What to do when your patient adores you?

[dsf43]

I am in my first semester of nursing school and I have my clinicals on the Med Surg floor of a hospital. So far I have had 3 different patients and they have all absolutely loved me; I do not say this in a cocky way. I am just super nice to them, I'm attentive, I actually listen to what they say, etc.

Side note: For clinicals in my school, we are assigned a new patient each week and take care of them for 2 days in a row for about 6 hours.

The point I'm trying to get to is I get into certain situations and I'm not sure about the correct way to respond and what is appropriate/inappropriate and what should I do in these situations. Here are some examples:

My first patient was an elderly women in her 60's that had to get a surgery. Her and her husband both loved me and wanted to have my name and phone number on my last day taking care of the women in case anyone asked about me or if I ever needed them as a reference because they would love to do that for me and only had great things to say about me. So I gave them my name and phone number because I did not want to be rude and say no; I did not really know what to do.

My second patient also loved me, but didn't ask for any of my information.

My third patient was in for respiratory issues in his mid 30's due to obesity. By the end of my second day with him, he was was somewhat joking/serious and asked if there was any way he could extend my time taking care of him because I had been so great. I told him I couldn't due to the way my school works. He understood and then invited me to his wedding in a few months and gave me his cell phone number and his fiances cell phone number and I took it because I didn't want to be rude by not taking it.

So what do you do when your patients loved having you and ask for personal information? Do you just give it or do you politely say no? Or what about if it's turned around where they invite you to something and give your their phone number and you don't plan on going?

I really would like to know what to do because I don't want to be doing anything that's inappropriate or be rude or anything like that. What would you do? Input would be greatly appreciated!

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Seeking guidance from your CI would have been the way to go.

Ok, this topic needs to be closed by a moderator.

Honestly, I do feel these posts are being very judgemental. To answer your questions, NO, it was never discussed with my clinical instructor or any other faculty member. So I did not know protocol or what to do when put in the situation. I am in my first semester of nursing school as stated above and have never been in these situations before.

You all seriously make it sound like I'm giving my phone number left and right saying something like, "Hey we should hang out sometime!" or actually trying to keep in touch with my patients outside of the hospital. I was never comfortable giving my phone number out as I never had the intention of meeting anyone outside of the hospital or even talking to them outside of the hospital as nice as they were. I was caught off guard and I did not know what to do in the situation, so I just gave my number ONCE to the older couple. I am aware it was wrong now, but what can you do. But let me clarify that again, I have given my number only ONCE ONCE ONCE.

The second time, the man and his fiance gave me THEIR phone number to come to their wedding. Again, I did not know what to do in the situation and I did not want to insult them and just be like no and not take it when they had it out and waiting for me to take it. If I could, I would go back and tell them what I plan on saying to patients from now on, but I can't. I never had any intention of actually going to the wedding or even ever calling.

And also, please to do not bring my age into this. This has nothing to do with me being young at all and I find that insulting. I am not "young and naive" or miss "young hott nurse". I am in nursing SCHOOL for a reason, as I am still learning and age has nothing to do with it. Do not paint me as some ignorant person because you say I am young and need life experience.

I was put in some awkward situations and I came here to find out what to do in the future to avoid/deal with these situations because I want to LEARN what to correctly do. I am sorry that I did not know the proper thing to do when it is the FIRST time I have been put in the situation and it was never discussed.

Edit* I just wanted to add that I only feel some posts were judgemental and not all of them; some were informative and very helpful which I appreciate.

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Agreed. Ask for an opinion and you'll get them! LOL

I applaud the OP for seeking advice!! I have to agree and disagree with the last poster... There are tons of little things I wanted to get advice about but didn't ask my instructors. Isn't that kind of what this board is designed for? Advice? I think the biggest problem most of us have with the OP's question is that we all kind of know thinking your patients "adore" you is a silly, immature assumption... Especially when we're talking about 3 patients for 2 days. And its even more difficult to be sympathetic to the OP when she goes on about how she isn't "young and naive" (FYI, a statement like that practically screams "IM YOUNG & NAIVE!!"... You'll understand that better in a few years) but let's be realistic, we've all been in the OP's position. We've all been silly, immature, first semester nursing students. That's all part of it.

At the same time, making a bad decision ONCE can get you kicked out of school, can get you fired, can make you lose your license, can kill your patient... no matter how much they adore you. It's really a benchmark of maturity when you are able & willing to take responsibility for your choices & say "I made a mistake, thanks for your advice, it won't happen again." More often than not, attempting to defend yourself will only eat away your credibility.

