want to cry all the time.... can i make it in this profession?

[LPN2RNmommy]

hello everyone... this may be a long post, so to those of you that can manage to read it all and be able to give advice, GOD BLESS YA!!!....

Basically, i am a young LPN, working on my Rn, but i am doubting i can survive in this career... it's come to the point that i cry sometimes when i know i have to go in to work.. i get that sick feeling in my stomach and it doesn't leave until my shift is over......

i have underlying anxiety disorder, so that is no help.. plus i have had back surgery, so i can't lift,bend as well as the rest of ya can!!

i just feel that i cannot give the type of care i want to give in the settings i work.... i just got my lpn two years ago.. took job on a tele-med/surg floor and basically hated it.... everytime i asked questions i was looked at as the 'dumb new grad'.... and people just kept saying i ran around all shift aimlessly and didn't get stuff done in a timely manner.... the patients were fairly happy with my care, but it seems the nurses were only looking for my mistakes.... they'd say 'hey don't you care that mr. jones pulled his iv out?'.. and i had just been in that room ten mins. before and it was fine!!!

i just feel it's impoosible to keep up with all the meds and ngt flushes and constant ivpb abxs and patients going to and from tests all day long,,, plus all the new orders and heparin nomogram changes....

honestly, how can u guys do it all? i am not superwoman..

i want to be in a job that i can have time to hold my patient's hand or rub their back or hear about their concerns...

i barely have time to do quickie assessments and get meds passed...then it's off to take one pt to endo.... an other one is walking around with ot/pt so i have to wait to give them their meds...

maybe it's poor time management on my part, but i do not like running around all day long trying just to keep up, and barely having time to listen to my patients before running out the door to comply to the next pt's request for new blankets and ice chips...... plus when there is no aide.. i gotta get all the vitals and accu checks.....help turn/bedpan/wipe patients...

then if i am lucky i can get all my charting done........before finally taking a pee break at the end of the shift...

is this all nursing is anymore? just task-oriented? get the meds done.. do the assessments..... get the lab results/specimens..... get vitals... hurry and pass more meds..... rush a pt to a procedure....... stand and chart.. stand and chart....

i want to be able to do more.... but i feel i am not cut out for nursing..

sometimes i feel like crying when the family is in the room and they see me struggling to thread the ivtubing thru the pump.. or if i go to flush ngt.. and make a mess!!

can there be a place for me in nursing? a place where i won't feel my license is on the line every time i step foot on the floor?

a place whre i can rest my back... and my bladder?

a place where i can actually talk to my patient and care for them?

i am not lazy.. but i feel so disillusioned with what nursing is today.. i dn't know how you all can handle it...... may be i am too weak/sensitive for this field?

i do have good critical thinking skills.. i was top of class in nsg school... but i feel my skills aren't being used.. i feel i am just doing task after task.. and not having enough time with my patients to meet their needs..

i need a lower pt ratio or something....... this is too much work for one nurse to do.....especialy since i am agency and i need the money.. my husband has a low-pay job and i must be the breadwinner:uhoh21:...

i am so stressed about this...... i have to work for my family..

but these conditions are taking their toll on my young body and mind and soul...i am constantly in fear of making a mistake or missing something.. i can't relax on my days off....... i am grumpy towards my family....

someone please help me find what i can do?

i want to stay in this profession.. i only have six months med-surg/tele..

and about a year in agency doing mostly LTC.. and a little med-surg here and there..........i don't want to feel like a slave at my job and risk my back and bladder and dehydration.....i want to be satisfied knowing that i could take care of my patients.. not just say 'here's your pills/shot'....and that's it..

thanks for any advice.... please help this young nurse find a home....

[nursemelani]

oh believe me, i've looked into everything... checked the papers, local career advisement offices, no jobs available for LPN beside hospital or nursing home

it was my dream at one time to work in labor/delivery or post-partum, or something with women's health.. but no opportunities for LPNs.. and i can't handle the stress of school right now.... not knowing if i'm even gonna have a house or car much longer!!!! i gotta find a reasonable job quick.. one tht won't drive me crazy in fear for my license or health!!

i'd love to do family planning or teaching.. but i don't have the means to get a bsn at this time... ugh ugh ugh.....

i'll keep looking.... but who'd want to hire me with a job history as a nurse only holding one job for maybe 6 months at a time???

i wish i could draw portraits for a living... i love it as a hobby. somehow tho i feel i'll always be tied to the medical field..

i just dont' know where my niche is.

The home health agency I work for is DESPERATE for LVNs. Look in the phone book for Home health agencies and start calling around. I promise you will have a job within a week.

