Why do nurses have to "eat their young"?

[kimmyj74]

I'm on my second week orienting in a nursing home on night shift. My first job out of school.

Each day I feel more confident and I am doing more on my own....now I get CNA's snapping at me for asking questions about how pt's transfer, for not answering call bells in the middle of a med pass, and worst of all the RN supervisor snapped at me saying "you need to get your **** together".

Why do nurses have to be so mean to new nurses? Maybe I'm just thin skinned but I bawled my eyes out all the way home this AM. :cry:I'm beginning to think being a nurse isn't for me. Maybe a nice quiet office nurse position would be better for me. Maybe I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed!

Any suggestions?

[**All Heart RN**]

I have never seen a group of men in a hallway discussing how bad another man is with their hands on their hips doing that chicken neck thing.

Ok, I don't know why but this line was just so funny to me...I just got a really hilarious image in my mind. Thanks for the unintended laugh!

[Jami RN, BSN, RN]

Because of the high number of women in nursing, it does make a difference in how things are handled.

I totally agree with Trimm about this. Women are passive-agressive. Instead of addressing issues face-to-face and discussing the real issue, they gossip, sabotage and hen-peck each other into submission.

The same goes for nurses' interactions with others -- most nurses won't confront a doctor on bad behavior or question a doctor's judgement, they'll just internalize their frustration and then take it out on a colleague that they perceive as weaker or more vulnerable than they are.

Nursing as a profession struggles with this same issue of powerlessness. Nursing as a whole knows that they are the center of the services that hospitals provide and bill for, but nursing has not figured out how to stand up to hospital administrations and bring the focus back to providing holistic care the way it should be delivered. Instead, nurses seethe inside while they're baking cookies to make the unit smell better, and then vent that anger on each other.

If nursing was historically a male-dominated profession, nurses would be treated much differently, I believe, because men don't take crap from one person and then take it out on another. They tend to be more direct and they also tend to demand the respect that they deserve.

Also, OP, despite a previous poster's statements, I have never worked with a giggling, silly new grad who spent their time frivolously or on superficial matters while they were at work. I have only worked with new grads who have a look ranging from apprehension to sheer terror on their faces while they are trying to acclimate themselves into a very complex, very dysfunctional, but very worthwhile, profession.

Namaste.

[shoegalRN, RN]

I've only worked with one other male nurse and he was great. I believe he was fired for something but it was after I left. I have known many female nurses as well as CNA's and many a time I have seen them gather in the hall to discuss this person or that person and usually it isn't to heap praise upon them.

I knew a CNA and a nurse who fought all the time and I heard both sides from different people all over the building.

I just think men would punch each other in the arm and get over it. Women are supposed to be the great communicators. Maybe they communicate too much.

I just came off a bad experience with 2 nurse managers and it was the first time I was ever ganged up upon like that.

I am not anti women. I would not be in nursing if I were. For the longest time I thought men and women all thought alike. Now I don't think so anymore. I have never seen a group of men in a hallway discussing how bad another man is with their hands on their hips doing that chicken neck thing.

I totally agree with you! I've never seen a group of men sitting around heckling like hens. In my experience with men in the workplace, they hash out their differences IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER, and then get over it and it's back to business as usual. That's the mentality I have and I'm slowly but surely changing my business mindset in nursing because everything is so driven by emotions.

[nursel56]

I've only worked with one other male nurse and he was great. I believe he was fired for something but it was after I left. I have known many female nurses as well as CNA's and many a time I have seen them gather in the hall to discuss this person or that person and usually it isn't to heap praise upon them.

I knew a CNA and a nurse who fought all the time and I heard both sides from different people all over the building.

I just think men would punch each other in the arm and get over it. Women are supposed to be the great communicators. Maybe they communicate too much.

I just came off a bad experience with 2 nurse managers and it was the first time I was ever ganged up upon like that.

I am not anti women. I would not be in nursing if I were. For the longest time I thought men and women all thought alike. Now I don't think so anymore. I have never seen a group of men in a hallway discussing how bad another man is with their hands on their hips doing that chicken neck thing.

