What's the craziest thing you've heard over the ambulance radio?

[JeneraterRN]

Hello everyone,

I ran a search for this one and didn't find it, so I apologize if this is a repeat thread. Just for fun, what is the craziest or funniest thing you've heard over the ambulance radio for report? Personally, I had a first responder when asked what the patient's vitals were, he didn't know and couldn't clarify to me why he had no vitals. Another that was told to me, but one I didn't hear, was, "Patient is combative during CPR.". Anyone else have some funny ones?

[lckrn2pa]

I had a county crew bring an old guy in with CC of SOB with mild exertion. I'm standing at the door to the room they go by me and the monitor is at head of bed and I notice 3rd degree AV with rate of 24. I look at the medic and asked "you think that would have been a good piece of info to report??" External pacer didn't help so we floated an internal, I put his rate up to 70 and he got diaphoretic, chest pain, started vomiting, I had to turn him back down to 50 was as fast as he could tolerate.

One lady came in via ambo because she was out of food. (county service that can't refuse transport).

Mom called ambo for kid with fever and she was out of tylenol and no gas in her car, but the 2 packs of cigs in her purse were just fine. Kid was running all over the ER.

[ValDonovan]

Ahhhh, lovin' this thread. 10 years as a 911 dispatcher!!!

There was the one night a guy called 911 (and was transported) for having a cockroach stuck in his ear! YUK!!! Of course there were lots of family members on scene with plenty of running vehicles that could have transported him.

[iNurseUK, RN]

Best one I heard was "Patient complains of cell phone lodged in rectum. Cannot answer incoming calls. Phone is set to vibrate"

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

and a nursing home report that said,"He's combative. He wont keep his O2 on. We have it on 2L by face mask...." I was like, "I would be, too, you are SMOTHERING HIM!"

We had medics tell us "2 liters high flow put on by the nursing home..."

And, on a different case, "coming in with a 78 year old male having exacerbation of his CHF. He is on 2 liters nasal cannula with an end tidal CO2 of 37." We all looked at each other and someone said "did he really say end tidal CO2?" When the pt arrived, he did, indeed, have the NC end tidal detector on. I'm thinking this medic had an inservice on it earlier in the week and just wanted to try it out.

[funkywoman]

I honestly had an EMT tell me, "his heart rate is 62, and his pulse is 89." I was like... whhhatt?!

and a nursing home report that said,"He's combative. He wont keep his O2 on. We have it on 2L by face mask...." I was like, "I would be, too, you are SMOTHERING HIM!"

I actually took over a patient at shift change and the nurse (this is scary, was an ICU) had him on 2L face mask and said "well the doctor ordered it", patient had been on the mask for several hours and was "calm, no problems". Well calm and obtunded are different. Luckily we caught it in time and patient was OK.

[funkywoman]

"CPR in progress, patient very combative, please have security standing by"

If I'm lying I'm dying, this really came over the radio to our ER back around '92-93. Was some volunteer ambo service rolling in, I asked if patient was alert and breathing on their own and they confirmed and I instructed to stop CPR, continue transport and advise of changes. Reply "we can't stop CPR without a docs order", ER doc on radio gave order to stop. Reply "we can't stop CPR til you are physically present to give the order" to which the doc let out an impressively strung together group of words that can't be repeated in many circles. I've never seen a group of EMT's take the butt chewing like that since, the doc was waiting at the sidewalk for them. Doc was ******, patient was ******, I was laughing like crazy in the corner, turned out the guy vaso-vagaled when they stood him up from his recliner and the goof troop leaped into action.

Most excellent, needed a good laugh, thanks.

[GM2RN]

We have a woman who regularly comes in by ambulance for things like a swollen lip, can't sleep, is afraid to be alone, etc. Never does she arrange for a anyone to give her a ride home. She wants the ambulance to take her or the hospital to pay for a cab voucher.

[gentlegiver, ASN, LPN, RN]

From Hubby retired EMT/Firefighter:

Man calls at 3AM: theres a big blue flame in my window

dispatch: is it a fire?

Man: NO! its a big blue flame

dispatch: is that a jet passing over your house I hear?

man: yes I live at the end of a runway.

Big blue flame was reflection of afterburner during take-off

[raskol]

I've brought in:

"Pt complains of being lonely"

"Pt complains of hunger and stated, I like the sandwiches at the hospital."

"Pt complains of blood in his member. Stated "I scratched it with my fingernail"

I've had to call to request permission to bring in a deceased patient. The hospice patient coded in my stairchair. We had sat there an hour trying to convince the family to let him die at home. Called the MD on the phone to beg not to make me carry him back. He saw me later at the hospital and told me he saw the family and understood.

i'm sure I have tons more once I think about it some more.

Oh! best one.. "Lady attached to her cat by a fishing hook"

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i honestly had an emt tell me, "his heart rate is 62, and his pulse is 89." i was like... whhhatt?!

i get that a lot. it's possible with a ventricular assist device. it's always interesting to try to explain that to an emt unfamiliar with vads.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

this is a great thread!

from my husband, the transport nurse:

"what's your status?"

"we're about 30 miles south of goat lick (250 miles from the dispatching hospital.)"

"and how is your patient?"

"we haven't picked him up yet."

long pause on the radio, and then the dispatcher replies, "you were supposed to be taking the patient to goat lick."

[JeneraterRN]

This is great! Thanks for all the wonderful stories. Keep them coming!