Treated like crap

[cockynurse80]

I am currently an RN Supervisor at a skilled nursing home. There are 5 of us supervisors and I am the only supervisor there who works full-time and does not have another job. I take my job seriously but also know everyone is human and we all have different, unique personalities. I have a very good relationship with my DON, Administrator, LPNs, STNAs, and even those who work in laundry, the kitchen, and housekeeping.

Above me is the Director of Nursing and then the Administrator. We have no ADON. We are a union facility...everyone below me is union. I am not union-but I do not feel as though I am management, either. RN Supervisors are the only management people who are not "department heads". We are excluded from everything from the company Christmas party to the office pot-lucks. Reasoning: We are not department heads. So-here we are-excluded from the union doings because we are not union and excluded from the company doings because we are not department heads....go figure, ehh?

There was a time when I was so ready to quit-that I dont know why I didn't. We are a small facility (76 beds) and the gossip, as anyone could imagine, was out of control. My DON was partaking in this gossip with the floor staff while outside smoking. I heard it. At first, listening to her discussing disciplines, points, etc about employees to other employees absolutely took me a few steps back....then...it was like saying the mail comes at 3pm...no big deal...probably because I was used to it.

As anyone would guess...employees have a right to privacy. Discussing disciplines and what have you is obviously against their right to privacy. I listened to it. I am a member of management and although I did (just a few times) stand up and say-uhhh-we cant talk about this mid-sentance of my DON blabbing about another employee's discipline or an investigation...many times, I just stood there and listened while she let it all out to people who had no right to know. I agree-I should be held to some sort of accountability for standing by the wayside while she blabbed-but when this got back to the union....which in turn got back to the Administrator...I know I was used as the DONs scapegoat. In fact, the DON has said many things which I firmly believe the Administrator is under the impression I have said.

So-if the DON is going to run her mouth about everyone else-why wouldnt she run her mouth about me? I believe exactly that happened. She would use my name while talking to other employees citing bits of information she received from an LPN while talking to another LPN just to get more information....if that makes any sense. So-here, I had nurses ticked off at me for things I was absolutely clueless about which turned into them making things up about me and wooooahhhh.....before I knew it-my head was spinning and I didnt know what in the world was going on or where statements came from. Rumors were flying around our facility about me like wildfire. Everything from me lying on other nurses just because I didnt like them and was trying to get them fired to I was a racist who was sleeping with a male nursing assistant. (I am married and my mother in law works in laundry-so that was a pretty situation if you could imagine)

THe rumors kept going and all I had to do was show-up for work every day!

One day, my DON told me she didnt know who to believe when it came to my counseling an LPN over documenting refusal of insulin to A/O rehab pt who was pissed she never offered it to him. I actually heard the LPN arguing with the pt stating she was told he always refuses his insulin and thats why she didnt offer it. In my professional opinion-if you dont offer a medication-it can not be refused. If you document refused for a medication that was not offered-thats falsification of a legal document. I wasnt even trying to write the nurse up...just tell her not to do it again.

My DON thought I was lying...not that I had any reason to lie. I didnt write the nurse up...which proves I wasnt trying to get her terminated. I guess I just dreamed the entire situation up? I was actually told that its possible the RN title went to my head by my DON...who couldnt explain why she even made that statement. Then, I had to go for a "not so random-random" drug test. Evidently, someone saw me smoking pot...at work. My employer told me I got picked for a random drug test-I got to the testing site and was told it was a reasonable suspicion test-which was later confirmed by my Administrator. I havent smoked pot since I dabbled in it as a 16 year old know-it-all. They would not tell me who said they seen me smoking pot-but it was a lie-so whatever.

I got to my breaking point. I didnt get involved in the gossip although I was guilty by association-if you may-because I was present while others ran their mouths. I didnt get involved in the little cliques. I just went to work and....worked? I treated everyone the same. I also learned my job very well. When I decided to look for another job and ask for the recommendation, my DON all but begged me to stay. She told me she wanted to make me her ADON and told me how good of an RN I am. She actually broke down into tears.

Needless to say-I stuck it out. I stuck it out and things changed. The floor staff realized it wasnt me who was lying on them. I have earned their respect. They come to me with questions, concerns, complaints...they even come to me with personal problems. They call me at home-which isnt a requirement for my position to take calls at home-but it really is ok. I am the type of person who is willling to lend an ear and help out if I can-no matter what. I honestly feel as though they trust me and trust my judgment. This in itself is quite the accomplishment as they are a tough crowd who used to rely soley on the union to handle even the pettiest of issues. I've done this while practicing good nursing, sticking to rules, and treating them all fairly.

My problem now is that I know my job....I've got it down to a science. There are 4 other RN supervisors who do not pull their own weight. I have to go behind them and "fix" just about everything they do. I never did get that promotion to the ADON position the DON had mentioned to me in the midst of me wanting to quit. I feel as though it was a tactic to get me to stay...a good one at that cause look-I'm still there! I just feel like I do so much more than the other supervisors. I feel like I have to babysit their work. I dont feel as though I get the credit I deserve for all that I do. Other than a bout of strep throat which had me off of work for 2 days-I have never missed a day and have never had a check without overtime. I'm not even invited to the pot-lucks for heavens sakes! My job seems mundane and I feel as though my work is unappreciated.

