Why can nurses be so mean?

weetziebat · Dec 5, 2004

I'm wondering -- I've always heard that there are women who just don't like other women. If you're noticing that all the women around you are "backstabbing *****es," do you think it might be YOUR attitude, not theirs? Just something to think about.

Ruby, if you will read my post again, you will notice I said that it is certainly not everyone, but that the one in a bunch could ruin my day. I never said all women are backstabbing b*tches, did I? Nor have I ever thought that way.

It has nothing to do with liking or not liking other women. I have long made it a point to not gossip - I've always felt and seen that if people will talk to you about others, they will then talk to others about you too.

I surely can't be the only nurse who has heard all the catty, backstabbing remarks about another nurses weight, or sexual preference, or family members. The digs about others education. The innuendos about others being on drugs, the nasty remarks about others clothing or how others raise their children. Sorry if you don't want to hear it, but to some women, being catty and gossiping is just second nature. And I for one do not like to work with people like that.

In my 30 years of nursing experience I have just noticed that male nurses tend to come to work, do their job, don't gossip and then go home and leave work at work. They tend to have a more laid back attitude and not blow things all out of proportion. This also, of course, does not include every male nurse. This is simply my experience, and I am completely entitled to that, no?

mattsmom81 · Dec 6, 2004

Its a misperception that only 'nice' people go into nursing. When I was young I thought all nurses must be nice too...I was soooo naive.

That women are nicer than men to work with, that men are easier to work with, etc etc...are all generalizing.

People are people. I smile when I hear people say ' only women are catty backstabbers' cuz I've worked with some male nurses who were absolutely tops at this; the worst of the worst.

We find good and bad everywhere we go. The trick is to find the good ones and not let the turkeys get you down.

Are there more catty bytchy backstabbers in nursing than other professions? I don't know because this is all I've done. Unhappy women can be doozies I know...'hell hath no fury' and all.

I do know the company my hubby just left described incidents among the men there that rivaled the pettiness I've seen in nursing.

Everywhere I work as an agency nurse I find good people...and hateful ones as well (I've learned to spot the problems and stay clear of them)

We just do the best we can don't we.

allnurses Guide · Dec 6, 2004

mattsmom . . . I agree with you. People are people. I've also worked with gossipy male nurses. And women who choose not to gossip.

steph

CCU NRS · Dec 6, 2004

I concur. I don't like mass generalizations either and we should take each person on an individual basis.

minneRN · Dec 6, 2004

Dear M&M!

Since nursing is such a female populated career, I guess that is why we sometimes generalize women as being somewhat catty at times. Not to say all, but some. You are right, now that I think about it, I have run in to a couple of male nurses who were kind of gossipy, but overall I 'd have to say that the men that i've worked with did their job, minded their own business, and went home, leaving work behind. I think we should all learn a little from them. I like your approach, see the problem and try to stay clear of it!:) :) :) I also would agree with you as far a thinking that only nice people go into nursing. Don't you only wish that was the truth!!!!(Our poor patients:chuckle !!!!)

Its a misperception that only 'nice' people go into nursing. When I was young I thought all nurses must be nice too...I was soooo naive.
That women are nicer than men to work with, that men are easier to work with, etc etc...are all generalizing.
People are people. I smile when I hear people say ' only women are catty backstabbers' cuz I've worked with some male nurses who were absolutely tops at this; the worst of the worst.
We find good and bad everywhere we go. The trick is to find the good ones and not let the turkeys get you down.
Are there more catty bytchy backstabbers in nursing than other professions? I don't know because this is all I've done. Unhappy women can be doozies I know...'hell hath no fury' and all.
I do know the company my hubby just left described incidents among the men there that rivaled the pettiness I've seen in nursing.
Everywhere I work as an agency nurse I find good people...and hateful ones as well (I've learned to spot the problems and stay clear of them)
We just do the best we can don't we.

CCU NRS · Dec 6, 2004

You know I see this in my subscribed thread and it is starting to bother me.

Yes any body can be mean. Nurses too, but I think we are judged a lot of the time on things that give us a pretty bad rap, like the Nurses eat their young rap now if all nurse that precept were horible grinches then none of the new nurses really ever would make it.

I gues this is just a little rant expanding on my earlier (we should take each person on individual basis thing)

minneRN · Dec 10, 2004

I think you are right CCURN. There is bit of meanness going on in this thread. Forgive me Ruby Vee, for using you as an example, but thank you for proving my point. Some nurses can be just simply put, mean and say nasty things. I think that this "backbitting" is one of the reasons that keeps the profession down and in constant need of new nurses. Nurses burn out, they want to transition into other roles, and boom, were left with a whole buch of open spots for bedside nurses. I feel we should all act like the professionals that we are and treat each other with respect, dignity, and patience. Sure we'll disagree from time to time on how to do things, but its in the way that we communicate, that will make us better at what we do, and better at building a supportive network for each other. If we see its too stressful, then maybe its time to do something about it; maybe yoga, or stress managem. courses, or simply a change of venue for some time to time. Yes, people in general can be mean, but we are in a professional nursing forum, so of course, the conversation will turn to talking about backbitting in nursing. Let's all set a good example, not only for each other, but for people looking into our profession. God Bless and much luck to you all. I thank you for your comments as they have really helped me have a good grasp on why we sometimes do that stuff we do, and how to be able to handle this in a better way. Happy Holidays to you all! :nurse:

CCU NRS · Dec 11, 2004

Example of unprofessional behavior.

