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Why wouldn't this cost of living hack work for California?

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myoglobin is a ASN, BSN, MSN and specializes in ICU, trauma, neuro.

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myoglobin is a ASN, BSN, MSN and specializes in ICU, trauma, neuro.

504 Posts; 3,825 Profile Views

For me the key is trying to replicate her income ($85.00/hr) because at this level I can make progress relatively quickly on my debt. As a PMHNP this would be "relatively" reasonable if I had the ability to relocate to states like Washington, Arizona, Nevada, and California that support that type of income.  Also, most telepsych companies want two years experience (although my wife had less than one, they had an unusual need at the time, they actually hired her a year before graduation and "held the job open" for almost six months after graduation while she obtained Arizona licensure.  Thus, if I stay in central Florida to "gain that two years" as a PMHNP I'm likely looking at topping out around 85K (90K- about 5K per year in liability insurance).  I could get more if I worked five days per week, but I don't believe that I can do that safely and certainly not do so and document reasonably (not to mention deal with the litany of issues that arise in terms of medication denials from insurance, and other "newbie" errors that take time to correct which I see clinicians making all the time in clinical).  I think "four days" per week for at least the next year (maybe two) will be my max.  Also, if my SO decides to "upgrade" our standard of living (she wants o move to a better neighborhood) since she is earning 180K and almost debt free, she will expect me to kick in 50% of expenses, and I really cannot afford to do so given my scenario if those expenses go up significantly. We do need the space currently we use one bedroom for ourselves, one for our 18 year old son (who will be doing online school for the next two years before going to campus at UCF, one for her office, perhaps a second for my office, and one for her family that visits from Indiana several times per year (sometimes two).  She considers at least a four bedroom house a top priority (with a pool like we currently have along with a community pool and exercise room).  Bottom line, I probably need to maximize my income in this order (probably): expenses, credit cards, student loans, save for business (goal to open somewhere in five years). plan to stay healthy (or die before 65 when my $550 K in term life insurance expires), plan to go into Medicaid nursing home if I get sick with debilitating chronic illness, otherwise plan to work and build psychiatric business until around age 72 with hopefully a small home or condo paid for by that time (somewhere preferably Kauai or even Big Island they have nice snorkeling and are a bit cheaper, or Oahu which has much more demand and business building potential. Any of these options would provide access to my beloved Kauai maybe once a month or so).  Perhaps, in retirement I could see patients once or twice a week and earn a small amount after expenses from an office that retained the services of other providers and generate some income in retirement. If I can't convince her to move then I make the best of it in Florida, read more books, play more video games, maybe get a small sail or motorboat in a few years and maybe go Bigfoot hunting since starting a business won't be an option given that we are unlikely to become an independent practice state and even if we were at least 50% of the clients prefer Spanish (which I don't speak).  

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LilPeanut is a MSN, RN, NP and specializes in NICU/Neonatal transport.

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On 6/6/2019 at 12:25 PM, FullGlass said:

If you work in California, then you have to pay California state income tax, among the highest in the nation.

 

CA state income tax isn't that bad. In Ohio I had to pay RITA and some other taxes, and CA gives you a lot for your money. 

On 6/6/2019 at 4:49 PM, myoglobin said:

I keep hoping she will change her mind some day. As long as I've got the dream I can live with my reality.  I'm not sure if this make sense, but resigning to the futility of the dream would have devastating psychological impact.

I understand this - but as someone who lost their dream (not like this, but another type of dream) you have no choice but to keep going on. Yes, it sucks. Yes, my life is permanently less pleasurable and happy because of the loss.  But it is what it is, and I can't do anything about it.

On 6/7/2019 at 7:24 AM, LovingLife123 said:

You are throwing money down the drain every month on rent.  

Very common misconception. Often people are throwing money away on owning because they've bought the propaganda that it is the only way to be.  In Europe and other places, many people rent their whole lives.  There are huge benefits (financial and lifestyle) to renting.

On 6/7/2019 at 10:56 AM, myoglobin said:

I am but for me my 1 dream really my only dream is to live in Kauai. I will never leave my family  for this however. 

Why not? I don't mean to be super callous, but if you have one dream, you don't seem to care much about companionship, then why stay?

On 6/7/2019 at 8:01 PM, myoglobin said:

I’m going to ask for $53.00 per hour no benefits 32 hours paid per week with a schedule of M ,TueThur,Fri. I haven’t had health insurance in 25 years why start now.

Because you're getting older and the likelihood of needing health insurance goes up, and it is irresponsible to not have any?

16 hours ago, ThePrincessBride said:

Please stop spreading the lie. Renting is not throwing money away and buying isn't necessarily always best, especially when you have fools buying with zero down and are paying 40 percent or more on their income per month on a mortgage.

So many people lost their homes because they overbought or didn't have business owning in the first place.

