves about me... So any feedback would be good... would like to hear from any male nurses as well... Thank you... Ps... I hate leaving any work for the next shift, maybe thats my problem

Okay, just my opinion here, for what it's worth. Take it or leave it.

It's one thing if you're always leaving a mess for the next shift to clean up. That is not cool. It's a completely different thing if there were some things you just couldn't get to on your shift. That's normal. You just pass it on to the next nurse. It's called "teamwork". :nurse: It's okay if you don't leave things perfect all the time, and it's unhealthy if you can't just report off and let it go and walk out the door at the end of your shift. It's perfectly acceptable if things are crazy and you want to hang out a little late and help get things cleaned up for the next shift, every once in a while. But not every single shift. Your shift ends when you report off to the next nurse. Walk out the door and don't look back.

Also, what kind of environment do you work in where co-workers call you at home? Your documentation and report should cover all the bases, and there should be nothing for them to call you about, unless you forgot to chart a med or something and they need to know if you gave it or not.

I totally support couples having their own individual identities, and don't think you have to be joined at the hip to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship. At the same time, sometimes a partner wants/needs the undivided attention of the other. There should be room for compromise, based upon mutual respect for what the other wants/needs.

A sense of humor never hurts, either! :twocents:

yooper13 · Sep 6, 2011

"I would recommend you quit working and stay home. As long as you don't need the $$, why not?"

WOW! I really hope that was a sarcastic reply! If the OP likes her job (as she states), she would really NOT be happy with quitting just to keep the peace. She is looking for a solution; a "middle ground"...not a submissive "I'll sacrifice my own happiness just to make YOU happy" (that's what I got out of it, anyway) :twocents:

anotherone, BSN, RN · Sep 6, 2011

People don't understand that this isn't a clock in clock out job, even if we do that. IF you get a patient from PACU, ER at 6:45 you have to do some sort of assessment, at least vitals! and document that! then what if at 6:50 a patient needs to be changed, etc? that can take you a few minutes.what if the nurse taking over for you is comming from another floor and was late giving report. Then there are the times you are mandated, if your hospital does this. that is the job it is.

Noimanurse · Sep 6, 2011

No offense, but sounds like you have more to work on with your relationship than with your job. Quitting your job will probably just magnify your relationship troubles, then you will be out a job and out of a relationship. Stay in your job, you both need to communicate your needs clearly and evaluate where you are in your relationship and your career.

mRpeNa · Sep 7, 2011

Thank you all for your responses... It doesnt happen often... but every now and then a doctor will call back when im about to give report or someone will start having chestpains, or a resident just might want to talk about something...will try and be more aware of his emotions. Thanks again :)