Why wouldn't this cost of living hack work for California?

[myoglobin]

Right now we live in Florida (put aside that I'm in school to be a PMHNP and that my wife currently works from home as one). If we went back to "bedside" why couldn't we live in Vacaville and commute to San Francisco (we each have about 10 years ICU experience) or live in Carson City Nevada and commute to Sacramento (or at least I could my wife could keep her current home based PMHNP, telemedicine job). In this way we could benefit from the high California pay (currently I make $45,00 no benefits working nights in the ICU) while minimizing the higher cost of living. Actually, I think living in Nevada and commuting to Sacramento might be the better bet even with relatively less pay in Sacramento than San. Fran. Currently, although I only live 32 miles from work in Orlando it takes me about an hour going one direction, but two hours with traffic going home.

[myoglobin, ASN, BSN, MSN]

4 minutes ago, 2Ask said:

OK and she is happy, settled, and successful in FL so if you make 80K you pay half the rent and expenses and put every other nickel to debt.

And why might that be? IMO It comes across controlling that you want her to do this, this, and this that turns her life upside-down. A woman does not feel loved when the man she loves is controlling and unwilling to compromise. To her, it must feel like you love your dream (pipedream- I would call it) and not her and your son.

If I am controlling then I am quite poor at it since I get very little of what I want. I love my SO and son, but truly believe that we could both live in Hawaii ( though perhaps not Kauai) have , build a very successful business 500k net per year plus, AND offer superior care relative to 90% of practices.

[2Ask]

Does she have insurance? Couples counseling might help you to hear her. I bet she wasn't on board with you going into all that debt either...

She is a smart and savvy woman. You would do much better to partner with her instead of making all kinds of plans without her and insisting your way is the only way.

If you keep pushing she might just weary of the drama and discontent and send you on your way and you will be poorer for it, myo (and I don't mean $)

You say you love her and your son? What is love?

[myoglobin, ASN, BSN, MSN]

24 minutes ago, 2Ask said:

Does she have insurance? Couples counseling might help you to hear her. I bet she wasn't on board with you going into all that debt either...

She is a smart and savvy woman. You would do much better to partner with her instead of making all kinds of plans without her and insisting your way is the only way.

If you keep pushing she might just weary of the drama and discontent and send you on your way and you will be poorer for it, myo (and I don't mean $)

You say you love her and your son? What is love?

What is love?How long do you have? Has humanity ever adequately answered this question? Neither of us have insurance and we only see each other about 8 hours per week given our days and disparate schedules. She works M-F from 11 until 2030. This will likely decrease once I start working as PMHNP to about six hours per week until and unless I find a tele st home job. If she left me I would be very sad, but would continue with my plan and try to leave them with a lot of money.

[2Ask]

Action- lay down my dream of Hawaii because it is disruptive to my family and my SO does not want to do it. Stop saying "I love you" while trying to argue and armtwist SO into my plan for her life.

Does not mean you have to give up hiking and snorkelling as I have said previously (nor even Kauai in moderation- you could plan a two week trip there to reward yourself after you completely pay off your debt)

[myoglobin, ASN, BSN, MSN]

I will go part way. For now I will resign myself to Florida for at least the next couple of years. I will keep trying to convince her to move if not to Hawaii, then at least an IP state. So far as I know there exists almost No weekend and after hours walk-in psych clinics that offer both standard and evidence based alternative treatments. If you doubt me just call around and try to get a psych appointment that is not 9-5 M-F. I’m not saying that my approach will revolutionize the industry(although it could) but it legitimately fills a void. Sometimes love involves doing things that are best for people even if they hate you for it. I do like the hiking in the Smokey’s and PR idea.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

14 minutes ago, myoglobin said:

I will go part way. For now I will resign myself to Florida for at least the next couple of years. I will keep trying to convince her to move if not to Hawaii, then at least an IP state. So far as I know there exists almost No weekend and after hours walk-in psych clinics that offer both standard and evidence based alternative treatments. I’m not saying that my approach will revolutionize the industry(although it could) but it legitimately fills a void. Sometimes love involves doing things that are best for people even if they hate you for it. I do like the hiking in the Smokey’s and PR idea.

Make no mistake. This is what is best for YOU. Not for her.

Your hypocrisy is simply stunning.

[myoglobin, ASN, BSN, MSN]

1 minute ago, not.done.yet said:

Make no mistake. This is what is best for YOU. Not for her.

Your hypocrisy is simply stunning.

I doubt you would say that if my plan allows her to retire at 60 rather than 70 with over a million in the bank. She aspires to pay for her nieces college and our sons something that will be daunting w/o a different paradigm such as the one I propose. I am trying to bring something into fruition that could last well beyond our lifetimes and help many people.

[LibraSunCNM, BSN, MSN, CNM]

1 minute ago, myoglobin said:

I doubt you would say that if my plan allows her to retire at 60 rather than 70 with over a million in the bank. She aspires to pay for her nieces college and our sons something that will be daunting w/o a different paradigm such as the one I propose. I am trying to bring something into fruition that could last well beyond our lifetimes and help many people.

It doesn't matter if YOU think that your "plan" is "better" for her, SHE has stated she isn't interested in it. You have asked for advice on how to make your SO change her mind and no one here agrees with you so you're not going to find what you're looking for. You have thrown out ideas for how to create a unicorn-like employment situation that will allow you to magically go to school, pay off your insane amount of debt, and create your dream practice, despite everyone's feedback about how unrealistic this is. For the love of sweet baby Jesus, just stop. You are grasping at straws and seem incapable of rational conversation.

[myoglobin, ASN, BSN, MSN]

I would not attempt to start a business until debt free plus at least 100k in bank. My goal for that is in 5 years or age 55. My plan incorporates much of the input here and frankly is pretty much the situation I planned to be in ( minus the location) when I went back to school to be an RN in my mid 30’s.

[HigginsdogRN]

I doubt that one who incurs the sum of student loan debt you did to obtain an RN is thinking straight.

[myoglobin, ASN, BSN, MSN]

I estimated that as a percentage of my estimated future income that having 165k in student loan debt wasn’t that bad. I figured worst case I would stay in school deferment till retirement and let them garnish the max $150.00 month allowed by law. However, I fully expect to pay the debt off within the next three years.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

3 hours ago, myoglobin said:

I doubt you would say that if my plan allows her to retire at 60 rather than 70 with over a million in the bank. She aspires to pay for her nieces college and our sons something that will be daunting w/o a different paradigm such as the one I propose. I am trying to bring something into fruition that could last well beyond our lifetimes and help many people.

If money were the goal of a fruitful life you might be right. It isn’t.

This is is so gross I cannot even comment.