[LPN2RNmommy]

imagining home health... afraid to end up working for a family that is highlly critical of me and wants things done a 'certain way' for their loved one... does that make sense? afraid of being watched.... even in the hospitals where i work... i felt like i couldn't function or i would screw up if family members were in the room with the patient....anybody else every feel that way? especially if the family member was a nurse!!!!

plus i'd feel foolish if family asked me a question and i didn't know the answer

nevermind.. it's late and i'm rambling and i should go now...

gonna try to find a job tomorrow....

[pie123]

imagining home health... afraid to end up working for a family that is highlly critical of me and wants things done a 'certain way' for their loved one... does that make sense? afraid of being watched.... even in the hospitals where i work... i felt like i couldn't function or i would screw up if family members were in the room with the patient....anybody else every feel that way? especially if the family member was a nurse!!!!

plus i'd feel foolish if family asked me a question and i didn't know the answer

nevermind.. it's late and i'm rambling and i should go now...

gonna try to find a job tomorrow....

Did you say you take anxiety medicine? I might need a bit myself.

[pie123]

I know what you mean!!! and although it is a horrible feeling not knowing if nursing is for you, at least i know that i am not the only one who feels this way. i am a new grad 5 months out of school, and working in the ICU. I thought it was what i wanted to do, but after not even being able to distinguish one heart block from the other i realize that it is not for me. I don't know what to do now. i don't know what i like. i know i love to teach and talk to my patients, but i hardly have any experience to be able to go into hospice, teaching clinics, or home health. Does anyone have advice. i have to find a new job and don't have a clue as to where to look.

I work on a unit that is a tad less critical than ICU (allegedly). We have 4 pts max. The 4 pts can seem like 8 on most days. I had more drips on my unit than I did in ICU when I was taking the Critical Care class (which was req'd for this wonderful job...and a 2 year contract ). Oh, and if you get one or two feeders, or total cares, forget about it. Factor in those pts, plus meals, families, labs, meds, figuring out discrepancies with meds (this can take quite a bit of time also), tests, checking blood sugars, plus staff from other depts who need to talk with the nurse (PT/OT, Radiology tech, speech therapy, dietician, and the list goes on and on). Now with that, mix in any number of other things that could happen: sudden urgent change in pt's condition for instance, pt poops the bed and it's all over them, pt is sucking his IVF from his IV tubing, etc. This all makes for a heck of a day, that only stops once you swipe your badge in the timeclock. I would love, love, love to do something else, but I am bound by that 2 year contract. I don't know though, we may have to part ways soon, and I will just deal with paying it back then. I cannot imagine working at this level of stress for 2 years.

[wincha]

I couldn't do all that either sounds like a nightmare! I remember my first job after 6 months I was supposed to cover my LPN who at my hospital always had less patients that I did (go figure) hang like 30 IV piggy backs, start IVs, draw blood, sit with TWO patients at lunch and breakfast to make sure they didnt' choke(worked ENT) plus the LPN who we were covering wouldn't change she liked her late lunch so I couldn't even eat that day. I decided since the floor I worked on was a he!! hole to transfer which I did. I ended up working float pool picking my floors to work on. Now I haven't worked in direct patient care for 10 years. I would consider finding another job less stressful. Phone nursing like triaging works for me. If after you find another less stressful job and you are still anxious I would talk to your doctor about medicine but right now it sounds like its your job that I couldn't do after being a RN for 20 years! Good luck to you. I have worked in many areas of nursing there is alot to do out there.

[wincha]

I know what you mean!!! and although it is a horrible feeling not knowing if nursing is for you, at least i know that i am not the only one who feels this way. i am a new grad 5 months out of school, and working in the ICU. I thought it was what i wanted to do, but after not even being able to distinguish one heart block from the other i realize that it is not for me. I don't know what to do now. i don't know what i like. i know i love to teach and talk to my patients, but i hardly have any experience to be able to go into hospice, teaching clinics, or home health. Does anyone have advice. i have to find a new job and don't have a clue as to where to look.

I wouldn't have wanted to work in the ICU as a new grad. Why don't you find another area of nursing thats not so demanding that you might enjoy? How about peds? Or newborn nursery?

[wincha]

oh believe me, i've looked into everything... checked the papers, local career advisement offices, no jobs available for LPN beside hospital or nursing home

it was my dream at one time to work in labor/delivery or post-partum, or something with women's health.. but no opportunities for LPNs.. and i can't handle the stress of school right now.... not knowing if i'm even gonna have a house or car much longer!!!! i gotta find a reasonable job quick.. one tht won't drive me crazy in fear for my license or health!!

i'd love to do family planning or teaching.. but i don't have the means to get a bsn at this time... ugh ugh ugh.....

i'll keep looking.... but who'd want to hire me with a job history as a nurse only holding one job for maybe 6 months at a time???

i wish i could draw portraits for a living... i love it as a hobby. somehow tho i feel i'll always be tied to the medical field..

i just dont' know where my niche is.

