What was the MOST ridiculous thing a patient came to the ER for?

And did you have to treat them?

I am just curious. Your stories always seem to either crack me up or shake my head in amazement.

Thanks for sharing ?

Here's another one...

20 y/o "Buffy" type sorority girl at an area university, comes in with the c/o "A bump down there and its tender", hx present x 2 mos.

External exam by the doc reveals nothing unusual or abnormal, as he palpates around she suddenly says "that's IT!"

He palpates again. "this?" he asked, with a slight flitter with his finger to make sure he was correct (never mind the WAY that happened)..

"yes, that" was the answer

He sat back, removed his gloves, took a deep breath, and said with every amount of composure he could muster...

"that's your privy parts. That's SUPPOSED to be there."

All I could think was...God bless her, some poor guy finally found it.

:rotfl:

LMAO... I almost peed my pants when I read this! I only worked in ER for about a year, but it brings back the memories of the astoundingly stupid (but funny) incidents I myself had encountered! Thanks to all who share this stuff... it's great entertainment in a stressful world of medicine!

I worked in the ER for about a year as an ER tech. The one story that sticks out in my mind the most is the individual who came in with the complaint of a sore throat. The man sat in the waiting room for probably at least 4 or 5 hours waiting to be seen by one of the ER docs. One of the ladies from the check in desk brings the patient back, and lets the tech or nurse for that section know that there is a new patient in the room, and what their complaint is. So I go waltzing into the room, and tell the patient that he needs to get into the gown - and I will step out while he gets changed. He proceeds to tell me that he isn't really there for a sore throat, but he wants a sex change!:chuckle

So as I am trying my best to be professional (and not let the patient see me picking my jaw up from the floor), I explained to him that this would be better discussed with the nurse or doctor. He proceeds to tell me that he has been wanting this sex change for a long time, and today he decided was the day to do it! He was wanting to know if we could just lop it off, turn it inside out, and stuff it back inside so he could have a lady parts. It was everything I had to not bust up laughing. The nurse for that section asked me why I was laughing so damn hard (my laughing was out of earshot of the patient of course). She didn't believe me when I told her, and had to go in and find out for herself! Needless to say, the guy was referred for a psych consult.

Guy came in with neck pain. When asked "why he has neck pain" he answered he was trying to give himself oral sex and strained his neck in the process. unbelievable!!!:uhoh3:

Specializes in Urgent Care.

A guy came in for a refill on his O2 tank. Not to far out there right? But see, he has no scrip, no explanation of where he got the tank or anything, but "my doctor told me I needed it" because of the "toxic atmosphere". He also told the psych pt in the bed next to him that what she really needed was o2 and all her issues where also related to "toxic atmosphere".

I realize he is mentally ill, but that is still a ridiculous reason to come into the ER.

Specializes in Pediatric Pulmonology and Allergy.
one doctor was famous for going inot the waitin room and telling them to go home when the person complained that they had to be seen by a doctor he said you have.

Now that's smart. I wonder why more hospitals don't do this.

Specializes in Emergency.

Potential patient: "I want that medicine so I can have sex with my wife"

Nurse: Viagra??? That is not an emergency sir, we can not see you for that.

Nurse, smiling under her cool calm demeanor

Specializes in Emergency.

I had a 15 y/o female come (with a friend) to the ER to "get rid of" a pimple because she had a date that night. When we insisted on a parental permission before treatment, she became belligerent because she had "insurance" (public aid) that "pays (my) salary" and had "the right to see a doctor right away."

P.S. The mother authorized treatment.

There was also the guy with the vibrator (on) stuck in his rectum, the out-of-town salesman unable to remove a "cock ring" and the woman who inserted a tampon into her uninary meatus.

Just a pre-nursing student, first semester, but I have taken my daughter to ER before only to feel pretty stupid later...

My little one was unable to poo for 2 and a half days and she kept saying her tummy hurt and that she "couldn't get her butt to service" LOL. So we gave her a child's enema and NOTHING HAPPENED.

So we took her to the ER and they did an xray - said she had some kind of obstruction and amb us to another hospital with a Peds dept.

Once there, IV in place, waiting for CT scan to determine what the obstruction was...she was miserable. After being in the two hospitals for about 8 hours collectively, I went out for some fresh air. When I came back, they were already in CT. My husband comes around the corner with my DD in his arms and she is smiling and sparkly eyed and perfect.

Turns out 5 minutes before they came to get her for CT, she finally went potty and went and went and went, according to my husband. OBSTRUCTION gone...

Apparently after some investigation, we discovered my 4 year old daughter had helped herself to 6 packages of string cheese when no one was looking.

Felt pretty silly when the doc came in and said "Wow she looks better" to which my daughter replied " I just took a BIG POOP!!!"

Out of the mouths (and other ends) of babes!

We never would have taken her but her belly was distended and the enema did nothing...:uhoh21:

Specializes in Med/Surg, ER and ICU!!!.

Had a pt come in the other day for flea bites. Turned out he actually had some fleas IN his orifice. I didnt bother to ask questions.

Specializes in 6 years of ER fun, med/surg, blah, blah.
I had a 15 y/o female come (with a friend) to the ER to "get rid of" a pimple because she had a date that night. When we insisted on a parental permission before treatment, she became belligerent because she had "insurance" (public aid) that "pays (my) salary" and had "the right to see a doctor right away."

P.S. The mother authorized treatment.

There was also the guy with the vibrator (on) stuck in his rectum, the out-of-town salesman unable to remove a "cock ring" and the woman who inserted a tampon into her uninary meatus.

Sounds like that girl learned what to say from her mother. We are the ones who pay for their treatment. They pay nothing towards our salary.

Not to long ago, I had a 50-something lady come into the ER @ 0400 for constipation. Her loving husband brought her in. She also c/o hemorrhoids. So I gave her a fleet enema to go home with, I also gave her some proctosone ointment with the applicator(not attached) can anyone see where this is leading? She comes back 15 minutes later and states she needs to talk to the nurse. Well, to this day I don't know what she was thinking, but in goes the proctosone applicator minus the ointment and now she has the applicator up her bum. Now I have to go fishing, I finally got it out, and showed her how the applicator was suppposed to be attached to the tube. I then gave her a fleet which she held all of 3 seconds. In exasperation, I gave her a suppository and told her it was ok for her to put THAT there but nothing else.

OH MY !!!!!!!

shearernurse:barf01::barf01:

std from taking Zoloft. 40 odd people waiting. Usual busy night. Pt says I got an STD from Zoloft. So after a big sigh, I had to ask, "why do you think you have an STD from this med" . She said, "I was watching tv and they said it could cause sexual side effects". So I green drainage from my P*&&y , I got it from Zoloft.:rolleyes:

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