Verbally threatened for the first time today

[Jdgrn13]

Hi all,

I've been a nurse working in a level II trauma center/ED for a year now. I am a pretty level headed individual, always try to have extremely polite bedside manner and move on when I encounter problems after diffusing a situation. Tonight, I had an elderly lady who fell and had visible deformity to her shoulder. She was in a lot of pain. BUT if you work in a busy ED you know sometimes patients whose lives aren't at risk are out on the back burner. I got a verbal from an ED physician who had just arrived, but wasn't picking up patients yet. I started a line and gave her 2mg IV morphine and sent her to xray. The whole time I was in the room, the patients son was literally hovering over me. He was watching my every move and would not stop asking questions. It got weird when he whispered my name once randomly while flushing pts IV line. I exited the room to care for my other patients. I come back in a few minutes after she's back from xray and his demeanor was cold. He stared at me the whole time and said "I want you to recheck her vitals" so I did, and he would not budge from the chair sitting right by the monitor, causing me to bump into his leg while trying to do my vitals. BP was high, probably d/t pain. I explained to them I was still waiting for a doctor to pick her up. I exited. Son comes out skulking around, stood and stared at me. I turned around and asked him what he needed, he angrily said "her blood pressures up, she's in a lot of pain and I'm going to make you liable if something happens to her" I asked him to go to the waiting room and he refused.security went in and essentially made buddies with him. I feel defeated and like it was an assassination to my nursing character. I was on a roll with happy patients all day until this..I feel sad that this guy harassed me and it's okay for that to happen. Insight?

[caliotter3]

Nothing you can do when those charged with protecting you make buddies with the person doing the threatening. Seek help from your employer's EAP if necessary and don't forget to talk about how you feel about security making buddies with that man. Give credit where credit is due.

[SubSippi]

Hopefully, if he would have threatened your physical safety, they would have forced your patient's son to leave. But in this situation, it sounds like their goal was more to de-escalate the situation. If he had been kicked out, he might have quit causing you trouble that night, but he was probably more likely to cause big problems for the facility. I know it doesn't feel good, but I'm really not surprised it happened like that.

Also, I just wanted to add that in my experience, family members who are overly concerned and unnecessarily aggressive are very often compensating for something. I had a patient once who was intubated and on an IABP for about 5 days after a STEMI sent her into carcinogenic shock. The day after she was finally extubated, she did a face dive off the bed and smashed her face on the floor. It was BAD. She lived with her son, and although he was very concerned about his mom and asked a lot of questions, he was always respectful. But her daughter, who hasn't spoken to her in decades, was up my butt, threatening to sue me, accusing me of neglect (she didn't even fall on my shift!).

Anyway, that was the worst one, but I've seen guilt manifest itself that way more than once.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

he would not budge from the chair sitting right by the monitor, causing me to bump into his leg while trying to do my vitals.

Obviously I was not there, but perhaps the son sensed a nonassertive vibe or body language from you, so he went in for the kill. I have no problem telling a hovering family member, in an assertive manner, that they need to step aside or move out of the way so I can render the care.

I've also received the "I am going to make you liable" or "I am going to sue." To these people I calmly respond, "You have the right to do so."

Families who throw down the 'liability' card are looking to spook you and make you nervous. Do not, under any circumstances, give them the pleasure of shaking your core.

[Jdgrn13]

It was just very strange he wouldn't quit staring. Eyes locked. I bumped him 2ce..said excuse me pardon me..didn't move. The whole thing was weird and I believe you are right..his motive was to intimidate me. Which I didn't feel that way..but my irritation was escalating. I hate it when I have people who need to be seen and I know they are in real pain and there is nothing I can do. Providers all notified, charge notified. Did he tell me he was gonna hit me or harm me? No. But his demeanor was creepy and I feel that this guy is the type to try to find me on social media somewhere or make lots of complaints. I've had many patients cuss at me and usually they are demented or under the influence and I brush it off, but it was family and he was stone cold sober and threatening. Ugh

[ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN]

If you are threatened once by a visitor, do not go back in that room without a witness or some kind of backup.

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

In my experience such comments from patients families are becoming more and more common - it's not ok but people threatening to sue or hold you liable should be brushed off your shoulder and politely answered - then continue on with care. IF the BP was high perhaps it was time for more pain meds. Having had a dislocated shoulder I can tell you it really hurts and little old ladies are either very stoic about pain or Total whiners. If you could have talked to the physician about another dose of pain med that might have solved the problem. OR say something like " I totally understand your concern and I have notified the physician but I can't do anything more without an order. Please take a seat and I will get something for her as soon as I get orders. "

Hppy

[amoLucia]

Re that visitor's intimidating behavior - any chance he may have been a GRANNY ABUSER??? There was that recent short entry post here about abuse of pts and this guy seems to fit that description of abusers.

[nurseactivist]

Creepy is creepy and I applaud you for recognizing it. That is part of the art of nursing. Stay safe and continue to listen to your "little voice."

[Lad345]

Im curious how that arm got broken. Such bizarre, creepy behavior. This man sounds like he is a domestic abuser, with a sick propensity for targeting women. He bro's it up with security one minute, then lurks around you like a deranged maniac the next.

Security should have had your back, that sounds like a staff near-miss right there. I get diffusing the situation. But seriously, just coddle and placate this weirdo for money's sake, but don't worry about protecting the nurse who clearly needs reinforcement. This guy's sending out unhinged vibes, he could have attacked you and seriously hurt you, and low and behold, security ust left after only coming down for a little bonding session. They dropped the ball.

I think I'd have probably went to charge or lead and fired that patient. Regardless, pain doesn't kill people and you acted to the best of your abilities, he was just trying to adf to his ongoing campaign to unnerve you.