Please don't take any of the posters' advice as inappropriate criticism or insults. You'll spend your entire nursing career surrounded by people who want to tell you what they think, especially when you ask for their opinion like you did with this post.

[dsf43]

why don't you contact them and see what they think about what she's doing?

This is more of what my previous post was directed to. This sounds like I have been continuously doing something that I should be getting in trouble for. Like I keep putting my hand in the cookie jar not caring that I shouldn't do it. Which is why I felt the need to say I did it once because I did not know protocol. Not because once is OK or anything like that.

So what do you do when your patients loved having you and ask for personal information? Do you just give it or do you politely say no? Or what about if it's turned around where they invite you to something and give your their phone number and you don't plan on going?

I really would like to know what to do because I don't want to be doing anything that's inappropriate or be rude or anything like that. What would you do? Input would be greatly appreciated!

Here, I asked for opinions on what to do in the situation. The quote on top (along with a few other comments) did not answer this question, but more went into judgement that I was doing this on purpose and/or wanted to meet people outside of clinicals. Not quote on quote on what was said, but more of my impression of what they were trying to say (again, it was only a few comments).

I tend to not let myself get angry over posts because I like constructive criticism. I do not like feeling that I am being judge and feel the need to defend myself to begin with. Plus, I felt a nursing student is a nursing student and, young or old, age shouldn't matter because we are all learning so why must me being young have anything to do with this question; older students could have this same question and done the same thing.

Also, I never meant to irk anyone by saying my patients adored and loved me in my first post. I was going from quote where my patients literally said, "we loved you being here, I really wish you could stay" and "is there anyway/anyone I could talk to to extend you taking care of me because I loved you being here; well I want to invite you to my wedding and would love for you to be there." And I also meant adore as in a way a grandmother adores her grandchildren or a friend adores a best friend. Not in an "I'm so great, everyone loves and adores me."

So I would like to sincerely apologize if I gave anyone the wrong impression on what I was trying to say earlier (first post) and for my previous post as I was feeling judged and angered by it, so I shouldn't have posted at all.

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

Ok, this topic needs to be closed by a moderator.

Honestly, I do feel these posts are being very judgemental. To answer your questions, NO, it was never discussed with my clinical instructor or any other faculty member. So I did not know protocol or what to do when put in the situation. I am in my first semester of nursing school as stated above and have never been in these situations before.

You all seriously make it sound like I'm giving my phone number left and right saying something like, "Hey we should hang out sometime!" or actually trying to keep in touch with my patients outside of the hospital. I was never comfortable giving my phone number out as I never had the intention of meeting anyone outside of the hospital or even talking to them outside of the hospital as nice as they were. I was caught off guard and I did not know what to do in the situation, so I just gave my number ONCE to the older couple. I am aware it was wrong now, but what can you do. But let me clarify that again, I have given my number only ONCE ONCE ONCE.

The second time, the man and his fiance gave me THEIR phone number to come to their wedding. Again, I did not know what to do in the situation and I did not want to insult them and just be like no and not take it when they had it out and waiting for me to take it. If I could, I would go back and tell them what I plan on saying to patients from now on, but I can't. I never had any intention of actually going to the wedding or even ever calling.

And also, please to do not bring my age into this. This has nothing to do with me being young at all and I find that insulting. I am not "young and naive" or miss "young hott nurse". I am in nursing SCHOOL for a reason, as I am still learning and age has nothing to do with it. Do not paint me as some ignorant person because you say I am young and need life experience.

I was put in some awkward situations and I came here to find out what to do in the future to avoid/deal with these situations because I want to LEARN what to correctly do. I am sorry that I did not know the proper thing to do when it is the FIRST time I have been put in the situation and it was never discussed.

Edit* I just wanted to add that I only feel some posts were judgemental and not all of them; some were informative and very helpful which I appreciate.

I've ready most the of the posts so far, and I don't think they are being judgmental...they are being honest. With the 'information' you brought in to the post, and the way your worded it (I think it was a bit gratuitous to say "My second patient also loved me, but didn't ask for any of my information") you were going to get some responses meant to return you to earth. In all fairness, it does not look to good if you ask a question, get responses you don't like, then ask for the topic to be closed.

