True ER stories

Nurses Humor

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Our ER gets lots of calls from residents in our rural area. One day a lady called and said her daughter had spilled some vinegar on herself earlier that day and now she has a red rash. The nurse who answered the phone said, "well I've never heard of a rash from vinegar, but I guess it's possible."

Another old ER nurse said, "Ask her if it was boiling at the time it spilled on her."

The rest of us burst into laughter. He said, "I've been doing this long enough, you gotta ask."

So the nurse on the phone asked, "Was it hot?"

The caller replied, "Yeah, it's been real hot here today."

You just gotta shake your head.

Overheard in the ER, says one family member to another, "they took mom down for a "cap" scan of her head."

Why is it that at 2 am on a Saturday night, that four month old back injury suddenly requires medical intervention? And why do you have to bring six family members in dire need of personal hygiene measures along? And if it hurts so bad, how can you talk and laugh loudly while eating corn chips and drinking Pepsi on your way out the door for a quick smoke (since the doc can't see you for 10 minutes anyway)?!

God, I love this job!

Specializes in CV, ER, ICU.

when as Nursing student in a Northwestern Arkansas hospital ER a family accompanied their father in by ambulance, Who the family stated performed "PCR" on the father who had "Resperated" and brought him back to them.

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Specializes in ER, ER, ER.

These are great! Thanks!

I was working in a busy ER when the cops brought in a drunk with a huge chin lac. Seem said pt was bowling while he was drinking, a dangerous combo. Dissatisfied with his inability to pick up a "split" (was he seeing double??), he threw himself down the bowling lane chin-first. I don't know if he picked up the frame, but he did earn himself a Drunk and Disorderly charge....And a standing ovation from the entire ER staff.

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Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.
I have two stories one is my own experience. I was working with a confused elderly man who had a J-P bulb in his abdominal surgical site. He was still NPO and kept saying how hungry he was. I caught him just as he was about to take a bite out of his JP bulb. I said, "Mr. Jones! What are you doing?" He responded irritably, "I'm trying to eat this potato!" I still call JP's "potato's" to this day!

In an ER where I once worked, an older couple came in, the husband in severe pain the wife sobbing. In the triage room the wife confessed, "I told him I didn't want to do it! But it is our 40th anniversary and he wanted to try something different! And we can't get it out!" "It" was a small vibrator. The doc could barely reach it with the anoscope and it was still ON (Energizer batteries apparently) and so the poor fellow wound up having emergency surgery to remove the vibrator --which on X-ray revealed it had migrated quite far up his colon!

You must admire the loyalty this wife had for not dropping him off at the ER doors and sped away!

:lol2: Hilarious! I LOVE this thread ;)

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

I was out in triage, and had a woman bring in her toddler who had been visiting daddy somewhere else. Grandma insisted she have that 90% healed, noninfected scratch (only a red line by now) on the bottom of baby's foot checked out for possible abuse. Mom by now is embarressed, and kept asking "do you think she needs to be seen?". I kept saying over and over everytime she asked, while slowly shaking my head, "it is against the law for me to tell you YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE SEEN HERE". Mom finally decided she should just take little one home. :uhoh3:

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HILARIOUS _ I won't be eating McDonald's fries anytime soon!!!

I love these threads!

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Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.

Oh god I could write a book.....

One of my favorites was at the triage window, and the patient signing in with "bugs in my cookie".

We got a call from a sweet little old lady one evening that she would be bringing her husband in, but someone would need to meet her outside because he was unable to walk. A few of us wait patiently at the ambulance entrance until a car pulls up, with the little old lady in the front seat, and in the back seat, all we could see was a broom sticking straight up. She proceeded to get out of her car, and when we asked where her husband was, she stated "oh hes lying down in the backseat". So lo and behold, I opened the back door to find her husband lying prone, with the broom handle firmly implanted in his butt. Turns out, he was told he had internal hemorrhoids and wanted to make sure all his medication got in there.