I agree with this 100%! Probably un-pc of me to say this, though. The influx of more male nurses has put the lie to that one. When the field was almost always female dominated, we couldn't see the forest for the trees (ie nothing to compare it to) Frankly, I've enjoyed having this mirror held up. Not in the "all women are estrogen-fueled psychopaths" way, but a bemused way! Vive la difference!

[SoundofMusic]

I don't know why they do -- because it's utterly ridiculous. I am always welcoming to our new grads and often ask them how they're doing during their day, offering to help or whatever. A lot of them have told the management they like me a lot as a preceptor and I was even recognized w/ a monetary reward for precepting one of them and being selected as her follow-on mentor.

I see no sense in being rude to new people. They are the future of nursing. They are going to BE your future co-workers and may just be the only one on the floor for you one day when you need it.

I have a pretty good relationship w/ about 75% of our staff, because most of them came in after me, and I was one of the ones to orient them. This has worked for me over the long run.

I think nasty nurses are just nasty people in general. They are everywhere. I've been bulled by one of them on our unit and I complained to the manager. She and I just avoid each other, and she is really not liked by many people anyway. She's just a beast of a person in general.

I think nursing just lends itself to beastliness, sad to say. Nasty types can get away with a lot, because managers, while micro-managing charting and customer service, don't pay attention to a whole lot of anything else. Nurses aren't treated like professionals, so therefore, many of them fail to act professional. It's about the worst profession I can think of for women, in my own opinion -- and I've worked in other career areas.

Don't know why it continues -- it's just foolishness if you ask me. It costs units more in the long run to keep hiring and re-training. I don't know why they don't invest in their nurses more.

I personally am going back to grad school to be a NP, so hopefully I can extract myself from bedside hospital nursing. It's a really tough area to work in -- and I'm not cut out for it myself.

[MedSurgeMess]

Women are passive-agressive. Instead of addressing issues face-to-face and discussing the real issue, they gossip, sabotage and hen-peck each other into submission.

The same goes for nurses' interactions with others -- most nurses won't confront a doctor on bad behavior or question a doctor's judgement, they'll just internalize their frustration and then take it out on a colleague that they perceive as weaker or more vulnerable than they are.

Nursing as a profession struggles with this same issue of powerlessness. Nursing as a whole knows that they are the center of the services that hospitals provide and bill for, but nursing has not figured out how to stand up to hospital administrations and bring the focus back to providing holistic care the way it should be delivered. Instead, nurses seethe inside while they're baking cookies to make the unit smell better, and then vent that anger on each other.

If nursing was historically a male-dominated profession, nurses would be treated much differently, I believe, because men don't take crap from one person and then take it out on another. They tend to be more direct and they also tend to demand the respect that they deserve.

Also, OP, despite a previous poster's statements, I have never worked with a giggling, silly new grad who spent their time frivolously or on superficial matters while they were at work. I have only worked with new grads who have a look ranging from apprehension to sheer terror on their faces while they are trying to acclimate themselves into a very complex, very dysfunctional, but very worthwhile, profession.

Namaste.

Unfortunately, if a woman tries to have the "critical conversation" with anyone she works with, she becomes a b*tch. I have been labeled as such many a time, all because instead of running to the boss or behind everyone's backs to do some stabbing, I try to talk about the issue at the time with person(s) involved. And oddly enough, those I have had "talks" with say that I don't say anything mean, derogatory, untrue, or even using an unprofessional tone. Many just don't like being confronted. But then again, who does? I don't, but I'd rather hear it directly from the source than from rumors or the boss......And at the same time, the "eating the young" is not just a nursing issue, it happens in many job situations. No easy answer for it.

[cm20]

I am so sick of the negativity that I have come across being a student nurse. For example, an ICU RN told the person I was with, "So you have sh*t following you today?" Honestly, that was so unacceptable..... It's sad that this whole "eat their young" exists. It's just something I never want to be like!

[nursel56]

I am so sick of the negativity that I have come across being a student nurse. For example, an ICU RN told the person I was with, "So you have sh*t following you today?" Honestly, that was so unacceptable..... It's sad that this whole "eat their young" exists. It's just something I never want to be like!

