What do you say if you don't pray?

Nurses Spirituality

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Hi nurses,

I'm going into nursing this fall, and while I think I'll be able to competently manage most aspects of holistic patient care, spirituality is one that throws me for a loop. It's actually not so much spirituality that makes me uncomfortable as it is religion. A friend of mine recently lost her mother, and I noticed that the vast majority of folks expressed their concern with phrases like, "I'm praying for you". I struggled to express the depth of my caring with simple phrases like, "you're in my thoughts." I don't pray. I was raised in an extremely conservative Orthodox Christian home, but I currently identify as more of an agnostic (perhaps Buddhist-leaning) individual. It's my perception that many people expect (in the sense that they believe it is common for) nurses to have some sort of monotheistic beliefs, or to engage in prayer. How do those of you who don't have such beliefs deal with questions and requests regarding prayer?

It has occurred to me that I *could* simply say a prayer - without really subscribing to the idea - just to demonstrate caring...but it feels disingenuous to me. Hoping to start getting comfortable with this topic since I anticipate that it may come up again.

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

OP: if patients are offering to pray for you, say "Thank You" and take comfort in the fact that they are showing they care about you. You don't need to explain your particular beliefs to them.

If patients are asking you to pray with them, you can stand there silently and let them lead the prayer. Consider your presence there as a form of comfort that you are offering to the patient--it's not necessarily a subscription to their beliefs. And there is nothing wrong with thinking some positive thoughts and mentally hoping for a good outcome while you're standing there in silence.

If they are asking you to pray for them, you can say "you'll be in my thoughts" and leave it at that.

Of course, feel free to call in the patient's religious advisor at any time.

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relax, I think people make these situations worse by stressing about this. Getting into a conflict with some one over any religious issue especially prayer is never worth it. If a patient says they're praying for me, I'll just say thanks and continue on. If they want to pray with you again, I tend to just go with it. My reasoning is it doesn't matter whether I believe in whatever "deity" is involved, what matters is the patient believes and it helps them. so I am caring for the patient regardless. Plus for a lot of older patients their religion is a major coping mechanism, a major part of their framework for every day life, I don't want to diminish that, or make them feel uncomfortable. and if they are really religious or act like they would enjoy it. I bring up having their clergy or a hospital chaplain visit with them.

say whatever you feel okay with. for some religious patients I've had, "I'm praying for you" is almost reflexive sort of like saying have a nice day but with more of a I care about you feel. I tend to treat it as more of polite greeting phrase than anything else.

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Thanks all :) to clarify I wasn't saying I am offended by others offering to pray for me, I certainly take it as a gesture of goodwill. Neither am I uncomfortable simply 'being there' when someone else wishes to lead a prayer. It's only when I asked to pray myself that I don't know how to respond. I do like the bits about 'you're in my thoughts' and, especially, calling a chaplain. I guess I was drawing too deeply on my 'civilian' experience - telling my friend I'd "call the chaplain" when her mother passed, would, of course not be appropriate. It makes perfect sense to do so in a hospital setting.

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Specializes in Medical-Surgial, Cardiac, Pediatrics.

I'm an atheist. I don't pray or even pretend to pray, because I'm not going to pretend to engage in a religion just to make someone else happy, because it makes me feel very disingenuous and uncomfortable. Always has. It would be like if I asked a Christian to pretend to pray to Thor, because it would make me happy, and I don't think it helps with popular perceptions of non-religion to just go along with the majority and pretend to placate. Spiritual care for patients isn't mutually inclusive with religion, and I haven't had a problem stating why I don't pray and helping the patient find a resolution.

When people are upset or suffering, I usually offer to do something for them, or to talk with them if they need it. I also have said "I'll be thinking of you", or "Sending positive thoughts your way". Usually, I just offer to help or talk, and then let them take my offer up, if they want.

If people ask me to pray with them, I always politely decline to pray, thank them for asking me to be included in something that obviously is important to them, and then offer to get the chaplain or someone else who can join them. I also usually ask if there is anything I can do to help them otherwise. If they ask why I don't pray, I'm honest with them and tell them why. Sometimes, they feel better just talking for a bit about their beliefs with me, even without praying. I'm secure with my own stance, so I really don't mind listening. Most people have been surprised to learn that I don't pray or that I am an atheist nurse, but I've yet to encounter anyone who's been outright mean about it.

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Specializes in Gerontology RN-BC and FNP MSN student.

Call someone who will and can pray for them.

Believe me they just want prayer. Not everyone of us are the same and most everyone knows it. It is ok.

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That's the perfect textbook response :yes:. I don't think nursing emphasizes monotheistic religion but you do have to be sensitive to your patient's desires for spiritual care or respectful of their choice to not engage in spirituality at all. I feel like it's important to be comfortable with all types so they feel comfortable asking you about spiritual care, if that's what they want.

