WHY are nurses so catty??

kadokin, ASN, RN · May 24, 2005

they do , we need to have our needs met, we think if we care for someone else, they will meet out needs, but this never happens. We live for approval and usually do not get it, so if someone else looks bad, we can look good. Once you go for professional help, or have the guts to look it up in the DSM and change your BX, you can be awful to work with, this is why they say "nurses eat their own" After I got counseling I want out of nursing-Also, the hosp. can work us 1/2 to death, but they do not want comp cost

You are SO off base. At least about nursing in general. Although I have worked w/a few that fit your description, for the most part we are people who enjoy being professionals, not co-dependent doormats.

kadokin, ASN, RN · May 24, 2005

I have to agree. Women are more catty than men, and nurses are sometimes more catty than common. I think this is because they have a hard and serious job, so when they have something to say to they say it (except not usually to their patients). No beating around the bush. I work at a state mental hospital on an all male ward. I once saw a nurse totally bash another one into tears because she "hid out" for most of the day, in front of all the staff and patients. Way unprofessional.

Really? What is the appropriate way to respond to a coworker who "hides out" most of the day? I can see how this particular nurse would have been angry enough to "rip her a new one". That being said, yes it was unprofessional of her to dress her down in front of staff&pts, but IMO it was even more unprofessional of the other nurse to come in, hide out and expect to collect her pay just like the other staff that actually DID THEIR JOBS! As you say, it is a hard and serious job. Might we be getting to the root of some of the cattiness here? BTW, I wouldn't even classify this behavior as catty-that usually implies a certain malevolent duplicity, i.e.-sweet to your face, vicious behind your back. OK, I'm done.

nursemike, ASN, RN · May 25, 2005

Really? What is the appropriate way to respond to a coworker who "hides out" most of the day? I can see how this particular nurse would have been angry enough to "rip her a new one". That being said, yes it was unprofessional of her to dress her down in front of staff&pts, but IMO it was even more unprofessional of the other nurse to come in, hide out and expect to collect her pay just like the other staff that actually DID THEIR JOBS! As you say, it is a hard and serious job. Might we be getting to the root of some of the cattiness here? BTW, I wouldn't even classify this behavior as catty-that usually implies a certain malevolent duplicity, i.e.-sweet to your face, vicious behind your back. OK, I'm done.

Frankly, I'd say both were unprofessional. I'm projecting a little, because a nurse chewed me out awhile back for being off the floor when she needed me, because she didn't understand that my (present) job entails being off the floor. Often, the busier I am, the less visible I am. So, when I spoke up for myself, she went to the Charge Nurse.

I wasn't privy to that discussion, but it must have been interesting, since the other nurse apologized to me four or five times before that shift was over.

Now, I'm not scarred for life, and we get along pretty well, now, but the nurse was wrong to assume I wasn't doing my job. She had reasons to be frustrated, but I wasn't one of them. Luckily, the Charge Nurse knew the whole story, or this could have been more than a minor thing.

I'm just saying, maybe the nurse wasn't hiding out, and even if she was, was it the other nurse's place to discipline her? It may have been appropriate, if she knew the first nurse was in the wrong, to tell her so, firmly, and even to go to management with it. But there's nothing assertive about ripping someone a new one. That's aggressive, plain and simple. Grown ups get angry, but they manage their anger.

But your right--this behavior was more cat-like than catty. Nothing subtle or duplicitous about an angry cat.

Tweety, BSN, RN · May 25, 2005

I have, by far, more than one or two experiences. People usually don't have such strong emotions over an incident or two. I'm talking 10 years of experiences. Too many to count, in different hospitals, on different floors. People aren't being biased for the sake of being biased. They are responding to a fact that they have seen and felt.

Obviously people's experiences are different. I have to allow that people truly believe that nurses are catty, eat their young and it's because it's a female dominated profression. I apologize for calling people biased and using stereotypes, if their experience truly has been that bad.

I just hate to hear it because it's mercifully not been my experience.

