Who punches a cancer patient?

[1wellnessnurse]

Lack of Public Awareness

November 25, 2014

Last week my dad was punched in the face and given a bloody nose while going for a walk in Cambridge, Mass. He has a Grade IV Glioblastoma and is in the ICU now. We are hoping to take him home on hospice tomorrow so he can have Thanksgiving at home.

He's an amazing man who meditates and knows how to listen thoughtfully. During this last part of his illness, he lost half his visual field. He's on steroids to reduce the inflammation. The side effect of the steroids is that he gets restless. His only solace is going for long walks. But he's a proud man and will not carry a blind person's white cane. I suggested it to him last month, not because I thought he was disabled, but so the general public might be a little more careful around him. He refused.

Last week he was walking as usual, when he got a little disoriented. This happens; it's not just being completely blind on the left side, but difficulty tracking movement. When he sees people or things coming toward him, he stops until they pass him. This time he stopped in front of a black teenager. I think the kid misinterpreted why this frail, thin man stopped in front of him. He reacted by punching my dad in the nose. My dad got his bearings and made his way home covered in blood (I think he was only a block or two away).

I implore you, please think first. If you see someone who is "off", take a moment before reacting. Perhaps they are just trying to get their bearings. Not every disability is immediately recognizable.

[Red Kryptonite]

I hate to say this, but your dad's pride caused this in part. Let's be totally honest, a young black kid who sees an older white man just stop in front of him for no reason might feel threatened. He was not justified in punching your father, but your father refused to communicate in any way his disability, which might have made someone think twice. The kid who punched him had no idea he was a cancer patient.

I have seen too many elders seriously harmed and even killed by their misplaced sense of pride. They've also injured and killed others. I don't have a lot of patience with it anymore and think families shouldn't cater to it.

PS if your father is that disabled, WHY was he walking alone?!

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

I hate to say it (there's a lot of this going around) but why did you feel it germane to this discussion to include the skin color of the jerk kid who punched your dad in Our Fair City? Jerks are jerks.

[1wellnessnurse]

So you are saying that disabled people should not be allowed to walk outside alone? He is not totally blind, he can see out of one side.

He brought this attack on himself because he was threatening? He's a 125lb Jewish man. If Woody Allen stopped on a street in front of you, would you think that he was threatening you? It sounds like you are trying to blame the victim.

[1wellnessnurse]

GrnTea, I thought about leaving the skin color out of it. But I felt it was germane. This person punched my dad soley based on what he saw. The really funny thing is that my dad was against racism his whole life... If I had said an Italian kid punched my dad, I would not have been called out for being racist.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

The question is, why would you think it germane? Young jerks assault old people of all colors, even ones of the same color as themselves, and even in Cambridge. And if you said an Italian or Jewish or Russian kid, my answer would be the same. Please reconsider.

[Red Kryptonite]

I never said he was threatening. I said a young black male might feel threatened by a white man stopping and staring at him for no reason. Is your family pressing charges? You should. As I said, the attack was not justified.

However, I stand by everything else I said. If I had a terminally-ill family member with compromised vision, balance, and cognitive function who wanted to go on long walks, I would accompany them, have a family member do it, or hire a caregiver. Another person there could have diffused the situation by explaining, and could have protected your dad.

[1wellnessnurse]

No my family is not pressing charges.

The family was stretched thin with the care giving. Insurance didn't cover 24 hour nurses aids. Only he and his wife live in MA. The rest of us live outof state. 3 weeks ago I went to visit. I walked with him for 6 miles for our afternoon walk (the morning walk was 1 1/2 hours). He's was hard to keep up with.

It's a moot point now. Hopefully he will come home from the ICU on hospice for one last Thanksgiving. His condition has deteriorated in the last few days.

[Pangea Reunited, ASN, RN]

This whole thread is bizarre.

[Red Kryptonite]

No my family is not pressing charges.

Why not? Why should such a crime go unpunished?

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

Really? Since when is a young male threatened by a frail old man. To punch an older person in the face....really? It is NOT excusable. Give me a break...I'm sorry but that is crazy. If my son would even ever think to act in such a manner I'd lay him out on the floor myself.

We all try to "make " our parents behave but they will do as they wish. My Dad's vision was failing....failed by my standards. He had had several laser surgeries for retinal hemorrhages. He was a member of MENSA my mother is educated as well.

One day I called home (well I called home almost every day) and asked where Dad was...My Mom said...."Oh he went to the store" I asked "How is he getting there?" she responded "The red car"....I flipped out on the phone...as I am texting my sisters about our irresponsible parents and I am ranting at my mother I hear her say "Well....he knows where the bumpers are"...I'm thinking HE WHAT??? I said "So my Dad is driving by braille! REALLY MOTHER!"

That was the last time my Dad drove....THANK GOD he didn't kill any one!

OP...I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Cambridge! Really? that stinks. I am so sorry your Dad had to go through this.

[Red Kryptonite]

What part of me urging prosecution leads you to believe I'm excusing it? However, we can explain why it might have happened, and ignoring the racial dynamic is frankly ridiculous. An American city is burning right now because of suspicion, fear, and misapprehensions based on race. It's real, whether it should be or not.