What's the saddest thing you've seen in your career??

deyo321 · Jan 28, 2009

I have seen many sad things, but the thing that makes me cry to this day would appear rather benign...

A hospice case in LTC that went well, the family was all there and appropriate, pain well managed, a best case scenario. After "grandma" passed the family were all in the hallway and I was comforting them and getting information etc. when a young man of maybe 11 or 12 came over crying and hugged me and thanked me for taking care of his grandmother. He was so earnest that I just about lost it and still cannot relate this without tearing up. All the things you handle so well on a day to day basis but this kid broke my heart.... I had to leave the floor. I was truly touched by him and just cannot relate it well. At that tender age to think like that.

queen777 · Jan 28, 2009

I could not agree more! I worked most of my nursing career in geriatrics and it was my job to ask these families to sign a DNR for their loved one..not always easy, but I did manage with just gentle yet forward truth by asking if they wanted to see their parent on a ventilator? That got to most of them because they never realized what happened after the code is called and the parent is then taken to the hospital.

But its not the sadest thing.

The sadest thing was this older lady in a nursing home where I worked as an agency nurse calling for help because she couldn't breathe due to SOB d/t smoking...there was nothing I could do.

Another was a man in pain with serosis of the liver lying in bed. His stomach appeared to be carrying a 9 month baby. It was too early for his pain med.

People with Diabetes whose limbs an been amputated in never ending phyntom pain.

This is the really sad story....children given up to the state because of their severe handicaps, many never even able to get out of bed....tube fed of course.

When I worked at a free clinic I saw many who did not need to be there, asking the doctor for ABTs when they only had a cold and the Dr would give them ABTs. When I asked him why (d/t the improper use of ABT and people developing a resistence to them) he said "if I don't they will only be back tomorrow." How lame.

Nurses not giving a crap....that is really sad....to lend a helping hand to other nurses. One of my supervisers was like that. I ended up straining my back! Then when I asked for an incident report, she replied, "have you ever thought of working in a doctor's office since you have so much trouble picking up pts?"

She dropped dead at home later!

queen777 · Jan 28, 2009

When an elderly man whose wife was total care and on kidney dialysis. Without me knowing it, he had permission to help her to the BR and he dropped her! He came to the door and said his wife had feel when really he had dropped her.

All he wanted was to get her well enough she could eat at home before she died. She spent months there in rehab for PT, etc.

We heard later she did die after he got her home.

eccentricRN · Jan 28, 2009

I haven't been a nurse long, but I've seen alot of sad things... I guess the saddest thing to me is knowing a pt is dying and all you can do is make them comfortable (we have a mixed unti with anything from peds to hospice), and the family cannot come to terms with their impending death. They want everything done possible even though it's most likely impossible... When they could try to enjoy their family member, & help them pass comfortably surrounded by theri loved ones.

Then of course there is the hundreds of dumps we get every year... you know around the holidays family finally sees their not doing well & they don't want to be bothered so they bring them to the ER & it's up to us to find proper placement. And along those lines the ill spouse who is the caregiver for the other spouse & family refuses to take care of them or seek respite care & now we have 2 pts & the truly ill pt cannot rest due to worrying about their charge who's been dumped in the hospital with them....

Could go on & on, but you all know that already!

KW_TX · Jan 29, 2009

The good looking 22 yr old guy who is now brain dead from the TBI he experienced when being thrown from his car cause he wasnt wearing a seat belt and his mom being in denial keeping him alive as a vegetable.

The 16 yr old girl who got hit head on cause someone on the other side of the road got impatient and tried to pass the car in front them at the wrong time and is now dead after her parents finally let her go but not before the father could ask to take her kidney for himself.

The MANY people who obliterate their faces from shooting themselves in the head and failing to die.

The little old lady that I stayed with while she died holding her hand because her family didnt feel like driving in even though they knew she was going to die that night.

The 10 yr old boy who was having seizures every few seconds and no meds would help. His mother would come in and put on cartoons for him hoping that he could hear them.

The 29 yr old young woman who got hit by a car and is now brain dead and has many bed sores and her family wont let her go. (this was at a hospital I volunteered at before nursing school not the one I work at now...)

The feeling you get when you first notice the bins in the morgue with babies in little white body bags.

The young child who has been burned all over thier face and upper body and will never look normal again...that is if they lived...I never saw the ending for this one.

So many sad experiences...I just try to remember and think of the good things that can be done by the nurse of these patients. The support and comfort you can give to them if they are concious and to the family. The hands you can hold when no one else is there. I pray for the patients I see all the time.

Shenanigans, RN · Jan 29, 2009

As a student I saw a baby die of "suspisious" injuries in the ED. The ambo called in and said the child had been in VF for about 30 minutes and unresponsive and with a resp rate of 5 for about an hour before the parents (both 16 year olds) realised something wasn't right and called their grandmother - a nurse at the hospital. All the doctors and staff in the ED knew that child wasn't going to be going home and one doc told me they'd just go through the motions.