I also have to allow that many people take a relatively few experiences out of the thousands they experience and let it jade them.

kadokin, ASN, RN · May 25, 2005

Frankly, I'd say both were unprofessional. I'm projecting a little, because a nurse chewed me out awhile back for being off the floor when she needed me, because she didn't understand that my (present) job entails being off the floor. Often, the busier I am, the less visible I am. So, when I spoke up for myself, she went to the Charge Nurse.
I wasn't privy to that discussion, but it must have been interesting, since the other nurse apologized to me four or five times before that shift was over.
Now, I'm not scarred for life, and we get along pretty well, now, but the nurse was wrong to assume I wasn't doing my job. She had reasons to be frustrated, but I wasn't one of them. Luckily, the Charge Nurse knew the whole story, or this could have been more than a minor thing.
I'm just saying, maybe the nurse wasn't hiding out, and even if she was, was it the other nurse's place to discipline her? It may have been appropriate, if she knew the first nurse was in the wrong, to tell her so, firmly, and even to go to management with it. But there's nothing assertive about ripping someone a new one. That's aggressive, plain and simple. Grown ups get angry, but they manage their anger.
But your right--this behavior was more cat-like than catty. Nothing subtle or duplicitous about an angry cat.

Thanks for the reply. I have to say in my workplace and at the nursing school I attended, it was SOP to notify your RN co-worker(s) when you would be off the floor so that someone could cover your pts.

Sadly, this practice seems to be falling by the wayside and that is scary.

nursemike, ASN, RN · May 25, 2005

Thanks for the reply. I have to say in my workplace and at the nursing school I attended, it was SOP to notify your RN co-worker(s) when you would be off the floor so that someone could cover your pts.
Sadly, this practice seems to be falling by the wayside and that is scary.

I agree this is preferred practice for nurses. I have 5-6 more shifts left in transport, and then my leash gets a lot shorter. My thinking was that the employee's supervisor is probably the best judge of whether an employee is performing his or her duties and when discipline is required. But I do recognize that peer feedback is important, too. I guess I'm saying no one should be berated--if a behavior is serious enough to warrant that, they should be fired. If you don't have the authority to fire them, you don't have the authority to berate them.

Mind you, I'm talking about ideals. In practice, I can think of a co-worker who might feel I berated him not too long ago. I preferred to think I was mentoring, in a loud tone of voice, with curse words, and a certain amount of throwing things.

Er, never mind.

memily2000 · May 25, 2005

I think I was getting my definitions wrong. I thought catty was cat-like, in that we women will pull out our claws and rip people a new one when they need it. And I don't think this is always a bad thing. I think it is good to stand up for yourself, give and EXPECT respect, and everyone to WORK when they are at work.

As for they two nurses where I work. Yah the one "hiding out" deserved to be ripped, just not in front of people, especially all-male patients. And yes one of us should have broken it up, even though they are our superiors, but it was ending as we were walking out the door at the end of our shift.

And women are meaner than men, and that isn't based on any one person or situation.

CHATSDALE · May 25, 2005

nurse mike !!!YIKES!!! if i am working with u i will pull my share of the load to avoid the 'mentoring' LOL

nursemike, ASN, RN · May 25, 2005

nurse mike !!!YIKES!!! if i am working with u i will pull my share of the load to avoid the 'mentoring' LOL

Hmm. Well, I may be forced to concede, here, that my behavior was less than exemplary, particularly in light of my discovery that my co-worker was acting on the instructions of the Charge Nurse. On the other hand, I was not objecting to the mere fact that a co-worker was slacking--I had to pull his share of the load while he was slacking. And he did learn a valuable lesson about the need to prioritize. In the future, he may think to question inappropriate instructions, if only to avoid getting yelled at.

I might add that I have suffered ample retribution, in that my abusive and inappropriate behavior seems to have been interpreted as "tough love," and we have apparently become bestest buddies. Had I foreseen this outcome, I would assuredly have behaved differently.

P.S. For what it's worth, I did apologize.

mombo · Jun 2, 2005

I was a brand new nuruse and I took a position in the labor and delivery unit of a small hosppital. the abuse I suffered was toptally unreal. Everyone thought that a graduate nurse taking a job in a specialty are was unacceptable and believe me they le me know it. One day they handed me a toothbrush and told me to clean the iv pumps. I was an employee of the same hospital and earned vacation time that was due me. THEY all decided that I shouldn't be able to take the vacation time as a nurse. Yeah - I'd like to see any of them give up vacatiojn time they had earned. I feel sorry for your Mom. I'm an older nurse. I waited until my kids were older to go to school. That's held against me too. One nurse that was precepting me told me she thought I had alzheimers! I could have brought her up on age descrimination charges. Needless to say I am trasferring to a Med-Surg next month. I know the nurse manager and the asst nurse manager from when I worked as a clerk. I know that they are nice people. Hoping things get better for me and Ihope your Mom sticks it out and finds at least a couple of nive people. otherwise it get so lonely whne you feel that there is noone to talk to or to trust. We spend so much time at work. write back. I'd like to get to know you.