She said that when you were standing right there??? Oh, no-no-no-no. I hope you told your instructor about it. Even nurses who don't care to have students with them usually would not say something so hurtful and demeaning. There are plenty of nurses who like students, but just like with the news, we hear much more about the bad than the good. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[cm20]

Yes, she did say it with me right there I had no clue what to say, I was shocked but so angry at the same time. I did tell my instructor about it and she was not happy at all with the nurse. So far I've had a good experience with the nurses I have encountered at that hospital. of course, not everyone can be the way you would like them to act.. It just wasn't a good day, I spent a day with a respiratory therapist, and my instructor even informed him just to go over ventilators, the types, how they work, and how we have only done an "overview" of them. He expected so much from me and just made me feel like a complete idiot, even comparing me to other students (I later talked with them and said they never were even with him!). I could answer some questions, but respiratory is a whole new world. I understand nurses have to know it but wow it made me feel that I have learned nothing. It just felt like everyone was trying to break me down that day. well, I didn't until I got home!! I haven't felt so discouraged in awhile..

[nursel56]

Looks like they tacked your post onto the back of another one, MC20! Anyway, all you can do is keep your composure and be polite to people, and realize your association with them is temporary. I don't even understand RTs! Ha, just kidding but they have a different, very focussed area of expertise. Just vow never to be like that when you are out there working and encounter students. : )

[HollyHobby]

Every nursing unit is its own little world unto itself. You take a group of nurses and shake them down, and they'll nest into a kind of atmosphere that defines what life is like in that unit.

In my opinion, it's totally disrespectful for any nurse to say to another, "You need to get your **** together". That is not constructive. As a new nurse, you are acutely aware that you don't have your **** together, and you are desperately trying to get that **** together. It's insulting and damaging.

Like many girls/women, I was taught to be passive. My mother actually said these words to me: "If somebody is mad at you, it's because they have a good reason to be". But if I was mad at someone else, my anger was inappropriate and punishable. It's hard to break that early training.

I was called into my manager's office when I was a new nurse. Probably several nurses had complained to her about me. But she didn't say, "HollyHobby, you suck. Everybody thinks you suck. You need to get your **** together".

She said there were some concerns about my patient care. She stressed to me that I should take some time to read each of my patients' H&P's early in my shift so that I could get a better understanding of what each patient needed, where to put my focus, what was really going on. She said, and I quote, "Nobody ever died from not getting a bath". Now, this was not a stellar manager, but she had some wisdom and I did just what she said. I refocused my energies, and that was to my patients' benefit and mine.

This was constructive criticism. If you were to work with me, you would still hear me say on occasion, "Nobody ever died from not getting a bath". And I say, "Read your patients' H&Ps". In other words, figure out what the PROBLEM is, and ACT on it. Everything else is secondary.

If you are a new RN and you are working on a unit where the atmosphere is hostile to new RNs, please know that there are other places you can go. I just love having new RNs in my unit because they bring a freshly educated outlook to what we do there. I am not ashamed to admit that new RNs are one of the best sources of education for me! And when I can teach them something, when I can see that jubilation in their eyes when I'm able to help them understand something... wow, that's the best thing ever!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

interesting perspective trimm. we have a male nurse on our unit who is far worse than any of the women and because of his tantrums he's given preferential treatment just to keep him from going off. he's just nasty to everyone and doesn't care who he offends. another of our men is the laziest person i've seen in a long time and when i follow him i have to spend at least the first hour cleaning up his messes. we also have one who isn't competent to practice but somehow we can't get rid of him. there are only two males on our unit that i trust with my patients...

about 40% of our staff is male. there are gossips among both genders, but i think the men are actually worse. backstabbing and "cattiness" is a human thing, and i don't think one gender has it over the other there. nastiness -- not unique to women, either. we have a couple of male nurses that no one wants to give report to because they're so nasty. and laziness . . . the laziest 5 or 6 nurses in our unit are all men. i think some people just don't like their own gender so they have to bad mouth women to strangers on the internet.