After the child had been pronounced as dead the dad sat there with bub in one hand and cell phone in the other texting and getting dirty jokes from a friend!! The mum was just said "well, I"m 16 I can have more".

It was sad the child wouldn't have a life - but in my faith such a child would go straight to heaven post death. The parents and their behaviour was what made me sad, so many people waiting and wanting so much to be parents and then these idiots teens getting preg and jsut throwing away the baby or treating it like some kind of status symbol amongst their equally idiotic friends.

twinkerrs · Jan 29, 2009

I am still just a student, but have already had experiences that have touched me. My first day of clinicals in my pedi rotation, I took care of a little boys who was brain dead b/c step mom had beaten his head into a wall. The grandmother had gone through heck and back to get tx withdrawn so he could pass away. Father stayed with step mom and gma had to get permission from the court to make the decisions. I will never forget holding that little boys hand. My whole clinical group cried when he passed away the next week. He was such a fighter that he lasted 10 days after they withdrew life support.

The second was also at the local childrens hospital and it involved a 16 yo couple and an atv ride that went all wrong. Homecoming queen and star football player. One with a TBI and the other lost his leg.

twinkerrs · Jan 29, 2009

Oh I forgot one. The one year old boy whose had a rare congenital anomaly who also had a "normal" twin. The mom refused to ever seen the boy b/c he was just going to die anyway. The little boys grandfather came to see him everyday. I will never forget the first time he went out to play in the play yard at the hospital there wasnt a dry eye on the staff.

Magsulfate, BSN, RN · Jan 29, 2009

The 16 yr old girl who got hit head on cause someone on the other side of the road got impatient and tried to pass the car in front them at the wrong time and is now dead after her parents finally let her go but not before the father could ask to take her kidney for himself.

I am hoping that I misread this and maybe you're not blaming the father for her death. I think that organ donation is a wonderful thing. I don't know this family, but with most families, I am sure the daughter would have wanted her father to haver her kidney so that he could live, rather than letting it rot in her grave with her.

There is a family in Houston that are featured on the Life Gift Organ Donation brochure,, the teenage daughter died after a car accident, and the father got her heart. He explained how hard it was for him to make the decision to withdraw life support, and added on top of that the fact that he has her heart beating inside his chest. He is doing very well, but will never have his daughter back.

The way I read your post,, the father couldn't wait until his daughter died, just so he could take her kidney. Thats horrible. You don't know what was going on inside him. It was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do.

queen777 · Jan 29, 2009

I am still just a student, but have already had experiences that have touched me. My first day of clinicals in my pedi rotation, I took care of a little boys who was brain dead b/c step mom had beaten his head into a wall. The grandmother had gone through heck and back to get tx withdrawn so he could pass away. Father stayed with step mom and gma had to get permission from the court to make the decisions. I will never forget holding that little boys hand. My whole clinical group cried when he passed away the next week. He was such a fighter that he lasted 10 days after they withdrew life support.
The second was also at the local childrens hospital and it involved a 16 yo couple and an atv ride that went all wrong. Homecoming queen and star football player. One with a TBI and the other lost his leg.

Now that brought tears to my eyes! How touching and sad.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Feb 9, 2009

An update to my story of the girl with the seatbelt injury:

I left the unit where I cared for her when I took my current job 6 1/2 years ago, and moved 800 miles away. The unit where I work now occasionally receives children from my old unit who need emergent cardiac care, which they can't provide. We also care for about 100 children every year on a more elective basis who are from that province, also for cardiac care. Last night we admitted a baby from my old unit who was in cardiogenic shock and was expected to need ECLS. We also transferred a stable patient back to their unit (a much rarer situation). I was delighted to see that the transport physician was none other than the doctor from my story. While they were packing up the patient we were sending back, she and I had a chance to visit a bit. I asked her if she remembered our girl (who was I kidding! Of course she remembers...) and she answered as I expected. She became very serious and told me that was the most difficult decision of her career... to withdraw active treatment from a completely lucid patient. But in the end, we both agreed that it was the right choice and that her family agreed. It was so good to reconnect with Dr. H when this patient had been so much on my mind lately. We both feel that we did the best that we could for her and can move on.

KW_TX · Feb 9, 2009

Just wanted to clarify on my story earlier. I believe that organ transplantion is a wonderful thing too, and I was not trying to imply that I think its wrong for parents to receive organs from thier children who arent going to make it. The reason I mentioned it was because in this case the girl had not been there very long and she hadnt gotten bad enough to determine that she was not going to make it yet. Sorry if I wrote it wrong the first time. I truly do believe that organ donation is a wonderful thing.