[Maybaby8]

Do not ever give out your personal information, or form relationships with patients outside of the clinical setting. It is exstremly unprofessional and it is always against hospital/school policy. I think you should read your student handbook.

[BiohazardBetty]

OP, you're exactly right... Older students (like I was) can have exactly the same question, but lots of times life experience in other jobs or in college can make it easier to make a better judgement call on the spot. Sometimes it takes lots of mistakes to learn a lesson... Kind of like you keep trying to defend yourself (and understandably so) & you continue to receive posts from people with more/different life experience attempting to present reality to you. I'd love for you to learn from my mistakes and the advice of others.

If it was me, I'd be incredibly grateful to those who try to help me be a BETTER nurse instead of continuing to say that people are being judgmental... We wouldn't say anything at all unless we wanted you to succeed.

Also, if you feel so confident in your position, was it really necessary to make your blog private & remove your school's name from your profile? If anything, your school should be made aware of this situation so they can do a better job of informing their students of the professional behavior expected of their students. It's unfortunate that they didn't adequately prepare you for this type of ethical dilemma.

[BiohazardBetty]

Also, I hope experiences like this don't keep you from posting threads in the future. This is an excellent forum full of educated, experienced, caring nurses. Asking questions really is the best way to learn...

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Doesn't COMMON SENSE tell you not to give out personal information to perfect STRANGERS? Because even though you were their student nurse for a few hours, you still are a stranger to them, and them to you. This is where the thought that you are young comes into play.

This is more of what my previous post was directed to. This sounds like I have been continuously doing something that I should be getting in trouble for. Like I keep putting my hand in the cookie jar not caring that I shouldn't do it. Which is why I felt the need to say I did it once because I did not know protocol. Not because once is OK or anything like that.

Here, I asked for opinions on what to do in the situation. The quote on top (along with a few other comments) did not answer this question, but more went into judgement that I was doing this on purpose and/or wanted to meet people outside of clinicals. Not quote on quote on what was said, but more of my impression of what they were trying to say (again, it was only a few comments).

I tend to not let myself get angry over posts because I like constructive criticism. I do not like feeling that I am being judge and feel the need to defend myself to begin with. Plus, I felt a nursing student is a nursing student and, young or old, age shouldn't matter because we are all learning so why must me being young have anything to do with this question; older students could have this same question and done the same thing.

Also, I never meant to irk anyone by saying my patients adored and loved me in my first post. I was going from quote where my patients literally said, "we loved you being here, I really wish you could stay" and "is there anyway/anyone I could talk to to extend you taking care of me because I loved you being here; well I want to invite you to my wedding and would love for you to be there." And I also meant adore as in a way a grandmother adores her grandchildren or a friend adores a best friend. Not in an "I'm so great, everyone loves and adores me."

So I would like to sincerely apologize if I gave anyone the wrong impression on what I was trying to say earlier (first post) and for my previous post as I was feeling judged and angered by it, so I shouldn't have posted at all.

[KBICU]

What if the nice woman had a crazy grandson? Bottom line you dont know where your name and phone number are going to end up. If she wants to do something nice for you refer her to your director or clinical instuctor. Its for your own safety and patients understand this.

[BiohazardBetty]

Colleen, there's no need to be *quite* so mean... we've all made bad choices.

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

The other issue deals with confidentiality.

In the circumstance where a pt wants to give you his number and invite you to his wedding...

Suppose he wrote you the note:

'Steve Smith (remember the pt you too care of at Memorial Hospital in Oct. 2012). My number is 555-1212. My fiancé's (Sally Jones) number is 555-1234. Our wedding is June 5. Hope you can be there.'

So you take that note to the coffee shop after your day, set it down on the table. You leave, but forget the note. Needless to say, now a big problem if the information got out. Now suppose that Steve now gets strange calls, is asked by a stranger about his hospital stay, his place of employment finds out about the situation, etc. Well, Steve now is angry and reports to the hospital who swears up and down that they did not release information. Suddenly he remembers the note and tells the hospital "I gave my number to nurse Jenny...she must have done something inappropriate with it." Well, now you are on the hook because you felt obligated to take his number "just to be nice."

[BiohazardBetty]

psu_213 makes an excellent point... I don't remember any instructors specifically addressing how to handle a situation like this, but they all made it clear that taking patient info away from the clinical location was a huge NO and that we would be removed from the program if we were found doing so. Huge HIPAA violation...