Why do we eat our young?

[jreynrn]

I'm a float pool nurse at my hospital so I bounce around, a lot. Wherever they need me, I go. So I'm pretty well known around the hospital, favorably, thank goodness. The past few months, I was pretty regular on one unit and had the pleasure of working closely with a new grad. I really like her. She was eager to learn, asked a lot of questions, optimistic, enthusiastic... You know, in the new nurse phase. She was good, really, really good at her skills. I guess I kind of took her under my wing while I was working on that unit. I didn't mind answering her questions. I applauded her for asking questions. Better ask than try to go it alone when you aren't sure what/how to do something and injure a patient, right?

Well, past few weeks I have been on another unit until this past weekend, I found myself back on her unit, only during the day shift. I was in the break room collecting my things at the end of my shift (happily I might add) when she walked in, looking both stressed to the gills yet a bit relieved at the same time. She immediately stated "OHHHH!!!!!! You're working here tonight!!!!!!!" And of course I was initially flattered that she was so happy that I might be working with her, but when I replied, "oh no, I'm leaving, I worked the day shift", her eyes immediately filled with tears and she just broke into sobs. Knowing that she would be eaten alive if anyone else seen this, I rushed to the breakroom door and locked it. I just wanted to give her that chance to get her cry out. The poor kid, went on to tell me that life had been hell on her unit. She felt like no one liked her, everyone got mad when she asked questions, and she felt thrown to the wolves. She was really hoping I was working because I had patience with her. She told me that she frequently heard the other nurses talking behind her back about how slow she is and that she doesn't take initiative to do anything on her own. Then she asked me the doomed question... "is it like this everywhere or just here?" and then she went on to say the statement so many new nurses say... "I HATE THIS JOB! I HATE BEING A NURSE!!!" and then she said, in a very defeated voice... "maybe I just wasn't meant to be a nurse, maybe I just suck at it". And my heart just broke. It broke wide open for her.

All I could do was console her. Put my arm around her and let her cry it out then reassure her that NO, you don't hate being a nurse. And YES, you are a GREAT nurse because you recognize when you need help and you are trying to seek it out... what makes you great is because you are thinking of the patient first, whether you realize it or not, you are putting your patient first because you don't want to do the wrong thing or make a mistake! That, to me, makes a phenomenal nurse. How in the world is a new nurse supposed to learn how to take innitiave if the new nurse can't ask for the help she needs out of fear of being ripped apart for it. Yes, we all need to be autonomous, but, we have to learn... I know we are all busy and all stressed, but come on, we've all been new nurses... We've all been there, why do some (not all) nurses forget where they came from and how they started?

I just had to get this out because my heart just broke for her. I hope I was able to console her enough and I pray she will not be one of the many new nurses that leave the profession after a year or so because of things like this... I just don't understand why we eat our young. Well, hopefully I helped and hopefully soon I'll be on her unit again. Hopefully she'll soon find her niche and she will prove to the world just how awesome of a nurse she is.

[SantaRN]

I taught student nurses at a community college for a few years......I totally understand locking the door while she cried. I had only a few strict rules I held dear- one of them was they were never to cry out on the floor, and if they had to cry- do it on the way home or in the bathroom -but they had to hide all evidence that they had been crying before they came back out to do patient care. There is something in the water in nursing units, I swear. If some of the crusty old nurses would see a student cry, it was like they were an easy mark for the rest of the semester. I think some of the staff actually enjoyed making students/new grads reach their breaking point. I don't understand it to this day, but I know that kind of abuse exists and thrives in certain units. I certainly don't have any answers on how to put a stop to it, especially because we all know those attitudes and behaviors are out there and yet it shows no signs of ending anytime soon :-(

[HM-8404, BSN, RN]

Perhaps some of it could be because pointing out the flaws of another keeps the focus off of their flaws. Talking about how slow the new nurse is gets everyone to focus on the new nurse and not on the fact that it takes that "experienced" nurse longer than the rest to complete tasks. Talking about how much a new nurse does not know makes others forget that nurse can't start an IV to save her life.

Or it could just be that many women are naturally competitive when it comes to other women. Never outgrew high school no matter how old they are.