Yes.  Rent and put money in an index fund.  That's a better investment for most people.

4 hours ago, umbdude said:

It's true that buying a house helps build equity, but typically only if you buy the house at a reasonable cost. People I know who bought between 2000-2007 (during the last real estate bubble) saw their equity evaporate before they even know it. Timing of selling a house matters too.

Yep!  *waves*  We lost a shitton on our second house because of these factors right here. 

1 hour ago, myoglobin said:

biglongrunonparagraph

Please consider using paragraphs when typing. It is easier to read and understand.  Without it, it comes off as manic raving.

 

I commuted for 1.5 years to SF from OH.  I work with other people who commute from around the country to here.  It is very difficult to find lodging that is safe for less than 2k/month. The flights, the time change, they all wear on you too. 

It's possible, but it is miserable. I did it because my kids didn't want to move to CA from OH and I was trying to keep stability for them. Finally, I had to let my ex have primary physical custody because I just couldn't do it anymore. 

You're likely better off finding OT shifts somewhere local. 

I make ~200k/year.  I have no debt.  I pay child support every month. My apt is ~4k/month.  I don't have a car. I have a cat.  I live a very comfortable life and am putting money away every week in index funds and immediately available savings.  I travel and don't have to think about money for most purchases. 

I would advise a budget. Making that much money, with the rent you are paying in FL, there should be plenty to go around.  I could easily live with my family on 80k if my rent was only 1600. 

Additionally, with how you are talking about you SO, I wouldn't be paying to upgrade to a better/bigger house if it is outside my budget, if SO wants that, they can pay for it. 

But I will say personally, I don't see why you are staying.  *shrug* But commuting to CA is not for the weak of heart or easily stressed. 

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Pick up a per diem job in California if you're after the pay.  Group your days together once a month and fly in and out, do as many shifts as you can.  Work at a hospital in Florida the rest of the time.  Per Diem pays way more, the hospital job in florida will hopefully cover insurance and allow you to put money away in a 401k.  

Maybe look into bankruptcy?  See what percentage of your debt could be wiped away.  You own your house you said...

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not.done.yet is a MSN, RN and specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

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My baseline reaction to this entire manifesto type of focus is to be pretty incensed on your wife's behalf. If my husband was making these kinds of crazy plans based on HIS desires and his ability to sacrifice MY desires in order to make HIS come true....well.. He wouldn't be my husband anymore.

I was married to a man on the spectrum and I take my hat off to your wife. This kind of tunnel vision selfishness is just awful to live with.

I hope your wife gets her dreams and I hope you can temper yours to make room for hers rather than "convincing" her to give them up entirely. SMH.

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myoglobin is a ASN, BSN, MSN and specializes in ICU, trauma, neuro.

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Moving to Kauai has been my obsession since the day we met when I was 25. There has probably not been more than two days in a row when I haven’t mentioned it. As to the person who mentioned bankruptcy, student loans cannot be discharged in bankruptcy. Ultimately I believe that getting to an independent practice state an establishing our own practice ( and building a loyal client base) is the best way to ensure her financial security as well. Plus, she is very OCD from a personality standpoint a doing things “ half way” as is required with 20 min tell appointments isn’t to her liking.

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not.done.yet is a MSN, RN and specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

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It being your “obsession” since age 25 only holds water if you value it above her. 

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myoglobin is a ASN, BSN, MSN and specializes in ICU, trauma, neuro.

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My point is that she has known about this since she met me. As indicated, I will not leave her, but I will not give up on my dream. At one point she indicated that it was a dream that she shared or at least concurred with. If I gave up on that which motivates me to "get up out of bed in the morning" then I doubt I would be doing her any favors.  Again, I have limited interests. I have never cared about food (not since practicing low carb, IF I used to be 100 pounds overweight), sports, socialization, or sex. What's left is hiking, snorkeling, PS4, paranormal issues, and Sci-Fii none of which appeal to her in the slightest (except for Sci Fi shows, and movies we both like those).  Social smiles, eye contact (I can fake it in a clinical context by looking just above the person), or even hugs are largely off the table for me always have been since I was a child..

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klone is a MSN, RN and specializes in Women's Health/OB Leadership.

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Since you keep bringing this up yourself....doesn't your lack of interest in sex make her unhappy? A sexless relationship is not a healthy relationship, generally speaking.

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TitaniumPlates specializes in ED.

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1 hour ago, myoglobin said:

My point is that she has known about this since she met me. As indicated, I will not leave her, but I will not give up on my dream. At one point she indicated that it was a dream that she shared or at least concurred with. If I gave up on that which motivates me to "get up out of bed in the morning" then I doubt I would be doing her any favors.  Again, I have limited interests. I have never cared about food (not since practicing low carb, IF I used to be 100 pounds overweight), sports, socialization, or sex. What's left is hiking, snorkeling, PS4, paranormal issues, and Sci-Fii none of which appeal to her in the slightest (except for Sci Fi shows, and movies we both like those).  Social smiles, eye contact (I can fake it in a clinical context by looking just above the person), or even hugs are largely off the table for me always have been since I was a child..

