Why are Nurses so mean to each other?

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I can't quite understand it. Nursing students, pre-nursing students and Nurses come here for support and advice but unfortunately they are greeted with a bunch of negativity and discouraged by fellow Nurses. We are professionals. I know it makes it easy to say negative things because you're hiding behind your computer but this is childish behavior.

I understand this behavior is not everyone. I would like to thank those who have been supportive of myself and others.

I have been an RN for almost 2 decades. Nothing wrong with letting you know I have been around long enough to know what I'm talking about. I was naive and kind as a CNA. What changed me was working in acute care. Unfortunately, it is a matter of sink or swim when you work in a hospital or busy clinical environments. If you think the nurses are rough, wait until you have to deal with difficult physicians, patients and families. I did critical care for over 10 years. You see people who are at possibly one of the worst times in their life. Do you think they are going to be rational and kind? People see us as their shock absorber. They would never entertain yelling at a physician, but will do it to us in a heartbeat. We catch hell from EVERYONE....including our allied health coworkers who are also supposed to be professionals. It is imperative that you develop a very thick skin if you are going to be a good nurse or survive nursing at all. You have to learn organizational skills. You have to learn to say no. People will suck the life out of you if you let them and burnout will stretch you thinner than you ever imagined. You will have days when most people are nice. You will have rare moments when someone or something touches your heart and makes it all worthwhile. But there will be many more days where you just want to tear your hair out from all the pressure and frustration. There will be times when you look at your paycheck and think.....that's it? For all I have to deal with? It will not take long to figure out whether you are really cut out for this career. Yes I am tough, but I am honest. I will not sugar-coat things to make them easier to swallow. It's nothing like the nursing commercials you see on tv!

BTW, I am currently work in a setting where there are just a few RN's. I commend anyone who does their job with pride, even if that means sweeping floors for a living. Most of the FEMALE employees seem to have a problem with us. They are cool to our attempts to socialize or collaborate with them. Yes, we have have nicer cars, homes, more education, are more secure with ourselves. And we worked hard for all of it. Instead of looking to us for inspiration, they envy us. I don't care about the pecking order as long as we get things done. I have noticed I have NONE of these issues with the male employees. I know who I would prefer to work with!

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I wonder how much of this perceived meanness is really people being overly sensitive and/or not getting the responses they want?

I find it amusing when a nurse starts a "vent" thread and expects everyone to sympathize and agree with her unconditionally.

How many threads have we seen about how "all my coworkers are so mean" or "I'm the only nurse who actually cares" or "I can't finish my work, it's impossible. All the other nurses who DO must be cheating or cutting corners"? Apparently the only acceptable responses to these posts are "you go gurll!" or "hugzz!" or little smiley Teddy bear things. Heaven forbid some post a lucid, insightful response like "maybe the problem is you, not everyone else" or "maybe the job IS doable, and you need to catch up". Those responses are just "mean"....

Have you heard of a book called Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? While the author tends to go way overboard in trying to justify his thesis, he makes some good points regarding the differences in communication styles between men and women?

Sometimes people really aren't looking for constructive criticism or an argument. They simply want to vent. They may have no one at home to vent to, so they vent here.

The trajectory of such threads is usually the same. Vent/pushback (e.g., "It's largely your own fault.")/hurt response/more pushback/angry response.

Some people are interested in constructive criticism or potential solutions to their mess, but the responses are sometimes accusatory and inflammatory, made worse by the fact that we're communicating in written words alone.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I can't quite understand it. Nursing students, pre-nursing students and Nurses come here for support and advice but unfortunately they are greeted with a bunch of negativity and discouraged by fellow Nurses. We are professionals. I know it makes it easy to say negative things because you're hiding behind your computer but this is childish behavior.

I understand this behavior is not everyone. I would like to thank those who have been supportive of myself and others.

You're assuming that nurses ARE mean to each other, a fact that is very much NOT in evidence. In fact, I see so many victims who come on this board and complain about how everyone is so mean to them that I've concluded that victimhood must be "in style" these days, much like empowerment was when I was in school.

Nursing students, pre-nursing students and wannabes who come here for support often couch their request in the form of a plea for advice. When more experienced nurses attempt to give them advice that might be helpful to them in the future, oftentimes that advice is something they do not want to hear. Instead of examining the advice for nuggets of wisdom they can apply to their situation, they immediately start complaining that the advisors are "being mean" or "negative."

Folks who really do come here for advice oftentimes react negatively to advice they aren't expecting, don't agree with or don't want.

If you come on a public board expecting everyone to agree with you, you should expect to be disappointed. And if you come on a public board with a tale of woe about how everyone you've ever encountered at work or at school is picking on you, please do not expect to get nothing but support. If you see everyone in the world as picking on you, the problem is in YOU, not in the rest of the world. It is a kindness to tell you so, just in case you might be willing to do some self-examiniation.