I was in charge today and when the nurses for the evening shift arrived one nurse absolutely would not work downstairs where a certain other nurse was working. Her explanation was that there is just too much drama, we have an issue recently that sort of divided the evening folks and apparently the nurse in question just feel she can not work around this other nurse.

Ya know what, be a professional, or at least a grown up. I mean puhlease! If you have an issue with someone that is so serious that you won't or can't even work on the same floor that is middle school crap, get over it and grow up, I was completely flabbergasted that she simply would not just go and do what I asked her to do.

My Motto: Do your job, ask for help if you need help, offer help if you have a chance to offer help and sing whenever you can!

Knowledge is the only tool that doesn't rust

qje999 · Apr 29, 2005

Someone, please give me some insight. I've been an rn for 7 years. I started out on a step-down cardiac unit. I loved heart patients. I did it for 5 years. I hated the beauracracy that went along with hospital nursing and that's why I left. I side tracked into case management for the last 2+ years and have decided that I want to go back to the step-down ccu and do what i've always dreamed of doing which is transition into the ccu/open heart unit.
my problem is that i'm scared out of my mind! my experience with hospital nursing was not the best. nurses talk about you, say mean things, criticize everything you do or don't do, get angry at report time and I feel like i have to be perfect 100% of the time and nothing less is acceptable. i remember coming home some days and being a complete basket case because of something that happened at work some days. and then there is the good part, having a patient look at you and say, thank you for being here for me, sometimes it makes it all worth it. can you offer any words of advice....i want to go back to acute care, but i'm almost frozen out of fear....

you should not let others determine what you do. if you like that , then go back and do it. It is normal to be scared, but you can do it. You did it before. you don't have to be perfect, no one is like that. the important thing is you like it and im sure your patients will apppreciate the care you give them. co workers can be mean. i know i have come home so depressed some days, but we are in this job to care for people and we shouldn't let nasty co workers influence us. good luck, you will be ok.

RN4NICU, LPN, LVN · Apr 29, 2005

I smile when I hear people say ' only women are catty backstabbers' cuz I've worked with some male nurses who were absolutely tops at this; the worst of the worst.

Absolutely, mattsmom. I have worked alongside many male physicians who could gossip circles around the female nurses. Some people are just unprofessional jerks and/or were raised in a barn, by wolves, and have no manners or common courtesy. Gender does not have the first thing to do with it. Neither does occupation, for that matter.

aileenve, ASN, RN · Apr 29, 2005

Someone, please give me some insight. I've been an rn for 7 years. I started out on a step-down cardiac unit. I loved heart patients. I did it for 5 years. I hated the beauracracy that went along with hospital nursing and that's why I left. I side tracked into case management for the last 2+ years and have decided that I want to go back to the step-down ccu and do what i've always dreamed of doing which is transition into the ccu/open heart unit.
my problem is that i'm scared out of my mind! my experience with hospital nursing was not the best. nurses talk about you, say mean things, criticize everything you do or don't do, get angry at report time and I feel like i have to be perfect 100% of the time and nothing less is acceptable. i remember coming home some days and being a complete basket case because of something that happened at work some days. and then there is the good part, having a patient look at you and say, thank you for being here for me, sometimes it makes it all worth it. can you offer any words of advice....i want to go back to acute care, but i'm almost frozen out of fear....

You sound as if you are a very compassionate person, and as to nurses being so mean, many of them are burned out, stressed out and are venting. I know it sounds like an excuse but what happens in hospitals to staff as well as patients is a real crime! Management never sees the real picture because the bottom line is they want to operate with the very least they can get away with! Today I worked as charge nurse with 1 other RN, and 2 Lpns, no ward secretary, and had a code, resposible for all orders charts and assessements and patient care for 5 patients! This is unbearable

ariella · Apr 29, 2005

:Melody: I haven't worked in any high tech field and I am ok where I am. This won't help but there are always people who end up in a career just for the money and their heart is not in it. I see this in some of the nurses where I work and in the CNAs. I decided I would try to be kind to my patients no matter what because I was hospitalized for several months as a child and some of the nurses were downright abusive. I remember one yelling at me because I dropped the thermometer out of my mouth(accidentally)and another who I still remember her name saying I made her sick because I asked for another piece of toast. I leave my work almost crying from leg aches but I pray every day that I never make a patient feel like I was made to feel as a little girl. QUOTE=minneRN]Someone, please give me some insight. I've been an rn for 7 years. I started out on a step-down cardiac unit. I loved heart patients. I did it for 5 years. I hated the beauracracy that went along with hospital nursing and that's why I left. I side tracked into case management for the last 2+ years and have decided that I want to go back to the step-down ccu and do what i've always dreamed of doing which is transition into the ccu/open heart unit.

my problem is that i'm scared out of my mind! my experience with hospital nursing was not the best. nurses talk about you, say mean things, criticize everything you do or don't do, get angry at report time and I feel like i have to be perfect 100% of the time and nothing less is acceptable. i remember coming home some days and being a complete basket case because of something that happened at work some days. and then there is the good part, having a patient look at you and say, thank you for being here for me, sometimes it makes it all worth it. can you offer any words of advice....i want to go back to acute care, but i'm almost frozen out of fear....