When the professor hates you WWYD (please help)

[DesertRain]

Hi all, I am sitting here typing in tears and I need advice on a situation. This is a long one, and I apologize.

Okay, I'm in third semester NS and my OB instructor hates me (okay, I know that's an opinionated statement but I am emotional about this right now and I can't figure out a politically correct way to say it)

I have never ever had a problem being a "bad" student. And I hate to toot my own horn but, I see myself as a "good" student. I have always got good--if not great grades and I don't miss class, never missed a clinical...I am also a mom with 2 young children and a husband who is working his butt off to support my efforts of becoming a nurse. So---my point is, I take nursing school seriously. If I mess around it would be at the expense of... my family...and my entire life.

My OB lecture takes place in a smaller sized classroom with about 35 students. The instructor (lets call her Judy for anonymity) sits in the front far right corner and never stands up (she has been recently plagued by cardiac problems and is too fatigued to stand). She lectures for 2.5 hours in that same position. Sometimes people in the far left opposing corner can't hear what she says....so we raise our hands with no response. We hold our hands up and she looks at us and ignores us. Yes she is ignoring us because when she finally gets sick of someone holding up his or her hand she says, "is this important?", "can this wait?", "what now?", "go read the book"....and insert random sarcastic sighs anywhere in between. She is also not fond of "kibitzing"or whispers in the classroom to which she will snap at you as well, "do you have something you want to add to that statement?" (in sarcastic tone for the sole purpose of student humiliation)

It has gotten to the point where nobody asks her questions anymore...because...why ask when you will just get yelled at and made a mockery of? So last week in class, I missed something she was saying. I got brave and put my hand up.....and there it stayed for about a minute. she looks directly at me and ignores my raised hand. I turn to ask my clasmate what she was talking about.....and she says, "you know you are really disrupting the class if you don't want to be here you dont' have to be and I'm really sick of people talking when I'm trying to lecture".....I take a deep breath and ignore the statement. I'm mad but I dont' want to make her mad.

A few minutes later another topic missed. I'm torn. Do I raise my hand or ask my neighbor...what page did she just say??? (remember she's sitting behind a desk in the opposite corner of me) I like a dummy raise my hand.....it's up to the point where I can feel my muscles getting tired. Direct eye contact, no response...completely ignored. So, I turn to my classmate and ask what page did she just say....

And that was all it took for her to completely humiliate me, "I've so had it with you. You are so disruptive. I think I want to ask you to leave my class, if you dont want to be here I don't want you here" I stopped listening at that point. She made me feel like I was 7 years old in trouble with mother the way she was talking to me. I wanted to suck it up but I politely defended myself saying, "Judy, I was trying to ask you and I put my hand up twice and you didn't answer my question so I had to ask someone so I didn't miss the information, I'm sorry" this was responded with, "oh now you're talking back to me? next time I will ask you to leave. if you had a question why didn't you just raise your hand and if I can't see you jump up and down and flag me down if I don't answer you."

Okay, so I'm really really mad....but what makes me more mad is that there are others in the class that talk all the time....the difference is, these are her clinical students and she favors them over the other students and in her eyes they do no wrong. I ask something relevant to class and I'm the devil.

So today, a week later and 2 minutes before an exam, she pulls me aside, I'm thinking....wow I'm actually getting an apology from the way I was treated. Not even close. She says, "you are very disruptive and everyone in the class has been complaining about how you talk all the time and it makes everyone around you mad and you were so rude and disrespectful to me by yelling at me in front of the class" (yelling?? yelling? I politely explained that I was trying to ask her without having to talk during lecture!) At this point I decide to swallow my pride, I don't want to risk my career because my teacher hates me......so I start saying, "Judy, I am so so...so" and she's going on and on about how disrespectful I was being...."Judy....I want to apolo" and she finally screams and says, "see look at you right now, being disrespectful, can't even keep quiet for one minute you are now officially on probation and I am putting you on an academic contract" and she walks away.....all I was trying to say was, "I'm sorry" to make her happy and even that was too "rude".

So I"m balling my eyes out and have about a whole 30 seconds left until I have to take her exam. Everytime I read a test question, my mind started to wander and I started crying. She didn't even have the decency to wait until after the exam.

What in the world can I do about this. I am so upset. I have never had anything put on my record....nursing school probation? academic contract? can they do this to someone with good grades and perfect attendance? I went to the D.O.N and she's on vacation until the 28th of October. I don't know what to do, and I'm scared my success is going to be jeopardized by this woman.