Giving reasonable advice that you don't like is NOT childish behavior. Thanking everyone you agree with while scolding those you do not IS.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Has no one heard the phrase "Nurses eat their young"? Its very true from what I have seen. Not everyone is like that, but it is not completely rare to see it.

Yes, we've all heard that phrase, but that does not make it true. Often times those who are screaming loudest about being "eaten" are those who have screwed up most egregiously while refusing to take any responsibility.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Here is a question bound to irritate many:

How much of this is dependent upon nursing being a female dominated profession?

And the misogyny commences.

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I have no idea why but frankly I'm sick of it, I just got back from being gone for a couple of weeks and the first person I encountered said " Oh I thought you had been fired". Who says that, much less thinks that mind you this person doesn't know me nor has never worked with me. So the only thing I can guess is someone has a problem with me and rather than be an adult is going around behind my back saying I need to be fired.I have never been written up and I've been at this job for years so management does not have a problem with me. I don't abuse patients, nor am I lazy etc. so why do I need to be fired again? I know for a fact I am not widely liked, I keep to myself and do not discuss my private life at all. Just do my job, am polite when speaking on patient care/work related things but I will not sit there and be all " best friends" with you, laugh at your jokes that are not funny etc. That is my personality, I am polite but all that fake " friendship"...no you will not get that from me.Call me frigid, the only thing I care about is that management doesn't have a problem with me. I however did not deserve that comment and was amazed that someone could be that uncouth to even have that thought in their head.

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Specializes in Med/surg, Quality & Risk.
I wonder how much of this perceived meanness is really people being overly sensitive and/or not getting the responses they want?

I find it amusing when a nurse starts a "vent" thread and expects everyone to sympathize and agree with her unconditionally.

How many threads have we seen about how "all my coworkers are so mean" or "I'm the only nurse who actually cares" or "I can't finish my work, it's impossible. All the other nurses who DO must be cheating or cutting corners"? Apparently the only acceptable responses to these posts are "you go gurll!" or "hugzz!" or little smiley Teddy bear things. Heaven forbid some post a lucid, insightful response like "maybe the problem is you, not everyone else" or "maybe the job IS doable, and you need to catch up". Those responses are just "mean"....

This. How many times do I feel the need to say "you don't get to dictate the content or the delivery of the advice given when you ask for advice!!!" But, some people are new to adult life and don't know that. They aren't used to receiving criticism of any kind, so when we make observations that aren't entirely puppies and rainbows, they get their feelings hurt.

However, this place is calm compared to others. If we get too "meaaaaaaan" we get "staff reviewed" (i.e. the thread gets closed. Seriously, has staff ever "reviewed" and then re-opened? LOL)

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Just have to say most of the negative comments I've seen have been responses to negative posts. For example, the post a few days ago asking if the nurses griping about their jobs were just lazy. Or one a few months ago stating "I've been in med/surg for six weeks and it sucks, because I don't have anything left to learn," (paraphrased). And sometimes what can be perceived as negative is merely a reality check, something nurses are excellent at providing. Comments like, "you need to grow a thicker skin," or "it's not all about you," fit into that catagory.

Speaking of reality checks: There will always be someone who disagrees with you. Always. That's life. Nurses don't have superhuman powers of compassion, humor and patience, they are regular humans with nursing skills, and a regular supply of those things - they do run out sometimes.

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Specializes in Med/surg, Quality & Risk.
I have no idea why but frankly I'm sick of it, I just got back from being gone for a couple of weeks and the first person I encountered said " Oh I thought you had been fired". Who says that, much less thinks that mind you this person doesn't know me nor has never worked with me. So the only thing I can guess is someone has a problem with me and rather than be an adult is going around behind my back saying I need to be fired.I have never been written up and I've been at this job for years so management does not have a problem with me. I don't abuse patients, nor am I lazy etc. so why do I need to be fired again? I know for a fact I am not widely liked, I keep to myself and do not discuss my private life at all. Just do my job, am polite when speaking on patient care/work related things but I will not sit there and be all " best friends" with you, laugh at your jokes that are not funny etc. That is my personality, I am polite but all that fake " friendship"...no you will not get that from me.Call me frigid, the only thing I care about is that management doesn't have a problem with me. I however did not deserve that comment and was amazed that someone could be that uncouth to even have that thought in their head.

See article entitled "The Workplace Victim" currently being featured.

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Interesting...you think that was a nice thing to say to someone.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Interesting...you think that was a nice thing to say to someone.

It would be helpful if you would quote the post to which you are referring. Thanks.

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Nice is nice, but blunt is better.

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