Why do I struggle more with younger nurses than older crusty nurses?

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I have a question on working with other nurses who are either older or younger. I am what you may call somewhat green in nursing and I do very much love what I do because it keeps me on my toes with research, and best practice guides and application in the clinical sense. I am predominately introverted, and I will work with others as this is the mainstay of nursing. I find I cannot express the same ammount of energy as some nurses can, I am just not a high energy nurse , and am very far from flamboyant.

One younger and higher experienced nurse that I work with is in my opinion very sharp, and very good at her job where I work. We do communicate, and work together at times. I do find she can rub me the wrong way and as a nurse we are not supposed to be too expressive. I had a client who was in distress and while I was handling the situation this nurse decided to run over and take over with her usual high energy and to me was a shocking confusion inducing sensation. There are many paths to take actions for certain clients and I would never state this nurse wound not get results, and in a way I admire and also am somewhat irritated with them. I have to bit my lip hard to not say anything and I did in the end let her do her thing and pass care on to her.

I also work with some very old and very crusty nurses and I should not say this but I also admire and have small things about them that can bother me as well, but I feel I get along with them better. This is fundamentally incorrect and not professional thinking. I am required to perform the best care that I can and prioritize my clients needs, and must strategize and adapt to working with others. Why is it that I struggle so with this younger nurse then I do with the older crusty nurses? Against my better judgement I made a complaint with HR when I should have just spent a day or so reflecting. The though of reporting her to the the collage came to mind as well, but that seems like overkill, and the client did recover. This is not the first time this nurse has done this to me what should I do outside of conflict resolution.

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13 Answers

Specializes in Tele, ICU, Staff Development.

You're experiencing discomfort and tension when working with certain colleagues, particularly the younger, high-energy nurse. Your feelings are understandable, especially given your introverted nature and desire for a calm, clear process when handling patient care. Here's a breakdown of why these feelings might be happening and how you can address them professionally and constructively:

Why You Might Struggle More with the Younger Nurse

  • Energy & communication styles. You mentioned that this nurse is high-energy and tends to take over in stressful situations. This abrupt energy can be jarring for someone who is more introverted and prefers a steady, methodical approach. It can feel like the pace, communication, and control are being disrupted when you're already managing the situation in a way that works for you. Your discomfort might stem from boundary issues and her taking over on your patient. 
  • Different levels of experience. Despite her higher energy, this younger nurse may have a different approach rooted in her confidence and expertise. She might feel like she's helping, but her way of stepping in could be interpreted as undermining, not collaborative.
  • Personal expectations. You might feel some tension because of the difference in experience and age. Even though you both have your strengths, you might expect a more collaborative approach rather than one that feels like a takeover. With older nurses, you may relate more to their steadier, more traditional approach and find it easier to work together because there is less perceived competition or difference in pace.

Handling the Situation

You've already made a complaint to HR, and reflecting on it later, it sounds like you might have been emotionally overwhelmed at that moment. But beyond that, let's look at some other ways you can handle it moving forward, especially if it happens again:

  • Take a step back and reflect. When you are frustrated, taking a moment to breathe and reflect is important. Reflection can help you understand why her behavior bothers you. Is it the pace, the lack of communication, or the feeling that your professional space infringes upon you? Once you pinpoint the cause of your discomfort, you can address it more directly and professionally.
  • Open, calm communication. You need to have a quiet conversation with her outside of a high-stress moment or to debrief the incident. You don't have to be confrontational, but sharing how you feel can help you understand each other better. For example:

"I really value the work you do, but it can be a bit overwhelming for me when you take over in the middle of a situation. I know we both want to provide the best care for the patient, but I'd appreciate it if we could discuss how we approach things together.”

This would set a tone of mutual respect and collaboration without escalating the situation. If she is open to it, it could help create better teamwork.

  • Setting boundaries. Sometimes, setting boundaries doesn't have to be an official confrontation. It can be as simple as letting her know calmly and confidently when you need to take the lead. For example:

"I've got this from here, but I'll let you know if I need help.”

This will ensure that you maintain control over the situation without feeling undermined. It will also signal to her that you are capable and assertive.

  • Focus on patient care. Getting caught up in personal dynamics is easy, but the focus must be on patient care. Maintaining patient well-being and putting energy into your professional duties helps reduce the emotional load. At the end of the day, your interactions with her (or any nurse) should ideally center around the common goal of providing the best care to patients.
  • Learn from it. Every challenging experience is a chance for growth. While it's natural to feel frustrated, consider what you can learn from this nurse's style and how you might incorporate it into your practice. Perhaps her high-energy approach works well in certain situations, and you can adapt it more comfortably. Or, you might decide that a calm, structured environment is what you need, and that's okay, too.
  • Seek mentorship or coaching. If this situation bothers you, discussing it with a mentor or supervisor who can guide how to navigate team dynamics might be helpful. Sometimes, having someone who's been in your shoes can help you gain perspective on the situation.