I swear sometimes i don't know WHY i'm in this profession. My mom works at a job as a RN and was limping one day. Her knee bothers her from time to time, etc...she's overweight (and working on it) but it gives her trouble at times. Instead of someone ASKING her what was wrong, one of the nurses ran to the manager and told her that my mom couldn't "keep up" and didn't seem to be quick enough for the job cuz she seemed disabled. This is a NEW job for my mom, so she's still on orientation technically. The manager called her in and made her take off today to go to Occ health and have it tested so she could be cleared to work. WTF?? She told her "we'll figure out what to do pending what the doc says." so she didn't work today and lost that time worked. Of course she went to occ health, the Doc tested her etc...and cleared her no problem. She told him she was excercising, walking and taking meds for it. Forgot to wrap it that day, but was not having any trouble SINCE that day. I have 2 problems with this. 1 is that NOBODY asked her what was up with her knee that day. NOBODY. 2 is that the manager just jumped on it because of what this other nurse SAID. WHY do nurses feel like they have to police each other's performance? UGH i'm just disgusted.

SnowymtnRN · Jun 3, 2005

I was a brand new nuruse and I took a position in the labor and delivery unit of a small hosppital. the abuse I suffered was toptally unreal. Everyone thought that a graduate nurse taking a job in a specialty are was unacceptable and believe me they le me know it. One day they handed me a toothbrush and told me to clean the iv pumps. I was an employee of the same hospital and earned vacation time that was due me. THEY all decided that I shouldn't be able to take the vacation time as a nurse. Yeah - I'd like to see any of them give up vacatiojn time they had earned. I feel sorry for your Mom. I'm an older nurse. I waited until my kids were older to go to school. That's held against me too. One nurse that was precepting me told me she thought I had alzheimers! I could have brought her up on age descrimination charges. Needless to say I am trasferring to a Med-Surg next month. I know the nurse manager and the asst nurse manager from when I worked as a clerk. I know that they are nice people. Hoping things get better for me and Ihope your Mom sticks it out and finds at least a couple of nive people. otherwise it get so lonely whne you feel that there is noone to talk to or to trust. We spend so much time at work. write back. I'd like to get to know you.

Thank you so much for your very nice, heartfelt post. I'm so sorry you've had to put up with that crap at your job. If i were you i'd slam it right back to them. That's WRONG for them to treat you that way. I wouldn't quit, i'd take them on! lol Good luck to you, i'll keep you posted on what happens with her!

kadokin, ASN, RN · Jun 3, 2005

I absolutely agree because women are naturally competitive people especially at the job. Take it from a woman who knows, other women (not all of them) are always looking for a way to make themselves look better then you even if it means putting your job on the line. Women can really act like backstabbing b****es sometimes.

Yes, women can really act like backstabbin b****es sometimes. There is no doubt about this, ask any woman. There is, however, a certain male element that feels it is "women's work" when the male charge RN's back is "out", to pick up the slack for him. Sorry, I'm a little sensitive on this subject as I have a male colleague who seems to feel his job entails little more than supervising "'plebes"' such as lpns and techs in performing the actual work of nursing. Too bad, dude, our job description as RNS requires us to use(as RNS) our ability to physically lift our pts as needs must (w/help of course). Unfortunately, this particular nurse seems to be capable of little else but whining and complaining. And, wouldn't you know it, admin and certain physicians will listen to this RNs opinions over nurses who have spent more time w/this pt than he has! Even though we are in a female-dominated field, we still have to take crap from/defer to males. Never mind that there may be some females that have a bit more insight than the males. Oh, well, I guess it is a man's world. Sorry, I know there are a LOT of REALLY GOOD male nurses out there, I just find it irksome that some docs will listen to the opinions of a male nurse over a female nurse. I do not believe they know it all just because they are males. Any one have differing opinions? Please post. I need to know!