Yesterday I got a call from my neighbor seeking some help. It seems that the prior evening a friend and her children fled an abusive home and sought refuge with my neighbor. The woman and her children were verbally abused, the woman explained to me that she had been sexually, emotionally and financially abused by her husband for many years and the final straw was that it had become an issue with the kids.
They wanted my help in going back to the home to obtain her and the childrens belongings. First, I directed this woman to a shelter hotline and she has since followed up and is receiving assistance for herself and her children. Then, based on the fact that her husband had been drinking all day, calling her and her kids and was escalating in his abuse and threats, I called the local police department to let them know the situation and requesting that they come to the home to allow her to remove her personal belongings.
I'm very sorry to say that they FLAT OUT REFUSED and suggested that this was a "civil matter" and she needed to hire an attorney to help her. I asked the officer if he was refusing to SERVE AND PROTECT a female citizen who was attempting to remove herself and her children from a violent and abusive situation and he REPEATED, "Yes, that is not our responsibility". He also said "We are not hired bodyguards".
Unfortunately when we arrived at the home the husband was on the front driveway and had clothes, papers and belongings flung all over, was yelling, ranting and became verbally aggresive towards all 3 of us and threatened physical harm. I immediately called 911 and requested assistance. I was transferred to the police department and they could hear this man yelling and threatening in the background. I provided the address and again requested assistance.
The KEYSTONE COPS showed up about 20 minutes later. By that time we were back in my neighbors car with the doors locked and the man was still threatening us. The cops started out by ordering us 3 out of the car, hands were they can see them, and told us not to make any "threatening moves" toward them!
The entire time we were treated like criminals, WE had to produce ID, WE were prevented from leaving and this poor woman was subjected to continued emotional abuse by the respending officers. They asked us if we had been drinking or taking drugs. As we left, they were seen providing emotional support, patting this guy on the back and shaking their heads and laughing!
I am OUTRAGED to say the least. I would like to address this episode formally with someone a little higher on the food chain. I am gravely concerned for this womans continued safety and well being and am very disappointed to discover that I have invested my life in such a "good ole boy" mentality. Even our local country club has a wing resricted to just MEN!!! Women are not allowed!!!!!
I would like to complain very loudly and publically over these "professionals" demeaner and actions but fear that it will fall on deaf ears. I am told by many friends that it won't matter because "I am not from here". Well, I'm from here now and I am a citizen who is horrified by the treatment that an abused woman gets from our local police!!!!
Haunted, how is your neighbor? Is she hopefully still away from her husband?
She and her children are continually thriving. She is going to court today to get a protection order as her husband has been bothering her at work and calling and leaving threatening voice mail. Her kids are finally getting some counseling and everyone is finally calming down.
My neighbors are filing a formal complaint against the PD for their failure to act. Thanks for asking.
A comment from the peanut gallery:jester:. I'm a Nurse and also male, transplanted in TN from NM. I Know if you verbally assault a cop he can take you to jail. I don't see why the cops here don't act on threats in domestic cases, they are trained or at least should be, to know that each incident will escalate eventually leading to violence.
Back home if the cops are called to a domestic dispute and someone is threatened the other person can press charges on them. Most of the women I've seen be abused in MS and TN and let me tell you it an outrageous amount in the 5 years I've lived here. I can't believe
how few of them are not willing to press charges, boggles my mind
Yes, I also agree the health care system here is substandard at least from what I'm used to. I notice quite a lot of favoritism in most of the facilities I work in anyway. I just wanted give :up:KUDOS:up: to Haunted for posting her views. I hope you to take it to the hill and get something done. Don't get me wrong I love the south and the people here but thing here are slow to change for the better that is.
Kudos to you dee78! I work w/ a nurse that was formerly a police officer and she's taught me so many things to de-escalate heated moments in & out of the ER. You talk of being in Chattanooga, I live 20mins out of there and yes we do have good/bad cops mainly good ones now from what I see. In the mountainous area where I live I've seen all kinds of those situations where there have been no trespassing signs, restraining orders, etc. but some how there's a few % of scenarios where it all goes to "hell in a handbasket", excuse my french. But as friends of these spousal conflicts, you have to know what goes on behind closed doors and know both sides of the story. I feel bad for people who go through these situations, but we really do have to be aware of our "good intentions" when dealing with friends or foe in & out of the healthcare setting.:uhoh21:
A comment from the peanut gallery:jester:. I'm a Nurse and also male, transplanted in TN from NM. I Know if you verbally assault a cop he can take you to jail. I don't see why the cops here don't act on threats in domestic cases, they are trained or at least should be, to know that each incident will escalate eventually leading to violence.
