Why do nurses have to "eat their young"?

Guest382916 · Nov 12, 2009

Ugh, I am so sorry that happened to you. Having worked in 3 countries now, I can unfortunately say that it's a universal phenomenon. :madface:

I am now only just returning to the workforce after an 8 year break away from nursing....and that cattiness was one of the biggest reasons I left. I assume I am not alone. I have no idea why nurses are so mean to each other - we seem to be great at taking care of patients and awful at taking care of each other. I have to say, my best working days were when I was on with male nursing staff....they (for the most part, and I am generalising about my own experience here) seem to be more interested in getting on with it than engaging in conflama with other nurses.

I have no advice for you, only to say hang in there, and don't forget your goals. (I did, and threw proverbial baby out with the bathwater.) And don't cross to the dark side and become like them - the more of us who refuse to be mean to each other, the more the meanies will get crowded out.

There is NO excuse for abuse (verbal included) in the workplace - if it continues despite assertive (not aggressive) statements from you to cease, report them to their immediate supervisor. You are a new nurse, and you are not expected to know everything.

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Nov 12, 2009

Why do new grads have to be so flighty and silly, unable to do any of their work for texting, emailing and giggling like fools, and unable to look up even a phone number on their own.

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What is wrong with your post title? And what is wrong with the statement above?

Both make assumptions that generalize excessively. There is perhaps some truth in both of them, but also A LOT of falsehood.

Not all nurses "eat their young" or "HAVE to, though some certainly do. By the same token, not all new grads act like silly ninnies, though some certainly do.

By the very way that you have titled your thread, YOU are guilty of the very thing that you are denegrating in others. That is a great way to put a large number of nurses down but not a very constructive way to get advice on solving your problem. You end up alienating many of those that could be allies to you in this.

A constructive way to handle this would be for you to research this BB for other similar threads (there are hundreds). There is a wealth of information on how to deal with this issue appropriately. This is also a common problem in ALL professions, not just nursing. There are number of business books available to help guide young professionals in how to deal with unpleasant coworkers and difficult work situations. As well as classes - would that nursing school curriculums would require one of graduating students, to help them adjust to the working world.

I fully expect that my response to this post to be labeled as "Eating your young". Because I offer a constructive response rather than just to give sympathy. Being sympathetic may be easy and it may "feel good", but ultimately it does little long term good to the OP and help her succeed. And this topic has been beaten to death like a rabid animal on this BB.

The other issues, is these days everyone gets eaten. I recently changed jobs and feel frequently nibbled upon by younger staffers because I am not in "The Clique" and don't text/facebook/party/etc. And I am learning to "deal" using the same resources that I have listed, many of whom I have used when I worked in business.

Guest382916 · Nov 12, 2009

Wow.

Actually, having been out of nursing for a while, I can say with some amount of authority that nursing IS worse for b****ing and backstabbing.

I don't subscribe to the toughen-up-or-get-out philosophy either. Yeesh.

That first year out of nursing school is by far the hardest and most stressful, and it is not helped by meanness from other nurses. Stressed individuals don't perform at their best level.

Bug Out, BSN · Nov 12, 2009

Nursing is a very serious profession where our actions and thoughts have a direct and immediate effect upon the lives of others. We are the rock that our patients cling to, we are the foundation of the healthcare team.

Unfortunately the intermittent period where Nurses learn to get their "sea legs" is a very dangerous time for all those involved and experienced Nurses tend to over pressure the youngins.

Aids should not be snapping at you or barking orders at you, you are the leader of the care team and need to act like one. If you have a question they should answer it without giving you lip (To be honest you should have a pretty good idea on how your pt is transferring either from report or from the chart. Transferring is kind of an important aspect to chart about.) On the other hand you cannot be a tyrant and abuse your aids. Let them know by letting them see you answer lights and helping patients. Don't ask them to get the pt water when your standing there and don't walk away when a light goes off. There will be a break in period where their respect for you will be questionable. As you gain confidence and grasp your leadership role things will get better.

