Why do people try to discourage you? :(

seasoned hopeful · Jul 17, 2009

hello,

first off anyone who is not encouraging of your dreams does not have your best interest at heart. they are on their own little "trip".

i am 58 and starting my first semester of ns on august 18. i have all the naysayers tell me that i am old and can not handle it. i have had 3 years of pre-reqs and continued school even after i lost my precious 30 year old daughter to a heroin overdose. i knew i had to!!! i think that helped me survive even tho i could not even drive myself to school. how did i do it? i have no idea!!! but i knew i had to!!!!

if this is your dream turn a deaf ear to the negative people. unfortunatly they are everywhere. let them make you more determined to achieve your goal. will it be easy? no! but is anything worth doing easy? no! you have support here at allnurses anytime you need it. we are all in the same boat and giving up is never an option....

follow your heart and you will succeed.....you will have support of other ns also.

good luck we know you can do it!!:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe

Veganmom · Jul 17, 2009

Start your classes. Once you receive A's and see that you have the respect of your professors, your confidence will soar. I'd suggest taking classes at the school at first to ease into it and develop good habits, then you can take your classes at home. Good luck to you. I'm sure you'll do fine.

drinkmoresoup · Jul 17, 2009

Seasoned...I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I can't imagine losing a child...you are a very strong woman for accomplishing all that you have after such a tragic loss. You will be a better nurse because of it!

I have found new motivation reading all of these responses. It doesn't matter how long it takes...I will apply for each new round and if I don't make it, I will keep trying! It will happen eventually. I really appreciate all of the supportive comments.

Just to clarify...my husband IS being very supportive of me and saying to go for it. However, he has this attitude about him and I know that he feels I'm not as smart or something because I don't have a degree. He has never said that I'm stupid or anything, but I know he feels that way at times. He did say that he will need to get a better job so I'm not the breadwinner...lol. He did not go to college, but he has a great job in computers running networks.

Hoping2BeStudent2010 · Jul 17, 2009

I can totally relate! I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 and I get the same things from people. I did poorly in high school - not because I am not smart, but because I lacked motivation. The simple fact is, no one can stop you from achieving your goals except YOU. Whenever someone puts down your decision or discourages you, just tell them that YES, it's going to be hard, probably harder than you even realize right now, but that you are determined and could really use their support to lift you up. Just remember that you do have people who believe in you...people who aren't judging you by past actions or by your lifestyle or whatever it is that makes the people close to you believe that you can't do it. You have people here on allnurses that KNOW you can do it. I wish you all the best!!!!!!!!!!!

seasoned hopeful · Jul 17, 2009

learning is very confidence building and empowering. sometimes people think they are helping you by discouraging you to begin with to save you from the pain of not succeeding. (it makes no sense to me either!) we know you can do it!!:heartbeat

drinkmoresoup · Jul 17, 2009

Thank you so much, girls. I think I figured out what her problem is. She just recently got accepted to a university and will be attempting to earn a different degree than her Business Administration degree; she has never been able to land a decent paying job with her degree. I think she is just jealous that I'm going to be making great money at an interesting job. I'm not saying that BA is a bad thing, but she isn't happy with the pay she is offered and she considers it a bogus degree.

llg, PhD, RN · Jul 17, 2009

Thank you so much, girls. I think I figured out what her problem is. She just recently got accepted to a university and will be attempting to earn a different degree than her Business Administration degree; she has never been able to land a decent paying job with her degree. I think she is just jealous that I'm going to be making great money at an interesting job. I'm not saying that BA is a bad thing, but she isn't happy with the pay she is offered and she considers it a bogus degree.

That makes sense. It sounds like a very plausible explanation for her behavior -- HER problem: don't make it yours. :up:

MammaNurse2Be · Jul 17, 2009

I think in your very first sentence you said this person was fairly negative so my question is why would you waste precious moments of your time or life surrounded by people like this? By eliminating those types of people, which you can control, by choosing to be friends or not, will save you countless hours of grief. The other people you can't control, those that you encounter randomly, you assess right away if they are rude, negative, obnoxious, you simply walk away! You can only control YOU! Once I remembered that I AM IN CHARGE OF ME, life became so much happier!

