True ER stories

[Kel Cardaras]

Our ER gets lots of calls from residents in our rural area. One day a lady called and said her daughter had spilled some vinegar on herself earlier that day and now she has a red rash. The nurse who answered the phone said, "well I've never heard of a rash from vinegar, but I guess it's possible."

Another old ER nurse said, "Ask her if it was boiling at the time it spilled on her."

The rest of us burst into laughter. He said, "I've been doing this long enough, you gotta ask."

So the nurse on the phone asked, "Was it hot?"

The caller replied, "Yeah, it's been real hot here today."

You just gotta shake your head.

Overheard in the ER, says one family member to another, "they took mom down for a "cap" scan of her head."

Why is it that at 2 am on a Saturday night, that four month old back injury suddenly requires medical intervention? And why do you have to bring six family members in dire need of personal hygiene measures along? And if it hurts so bad, how can you talk and laugh loudly while eating corn chips and drinking Pepsi on your way out the door for a quick smoke (since the doc can't see you for 10 minutes anyway)?!

God, I love this job!

[Davey Do]

she needed to get off so she stuck canned tuna up her so a dog can lick it out and get her off.

Huh! I wonder what went wrong?

[Davey Do]

As the overalls came off, it was discovered that he was wearing a bright, bedazzled neon pink thong.

Oh yeah- I grew up on a small farm outside of Anomaly Illinois.

My Dad would call to Mom, "Hon! I'm goin' up and plow the north forty!"

And Mom would always reply, "Now don't you forget to wear your pink thong!"

[Davey Do]

I know of a patient who escaped from a mental hospital, was going down the road in a wheelchair clothed in a hospital gown. He went to a very expensive car dealer, and purchased an AUDI.

I wondered what those new signs meant...

[Davey Do]

A portion of the EMT program I went through back in '79, of course entailed some time in the ER. My friend Teresa and I chose Friday and Saturday nights, figuring that's when we'd see the most action.

An unconscious young man was brought into the ER from a nightclub after loosing consciousness. As the ER team assessed the patient, they asked Teresa to remove his trousers. When she did, a pair of balled up socks popped out.

Teresa laughed so hard and loudly, she was asked to leave the treatment room.

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

The most memorable memory I have from my time in the ER is when a known prostitute came in complaining about lower abdominal pain. We thought it was from her many known STDs so we escorted her back to a room and told her to change so the doctor can do a pelvic exam. A few minutes later we go into the room almost being knocked down by the odor coming from her. She assumes the position and I stood behind the doctor assisting. As he opens her up we both almost pass out because as we bring the light closer we see dozens of maggots crawling around in her lady parts. She proceeds to tell us that "business" had been slow and she needed to get off so she stuck canned tuna up her so a dog can lick it out and get her off.

Disgusting.

[nrsang97, BSN, RN]

As part of my rapid response duties we respond to red level traumas. One night around the 4th of July a guy comes into the ER as an ejected passenger from a car. I go down to see if they needed my help. The pt is a young guy who was riding in a jeep with no doors with a friend. He was not wearing a seat belt, and the driver made a left turn and he fell out. I looked at a coworker and we almost lost it. The patient was cracking jokes about it. Thankfully he was not injured but for some road rash.

[RNOTODAY, BSN, RN]

Yikes!!! They must have had it confused with the UMBILICAL area.... I hope...? And Pray???

( sorry I thought I had replied correctly... I'm responding to the post about the parents applying alcohol to their newborns circumcised member, wondering why he was screaming every diaper change)

[Phil-on-a-bike]

For anyone who doubted that the 'Benny Hill Show' was, in fact, a fly-on-the-wall documentary series:

Night shift, central London Accident & Emergency, circa 1990.

Blue-light ambulance for an adult male with sudden onset chest pain.

The patient turns out to be none other than our own hospital's Head Porter - a strapping, square-jawed, crew-cut six-footer in his late forties.

I'm attaching ECG leads to his ankles, when.... hold on... what's this? Sheer black nylons. Painted toenails.

Of course, neither of us says a word about this, and - carrying on as if it's the most natural thing in the world - I suggest that he may want to change into a gown. Into a discreet patient property bag go his clothes, including, as it turns out - a black lacy suspender belt.

ECG performed, I get some acetone for the toenails, and he tells me how he and the missus were enjoying a lively bit of 'role reversal' when the chest pain struck.

His wife called 999 and they set about getting him changed... but the ambulance arrived before they could get the stockings and sussies off!

He hurriedly pulled a pair of pants over them and just styled it out.

More power to 'em, I reckon - upholding the fine old English tradition of behind-closed-doors rampant deviancy!

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

:roflmao:[ATTACH=CONFIG]25049[/ATTACH]:roflmao:I love this thread. It's some of the funniest stuff I have read in a long time. PLEASE keep this thread going. I was an EMT for 18 years and have seen a lot of things, but I think the ER nurses experience the best and some of the worst of us all.