Maybe its time to for to focus on finishing school and dad to work a 2nd job.

[wincha]

imagining home health... afraid to end up working for a family that is highlly critical of me and wants things done a 'certain way' for their loved one... does that make sense? afraid of being watched.... even in the hospitals where i work... i felt like i couldn't function or i would screw up if family members were in the room with the patient....anybody else every feel that way? especially if the family member was a nurse!!!!

plus i'd feel foolish if family asked me a question and i didn't know the answer

nevermind.. it's late and i'm rambling and i should go now...

gonna try to find a job tomorrow....

it is less work. really sounds like you should talk to a doc about a different anti-anxiety med to take the edge off. my daughter takes buspar and it works well and is not sedating at all. the way your post reads i read alot of anxiety.

[LPN2RNmommy]

hah.. i take ativan prn, but that's just to bring me down from my anxiety and to help sleep... does nothing to alleviate the overwhelming sense of unhappiness with my career or uncertainty of how i'm going to make a living....doens't help my depression either...... i talked to my college counselor today after not going to class and he is referring me to therapy for depression ... i can't go back to school right now... i'm too stressed...i hate my life right now....nursing has me feeling trapped.... i've been looking elsewhee for guidance..... i dare any of you to go to 'aboutmytalk.com' and look at all the posts of unhappy nurses... or just google 'i hate nursing'... very disheartening and disappointing to read.. maybe it's not me... maybe it's the profession.... it traps you cuz you come to rely on your 'good' nurse's salary.. but then u cant' handle the job and you don't know where else to work that will pay enough to cover your bills...... management doesn't care if u quit.. they'll just find another naive eager hopeful caring new grad nurse and run them till they're burnt out and then replace them...

it is so sad... i want to gvie quality care to patients but the system doesn't allow it.... how can anyone say they 'love' their nursing job when they're running their tail off just trying to keep their head above water with all the assessments and meds and orders and admissions,etc.. all the while hardly ever getting a break or even getting to go pee? i do not feel happy with the quality of care i am forced to provide.. i hate having only 10 minutes tops with patients.. it's awful.... i hate having one die without me being there to comfort because i'm too busy giving narcs to a drug addict or trying to keep up all the ridiculous charting.... allright..

i've been up waaaay too long now :)

igotta go to bed fo real

[BRemus]

I would recommend giving home health nursing a try again most places let you pick the clients you want to work with and you could then request a client that also has a pca during the day and evening to help with transfers and such also have you ever thought of a treatment center, behavioral health or state hospital even the jails the pay isn't bad and the works not that hard I do almost no lifting and am very rarely ever frazzled and I like going to work Just a thought

[nursemelani]

imagining home health... afraid to end up working for a family that is highlly critical of me and wants things done a 'certain way' for their loved one... does that make sense? afraid of being watched.... even in the hospitals where i work... i felt like i couldn't function or i would screw up if family members were in the room with the patient....anybody else every feel that way? especially if the family member was a nurse!!!!

plus i'd feel foolish if family asked me a question and i didn't know the answer

nevermind.. it's late and i'm rambling and i should go now...

gonna try to find a job tomorrow....

Funny that you mentioned about a family member that asks a question you can't answer. The Mom of the baby I am currently taking care of asks LOTS of questions. About half the time, I tell her "I don't know. That would be a good question for your pediatrician."

One day she told me that she appreciated the fact that I was willing to say "I don't know", and not try to BS my way through an anwer, like some of the other nurses had done.

And yes, she does have certain ways that she likes things done. I just tell my families that they know their child best, and to show me what works for their child. Sometimes I do feel a little bit inept for the first two or three shifts, but then I get to know my patient and his parent(s), and it goes really smoothly after that. Not like in acute care, where you are constantly getting new patients, and never get the chance to really know them.

Also, in home health, they will often give you an orientation for each patient, where you go out to the home for an hour or two, meet the patient and his regular nurse and/or Mom, and observe what they do for him. That way, you are not a total rookie when you go for your first shift.

I really reccomend home health strongly for nurses who don't like a lot of stress. If anything, I am often bored, but never stressed. I usually have the same one or two patients for 1 or 2 years, until they get better, pass away, or move away from the area. So you really get to know a patient and his family, and you are comfortable in their home, and they are comfortable with you. I have been doing this for 10 years ( with a couple of breaks). In that time, I have had 2 families that were so difficult that I asked not to be sent back their. Both of those families were eventually discharged from service, because no nurses wanted to go there ! But the vast majority of families are very nice, and so grateful for some respite so they can get some sleep, spend time with their other kids, or actually leave the house !

[RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN]

Hang in there you can do it!