Ok, so I know I can't be the only one who dreams about just for ONCE saying what's really going through her mind! I love my job, and I do it for the love of my residents, and I always give 100% to make sure they are safe, happy, and cared for. However, I am also extremely sarcastic by nature - and sometimes, well lots of times, I think one thing - but of course say and act completely polite and professional!
Let's see what we all are really thinking in those times of complete stress and chaos we all know too well! I'll start....
To the A&Ax3 perfectly coherent pt who is mean and obnoxious and thinks that he is at the Ritz not a nursing home, and thinks every CNA is his personal assistant / slave::angryfire
DO NOT under any circumstances hit your call light for me to come and pick up your breakfast/lunch/dinner tray - the NANOsecond you finish eating!!!! REALLY! You KNOW that at some point during the 20 other times you call me in there, that I will pick it up on my way out!!!! This drives me absolutely up the wall. Same goes for your urinal (with all 5 cc's of output)!
Stop calling the poor confused residents filthy names. Just because you choose to sit in the hallway all day long doesn't make you the hall monitor! Just because they aimlessly walk or wheel around doesn't mean they are stupid. They are confused. Telling them to get the hell away from you and go back to where "they belong" is nasty and uncalled for. I sometimes secretly hope you will become exactly like them. Soon.
When you ask for an appointment at the barbershop at 8:50 am and they don't open until 9 am, don't hit your call button at 8:55 and ask if I got you a 9 am appointment! I know this may come as a shock to you - but you are not the center of the universe!! You will probably get scheduled sometime later that day, or - GASP - maybe even the next day!
To those wonderful family members we all love so much:
Just because you have an internet connection and access to WebMD, doesn't make you a medical professional. Why the Docs and DON's entertain your completely idiotic and unfounded requests - I will never know. Do you know how hard it is to keep residents properly hydrated? Yet you insist your loved one is over hydrated, and insist he only have one glass of water at every meal. AND you come in during meals and pull a bottle of sea salt out of your purse and dump handfuls onto his food. Hmmmm. OK!
You haven't been to visit grandma in over a year. Grandma is completely contracted, hoyer lift, check and change, with aphasia. When you come and tell me that she told you she has to go to the bathroom and you want me to "take her to the restroom", I am not sure whether I want to giggle or slap you.
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Keep em coming! Just some healthy venting! Thanks a ton!
Ringing your light every five minutes isn't going to get the NURSE to materialize faster. And from the same resident, it just makes it less likely that I'm ever going to hurry to your light when you call me down to cover your toes with the blanket (this is an independent resident, who walks for crying out loud!) You can totally do that by yourself! Same as pouring the water from the pitcher to the glass on your table that is IN FRONT OF YOU! Your hand worked fine on that bell, which you never put down.
Ok so last night was a LOOOONG night and I'm still a little angry and not funny this morning. But really, don't wonder why I sound a little short when you've called 20 times in an hour for nothing in particular!
I've been there, will you cover me up? Will you get me "cold ice water"? Ugh, we are not running a freaking hotel!!!!! I have one resident who rings every five minutes for the same like yours! I have super sick residents who try never to ring.
I got really annoyed tonight because I come back from supper break and the first light I answer is a family member of a relatively new resident telling me that she wants to go to bed. She was not on my assignment and I had my own residents to put to bed so i said I'd go tell her aide and get back to them. They were really rude about it, and it rubbed me the wrong way- I felt the same way I always felt as a cashier when some loser would come up to the register and expect me to kiss their feet. Anyway the husband is a douchebag who uses the bathroom that the resident shares with 2 other women- he is not supposed to be doing that- and he pees all over the hat in the toilet and the other women get really grossed out.
So after their snotty comments I felt like saying, "You know what? This is really cutting into my night. I think I'll go back to painting my nails and flipping through magazines since apparently I am worthless and lazy and have nothing else to do."
Two words "shut up" to the resident who talks all night long, loud enough to be heard in the next hall, and to a few fellow cnas who feel the only way to pass the long hours is to talk, all night long. I like talking but after say an hour or so, I'm done lets enjoy the rare quiet and relax.
Specializes in LTC, Rehab, CCU, Alzheimers, Med-Surg.
Is it any wonder that people don't want to take care of you when all you do is whine and ***** about EVERYTHING? We are not your slaves, we are people too! Do you think we enjoy wiping you? At the very least pretend that you are even a little grateful.
Also, to the people who are in nursing homes SOLELY because they are too overweight and lazy to take care of themselves, are you CRAZY? This is not the Ritz-Carlton! Why on earth would you WANT to spend the rest of your life here?
To the huge overweight woman who couldn't wipe herself: I lost the wipe. No kidding she was that fat, I lost sight of it and most of my hand. Nasty! If she lost the weight she could go home. Instead shes spent the last few years bouncing around nursing homes. For crying out loud its called diet and excercise!
To the admin who put me on day shift: You are my hero! Whatever you want whatever you need day or night call and its yours. Need a kidney, I've got one to spare!
To the graveyard shift workers who ask if I like dayshift: **** YES!!!!!!!!
To the grossly overweight residents who ask for ice cream and get it all day long: NO! NO! NO! Heres a carrot, have an apple, something else.
To the losers who think they are in a hotel and that I should wait on them hand and foot: You big dummy, you're here to be rehabilitated. How do you think that is going to happen if you refuse to get out of bed, wipe your own rear end, or participate in PT/OT? You know what? You're not getting it. You think you are putting me in my place by making me run for every stupid thing you are too lazy to get and do for yourself but guess what? You're digging your own grave with your laziness. So go on and keep ordering take out, keep lying in bed 24 hours a day stuffing your face and watching T.V. Soon you're body will break down to the point where doing something for yourself will no longer be a choice because you WON'T be able to.
To the girl on the other hall: Just answer the f-ing call lights! Who cares what the other aides are doing? Maybe they're not very busy either, but I don't see them sitting on their ass behind the nurses station doing a whole lot of nothing, which is what you've been doing the last half hour. Just because you had to answer ALL the lights a few hours ago while one was busy giving a shower (OMG how terrible for you!) does not make you exempt from getting off your ass right now. You had the easiest assignment tonight. And I just did half your chores, for some insane reason.
To the 88lb 92year old man that just got transfered to my building......"You may have one this round , but im training........see u back in the octogon!!".....To the 72year old charge nurse that works nocs with me " You need to be living here not working here....when its to much to give a resident their pain meds and your cna's have to show u have to change your tubing on the feeding pumps ............RETIRE"........To the resident that asks me every 15mins "what time is it?".........Does it matter?? Its 2am ...GO TO SLEEP.
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NM nurse to be
172 Posts
Ringing your light every five minutes isn't going to get the NURSE to materialize faster. And from the same resident, it just makes it less likely that I'm ever going to hurry to your light when you call me down to cover your toes with the blanket (this is an independent resident, who walks for crying out loud!) You can totally do that by yourself! Same as pouring the water from the pitcher to the glass on your table that is IN FRONT OF YOU! Your hand worked fine on that bell, which you never put down.
Ok so last night was a LOOOONG night and I'm still a little angry and not funny this morning. But really, don't wonder why I sound a little short when you've called 20 times in an hour for nothing in particular!