Another night, I was charting on the computer when I heard my name being hollered down the hall by a very distressed doctor. I went running into the exam room, and found a tiny 90 pound woman in the lithotomy position. I was so confused. The doctor finally lifted up the drape sheet and said "you have GOT to see this". She was an immigrant from another country where they had a ritual to cleanse themselves after intercourse. She had taken a very small, creamer potato and inserted it into her lady parts. I guess she forgot about it. It had sprouted.

One night while sitting at the station, I noticed a Foley cath, balloon fully inflated on the floor, and a naked toosh walking down the hallway. After running to catch the man, who was in his 80's, he spun around to show me his handiwork. After pulling out the catheter, to prevent furthur trauma, he took off his hospital gown and tied off the base of his member like a tourniquet to stop the bleeding.

(this one isnt ER) One night I was floated to the psych floor and assigned with two older women in a semi-private room. They clearly didn't get along. One woman was in the restroom for atleast an hour and a half, and the other woman banged on the door screaming that she had to go bad. After this went on for about 30 minutes, I guess she couldn't hold it anymore. She got in her roommates bed, jumped under the covers, did her business, and got back in her own bed. When the other patient finally emerged from the bathroom, she pulled back the covers to find a big poop in the middle of her bed. Needless to say they were seperated.

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Specializes in ICU-my whole life!!.

Thanks for all the stories. Love them!

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Awesome Stories!

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
one of my favorites was at the triage window, and the patient signing in with "bugs in my cookie".

we got a call from a sweet little old lady one evening that she would be bringing her husband in, but someone would need to meet her outside because he was unable to walk. a few of us wait patiently at the ambulance entrance until a car pulls up, with the little old lady in the front seat, and in the back seat, all we could see was a broom sticking straight up. she proceeded to get out of her car, and when we asked where her husband was, she stated "oh hes lying down in the backseat". so lo and behold, i opened the back door to find her husband lying prone, with the broom handle firmly implanted in his butt. turns out, he was told he had internal hemorrhoids and wanted to make sure all his medication got in there.

one night while sitting at the station, i noticed a foley cath, balloon fully inflated on the floor, and a naked toosh walking down the hallway. after running to catch the man, who was in his 80's, he spun around to show me his handiwork. after pulling out the catheter, to prevent furthur trauma, he took off his hospital gown and tied off the base of his member like a tourniquet to stop the bleeding.

(this one isnt er) one night i was floated to the psych floor and assigned with two older women in a semi-private room. they clearly didn't get along. one woman was in the restroom for atleast an hour and a half, and the other woman banged on the door screaming that she had to go bad. after this went on for about 30 minutes, i guess she couldn't hold it anymore. she got in her roommates bed, jumped under the covers, did her business, and got back in her own bed. when the other patient finally emerged from the bathroom, she pulled back the covers to find a big poop in the middle of her bed. needless to say they were seperated.

:lol2:i just love these. no wonder i love nursing so much.:D
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Specializes in critical care, home health.

We had a young couple, new immigrants from the Middle East, who came into our ER very embarrassed. The woman had decided to remove her underarm hair by waxing it. Problem was, the hair was so long that she ended up with basically wads of wax stuck in her hair and couldn't get it out. This resulted in a fairly painful procedure.

We also had an obese man who came in complaining of acutely swollen testicles. His wife (bless her heart!) explained to the doc that in order to reduce the swelling, she had been giving her husband frequent, um, oral s**. She was surprised that the swelling hadn't gone down at all.

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Oh LOL.

http://www.ertards.com/

I'll pass this on ;)

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ER was fun. I had a detainee pt one time coming in for scrotal pain. As I asked him to show me for examination, he declined and insisted that he only wanted to see the MD. It was a day-night shift change. While I was endorsing the pt, the guard, who was with the detainee, was leaving the pt room. I asked the guard if the pt was handcuffed to the bed and he told me that his ankles were shackled and won't go too far. The next day, I recognized a picture in the local newspaper. He got away about 3 hours after I left. He was caught that same night. Turns out, he planned the escape as stated by his cell mate.

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