Why are Nurses so mean to each other?

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I can't quite understand it. Nursing students, pre-nursing students and Nurses come here for support and advice but unfortunately they are greeted with a bunch of negativity and discouraged by fellow Nurses. We are professionals. I know it makes it easy to say negative things because you're hiding behind your computer but this is childish behavior.

I understand this behavior is not everyone. I would like to thank those who have been supportive of myself and others.

I would think that much of the perception of meanness comes from people who are new to the profession and, perhaps, new to adult working environments. Nursing is often times a brutal and stressing profession. The perception of meanness may just be the interaction of one stressed out nurse talking to another stressed out nurse. When you're under constant pressure working with someone for twelve hours a day, three to five days a week, nerves can get frayed and tempers short.

Or, it could be that we just don't have enough zombies to be mean to.

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I have been an RN for almost 2 decades. Nothing wrong with letting you know I have been around long enough to know what I'm talking about.

I would like to quote a previous post I liked from this discussion: "Experience does not equal competence." I do respect the experience and knowledge base of more seasoned nurses - the ones who learned & grew from the years of experience. However, some of us are newer to the profession & still have the capacity to make a meaningful contribution to the conversation. I agree that "thick skin" may be necessary in our interaction with allied health professionals and patients, but we can choose to remain civil to our fellow nurses nonetheless.

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Nurse or not, some people are just dirtbags. The stressful environment and long work hours play a part, but that's not an excuse for people with nasty personalities. People have different tolerance levels for sarcasm, and sometimes it is perceived as mean. Nevertheless, sometimes the mocking is actually meant to be mean. Looking back on nursing school and on the floor, I remember nurses who I thought, "Why the heck do you want to be a nurse?" "You may be smart, but you don't seem to have a compassionate or nice aspect to you whatsoever." Then again, people pursue nursing for different reasons. Bottom line: jerks are in every field. Plus, it's more fun when you learn to play the game and call them an *** behind their back. Just kidding. Maybe.

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Specializes in Labor and Delivery.
You're assuming that nurses ARE mean to each other, a fact that is very much NOT in evidence. In fact, I see so many victims who come on this board and complain about how everyone is so mean to them that I've concluded that victimhood must be "in style" these days, much like empowerment was when I was in school.

Nursing students, pre-nursing students and wannabes who come here for support often couch their request in the form of a plea for advice. When more experienced nurses attempt to give them advice that might be helpful to them in the future, oftentimes that advice is something they do not want to hear. Instead of examining the advice for nuggets of wisdom they can apply to their situation, they immediately start complaining that the advisors are "being mean" or "negative."

Folks who really do come here for advice oftentimes react negatively to advice they aren't expecting, don't agree with or don't want.

If you come on a public board expecting everyone to agree with you, you should expect to be disappointed. And if you come on a public board with a tale of woe about how everyone you've ever encountered at work or at school is picking on you, please do not expect to get nothing but support. If you see everyone in the world as picking on you, the problem is in YOU, not in the rest of the world. It is a kindness to tell you so, just in case you might be willing to do some self-examiniation.

Giving reasonable advice that you don't like is NOT childish behavior. Thanking everyone you agree with while scolding those you do not IS.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. One example is while looking through this thread I even saw one person who did this exact thing. Posted a question only responded to the answer he/she wanted, became very defensive and critical to posts that didn't give the expected answer and is now on this thread writing against exatly what he/she just did, saying how could you expect lots of mushy niceness and blah blah blah and how people just cant handle the truth. I don't really care about peoples response, I am not too old but I didn't grow up with the internet so for me a lot I read I don't quite get it. I don't think I quite get the whole online persona thing, but I adjust by just skippig posts or threads that I already know will bother me.

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its just like on the job.... all the negativity and drama amongst nurses, its disgusting

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You're assuming that nurses ARE mean to each other, a fact that is very much NOT in evidence. In fact, I see so many victims who come on this board and complain about how everyone is so mean to them that I've concluded that victimhood must be "in style" these days, much like empowerment was when I was in school.