[Guest343211]

I'd like to see more respect for actual victims of bullying by not diluting what they've gone through and using the word "bully" for every freaking time someone doesn't treat a person like the special snowflake that they think they are.Tyler Clementi. Amanda Todd. Ryan Halligan. Dawn-Marie Wesley. Real VICTIMS. Your coworkers aren't super supportive? You're not a victim. If you think you are? That's a much bigger problem than someone being short with you.

Honestly...there really is a lot of legitimate bullying and abuse in nursing. Much of is on the covert side of things. It's not a matter of playing the victim...it's mostly very real.

[workinmomRN2012, BSN]

I could not have said it better myself! Sheba516 thank you for posting this, it was just what I needed to hear. I am a new grad RN, and I am working at my first job. It is in a SNF, I have only been there for 2 months. They hired me to do admissions and then the supervisor didn't like the way I did them, because everyone told me something different. Anyway, tonite was the first nite that I worked with 20 patients (full) on the floor, Ive worked the floor a couple of times but not with a full load. I couldn't look at orders until my shift was almost over, I wasn't able to get 2 urine specimens that I wasn't told about- just to name a few. When I did ask for help, it was like pulling teeth. Needless to say, the oncoming supervisor was not happy, when I was asked why the specimens weren't done , I said because I didn't know about them and you know she wasn't happy with that answer. When I was ready to go home I went to get my coat in the back office and guess what... the door was closed and I knocked and out came the supervisor and the person who usually has that assignment and I could tell they were talking about me. I wanted to cry so bad- I really just wanted to walk out of there. Why don't other nurses take the time to be nice to each other and help each other. Thanks ..needed to vent

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

I taught student nurses at a community college for a few years......I totally understand locking the door while she cried. I had only a few strict rules I held dear- one of them was they were never to cry out on the floor, and if they had to cry- do iton the way home or in the bathroom -but they had to hide all evidence that they had been crying before they came back out to do patient care. There is something in the water in nursing units, I swear.If some of the crusty old nurses would see a student cry, it was like they were an easy mark for the rest of the semester. I think some of the staff actually enjoyed making students/new grads reach their breaking point. I don't understand it to this day, but I know that kind of abuse exists and thrives in certain units. I certainly don't have any answers on how to put a stop to it, especially because we all know those attitudes and behaviors are out there and yet it shows no signs of ending anytime soon :-(

Or maybe they're just crying because they're emotionally brittle people. Maybe they need to work on that.

[OCNRN63, RN]

I've found that for the most part people treat you the way you expect them to treat you. Yes, occasionally people are thoughtless or insensitive and that's their nature. It's just been my experience that if you go into a situation expecting trouble, you're probably going to get it.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Why do some people eat our young? For the same reason we eat our old, and middle aged, and our leaders, and our followers ... and everyone else. The health care industry is a stressful one. Lives are at stake. People stress about that. They are also overworked and may be dealing with a host of other stresses in their lives. etc. etc. etc. Our world is stressful and sometimes, not pretty.

For many young nurses, their first RN job is their first indepth experience with an adult workplace. There are books written about the struggles that young adults face when they go from being a "shielded" student to being held accountable as a responsible adult. That life transition can be a stressful process in any field. Add the stress of lives at stake and shift rotations, and it is to be expected that the transition will be a stressful one for a young nurse.

Much has been written about the phenomena of Reality Shock and Transition Shock -- both of which basically explain why the morale of new grads tends to plummet a few weeks/months after hire -- even when they receive reasonable treatment. Anyone not well-versed in these processes should do some homework. They explain a lot.

Reality Shock: The new grads are confronted with the fact that their reality is not the "pie in the sky" fantasy of their dreams. They also discover that they are not the "perfect nurses" they thought they would be: they make mistakes and have a lot to learn. Confronting these realities causes them to feel disappointed, discouraged, and betrayed by a world who led them to believe that everything would be wonderful once they got a job.

Transition Shock: Adapting to a new place, new people, new routines, new demands, etc. takes energy. Over time, the expenditure of that energy causes the new grad to feel tired and "drained" of the physical and psychological energy needed to cope with challenges. If they don't find a way to re-charge their batteries, they start to decompensate.

I don't know the details in the case described in the OP, but to assume that this young nurse has been abused or treated unfairly based only on her meltdown is not fair to the experienced nurses who work on that unit. It is abusive to automatically blame them without giving them a fair "hearing." And being unfair to the experienced nurses is just as bad as being unfair to the new nurse.

We need to stop assuming that everyone who is unhappy is the victim of abuse -- and stop battering the experienced nurses who are continually being blamed for everything unpleasant in the world of nursing.