Your lucky, most orientations in nursing homes are only about a week.

The forces of pressure from your coworkers will pale in comparison to the pressures from management, patients, pt families, Doctors etc.

Use the aggression as a learning tool and defend yourself. A Nurse that cannot defend herself cannot defend her patients. You own these patients, they are yours to care for and protect.

Just conduct yourself as a confident, safe, Nurse professional and all the rest will fall into place.

Guest382916 · Nov 12, 2009

Yep, what previous poster said :-)

Also, I was thinking about it some more this morning. A blanket "Get your **** together" comment is not helpful to you. Are there things that you can pinpoint that you need help with? Time management? Med rounds? If you can get a list together of things that you are struggling with, you might find that the more experienced nurses are happy to share their knowledge with you, and that might ease the tension a bit. If you are seen to be trying to get on top of things by asking questions, and acknowledging that you don't know everything, it might help. From my own experience as a first year, I remember feeling like I had to be seen to know everything to prove myself.....in hindsight I wish I had asked for more specific help.

Hang in there! This too shall pass. :-)

Jules A, MSN · Nov 12, 2009

I'm also sorry that she said that to you, it was unprofessional and unkind. It sounds like you know you are improving and doing a decent job at your duties. Do not let anyone change your mind if you know that to be true.

Maybe I've been lucky but I haven't seen much of this at either of my jobs. I don't expect it and don't perpetuate the lore that "eating young" is unique to nursing. There were definitely people that were nicer to me than others when I was new and I think thats life. It takes time to fit in and get your act together. Techs can be tough because you need their help to figure out your job and yet are in a supervisory position above them making way more money. I bet in a year this will all be a distant memory that hopefully helps you remember to be kind to the new ones. Take care.

Jami RN, BSN, RN · Nov 12, 2009

To answer the original question in one word:

Insecurity.

Nursing is a very stressful profession and nurses bear maximum responsibility for patients' wellbeing, yet have very little power to influence the medical care they receive or the hospital policies that dictate how care is delivered. Finger-pointing, blaming, nit-picking and judging others on the unit is a great way to divert negative attention away from oneself. Much like a playground bully, the meanness is almost always rooted in self-loating and insecurity.

I have worked in many other professions, and in a human relations environment at a hospital, and never have I experienced this phenomenon except for nursing.

If your unit is cursed with a superficial, insecure manager as my unit is, it will ampifly the issue exponentially, because when management gives a disproproportionate amount of attention to the bullies and tattletales, they feel even more powerful and their bullying gets worse.

Hospital administration also encourages this behavior by constantly asserting to their nursing staff that "you are all replaceable." Also, administration's fear of lawsuits is passed on to nurses, so the focus becomes avoiding doing the wrong thing instead of striving to do the right thing. No one wants to lose their job or be sued, so nurses live in constant fear, which is minimally alleviated by diverting negative attention to one's colleagues.

Welcome to nursing. I wish you well and hope you survive the meanness and bullying and grow to be a wonderful nurse. I repeat the Black Flag lyric, "Rise Above," to myself throughout the day to remind myself not to sink to the level of the weak, fearful and mean nurses that try to crush others' spirits.

Good luck!