Final Thoughts

It's clear that you care deeply about providing the best care to your patients, and you're committed to improving how you work with others, even when there are personality clashes. Being honest with yourself about why certain situations trigger you while focusing on solutions will help you grow professionally.

Instead of dwelling on what went wrong in the past (like filing the HR complaint in the heat of the moment), reflect on how you can handle it next time. Every challenge, especially in nursing, is a learning opportunity. You certainly don't have to be overly expressive or flamboyant to be effective as a nurse—your quiet, thoughtful approach is just as valuable as high-energy methods, and it's essential to find a way to balance those differences for the benefit of the team and the patient.

Best wishes,

Nurse Beth

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
delrionurse said:

You refer to older as 'crusty'. Why would you use such a derogatory term to describe other nurses? This just fuels unnecessary fire and negativity.  I'm surprised this would be published by AN, just out of respect. 

I am a proud founding member of the "Crusty Old Bat" Society that was once (and may still be) active on Allnurses.com.  It may have originally been a derogatory term, but it is now a badge of honor and pride.  

Ruby Vee said:

I am a proud founding member of the "Crusty Old Bat" Society that was once (and may still be) active on Allnurses.com.  It may have originally been a derogatory term, but it is now a badge of honor and pride.  

I see you responded to one of my other posts. I don't like the term. I'm glad you like it and you are comfortable with it. I think it's tacky and unprofessional. 

delrionurse said:

I see you responded to one of my other posts. I don't like the term. I'm glad you like it and you are comfortable with it. I think it's tacky and unprofessional. 

Cool, but in the context of the original post, it's just negativity. I don't find it amusing at all to use that word about other people. 

Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.

Quick disclaimer: removing the admin hat for this comment as I remember being a participant in the levity surrounding the topic. 

To those questioning the use of "crusty" in describing experienced nurses:

Many years ago (long before I became a moderator and later admin), a student visited the site and used the term to describe a precepting staff nurse. The membership (rightfully so) admonished the poster, but then went on to reclaim the term as a badge of honor. If you head over to the Breakroom Clubs, you may just see a recent post where the label is actively claimed. 

Specializes in Family Practice Nurse Practitioner.

I am a proud crusty old nurse who is also neuroatypical (ASD). Certain high energy, loud, brash people rub me the wrong way all the time. Acknowledge how you feel and why this is making you uncomfortable. In my case, I try to avoid people or situations that are overstimulating. Find a communication style that suits you, and accept that other people's extroversion has nothing to do with you. 

Specializes in ICU.

I was taught long ago that being loud especially in a crisis situation does no good for anyone ( crusty old nurse here) I have found that younger nurses thought I didn't  know what I was doing because I didn't hoop and yack when something was going downThey liked to but in. I would assign them a task or ask them to leave the room 

Specializes in Psych, Substance Abuse, Case Management.

The fact that you call older nurses "crusty" speaks volumes, and not in a good way.

You refer to older as 'crusty'. Why would you use such a derogatory term to describe other nurses? This just fuels unnecessary fire and negativity.  I'm surprised this would be published by AN, just out of respect. 

Specializes in Hospice.
delrionurse said:

I see you responded to one of my other posts. I don't like the term. I'm glad you like it and you are comfortable with it. I think it's tacky and unprofessional. 

Personally, I'm too old to let that stick anywhere near my nethers. Us old fahts survived because we don't take ourselves too seriously. AN has lost a lot of that dark humor along with many COBs. It's one of the reasons the site is declining.

Specializes in mental healt/hospice.

Girl-keep living! You're on your way to being crusty!

Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.

As another old proud COB, albeit by a different handle (Hi Ruby! Hi Heron! RIP to the dear departed members of our tribe, and ::wavey:: to all the others who remember the epic Mockery of Nursing thread!) I encourage all younger nurses (OK, let's face it, most everybody here is younger) to see if you can find the old posts. You will find a wealth of nursing knowledge, humor, compassion, and wisdom there.

Don't think you're protecting our tender feelings by shielding us— we outgrew that decades ago. If you're lucky, you'll live long enough and be wise enough to be a COB too, and only then will you understand why we wear the name as a badge of honor burnished and polished, like fine old sterling, by years of friction. 

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