Twas the Night before JCAHO...

Updated:   Published

I think I've finally lost it...

Twas the Night Before JCAHO and all through the place

Staff tried to remember to "PASS" and to "RACE"

The employee files were reviewed with care

In hopes that all 6000 papers were there.

The patients were sparkling and tucked in their beds

With neatly fluffed pillowed placed under their heads.

The nurses were writing, as busy as bees

Charting Oral care, Toenail Care, Plan of Care, Pee!

The doors all few open; with faces quite grim

Six people with business suits, clipboard and pen

Filed purposely forward to the nurses' station!

One picked up a Coke can: "TYPE I VIOLATION!"

They rummaged through cabinets, Pyxis and shelves

More industrious than old Santa Claus' elves!

They ripped through supply carts until they perspired.

"Did you know that your toilet paper is expired?"

They went to the patient rooms! "How do you think

I can reach the call light if I fall at the sink?"

They talked to the patient in 12 with DT's

Who thought that the nurses were all giant fleas.

The Hemorrhoid pt's site ID went fine

Til they asked him to reach his own rectum to sign.

Then they asked for a demo of evacuation

Of a 400 lb. man from the 19th floor station.

"Are your salt packets new? Is your pepper too old?

Are your cold dishes hot or your hot dishes cold?

Did your cordon bleu chef train in Europe a year?

And what would you do if your pt. wants beer?"

Code pink and code orange, code black and code blue!

Code yellow and purple and mulberry too!

They hopped on the Hippa and pounced on the Pain!

Talked of cultural needs til the staff wracked their brains!

"That confused, naked man who is roaming the hall...

You can't restrain him, but he's risking a fall!"

"And your Plan of Care doesn't address body image

For that 90 year old there whose nose has a blemish!"

"Are you licensed and certified? Tested? Assessed?

Competencied and religiously blessed?"

"Are IV tubes labeled? Name bracelets applied?

Are allergies tattooed both front and backside?"

At last they all smiled and said, "We are DONE!

And we've only found two hundred seven type One's!

But we'll be back soon to see all is perfection.

In the meantime we leave you with greatest affection."

Twas the night AFTER JCAHO; the staff all collapsed

And drank Margaritas in a bubble bath!

:devil:

(Just get me through next week...) 

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Mostly LTC, some acute and some ER,.

Hahaahaahaahaaaa

Thats me after the state is at my facility.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Corrections, Psych, Med-Surg.

Cute. And very creative for someone so young.

JCAHO = Just Coming Around to Help Out.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Brilliant. :cool:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Another one for the bulletin board! Thanks, that was great......:D

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care.

A poet who doesn't know it? So cute !!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Jeanne-- you are GOOD!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU, Informatics.

Thank you sooooooo much... JCAHO is making a surprise visit in less than a month, we got 1 months notice.. since we're military, the JCAHO equivalent is also coming.. talk about psycho!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thanks for the laugh!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You need to publish this, girlfriend, I mean it. Awesome!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

How many JCAHO surveyors does it take to change a lightbulb?

25 - One to change the light bulb and twenty-four to write the standards and tell her what she did wrong. Unknown

What's a JCAHO auditor?

Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. Unknown

Found these looking up info on JACHO. Note they are by unknown.

Publish your poem. It's GREAT!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Obstetrics, M/S, Psych.

I really enjoyed that! You have quite a talent!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion