What is the most hurtful thing a coworker has said to you?

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Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
What is the most hurtful thing a coworker has said to you?

Has anyone ever worked with a coworker who has had incredibly negative things to say about them? 

For me, I've had one that is basically trying to egg me on to quit.  She has said multiple times, "If you can't do the job, don't do it."  

Due to current circumstances, she will probably be getting what she wants.  More than likely I will be resigning.  

I hate that she was right about me.  I probably won't be able to forget that statement or any of her sarcastic remarks about me. 

Who else has had a similar experience? How did you handle it? 

11 Answers

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

There are those vindictive pieces of crap out there who have all the  insight if a warthog on crack cocaine that are considered to be bullies due to low self esteem, SilverBells.

Sometimes, it's a good thing to stay and fight the good fight, and other times the best decision is to shake the dust of a place off our sandals.

Throughout my career, coworkers have probably said hurtful things to me, but at the moment, I can recall none. I do remember a patient belittling me in a group back in '87 which left me speechless.

I learned so very much from that encounter from seasoned nurses and therapists on how to deal with insulting behavior from others which I carry with me to this day. And, basically, I learned the behavior is inappropriate, needs to be identified, and the tables turned on the culprit.

Good luck and the best to you, Silver Bells.

Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

I have a very thick skin and oftentimes will first consider the source. With regard to the specific comment I would have probably asked for any specific ways to improve my performance. 

Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

So picking up where I left off I would like to add this. When someone gives me criticism (It can be a gift) the first question I ask my self after acknowledging the hurt what part of that Criticism I own. We can almost always find ways to improve our own performance. So ask youself if in fact you may be acting as if the you can't do the job?  To anyone who follows your posts it's no secret that you lack self confidence. It's also apparent that you almost never acknowledge or act on well thought out advice. There comes a time when you have to dig deep and really look at both your strengths and weakneses. Did you ever go back to therapy? You seemed to make progress with a therapist. You are only holding yourself back. It's very hard to be happy when you are so set on being miserable. One of the things I have always done is make lists of pros and cons. This allows me to identify and refine my goals then figure out where I want to be a week from now, a month from now, a year from now - etc.... Curnently I am working on my retirement plan. I won't retire for a few years yet but want to be ready when the time comes. 

Hppy

Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
hppygr8ful said:

So picking up where I left off I would like to add this. When someone gives me criticism (It can be a gift) the first question I ask my self after acknowledging the hurt what part of that Criticism I own. We can almost always find ways to improve our own performance. So ask youself if in fact you may be acting as if the you can't do the job?  To anyone who follows your posts it's no secret that you lack self confidence. It's also apparent that you almost never acknowledge or act on well thought out advice. There comes a time when you have to dig deep and really look at both your strengths and weakneses. Did you ever go back to therapy? You seemed to make progress with a therapist. You are only holding yourself back. It's very hard to be happy when you are so set on being miserable. One of the things I have always done is make lists of pros and cons. This allows me to identify and refine my goals then figure out where I want to be a week from now, a month from now, a year from now - etc.... Curnently I am working on my retirement plan. I won't retire for a few years yet but want to be ready when the time comes. 

Hppy

I think part of the reason why that comment was hurtful was that there was some truth to it.   Sometimes the truth hurts.  I have since resigned from this position, but I do believe there were warning signs earlier in the position that I tried to ignore.   For example, there were quite a few things that I put off until I no longer could or even redirected to other people because I struggled with what to do.   These mostly involved conflict resolution and scheduling.  I'm very good from a clinical standpoint, but those have never been my strongest areas.    And, in the AL, it seemed that those skills were actually needed more often than any clinical skills.   I also struggled with the 7 day on-call rotation.   I did decently the first 3-4 days, but then by day 4-5 my performance typically diminished.  I also didn't have the finesse for discussing finances and service plans that my colleague did.  Also, my stress levels got to a point where I ended up needing to take FMLA for therapy appointments.  In hindsight, I should have stepped down sooner than I did.   I did well with the floor staff, patients and families from a clinical and cares standpoint, but struggled in a lot of other areas.  

In otherwords, my coworker presented herself in an almost cruel manner, but there was some truth underlying her statements 

Specializes in oncology.
SilverBells said:

  I have since resigned from this position,

SB

Did you resign from the AL or move into your previous position?

Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
londonflo said:

SB

Did you resign from the AL or move into your previous position?

I resigned from the entire company and am now in the process of deciding between two new jobs

Specializes in oncology.
SilverBells said:

I resigned from the entire company and am now in the process of deciding between two new jobs

Best wishes on the outcome. So glad you are taking charge of your life.

Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.

For me it was when I got a job in a mental health unit where I was a patient over 20 years ago

I put it around that yes, there was truth to the rumours and if anyone had any questions I was happy to answer. 

No one took me up on the offer and the gossip just continued behind my back. I'm like 'if people cant be honest to my face then stuff them". I went through a couple of jobs after that and now have a great new job in a much more supportive unit. 

I learned when I was a student, constructive feedback will always be specific and give you a way forward. 

When its coming from a different motivation its always vague and never gives you a way forward. 

Glad you are getting out of there

Being in Dialysis for almost 9 years I've had so many rude and judgemental things said about me, from my preceptor to CN's to technicians from the Jurassic era. I learned to accept the source and just let it be. I let myself learn that my value and self worth was tied to the complements and observations of my patients. Greatest victory was when multiple patients across different shift began requesting me over those whom said I wasnt enough. 

I think the person since she is pretty darn good at what she is doing, would be an ideal person to mentor others. Nursing is hard already. Why some people have to be mean? 

Not a coworker. I hope not. But, I can share this with you. A few kids were taunting me for being motherless. I was barely in grade school. My mother died at an early age. I was very upset to the point I wished their moms died too. One of them lost her mom when we were teenagers. I didn't feel good about what I wished. I actually felt bad. The person who died was my mother's best friend. She was like a mother to me. Her daughter was something else. Anyway, in adulthood,  most of them are depressive or worried. Their parents are getting sicker. All I have hope for them they get through that pain. 
 

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