What is it that you have in common then?  Not busting your chops Myoglobin, but this is very familiar to me--where an ex had determined in his mind what he was going to change me into once he convinced me to get married. Bleach my hair (I am a dark brunette), get 38DD implants (I am a 34b), cut my hair into a pixie (my hair is super super wiry and curly) and then change my name to Lara.

Delusional much? I didn't hear any of this until after he knew I took marriage very seriously and don't believe in divorce other than in cases of abuse.  He participated in activities that I liked---in order to convince me to marry and then he would "change things" to how he wanted them.

I don't know you. But I do know that this is abusive---this constant manipulating other people to do things a certain way that pleases only you. 

I especially don't appreciate the comment that it is her fault that your life isn't going as planned---because "she knew this about me since the day we met---and she isn't going along with what I have decided to do".
 

Then leave. If it's all her fault that she "should have known better" since she knew you way back when---then leave.

This conversation is getting truly ridiculous. You are being obstructionist and then using "spectrum" as a defense. You understand English and you understand right from wrong.

What I see is a personality that wants the easy way---let's hack California. Let's file bankruptcy to take advantage of getting a great education and then welching on paying back what you owe someone else for getting you where you want to be. Let's harass and harangue a partner "every single day" mentioning how your dream is being squashed by her decision to stay in her comfort zone. No matter what NPs in the real world say---I am going to make $200K while sitting in my pajamas playing video games and doing my charting a week late because I want to.

This isn't spectrum. This is adolescent. I think your live in partner has been footing the bill in more ways than one and she has the right to be happy just as much as you do. I'm pretty pi$$ed that you seem to think that you are the only one in this situation that deserves their "dream". Using other people is NEVER okay.  I know you know this because you got through nursing school and understand that no matter how much a patient irks you---you don't get to put a pillow over their face.

You need to put on your adulting pants and get on with it. You made these decisions...no one forced you to do the things you do. You are responsible for your life.   People here have suggested REAL WORLD ADULT SOLUTIONS and all you do is argue.

 

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ThePrincessBride specializes in Med-Surg, NICU.

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1 hour ago, klone said:

Since you keep bringing this up yourself....doesn't your lack of interest in sex make her unhappy? A sexless relationship is not a healthy relationship, generally speaking.

Sex is so personal. Some people want sex every day while others consider themselves asexual and then there is everything in between. A sexless relationship isn't a problem unless one or both parties makes it a problem.

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ThePrincessBride specializes in Med-Surg, NICU.

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1 hour ago, klone said:

Since you keep bringing this up yourself....doesn't your lack of interest in sex make her unhappy? A sexless relationship is not a healthy relationship, generally speaking.

Sex is so personal. Some people want sex every day while others consider themselves asexual and then there is everything in between. A sexless relationship isn't a problem unless one or both parties makes it a problem.

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myoglobin is a ASN, BSN, MSN and specializes in ICU, trauma, neuro.

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1.  Look I outlined a plan above that I think makes the most sense that incorporated much of the input. Focus on performing as a PMHNP, try to increase income to her level to pay down debt (somewhat rapidly). Work to change her mind. Accept that if I cannot that I will have to find other interests (more reading, video games, possibly a boat after debt is paid off to go to snorkel locations, although with my mechanical ability a boat probably isn't an option now that I think about it).

2.  We don't have a "sexless" relationship. First Sunday of the month every month, unless we have visitors or are traveling. 

3.  I don't blame her. I'm only pointing out that I've been pretty much exactly the same since day one. I've only had one primary goal to move to Hawaii. Becoming an RN was a "means" to an end (work three days per week, hike and snorkel, learn to surf the rest).  No need for vacation or to ever leave the island. People at work sometimes mock me (in a nice way) by saying "Hawaii" (in an annoying fashion) because I talk about it so much.  

4. I've paid at least 50% of the bills (probably more like 65% ) for many years. Much of my debt was to "maintain our lifestyle while" I worked less to get through my ASN (initially) and the last two years of my MSN.  Now she is supporting me (except credit card minimums) through the final two semesters.  

5. Not sure why you think this is "abusive".  My dreams are my dreams. I will never leave my family to realize them, but I won't give them up. Again, it's why I became a nurse, and then an NP. Plus, I truly believe that the only long term way to maintain job security (her present income) is to get to an independent practice state and establish our own practice. Those who say increasing competition will drive down wages are probably correct. The only way to offset this (that I know) is to build your own practice as a hedge against this.

Edited by myoglobin

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