Nursing students, pre-nursing students and wannabes who come here for support often couch their request in the form of a plea for advice. When more experienced nurses attempt to give them advice that might be helpful to them in the future, oftentimes that advice is something they do not want to hear. Instead of examining the advice for nuggets of wisdom they can apply to their situation, they immediately start complaining that the advisors are "being mean" or "negative."

Folks who really do come here for advice oftentimes react negatively to advice they aren't expecting, don't agree with or don't want.

If you come on a public board expecting everyone to agree with you, you should expect to be disappointed. And if you come on a public board with a tale of woe about how everyone you've ever encountered at work or at school is picking on you, please do not expect to get nothing but support. If you see everyone in the world as picking on you, the problem is in YOU, not in the rest of the world. It is a kindness to tell you so, just in case you might be willing to do some self-examiniation.

Giving reasonable advice that you don't like is NOT childish behavior. Thanking everyone you agree with while scolding those you do not IS.

In my experience as a CNA, student nurse, and nurse, I could name at least two or three two-faced and gossipy nursing staff who have made very demeaning comments about their co-workers. However, that is different from "constructive criticism." While I agree that there are posters that perceive valid criticism as "mean," I also feel that there are in fact --though not the majority-- mean nurses.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Tele, Dialysis, Hospice.

I don't have time to read through all of the replies here, but let me just say that as an RN of 22 years, I would never, have never, and will never be mean to or belittle anyone on this forum because they are new, ask what others consider to be an obvious question, or for any other reason. Who of us has not been new or had a question that seems dumb to others, so why not cut each other some slack? We've all been there at one time or another.

I will say, though, that I don't think that being truthful about the profession and its down side is being mean to anyone, it is just being truthful and venting some much needed steam sometimes. If someone becomes offended by someone else's negativity when that person is just tired, burned out, or being truthful, than the person who is offended and trying to get the other person to only post falsely upbeat, positive things that make nursing seem like a bed of roses is, IMHO, the one who is being kind of mean by trying to control what others post so that they only read what they want to believe. If I say that I am tired, burned out, and SO done with Med/Surg nursing, please don't tell me that I am discouraging new nurses. If someone becomes offended that easily by what a stranger on an internet forum has to say about their profession, then they will never last in the real world when they are being yelled at by doctors, disrespected by the staffing office who doesn't want to hear about why you need more staff for a particular floor or shift, or the host of other situations that a nurse runs into on the job that causes one to either develop a tough skin or give up.

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Specializes in Trauma.
I wonder how much of this perceived meanness is really people being overly sensitive and/or not getting the responses they want?

I find it amusing when a nurse starts a "vent" thread and expects everyone to sympathize and agree with her unconditionally.

It reminds me of something that happens on Facebook quite often. I will paraphrase what some people often will post...

"Hi, I'm a drama queen and I need your prayers and support just so I can feel like I'm the center of attention on fb for a few minutes. I'm not going to tell you why, or answer any questions because that would spoil my plan. May God bless you all and thank you so very much in advance!"

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Specializes in Peds/Neo CCT,Flight, ER, Hem/Onc.

I'd wager that if we stopped to visit on a teacher forum or a social work forum or even a lunch-lady forum we would see the exact same complaints about people being "mean". Nurses do not have a corner on the market of being rude. It's just that's the environment to which you are being exposed. It boils down to this...some humans are horrible people and a certain percentage of them go into nursing. It has nothing to do with being a nurse and everything to do with being a flawed person,

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perhaps the mean-ness is actually fatigue, quota responsibility, paperwork and poor staffing. new people anywhere-have to be figured out so to speak-change is tough for some-esp when it just might work and make the day easier. i agree-nurses are way too tough on themselves and each other and i have never understood why.

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its just like on the job.... all the negativity and drama amongst nurses, its disgusting

Really? I disagree (& that is not a bad thing!); I see this more as healthy dialogue than "negativity" or "drama". I'm glad we have a forum to discuss these issues that impact our ability to provide quality care & experience job satisfaction. Even if we disagree with each other, at least we are acknowledging and exploring the issue, as opposed to adding to our stress by repressing our views/feelings. Also, flawed as we may be, the nursing profession is full of compassionate individuals.

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