I am an adult, mother of 2 children, and this lady has me crying like I'm in the 3rd grade. I want to be a nurse so bad, this is my passion and I know I will be good at it....but do I have to endure this type of treatment to achieve my goal? Should I have to expose myself to this type of harassment? And I have a previous degree and for NS have been in school for 4 years now and although I have had awful instructors, none made me feel like this! And I feel like, if I don't stick up for myself...what kind of example am I being for my kids....showing them that you have to let people walk all over you.....what kind of nurse will I be? where I can't stand up to someone when I know they are doing something wrong? But I don't want to face retaliation (she already hates me) and have her deliberately hinder my potential.

Gosh I'm sorry this is so long, I'm hoping someone out there knows of something I can do. By the way, there are about 15 other students that are waiting to see the D.O.N with complaints about this instructor so it's not just me but I needed advice on what *I* should do from here.

-So hurt....

[mb1949]

First take a deep breath and stop crying, I know how you feel I have a professor 20 years younger than me who talks to all of us like we are garbage, tells different clinicals differents things, oh well that's another story.

Here is what I would do, nothing, I would go to class, keep my mouth shut, try to not ask questions, maybe after class you and a classmate or two could exchange info , like who missed what etc. find a way to work through this class.

As far as probation or contract, this I would respectfully go to the DON about, just to check out your record, and add a comment if you find she did put something in your record, however, I think she was just blowing off steam. You will run into instructors like this kill em with kindness

[ErinJane]

1- Talk to your program director. Even if nothing comes of it, at least you have tried.

2- Go to class...listen...but for the most part just teach yourself. I am going through the same thing and I mainly just go to class, sit silently...then go home and teach myself the information. I am actually doing better than most of my classmates because I am not stressed, because I don't rely on her to get the information.

Good luck!

Erin

[amybethf]

I am sorry that you have such a horrible instructor and I am probably correct in saying that even if you do go to the dean, he/she will side with this idiot so....does she read her lecture from the book? If so, just study from your book, be sure to know it well and that should CYA for the tests. And as another poster noted, get together with other students and compare notes to fill in any blanks. Does this idiot (he he) allow recording? Perhaps you could record her lectures since you can't hear her from the opposite side of the room. Or can you change your seat to be in hearing range? Aside from that, do not be intimidated by this woman, do not allow her or anyone to detract you from your dream. I have never heard of such BS. There is nothing you can do to change this woman's opinion of you, right or wrong. Some instructors just have to have a student to pick on to make themselves feel more powerful. But it sucks to be that student! Just do whatever you have been doing and get through this class, it will end and you will never have to deal with this idiot again. But you can learn from this situation, in the real world, when you are a nurse, you will NOT have to tolerate such abuse. And this is abuse. It's despicable and unacceptable. And soon it will be over. Hang in there and good luck.

[sunray12]

my ob lecture takes place in a smaller sized classroom with about 35 students. the instructor (lets call her judy for anonymity) sits in the front far right corner and never stands up (she has been recently plagued by cardiac problems and is too fatigued to stand).

this says it all to me. the woman is sickly and crotchety and has problems of her own. i'm sorry she's picked you to lash out at but this is what people often do when they are sick. as a nurse you will have to cope with people like her everyday - and maintain your kool. i suggest that you do that now in this class. just ignore her.

as for following along with her in class - one of the pitfalls of lecture style teaching is that no one is going to grasp every word the lecturer says. but on the bright side there is no class in the world where you will be tested on everything the teacher says - so if you don't catch something don't stress about it. i'm sure there's a syllabus and probably handouts that you can follow along with. or maybe you can ask one of your classmates to share notes with you if s/he was able to get points that you missed. so this does not sound like not the ideal class - but don't worry about it. the best bit about classes is the end every semester.

academic probation when you don't have failing grades? that doesn't like school policy and she might have just been spewing nonsense because she was agitated and not feeling well. (who knows what meds she may be on that are affecting her mood). if she actually does this to you then i'm sure your school has procedures for protesting grades and you should follow them.

in the mean time just lay low and know that you can get through this. good luck.