Secondly, I have wanted to be a nurse since I was five years old. My problem was that I was not focused and immature as a younger student. I didn't know how to study and I struggled in jr high, high school, and my first attempts at college. One day, really, it was like an epiphany, I realized that I was my own worst enemy. If I was in control of me, then that means each decision I made in my daily life would either get me to my goal or get me away from my goal. Once I started asking myself each day, each task, is this getting me where I want to go, my life was so much happier! Your husband cannot make you feel stupid about not having a degree. His words can be rude or demeaning but it is up to you to know your WORTH. I would then evaluate dh, is this the person that is going to love you and help you fulfill your dreams or is this a person that is so insecure that for the rest of your life you are going to have to listen to those rude comments. I'd sit down real quick and lay out the law. Clearly. It is not ok to speak to me like that. It is hurtful and not ok. I married you because I love and support you but I will not stand by and have you speak to me in such a way. It is not healthy nor is it a good example to our children. You decide how would like things to go because if you speak to me abusively, I will not stand for it. You are powerful.

I have three little kids, age 4, 7, 10. I started my pre-reqs when my daughter was a baby and have been working on them since that time. I would have a baby, nurse the baby, take some time off to raise the baby and then take one class if that was all I could do. I am like the little engine that could. My grades are now stellar! I have learned to study by taking control of my own weaknesses and learning what I lacked in this area so I could succeed. I kept thinking to myself that others choose to live out their dreams so why can't I do that too! Well, this fall I get to apply to NS so it looks like it worked for me!

I'd like to hear some more self confidence in you.

Take back your power and dump the dead weight. Raise those kids and go back to school if that is what you want. Can you take one night class? That way you don't have to do daycare? Get that class under your belt and you will feel so good about yourself. I can't tell you how good it makes me feel to explain punnet squares to my 10 year old or help at her school when they dissect an eyeball...yes she is 10 but I love being able to "know" things!

The next post I read from you I'd like to see what research you have done to reach your goal. Look into online math classes or medical terminology classes too. That could be an easy way to ease back in.

Sorry about the rant but I really can't stand to hear others give up their power!!!

Good luck!

Cilantrophobe · Jul 17, 2009

Sounds like you need to spend less time talking with those particular individuals about your journey. If they cannot give you proper support then simply do not talk to them about school. Try to find others who can relate to you; AllNurses is a great place to start. You may encounter that kind of negativity throughout your prereqs, so be prepared. Once I started going to school on campus I would get scared when I would hear people talking about how hard 'this-or-that' was. You'll even encounter those haters here on AN. Try to develop some thick skin. Confidence will come as you begin prereqs and do just as good as you always knew you could. Trust me, I didn't graduate high school until I was 20 years old and my high school gpa was like a 2.22. I beat myself up when I started school, I had no idea how I was going to do and had my past to bring my confidence down. And now I am a 4.0 student and even managed to receive an academic award!

You can take MANY prereqs online, and you don't HAVE to put your child in daycare yet. I have taken several semesters online while staying home with my son. I completed pharmacology, medical terminology, history, nutrition, English 111 & 112, psy 201 & 202 online through my community college, basically everything but my sciences.

Whatever you do, good luck. And DO NOT talk to those people about school, unless it is to brag about how well you are doing Maybe when they realize you aren't talking about school they will realize what asses they have been.

dimaano22 · Jul 17, 2009

Don't lose hope. And don't let other people bring you down.

Instead, use them as a negative reinforcement for yourself like I did. Prove them wrong.

What they do to discourage you is called INSECURITY!!! You got something they don't have and that's the hope and perseverance that you can do it.

As long as you have a goal, you don't have to be smart to be a nurse. Just have the heart and passion and you'll succeed. :nuke:

drinkmoresoup · Jul 17, 2009

I always knew I wanted to work as a nurse eventually. I just didn't think I'd start school this soon. I wanted to stay at home with this baby up until he entered kindergarten, but I really feel something pushing me to do this and do it now. Or at least get started on it! My aunt worked for Blue Cross and she urged me to take a medical transcription course through a top school, so that is what I was doing up until now. I am a 1/4 way done, but my heart is just not in it. So I do have a good basic understanding of medical terminology, disease processes, anatomy and physiology, medication and dosages, etc. I almost feel like I should continue in it, but I really feel there is no point. I ultimately wanted to be a nurse and that is what I am going to do.

allnurses Guide · Jul 18, 2009

Go ahead and finish the course! Familiarity with terminology is very useful.

This is not to discourage! People keep saying "go get that A". When my dh went back to grad school, he deliberately chose to shoot for Bs if that meant he would spend enough time with his family, not the A that meant we'd never see him. So if sometime it comes down to a B and some time with your kids, or an A and no kid time, go for the B.

Somehow taking the pressure off made the A's easier. Believe me, I don't ask the new grads if they got an A or a B in medsurg I. :bow:

Don't go away! Keep us updated!:cheers: