What would you do?

[confused101]

all nurses out there that has been around the block a time or two! :) i have a night manager that is so bipolar it isn't funny. no flaming please! i don't know how else to put it to be honest. she will go out of her way to aggervate you and so on and so forth. tonight we had a situation on our floor that two pt.'s came from the er to the same room at the same time. we are semi private. if that isn't an oxymoron i don't know what isn't. anyways, one of the nurses that was getting one of the pt.s said don't they know not to send both pt's at once in discust. our manager said to keep her voice down in her condisending tone because the pt's family might hear you. the nurse said i don't care! this nurse usually don't say anything and the tention was high anyways. well, i thought it was funny that she said anything at all. so i laughed. so, this is where is gets out of control. my manager litterally gets her face into mine and says, "i hope your family members are never in a er cart waiting to get into a room and hear a nursing laughing!" i was in shock. she was mad at the other nurse, but she won't stand for it so she yelled at me. the other nurse told the manager, she wasn't laughing at the pt. she was laughing at me. then the nurse said "i would hope so!" and walks down the hall.

there is alot of history with this woman. this isn't the first time she has gotten in someones face before and gotten away with it. the main manager was told about it, but she don't do anything about it. more than half our floor is actively looking for other jobs. it's a mess. i am going to be looking myself, because my licence and job is not worth just telling her off royally. is there anything else i can do because of her behavior. i have never seen anything like this and i have been working in several hospitals. thank you for any input, because she is probley the one to be called about any transfer. i am afraid if i say anything she will make my life even worse that it is at work right now. thank goodness i have my husband who is supportive. again thank you to all.

[ebear, BSN, RN]

Bipolar?? From the info. that you've given, I don't see bipolar. I think the manager gave a ligitimate reprimand. Sounds like you 2 were acting quite immaturely and unprofessionally to me. Go to the lounge to laugh anytime. IMO, she is correct about being concerned that the pt's. family may overhear and misunderstand the situation (though it is inappropriate of her to "get in your face") I would have asked you both to step into my office for a "friendly chat".

ebear

[APBT mom, LPN, RN]

I understand what she said to you but maybe she said it the wrong way. I don't think that she had to get in your face to do it. She is right that the patients could take what you were doing and place it to them. I used to work in an OB/GYN office and we had a medical biller that would come in twice a week that would always bring hard boiled eggs for lunch. I don't know what she did to them but they would stink. Anyways, this was the day that she was at the office and of course brought her eggs and we were talking about how bad they stunk as a joke as a group of us were going outside for a break. As we walk past the patient rooms one of the nurses says I'm not going back in there she makes the whole room stink. Two days later a certified letter comes in the mail for the doctor. One of the patients heard this as we walked by and thought we were talking about her as she was a new patient from a practice that the doctor had bought out. She then states how she felt so nervous about going to a new doctor but had a few friends that had already seen him and said he was great but since the staff treated her that way that she would never come back, wanted her medical records, and was going to tell her friends how she was treated. Within that week we got 10 medical records request and the reaon was for how Mrs. XXX was treated. We all had a huge talk about this and we even tried to tell the woman that it was a misunderstanding but the damage was done.

[leslie :-D]

i totally agree with ebear.

the behaviors were unprofessional.

the nm's concerns about family overhearing, were valid and reasonable.

for a nurse to respond with, "i don't care", followed by another nurse laughing, is totally unacceptable.

i'm thinking the nm isn't the one with the problem.

leslie

[confused101]

I guess it was one of thoes things that you had to have been there. I have been out of town for a couple of days, so I haven't been able to reply. Thank you for the comments and the responces.

[busy-bee]

I don't think she should of got in your face, unless she did it so the family would not hear her repremanding you. I am sorry, but I do think you should of been repremanded, both of you actually. Laughing in a such a situation is not professional, and the other nurse you laughed at complaining openingly in ear shot of the family, is extremely unprofessional. I am not sure I would want her to care for my family member with that attitude, at least not immediately.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

confused101. . .as you said in your post, what this night manager said is interpersonal and a behavior issue. she is also taking the opportunity to be intimidating--because she knows she can. she's a borderline bully. learn to intimidate her back. it's takes a little thinking, strategy and planning on your part and taking one nervous step at a time. the first step is the hardest one. i might even tell her, "hey, butt out and leave us alone to do our work," or "don't you have something better to do than bother us?" i'd also challenge her to report me, especially if there was a witness. he said, she said incidences never go anywhere. if she wants to start reporting that kind of stuff to her boss, she's the one that starts to look stupid. eventually, when you start defending yourself and she realizes you won't take her crap, she'll back off. if she does retaliate by being unfair in assignments--that's proof you can document in a real complaint against her. and, i would take great glee in telling her to her face how i had been keeping track, documenting and was reporting her. i'm a master at intimidation and i learned to use it to my advantage, particularly with subordinates who act up and don't do their work as they are supposed to. it's a ploy to aggravate others and get them so uncomfortable they either fall into line and do what you want or leave. you need to start seeing and understanding what she is doing and turn the tables on her.

kiddo, i've been an acute hospital supervisor and unit manager. she doesn't have the power you are imagining that she has. she's barely one step higher on the ladder of power than you and she is misusing the little bit of it that she has.

take a one day seminar in assertiveness and learn what to respond back to her in order to defend your position and feel better. here are a couple of weblinks on assertiveness that might help you out in the meantime:

• http://changingminds.org/techniques/assertiveness/assertiveness.htm - assertiveness
  
• http://www.dlsweb.rmit.edu.au/toolbox/fmi/content/tutorial/assert/assert00.htm - this is a really nice online assertiveness tutorial from australia. click on the links to proceed through the tutorial. includes sound clips of examples.
  
• http://www.gp-training.net/training/leadership/assertiveness/index.htm - assertiveness for doctors. an interesting site that links you into information about being assertive. includes a list of books with information on assertiveness.

[ebear, BSN, RN]

Daytonite,

I am quite surprised at your response.

[confused101]

I'm sorry I didn't get back to you on this situation. After several people said I was at fault and didn't see that it is totally inappropriate to treat others like this I didn't look at the postings anymore. I now have looked at Daytonite post. I'm happy that someone is understanding what really went on. Since the incident, I got a new job and am a better person for it. That floor and manager was sick for my system for physical and mental health. Thank you for the support Daytonite. I'm kicking myself for not seeing the post till 4 months later. I just wanted to let you know thank you and it is nice to have someone who understands that it isn't ok to treat others the way that manager treated me and other nurses underneath her. If that happens in the future, which Lord help me if it does, I'm going to go up the chain of command it will make their head spin. I"m tired of people thinking that I am your manager lick my boots. You know.. Anyways I'm in a lot better position for it now.

I was talking with some other staff after I got comfortable on this new floor and the float staff and response staff knows she is crazy. It isn't just me. The angels sing! :) Everyone keep their head up and don't take this crap from no one. You are better than to get yelled at all the time because they have personal problems or something. Be the bigger person and get it rectified before it eats at you like it did me. The staff lived in fear all the time. At one time she stated that she wanted the staff scared of her. What kind of answer is that! I was looking at my allnurses posts while I was on that floor. I was angry and not enjoying my job overall. It's no wonder I feel better now.

Lastly, I hope someone will learn from my mistakes and newness in this field. It's not worth your mental and physical health for no job and it isn't right to take that kind of abuse from a superior. Be the bigger person. At first I thought I was being cowardly for leaving, but why be in a position that hurts yourself if you don't have to. Keep your head up and have a great day.