Back home if the cops are called to a domestic dispute and someone is threatened the other person can press charges on them. Most of the women I've seen be abused in MS and TN and let me tell you it an outrageous amount in the 5 years I've lived here. I can't believe
how few of them are not willing to press charges, boggles my mind
Yes, I also agree the health care system here is substandard at least from what I'm used to. I notice quite a lot of favoritism in most of the facilities I work in anyway. I just wanted give :up:KUDOS:up: to Haunted for posting her views. I hope you to take it to the hill and get something done. Don't get me wrong I love the south and the people here but thing here are slow to change for the better that is.
I'm currently researching the current statistics on Tennessee crimes, ok not so current, it's dated 1999 but even then there were almost 2000 sexual assaults reported during that year in the Metro and surrounding Nashville area. The stats on assaults, violent crimes and prosecuted cases is TRAGIC!!!!!
Coming from California I worked in a very well organized and well funded SART organization. Nothing at all like it here. There are available Federal funds and with the increase in population and demographics there is certainly a need. Anyone else want to work on this with me? I have a few established contacts in the loacl medical profession who are assisting with this.
That sounds horrifying but I think a better question would be what's up with the police department of the city you live in. I too lived in California (San Diego), among other places and I am here now- I have seen and heard some of the very same and worse scenarios probably everywhere I have been. You did a very good thing and was treated very badly for it- however you can put people on the defense with the way you titled your post. Just my opinion1
Yesterday I got a call from my neighbor seeking some help. It seems that the prior evening a friend and her children fled an abusive home and sought refuge with my neighbor. The woman and her children were verbally abused, the woman explained to me that she had been sexually, emotionally and financially abused by her husband for many years and the final straw was that it had become an issue with the kids.
They wanted my help in going back to the home to obtain her and the childrens belongings. First, I directed this woman to a shelter hotline and she has since followed up and is receiving assistance for herself and her children. Then, based on the fact that her husband had been drinking all day, calling her and her kids and was escalating in his abuse and threats, I called the local police department to let them know the situation and requesting that they come to the home to allow her to remove her personal belongings.
I'm very sorry to say that they FLAT OUT REFUSED and suggested that this was a "civil matter" and she needed to hire an attorney to help her. I asked the officer if he was refusing to SERVE AND PROTECT a female citizen who was attempting to remove herself and her children from a violent and abusive situation and he REPEATED, "Yes, that is not our responsibility". He also said "We are not hired bodyguards".
Unfortunately when we arrived at the home the husband was on the front driveway and had clothes, papers and belongings flung all over, was yelling, ranting and became verbally aggresive towards all 3 of us and threatened physical harm. I immediately called 911 and requested assistance. I was transferred to the police department and they could hear this man yelling and threatening in the background. I provided the address and again requested assistance.
The KEYSTONE COPS showed up about 20 minutes later. By that time we were back in my neighbors car with the doors locked and the man was still threatening us. The cops started out by ordering us 3 out of the car, hands were they can see them, and told us not to make any "threatening moves" toward them!
The entire time we were treated like criminals, WE had to produce ID, WE were prevented from leaving and this poor woman was subjected to continued emotional abuse by the respending officers. They asked us if we had been drinking or taking drugs. As we left, they were seen providing emotional support, patting this guy on the back and shaking their heads and laughing!
I am OUTRAGED to say the least. I would like to address this episode formally with someone a little higher on the food chain. I am gravely concerned for this womans continued safety and well being and am very disappointed to discover that I have invested my life in such a "good ole boy" mentality. Even our local country club has a wing resricted to just MEN!!! Women are not allowed!!!!!
I would like to complain very loudly and publically over these "professionals" demeaner and actions but fear that it will fall on deaf ears. I am told by many friends that it won't matter because "I am not from here". Well, I'm from here now and I am a citizen who is horrified by the treatment that an abused woman gets from our local police!!!!
Any advice, y'all ???????
I was born and raised in Memphis. Every family member of mine is still there. Including my mom and sister. I love them unconditionally. I left Memphis in my rear-view mirror three years ago and I haven't looked back. I visit every three months and that is it. The politicians, police and any one with a high authority position in "my opinion" are crooked!!
I suspect changes in the system might be a challenge. On the job I see women who have been beaten up by their Metro cop husbands and it happens on a regular basis and nothing is done about it.
But it happens anywhere. In PA where my brother's a social worker, cops do the same thing. Sometimes to their kids, too. And they can't do much about it.
I completely agree with Dee78 about avoiding a confrontation. You can't just snap your fingers and get your way. No crime was commited in this case. You should have stayed away from the house if you knew the husband was home and drinking. The cops had to treat the case as if it was a domestic disturbance and you were the intruders. However, there are bad cops in EVERY state and country.
Just my opinion1
Haunted
522 Posts
She and her children are continually thriving. She is going to court today to get a protection order as her husband has been bothering her at work and calling and leaving threatening voice mail. Her kids are finally getting some counseling and everyone is finally calming down.
My neighbors are filing a formal complaint against the PD for their failure to act. Thanks for asking.