Ok, so I know I can't be the only one who dreams about just for ONCE saying what's really going through her mind! I love my job, and I do it for the love of my residents, and I always give 100% to make sure they are safe, happy, and cared for. However, I am also extremely sarcastic by nature - and sometimes, well lots of times, I think one thing - but of course say and act completely polite and professional!
Let's see what we all are really thinking in those times of complete stress and chaos we all know too well! I'll start....
To the A&Ax3 perfectly coherent pt who is mean and obnoxious and thinks that he is at the Ritz not a nursing home, and thinks every CNA is his personal assistant / slave::angryfire
DO NOT under any circumstances hit your call light for me to come and pick up your breakfast/lunch/dinner tray - the NANOsecond you finish eating!!!! REALLY! You KNOW that at some point during the 20 other times you call me in there, that I will pick it up on my way out!!!! This drives me absolutely up the wall. Same goes for your urinal (with all 5 cc's of output)!
Stop calling the poor confused residents filthy names. Just because you choose to sit in the hallway all day long doesn't make you the hall monitor! Just because they aimlessly walk or wheel around doesn't mean they are stupid. They are confused. Telling them to get the hell away from you and go back to where "they belong" is nasty and uncalled for. I sometimes secretly hope you will become exactly like them. Soon.
When you ask for an appointment at the barbershop at 8:50 am and they don't open until 9 am, don't hit your call button at 8:55 and ask if I got you a 9 am appointment! I know this may come as a shock to you - but you are not the center of the universe!! You will probably get scheduled sometime later that day, or - GASP - maybe even the next day!
To those wonderful family members we all love so much:
Just because you have an internet connection and access to WebMD, doesn't make you a medical professional. Why the Docs and DON's entertain your completely idiotic and unfounded requests - I will never know. Do you know how hard it is to keep residents properly hydrated? Yet you insist your loved one is over hydrated, and insist he only have one glass of water at every meal. AND you come in during meals and pull a bottle of sea salt out of your purse and dump handfuls onto his food. Hmmmm. OK!
You haven't been to visit grandma in over a year. Grandma is completely contracted, hoyer lift, check and change, with aphasia. When you come and tell me that she told you she has to go to the bathroom and you want me to "take her to the restroom", I am not sure whether I want to giggle or slap you.
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Keep em coming! Just some healthy venting! Thanks a ton!
"How is it that while I was doing your vitals this morning you talked non stop about everything under the sun but now that I'm passing out the linen, you're to winded to wash yourself at the bedside?"
I swear sometimes these pts really want to be washed, despite being able to do it themselves. This amazes me...really.
To the few notorious nurses that always sit up at the nurses station "charting" for most of their shift:
I am not wonder woman. I can not be in 5 different rooms at once. I do not ignore the call bells in my assignment. So, when you hear one of your call bells going off for 10 minutes can you please go answer it. I would be in there if I wasn't being soaked in the shower room or cleaning up the worlds largest BM.
I would like to say to my CNA co-worker: I told you that your patient needed cleaning, not because I am lazy but because I have 5 new admits that need water, vitals, blankets, toileting, food*, and you are sitting there dunking biscuits in your tea and reading a magazine. (otherwise I'd gladly help your assigned patient to get cleaned up).
*To the Emergency dept- WHY does every patient that comes in want the toilet, and has not drunk or eaten anything and the first thing they ask for is food and a drink? In the same vein- patients! It's 4am, we ONLY HAVE TOAST or occasionally a sandwich left over from supper. The kitchen is not open, we can not get you a full meal. It is not my fault you have not eaten for 38 hours, you came to ED like 2 hours ago!
coherent resident requests barrier cream on bottom...as i am putting the barrier cream she says: "make sure you get into the crack."
what i really want to say: "what the eff do you think this is?? you want me to rub your nasty, smelly, raw crack??? not to mention you dig all up in your booty...how about i hand you the cream and you can caress and massage your nasty, smelly behind!!!!!"
fellow aide or nurse: do you have so and so?? (i answer yes) well, she/he is wet and needs to be changed.
what i really want to say: so effing change them!!! last time i checked it is in your job description to do so!!! argh!!!!
lmao love it! your reply message reminded me of this one resident i use to care for! i use to work in a assisted living facility being a certified caregiver. this one resident did not want us to wear our gloves when we changed her! she wasn't allergic to them or anything. she just didnt want us to have them on!! oneday, i was changing her, and she saids you dont have to wear your gloves! what i really wanted to say to her was: do you think i want my bear hands touching your nasty urine and feces? so eff no!
coherent resident requests barrier cream on bottom...as i am putting the barrier cream she says: "make sure you get into the crack."
what i really want to say: "what the eff do you think this is?? you want me to rub your nasty, smelly, raw crack??? not to mention you dig all up in your booty...how about i hand you the cream and you can caress and massage your nasty, smelly behind!!!!!"
i really don't like those people.
and, for the record, the last thing i want to hear them say as i am doing it is, "oh, go deeper, honey. deeper. it's not gonna do me any good if it stays on top."
for real?? if you want it so deep, let me go get some enema tubing and hook it up to the bottle of barrier cream and shoot it right on up there. if deep is what you want, deep is what you'll get.
We have one resident who practically asks you to sodomize her with the showerhead, ooohing and ahhing the whole time. She wants it literally ON her orifice. It's like uhhhh no. Other people have to use that. Then there's another one who rips it out of your hand and puts it on her crotch.
The things that I would love to say to my coworkers would probably get me fired. The residents are just fine, their off-the-wall requests do not bother me. My coworkers, now that's a whole different field.
And, for the record, the last thing I want to hear them say as I am doing it is, "Oh, go deeper, honey. Deeper. It's not gonna do me any good if it stays on top."
For real?? If you want it so deep, let me go get some enema tubing and hook it up to the bottle of barrier cream and shoot it right on up there. If deep is what you want, deep is what you'll get.
We have one resident who practically asks you to sodomize her with the showerhead, ooohing and ahhing the whole time. She wants it literally ON her orifice. It's like uhhhh no. Other people have to use that. Then there's another one who rips it out of your hand and puts it on her crotch.
We have a resident who tries to get all CNAs doing his care to "scratch his leg," which we soon figured out was sexually stimulating to him. He also enjoys... things.
To the perverted residents-- You are a pervert. That is all.
I also have a few things for RNs who think they know what a CNA's job is like, even though they don't even know how to do basic patient care.
We have a resident who tries to get all CNAs doing his care to "scratch his leg," which we soon figured out was sexually stimulating to him. He also enjoys... things.
To the perverted residents-- You are a pervert. That is all.
I also have a few things for RNs who think they know what a CNA's job is like, even though they don't even know how to do basic patient care.
I think being an aide should be a requirement for entry into nursing programs.I'm in an LPN program and you can REALLY tell who in my class is an aide and who isn't.
your reply message reminded me of this one resident i use to care for! i use to work in a assisted living facility being a certified caregiver. this one resident did not want us to wear our gloves when we changed her! she wasn't allergic to them or anything. she just didnt want us to have them on!! oneday, i was changing her, and she saids you dont have to wear your gloves! what i really wanted to say to her was: do you think i want my bear hands touching your nasty urine and feces? so eff no!
:argue::doh::monkeydance::pntrghi::hdvwl::anbd::brnfrt::igtsyt::pntrghi::barf01:
PhoenixTech, LPN
279 Posts
"How is it that while I was doing your vitals this morning you talked non stop about everything under the sun but now that I'm passing out the linen, you're to winded to wash yourself at the bedside?"
I swear sometimes these pts really want to be washed, despite being able to do it themselves. This amazes me...really.