Jami

kimmyj74 · Nov 12, 2009

Why do new grads have to be so flighty and silly, unable to do any of their work for texting, emailing and giggling like fools, and unable to look up even a phone number on their own.
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What is wrong with your post title? And what is wrong with the statement above?
Both make assumptions that generalize excessively. There is perhaps some truth in both of them, but also A LOT of falsehood.
Not all nurses "eat their young" or "HAVE to, though some certainly do. By the same token, not all new grads act like silly ninnies, though some certainly do.
By the very way that you have titled your thread, YOU are guilty of the very thing that you are denegrating in others. That is a great way to put a large number of nurses down but not a very constructive way to get advice on solving your problem. You end up alienating many of those that could be allies to you in this.
A constructive way to handle this would be for you to research this BB for other similar threads (there are hundreds). There is a wealth of information on how to deal with this issue appropriately. This is also a common problem in ALL professions, not just nursing. There are number of business books available to help guide young professionals in how to deal with unpleasant coworkers and difficult work situations. As well as classes - would that nursing school curriculums would require one of graduating students, to help them adjust to the working world.
I fully expect that my response to this post to be labeled as "Eating your young". Because I offer a constructive response rather than just to give sympathy. Being sympathetic may be easy and it may "feel good", but ultimately it does little long term good to the OP and help her succeed. And this topic has been beaten to death like a rabid animal on this BB.
The other issues, is these days everyone gets eaten. I recently changed jobs and feel frequently nibbled upon by younger staffers because I am not in "The Clique" and don't text/facebook/party/etc. And I am learning to "deal" using the same resources that I have listed, many of whom I have used when I worked in business.

First off, I titled this post that way in order to get a response. I've posted before without a single answer.

The statement "eat their young" is a common place saying in nursing so I thought it would catch people's eyes.

Secondly I wrote this post as soon as I got home, hence no time right then to research other posts. I realize this BB has a lot to offer. I was upset, tired, and overwhelmed when I posted.

The situation is obviously more complex then I can put into a couple paragraphs on here. My trainer is telling me I'm going great and I do feel like I need to get organized and into a "groove". But My first week working nights, little sleep, kids at home, husband, no paycheck yet, new unit/floor to me, not knowing the paperwork or the residents yet, not even knowing where supplies are or how to use them yet has all balled up into a big emotional mess for me. I'm getting ready to head to work tonight with plans to get organized, look up care plans for residents, ask many questions of my trainer, etc.

Please excuse my emotional break down this AM, as I'm sure many of you have never had or have quickly forgotten how a new grad feels!

trimm · Nov 13, 2009

This is about my 4th response to this similar topic. I don't want to rehash the same response so this time I will keep it short.

I am a male nurse and this is my honest opinion.

Women are quick to anger and quicker to spurn others without regards to how the other will take it. It's like snapping at a dog for pooping on the floor.

I normally get treated different than women by women, but I have had times when I was treated no differently.

Because of the high number of women in nursing, it does make a difference in how things are handled.

One nurse told me that she was glad there were males around to keep the women in check. She was serious. There needs to be a balance and the scales are tipped way to far in one direction. I do think nurses eat their young.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Nov 13, 2009

Interesting perspective Trimm. We have a male nurse on our unit who is far worse than any of the women and because of his tantrums he's given preferential treatment just to keep him from going off. He's just nasty to everyone and doesn't care who he offends. Another of our men is the laziest person I've seen in a long time and when I follow him I have to spend at least the first hour cleaning up his messes. We also have one who isn't competent to practice but somehow we can't get rid of him. There are only two males on our unit that I trust with my patients...

trimm · Nov 13, 2009

Interesting perspective Trimm. We have a male nurse on our unit who is far worse than any of the women and because of his tantrums he's given preferential treatment just to keep him from going off. He's just nasty to everyone and doesn't care who he offends. Another of our men is the laziest person I've seen ...

I've only worked with one other male nurse and he was great. I believe he was fired for something but it was after I left. I have known many female nurses as well as CNA's and many a time I have seen them gather in the hall to discuss this person or that person and usually it isn't to heap praise upon them.

I knew a CNA and a nurse who fought all the time and I heard both sides from different people all over the building.

I just think men would punch each other in the arm and get over it. Women are supposed to be the great communicators. Maybe they communicate too much.

I just came off a bad experience with 2 nurse managers and it was the first time I was ever ganged up upon like that.

I am not anti women. I would not be in nursing if I were. For the longest time I thought men and women all thought alike. Now I don't think so anymore. I have never seen a group of men in a hallway discussing how bad another man is with their hands on their hips doing that chicken neck thing.