I wish the young nurse in the OP well. I really do. But I also wish the experienced nurses she works with well, too.

This is so good it bears repeating. It should go in the stickie threads for the first year in practice forum. It should be cast in silver and mounted in the lobby of every nursing school. It should be part of every student's senior practicum.

I, for one, am getting verrrrrry tired of being arbitrarily placed in the "mean" pile because, as an older more experienced person, I try to explain these concepts to young'uns. We cannot be so supportive of new nurses as to sidestep the developmental needs they still have, as above. We cannot be their helicoptering parents (the one that hover), the snowplows (the ones that remove all obstacles), we cannot keep them from the realities of being working nurses, we cannot shelter them from the consequences of their own work performance. It is not a matter of "eating young," it is a matter of NOT swaddling, NOT coddling, NOT expecting less of them than was expected of us when we were new nurses. It's a matter of trying to bring them along; we don't have time to do it any other way.

[llg, PhD, RN]

I, for one, am getting verrrrrry tired of being arbitrarily placed in the "mean" pile because, as an older more experienced person, I try to explain these concepts to young'uns. We cannot be so supportive of new nurses as to sidestep the developmental needs they still have, as above. We cannot be their helicoptering parents (the one that hover), the snowplows (the ones that remove all obstacles), we cannot keep them from the realities of being working nurses, we cannot shelter them from the consequences of their own work performance. It is not a matter of "eating young," it is a matter of NOT swaddling, NOT coddling, NOT expecting less of them than was expected of us when we were new nurses. It's a matter of trying to bring them along; we don't have time to do it any other way.

I am probably going to steal some of those phrases from you, GrnTea. Don't be surprised it you see them in some of my future posts. I hope you don't mind!

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

Did not read every post. most of the new grads of recent in my unit are lazy (old and young 23-50+) with the worst being ones who have had previous "careers" less flexible ( before the flame throwers start this is my job, my observation on the people there not a description of every new nurse over 30) and poor work ethic. not to be blamed on texting 20year olds. i can not stand how most of them (young and old) will never ever answer a call bell or bed alarm but expect me or another "experienced" nurse to be at their beck and call for everything. sick of it. sick of precepting some who ignore advice, dont follow orders, and other bs. I do not precept from a far and will watch everything and ask queations. come on , do you want to learn or not? I know this specific to certain units .

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

I am probably going to steal some of those phrases from you, GrnTea. Don't be surprised it you see them in some of my future posts. I hope you don't mind!

At your own risk. :)

[OCNRN63, RN]

This is so good it bears repeating. It should go in the stickie threads for the first year in practice forum. It should be cast in silver and mounted in the lobby of every nursing school. It should be part of every student's senior practicum.

I, for one, am getting verrrrrry tired of being arbitrarily placed in the "mean" pile because, as an older more experienced person, I try to explain these concepts to young'uns. We cannot be so supportive of new nurses as to sidestep the developmental needs they still have, as above. We cannot be their helicoptering parents (the one that hover), the snowplows (the ones that remove all obstacles), we cannot keep them from the realities of being working nurses, we cannot shelter them from the consequences of their own work performance. It is not a matter of "eating young," it is a matter of NOT swaddling, NOT coddling, NOT expecting less of them than was expected of us when we were new nurses. It's a matter of trying to bring them along; we don't have time to do it any other way.

Me too.

[applewhitern, BSN, RN]

I am an older, experienced RN. It "used to be" that I would get paid a hefty amount in addition to my usual salary to orient new nurses. Now, I don't get one extra penny. It can be a lot of extra work to orient new nurses, plus I usually have my own assignment to deal with also. Almost always, when I try to explain a procedure to a new grad, the first words out of their mouth is, "I know, we learned that in school." OK, at least pretend to listen to me because if I think you don't care what I have to say, it really makes me not want to help you. (Just because you had that in school doesn't mean you are proficient, and just maybe I can help you avoid mistakes.) Second, get off the cell-phone, texting, what-have-you! I really resent trying to help you, but you cannot be bothered enough to even look up at me because you are texting! I think you are engrossed in your work, but then I see you have a cell-phone in your hands! There have been many times I have wanted to discuss something with you, but I was put off by your constant texting and ignoring me. Sorry for the rant, but these are the two main problems I have with orienting new nurses.