Why are Nurses so mean to each other?

[Dixon, future NP]

I can't quite understand it. Nursing students, pre-nursing students and Nurses come here for support and advice but unfortunately they are greeted with a bunch of negativity and discouraged by fellow Nurses. We are professionals. I know it makes it easy to say negative things because you're hiding behind your computer but this is childish behavior.

I understand this behavior is not everyone. I would like to thank those who have been supportive of myself and others.

[Cold Stethoscope]

Here is a question bound to irritate many:

How much of this is dependent upon nursing being a female dominated profession?

That's an interesting sociological question, but what I see here is a tame version of what I see in forums and comment sections all over the Internet. I believe it's a combination of the personality types who are attracted to forums (or a vocal subset of those types), the anonymity (few people here post under their actual name), and the lack of non-verbal queues, including tone and level of voice.

Beyond that, people judge one another based on the quality of their writing, just as, in face-to-face communication, you might judge someone on how they talk, dress, groom themselves, etc. There is also the tendency of people with similar world views to become somewhat cliquish on a forum.

The pre-med forum, the name of which must not be uttered here, is a free-for-all among a demographic that includes a large number of very aggressive alpha males. Moderation there is light, to say the least. Some interesting information is discussed there, among the dogfights. If you are able not to pay attention to the aggression you can gain some useful knowledge there, but the antler smashing does get tedious.

[OB-nurse2013, BSN, RN]

I don't think people need to sing kumbya but I do think people can be respectful and positive. I hate when someone posts something like the OP does and people take it to the extreme saying "oh well what do u want a bucket of rainbows and unicorns?" No, I didn't take the op saying anything at all like that, I think this forum does get a lot of negative, crabby, or one-upping kind of responses. It doesn't bother me much because I think a lot time those are the kind of people that are very submissive in "real" life and on here somehow they have big b&^lls. I agree there is a lot of negative posts, anyone can see that. I just skip over posts like that because I already know how they're going to be, but when I first starting coming on here I would read everything and it could get discouraging. An example would be I love reading TheCOmmunter (sorry if misspelled) posts, usually very positive, realistic, and enjoyable. As far as how this website compares to otehr forums, I have no idea, this is teh only one I've ever gone on. I barely have time to be on here let alone other boards or web-sites or whatever they're called. I don't like to spend that much time sitting at a computer.

[Live.&.Learn]

'If you don't have anything nice to say...' :)

[OB-nurse2013, BSN, RN]

One other thing I would add is I think on here the tone has been set. So because of that new nurses, new users, especially pre-nursing and new nursing students get in line because they want to fit in with the nursing community and so they don't want to speak up or disagree so it just continues on.

[Dixon, future NP]

I don't think people need to sing kumbya but I do think people can be respectful and positive. I hate when someone posts something like the OP does and people take it to the extreme saying "oh well what do u want a bucket of rainbows and unicorns?" No, I didn't take the op saying anything at all like that, I think this forum does get a lot of negative, crabby, or one-upping kind of responses. It doesn't bother me much because I think a lot time those are the kind of people that are very submissive in "real" life and on here somehow they have big b&^lls. I agree there is a lot of negative posts, anyone can see that. I just skip over posts like that because I already know how they're going to be, but when I first starting coming on here I would read everything and it could get discouraging. An example would be I love reading TheCOmmunter (sorry if misspelled) posts, usually very positive, realistic, and enjoyable. As far as how this website compares to otehr forums, I have no idea, this is teh only one I've ever gone on. I barely have time to be on here let alone other boards or web-sites or whatever they're called. I don't like to spend that much time sitting at a computer.

Thank you for your post...I agree some of the responses to my post is exactly what I am talking about.

[whatdoIdonow?]

Here is a question bound to irritate many:

How much of this is dependent upon nursing being a female dominated profession?

Loaded question!! lol

[whatdoIdonow?]

I like this site. I have learned much about nursing and found it very helpful during my first year of nursing. When I explore a thread or post, I accept that all comments may not be for me and I may not share the views expressed. I have also expressed some unpopular views myself- not to upset anyone, just to express my view. I think looking at an issue from all sides is a learning experience. This is also a safe place (unlike the work place) to let off some steam about issues that are perhaps unpopular, but still important, to the individual who starts the thread and those that post. It's also good practice for development of that oh so necessary thick skin. Here you can lose it, cool off, then ask yoursel why you overreacted...and still have a job in the morning! lol

[Anoetos, BSN, RN]

I should probably unpack what I was getting at.

Men and women deal with group dynamics differently. When they are fairly well individuated and evolved, both men and women deal effectively with working together in groups and, at their best do much to create an environment of mutual respect, trust and growth.

But when they are not mature, both men and women can do a lot of damage.

At their worst, women tend to be very passive aggressively competitive. The very presence of a new nurse can be perceived as a threat, or, perhaps more commonly, as an opportunity to assert dominance and to re-establish the pecking order. In a field like nursing, which remains dominated by women, many of whom though very bright and effective professionally are nonetheless in thrall to a culture in which the hierarchy is paramount and all the hard work they've had to do to get to their place in it must be protected at any cost.

With men it is somewhat different, there is a lot of bragging and attention seeking. But new comers are apprised of their place in the order more directly and change in the sequence is generally more fluid. It's important, but status can be shifted in a single interchange. Men are also less likely to band together, in the way women do in order to establish the precedence. This may be because each male is in competition with the group while with women, precedence is often shared.

These are just some reflections, I do not ascribe what truth there may be in them to genetics entirely although there is probably something to that. Much of it is environmentally conditioned as well.

As for this board, well, the internet is notorious for providing play space to people with poor social skills.

[Stephalump]

I don't think people need to sing kumbya but I do think people can be respectful and positive.

That's a great standard to have, but I still find that completely unrealistic for an Internet forum. This is not literally All Nurses. This is All Nurses Who Post On Internet Forums. Who are a subset of All People Who Post On Internet Forums. Who are notorious for being opinionated, attention seeking, and fake-hierarchy-creating. Those propelled tend to scare off the more passive people, new people try to earn cool points by playing the "brutally honest" card, and on and on it goes....

Fortunately there are plenty of kind, positive people here who aren't easily scared off, and I appreciate them fully :)

[butterflykisses23]

As a pre-nursing student I recieved this as well! Just because I only listed one reason for wanting to be a nurse doesn't make my career decision a bad one!

So thank you for posting this!!!

[sourpickle93]

Remember...when we leave this world it's our doings, our deeds that we all take with us in the end. NOTHING ELSE.

It's very simple. If you don't like somebody, if you can't get along with someone and if someone says anything to you just walk away or IGNORE them! You don't have to be friends with everyone, because that's just human nature. It's so important to not hurt anybody's feelings because no one has that right to do that. Life is so short and we must act professional with one another and look at ourselves and think on how we can become better people in our professional or personal lives. We must NEVER judge somebody or hear or believe what everyone else says from their mouths because everyone has the ability to find out the truth themselves. If you don't see it don't believe it. Make the most of what you have now...and help those who are in need of help and don't shun them away because there was a reason why that person came to you in the first place...god's watching. We are so blessed to be nurses...our job is to help one another...just think about how fortunate we are compared to billions of other unfortunate individuals out there. No one wants stress these days either, we all want to live long and happy lives and the best way to do this is to relieve ourselves from contributing factors derived from stress that we may bring upon ourselves and especially others.

Much love to all, we are so fortunate in many ways...remember that...lets never turn our backs on our nursing friends.

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

I wonder how much of this perceived meanness is really people being overly sensitive and/or not getting the responses they want?

I find it amusing when a nurse starts a "vent" thread and expects everyone to sympathize and agree with her unconditionally.

How many threads have we seen about how "all my coworkers are so mean" or "I'm the only nurse who actually cares" or "I can't finish my work, it's impossible. All the other nurses who DO must be cheating or cutting corners"? Apparently the only acceptable responses to these posts are "you go gurll!" or "hugzz!" or little smiley Teddy bear things. Heaven forbid some post a lucid, insightful response like "maybe the problem is you, not everyone else" or "maybe the job IS doable, and you need to catch up". Those responses are just "mean"....