What to do when your manager is the bully.....

[travkitty]

I have a manager who is the textbook of psychological bullying. She constantly creates drama by telling me & others things about others, spreading gossip about people having nonexistent affairs with each other, admonishing you for doing exactly what she told you to do that morning & denying she even said it (even sometimes with witnesses). I was bullied by a unit secretary as a new grad & feel the same type of anxiety as I did then, except I could go to my manager (a different job & company) about it, which I did. Someone else went to my manager's manager with our concerns (it's not just me, though I'm the only one saying it's bullying). That manager basically said she didn't want to hear what our concerns are & that she would back the manager no matter what.

I love my job except for my manager. It has the location, hours & co-workers that I get along with & we've gotten very close. I'm in graduate school, so my schedule & hours is very important to try to keep consistent. The rub is that there are years between openings in my position, so a complementary transfer is almost impossible. I'd likely lose my great hours for school & perfect commute if I transferred within my current company. However, I have gotten tuition reimbursement from this smaller hospital & if I left before my obligation, I'd have to pay back 10K+ that they have paid already. I'm stuck in a toxic environment, it seems. My husband wondered if I'd even have to pay back the tuition if they can't accommodate a complementary position given that I am in a hostile work environment. Has anyone encountered this? I know I should probably go to HR with this question, but if the boss's boss doesn't care about me, should I even expect to not see brushback if I pursue this?

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

What's an EAP?

[klone, MSN, RN]

Employee Assistance Program.

[Gooselady, BSN, RN]

Depending on the institution, EAP is not always as confidential as one would wish....

That sucks !!

Defeats the whole purpose . . .

I worked in a place where my boss (a PhD psychologist with post graduate work in NARCISSISM) was buddy buddy with our assigned HR contact. That was, indeed, a sticky wicket to navigate when I needed real help dealing with my boss (read: figuring out what in the HECK he wanted me to do). So I hear ya, and agree that this CAN happen.

But WILL it happen every time? No. There are some professional EAPs who take their role seriously. The problem is, how in the world would you know if you got a good one or a croney?

[Tenebrae, BSN, RN]

NO, NO, NO, to the EAP suggestion. private is the way to go.

Why?

If you are recommending against a particular course of action its helpful to have more than "because I said so"

[klone, MSN, RN]

EAP is generally an OUTSIDE consulting/counseling firm. They are not employees of the facility. I would trust EAP, but then I tend to be less conspiracy theory than most.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

EAP is generally an OUTSIDE consulting/counseling firm. They are not employees of the facility. I would trust EAP, but then I tend to be less conspiracy theory than most.

just recently someone has posted that they went to EAP it was immediately reported back to their immediate supervisor, and they were reported to the board. you want to be in that position??

[Gooselady, BSN, RN]

just recently someone has posted that they went to EAP it was immediately reported back to their immediate supervisor, and they were reported to the board. you want to be in that position??

Heck no. But that doesn't even sound right. It sounds like they went to the EAP, (which got reported back) and then they got reported to the BON. Why would going to an EAP cause THAT to happen?

Thank you Klone, I always thought EAPs were contractors from an outside firm, I mean, that is the whole point! I've had to use one once myself (on behalf of the ex husband, who was employed by the same company I was, and who had a bit of a drug problem I was unaware of until the day before). It was all quite professional and 'confidential', but I still felt like a complete schmuck, as I was the nurse manager of the chemical dependency hospital FOR the company we worked for. That could have gotten very out of hand if the EAP or anyone in HR (who I had to speak to also about the same thing) had breached my confidentiality.

Stories like that, Morte, don't make enough sense for me to believe you got told what really happened. I know things like this DO happen, and I feel badly for your friend.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

not a friend, that was mentioned here on AN.

Heck no. But that doesn't even sound right. It sounds like they went to the EAP, (which got reported back) and then they got reported to the BON. Why would going to an EAP cause THAT to happen?

Thank you Klone, I always thought EAPs were contractors from an outside firm, I mean, that is the whole point! I've had to use one once myself (on behalf of the ex husband, who was employed by the same company I was, and who had a bit of a drug problem I was unaware of until the day before). It was all quite professional and 'confidential', but I still felt like a complete schmuck, as I was the nurse manager of the chemical dependency hospital FOR the company we worked for. That could have gotten very out of hand if the EAP or anyone in HR (who I had to speak to also about the same thing) had breached my confidentiality.

Stories like that, Morte, don't make enough sense for me to believe you got told what really happened. I know things like this DO happen, and I feel badly for your friend.

[klone, MSN, RN]

I guess I would need to read the thread/know the story before forming an opinion. I would still trust EAP to discuss any problems or issues. I would NOT trust them to disclose something I did that was illegal. They're not attorneys or clergy.

[SmilingBluEyes]

I too, know of an EAP breech that caused the employee harm/trouble. Won't get specific, but believe it; it happens. I will NOT use EAP for my problems. I will seek independent counseling if needed.