[DesertRain]

Hey, thank you guys for such supporting words. Honestly after reading your responses, I do feel a whole lot better. I guess I will have to make some allies in case I sneeze in class and get kicked out. It's like what was mentioned, the DON will probably side with her anyway and I'm petrified of what she might brew up to get me kicked out of her class and delay my graduation simply because she needed someone to pick on. It's crazy because my whole day has been ruined as I cannot stop thinking about this and having anxiety attacks. She probably wanted me to feel like crap and truly believing I am some kind of malicious person when the truth is, I know I have done absolutely nothing wrong and that's why I've been crying and so hurt all day. I can't believe I am paying someone to treat me this way. What's really sad is that this is a prime example of the lack of funds to support the salaries of actual qualified nurses to instruct students. They'll just throw anyone in there who's willing to get paid peanuts whether or not they are an asset or hindrance to our educational development.

I was really, really looking forward to the OB part of NS, and I love the information---I'm doing really well (grade wise) in this class and my clinical instructor loves me but now I feel like vomiting thinking about the next time I have to go to class. A teacher should never make it so that their students hate or are scared to come to class.

Thanks again guys for listening (okay, reading) my novel of a vent. I really really appreciate it.

[DesertRain]

Does this idiot (he he) allow recording? .

Absolutely not. One girl had her digital recorder sitting in front of her and she screamed at her that there were to be absolutely no recordings of lecture. The recorder wasn't even on but she never specified this before. However, the irony is that the other OB lecture instructor who has to teach the same material for uniformity among our peers....she allows recording. She also has a class test average 20% higher than our class.

[psalm, RN]

So who is overseeing things while the DON is on vacation? There must be someone. But, having said that, it may be better to do as suggested by others and lay low. Can you ssit closer or do you have assigned seating?

At the end of this rotation, when you fill out your anonymous assessments of the instructor, you can state how difficult it was to follow lecture, without getting too identifiable.

After my 3rd semester, I wrote about my instructor was more concerned about her family life than being there for us...that I realized life happens, but in her case, she should have done us and her family a favor and not been in the program. She was going thru a nasty divorce and we, her students, suffered for it.

She was a nice lady, and I felt for her and her kids. She was also employed at a local hospital full-time. I think she was taking on too much and couldn't do a good job of it, and we suffered. An instructor who has cardiac problems or one who has overwhelming personal concerns should not be playing with nursing students' education.

[laketrash]

Im so sorry for you.:heartbeat I also had an instructor like that and you are right , they can make you feel like a child. Don't put up with this, go talk to the dean or whoever you have to to stop this. The instructor who was doing similar stuff to several of my classmates and me was awlful. I graduated with honors but was told at the end of first year by her that I didn't deserve to pass to second year, It still bothers me when I think about her !

[MermiesGreatGig]

Sorry for your experiences! You are going to nursing school, not going through Army Basic Training! I am an advocate for colleges viewing students as customers. Trying to get help from your professor or assistance from the college business office is like visiting the DMV!

Anyway, I agree that you should lay low. Since she won't allow you to apologize verbally, perhaps you could write her a note. However, once the class is over, I would rake her over the coals to the DON and even the college president.

If you want some kicks for now, though, visit www.ratemyprofessors.com. I guarantee she has lots of negative feedback already on this site, and you can add your own 2 cents anonymously. Good luck, and just keep telling yourself that one day you will laugh about all this.

[Ladypie]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. I agree with what other posters have said. Also, is it possible to arrive early enough to get a seat right up front? You may have to get there 30 minutes early, but it may make a big difference. If you cannot hear in the back opposing corner, asking the person next to you probably isn't much help. (unless they have bionic ears!)

Do you have any friends in the class? Maybe you can compare notes and fill in the blanks regarding the page numbers or other things.

It sounds like she is taking her illness out on you and the whole class. Try to weather it as best you can and stay as calm as you can.

[MB37]

Another thought, if you can't sit closer for whatever reason. If you do go talk to the DON (which isn't a bad idea, just don't be accusatory), say that you want to talk about what you were told was going in your file. If she actually does put you on probation you should be counseled about it and you'll probably have to sign something. Our instructors couldn't do that unless we were struggling academically, but they could issue "write ups" for "insubordination" bascially if you rubbed them the wrong way. Anyways, you should offer a suggestion to the DON: get her a microphone. I'm sure the school has them for larger lecture classes. It would be a great way to accomodate the instructor's disability/illness without letting students suffer. Almost all of our instructors used them, and they were the kind that clipped to their shirt so they didn't have to do anything besides talk. Anyways, good luck getting through her class! She might be a great person when she's in better health, but maybe she shouldn't be teaching right now if her meds/condition are affecting her ability to get information to her students...