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I once heard of a patient who wanted wickan religious practices honored and we were much obliged to acquiesce to her request. As long as it didn't impact patient safety.

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Specializes in ER, ICU.

Is there a universal definition of prayer? I think not. Anyone who prays has their own idea of what it means. If you do not pray, you can create a definition that fits your comfort zone. If that means lowering your head and wishing someone well, that would work for most people. I'm not religious but if a patient asks me to pray with them, I say "sure", hold their hand, bow my head, wish them well, and move on. This does not violate my personal beliefs and is a significant comfort to the patient. I would never urge anyone to do anything they don't feel comfortable with, but this works well for me.

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I agree with nurse2033, but I understand if a patient's request makes one uncomfortable. However, since we are in the business of fully caring for our patients, I do agree that offering to get a chaplain or other religious personnel the patient requests is the best, as these folks are specifically trained regarding religious / spiritual requests. There have been times while waiting for the chaplain / other religious personnel to arrive, that I have provided my patients comfort by just being there, holding my patient's hand, giving the patient a moment of silence, while the patient prays to whatever or Whomever they believe in, which, I feel, usually provides them some sort of comfort. I certainly don't feel uncomfortable if a patient prays, whether or not I believe in their beliefs or not, but to each their own. You have search within yourself to decide what truly feels right for you.

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Specializes in Med Surg.

Hello,

I had a situation this week on this very subject. The patient was an elderly minister suffering from complications from dementia and Parkinson's. His son and his pastor, who were extremely supportive and friendly were in the room while I was doing cares.

As I was getting ready to leave, I asked the patient if there was anything else I could do. He said, "Yes, stand there (next to the bed) and pray with us."

Great. I'm a secular humanist and always try to leave the praying to the professionals, but the patient seemed to desire my participation. No big deal, I figured I would simply stand silently by while they prayed and the patient would be happy and spiritually supported in a culturally congruent manner. Yay nursing! So all four of us joined hands around the bed to pray.

The pastor, who must have thought he had to bring his A game because the patient was a minister, launched into a full-on Sunday Sermon "Take me back to old Virginia lord" prayer. You know the ones where every stanza starts with something like "Glory to you lord Jesus Christ the king whose works are miraculous and through him all things are possible in the kingdom of the lord we bless and thank you for your gifts which are bountiful and vitally needed in this time of strife....." said in a machine-gun like cadence.

So he would start with that sort of thing, then riff on "Our brother who is saved and beautiful in your holiness and grace in his time of blessed need...." On and on for a while.

Then he would repeat some version of the beginning and go on about "Our brother's family who is strong in the word of Christ and rally around our brother for recovery and blessings..."

Meanwhile the son is egging him on with..."Amen..Oh yes...My lord...Mmmm-mmm! And I'm starting to wonder about that drip I need to titrate next door.

Droning on, the pastor would freaking repeat the beginning again and go on about "And the doctors who perform serpitinditiously in his name with your grace and everlasting holiness guiding their blessed hands to care for our brother...."

Then, AGAIN with the drawn out opening to pray for "All the nurses who in your grace have cared mightily in your unbound holiness for our brother and the staff who bring him blessed nourishment....."

So meanwhile I'm thinking of this thread and how long the pastor is droning on and the son's spasmodic blurtings and I say to myself:

"Dude"

And I'm standing there sweltering in an isolation gown and gloves holding hands with these guys and I can't help it and I start laughing while staring down at the floor. Not like guffawing out loud but I'm definitely shaking a bit. I bet it sort of looked like I am blissfully nodding along with the pastor's impassioned prayer for the old minister. I'm not too proud to say the situation sort of got the best of me.

So the pastor finally runs out of steam and we all look at each other and harumph and nod and agree that was a wonderful prayer. Then the patient pipes up, "Oh I feel like preaching."

And I got out of there.

Anyway, that's what this non praying nurse said and did in order to provide spiritual care to one of my patients.

Cheers!

Art

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Specializes in Emergency Department.

As I was getting ready to leave, I asked the patient if there was anything else I could do. He said, "Yes, stand there (next to the bed) and pray with us."

Great. I'm a secular humanist and always try to leave the praying to the professionals, but the patient seemed to desire my participation. No big deal, I figured I would simply stand silently by while they prayed and the patient would be happy and spiritually supported in a culturally congruent manner. Yay nursing! Art

Up to this point this is good reasonable nursing care and I probably (albeit reluctantly) have done the same.

So all four of us joined hands around the bed to pray. Art

After this point they have taken it too far, it is selfish and takes no account of your feelings and worse it takes no account of other patients that you have to deal with. It also allows you no means of escape as you are trapped.

I would probably be swearing, never mind laughing. :roflmao:

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Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.

what's wrong with saying i don't pray

you can offer to call the Chaplain

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