When You Realize You Are Replaceable
It was the dream job, mothers and babies, those perfect newborn babies. Postpartum care, neonatal care, a career that made working the night shift bearable, a wanted escape from the busyness of my home life. It was my third hospital job and my home away from home. I had no intentions of seeking employment anywhere else for the foreseeable future.
I worked so hard through nursing school, to achieve Cum Laude, to learn bedside nursing, a dream of mine since childhood. There were no late nights or bar scenes for me. Flashcards, studying, and working as a Patient Care Assistant on a fast-paced Telemetry unit were my life. I wanted nothing more than to see RN on my badge.
Ten years of experience later, and during my third pregnancy, Covid happened. I worked twelve-hour shifts with an N95 mask at 6 months pregnant and without complaint, because this is what I signed up for. This was my job. I was fearful initially, but I was trained well in PPE use and knew I was protected.
I am a breastfeeding mother. I am extremely cautious of all that I choose to put into my body. I am a nurse that values Holistic medicine and natural remedies. During Covid, my family supports our immune system with daily doses of Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Zinc, fresh air, and exercise. When the vaccine became available, and I conducted my own personal evidence-based research, I decided the vaccine was not a choice I was comfortable with, not a substance I could put in my body, or my daughter's. I was immediately called a danger to my patients, an irresponsible Nurse, rather than a human being, a mother, a woman that is entitled to her own medical choices.
The mandates were announced for all Hospital employees, and I submitted a religious exemption promptly and truthfully, maintaining hope in the leaders at the hospital I had been employed by for seven years. The hospital I was born at, the hospital I was so proud to be employed by.
The week before Christmas, I received the dreaded phone call. My exemption was denied and I had two weeks to comply or be forced into a "voluntary resignation". I was overwhelmed, consumed by emotions, the joy of Christmas ripped away from my family of five.
I filed for an appeal and was granted a Zoom meeting with the CEO, and the Union that I had paid to protect my rights. I spoke my truth and requested an accommodation of weekly Covid testing. Two weeks later, my request was denied and I was no longer employed. I was disposed of like my hard work and dedication was nothing to the hospital I called my own. A hospital two of my children were proudly birthed at. My name was frequented in Press Ganey Surveys of patient satisfaction. I cried with my patients, I was the one at the bedside during life's most beautiful moments, and in the dark unexpected moments that are so rarely discussed.
I am replaceable. I am just a nurse that can be fired (or forced into resignation) for my personal medical choices. I am hesitant to start again at a new facility as I now know, that one choice can take away my career and in turn, take food out of my children's mouths. Declined for unemployment because of my "voluntary" choice.
The daily news report of critical nursing shortages, offers of sign-on bonuses and incentives. I am willing and able to work, but I sit at home with my children, searching for a new job that brings me joy and allows me to continue to homeschool my children. I apply for out-of-state licenses while I question if Nursing is my future, or if a new path is waiting for me. I am not alone in this despair, as over 100 employees in my hospital's organization are in the same circumstance. We are not neglectful, careless nurses and in a country that supports freedom of choice, our choice has been stripped from us. Stripped from the very souls that are at the bedside of our hospitalized population.
Just one year prior, I was labeled as a hero, but now, my education, skills, and experience mean nothing, as I can so easily be replaced.