THe gossiping has haulted and I firmly believe that my near quitting gave my DON some sort of wake-up call as to what she was doing and how it was effecting me because shes different-in a nicer kind of way. I love working with her. I am so satisfied with my floor staff that I could not wish for better nurses/aides. All of my pts I have come to know and really care about them. I can tell you major dxs for all of my pts, I'm in tune with their labs, tests, problems, meds, etc...you know. I have a good realtionship with all of the family members I deal with as well as all of the doctors who come to our facility. I have received thank you and update letters from rehab pts who went home. I honestly love my job. Its just that I know I am capable of doing more. I am deserving of some sort of appreciation. The department heads treat me like crap. The are condescending when speaking to me. They push their work off on me-they ask for help-they know I am willing to help anyone-but I know the difference between helping someone who really needs it and just plain being takend advantage of....they take advantage of me. When it comes to their pot lucks-I did tell my DON it bothered me and they must've gotten wind of it because the next pot luck I was invited to. Then, the next day after I had gone to the store and bought what they asked me to bring-they had the nerve to come up to me and un-invite me...citing I wasnt a department head.

I dont want to leave a job I love; however, I do not know what in the world to do to be treated fairly.

[caliotter3]

It is probably too late to be treated fairly. The die has been cast for years. If you want anything different, you will have to leave. Or you will have to develop a better way to deal with it. Sounds like a debilitating battle.

[meluhn]

Callioter is right, nothing is going to change. You can't make someone else change their behavior, you can only change your own. Don't allow them to treat you this way. Go find a place where professionals do their job.

[ntgale08]

omg, so these kind of people still exist.... your story is like a soap opera, it gave me a head ache. you deserve better, my dear....

[vivacious1healer]

Update your resume and run! Run like the wind!!!!

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I agree with the others that you should start looking elsewhere. The gossip may have stopped, but I think that's all the progress you're going to see in this place

[CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN]

You do deserve better! Where does the ADM play in this picture? Were they aware of the gossiping and how unprofessional the DON is with all the gossip?

Sounds like nothing will change.

[bubblymom373]

Agree with the others. Nothing will change go where you are appreciated for the good nurse you are.

[bigbub3000]

it is painful to be ostracized. tolerated but not liked. used and taken advantage of but not have any real friends.

well, i guess you have to decide whether to stay or go. personally, if you like the job, i'd stay. let the others leave. or just let them live in their world and you live in yours, however lonely that is.

one thing you can do is stop helping everyone who you think is taking advantage of you. just stop doing what you believe is not your work. stop babysitting them, stop cleaning up their messes. just say no. no. just stop.

surprisingly, you will find that they don't like you any better and you will also find that the patients are not suffering (i'd bet) and that the ways the other people do things are adequate. maybe not the best or the ideal but adequate.

if you like, you can crash their potlucks. especially since you were invited and actually bought something to take to one. just go on into the room. silence will fall or someone will reach out to you and you won't be able to trust that he or she means it sincerely. others will ignore you or even leave and you will be all alone in that room. they will take their food with them.

not to hurt you but it sounds like they just don't like you. try to figure out why. what, if anything, have you done or not done to bring about the current conditions?

i am in a similar situation at work. i have resigned myself to just keep to myself as much as possible. there are some who i think genuinely like me, some who don't think they can trust me, right or wrong. they think this because i don't tolerate people disappearing on long breaks without letting anyone know they're leaving the area, i don't put up with work not being undone, excessive personal calls, the wearing of headphones by staff on duty, and other policy violations. that's why they don't trust me.

there is the race factor, too. as a black male, i think some non-black staff have a hard time having to answer to me. and some blacks think i should favor them, which i refuse to do. i am as fair as humanly possible to all.

there are some who used to hate me but have sort of come around, now that they see that i'm really not the bad guy, that i'm just a nurse trying to do the best i can.

guess what. i don't really care. i trust no one, unfortunately. trust was destroyed in me many years ago on various other jobs, having seen how some people treat each other. i just go in, do my work, try to be pleasant, try to avoid trouble, and go home. i get my check, play by the rules, ask for no favors, work ot when it is ok for me, try to be accommodating but don't go out of my way to help. i'm tired of trying to be liked. sounds like you have the same problem.

try to develop a more detached view of the friendships there. there are no real friendships. it's work. every man for himself. just stop looking for friends, for acceptance, for anything but doing your job and getting your check and keeping out of trouble.

a lot of people are telling you to leave but there's no guarantee that there will be nirvana wherever you go. go or stay based on all important factors - pay, seniority, time til retiring, the known devil is better than the unknown devil, all of these things. don't just leave expecting that you'll find perfection in the new place. best wishes.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I couldn't have said it better than bigbub did.

Maybe it's age that's brought some perspective regarding interpersonal relationships, but I decided some time ago that I was an OK person, whether or not my co-workers liked me. Work is only one facet of my life, and I don't look to the workplace to find friends. If friendship happens, great; if not, I don't sweat it because I know that not everyone is going to like me no matter what I do or don't do.

And maybe it's because I stopped trying so hard and learned to stay above the gossip, rivalries, intrigue etc. that I've actually become both respected AND well-liked at work. Warring factions will come and talk to me about their conflicts because I'm neutral and will listen to all points of view, and yet when it's time to get out on the floor I make them work together and get the job done. I don't bow down to management, but they trust my word and my work. I'm not easily intimidated so I will fight for my co-workers when they've clearly been wronged, and they respect that.

The key to harmony in our work lives is in NOT expecting the workplace to meet our social needs. Work is meant to take care of our economic needs, and if we're in the right job, it can satisfy a good portion of our intellectual and spiritual aspects as well. Expecting more is a common mistake that many people make, and only after we've been burned a few times---or even more than a few times---do we realize that this is completely unrealistic.

I wish the OP the best in making her decision regarding this job. I would advise her, however, to remember a basic truth that one of my college professors taught me many years ago when my marriage was in danger of breaking up: you can work out your issues while you're in this situation, or you can work them out in the next one.....and the next one.......or the one after that.

[zuzi]

Nothing matter more than your hapiness! If you are happy you will find 1000000 jobs, because you will be yourself.

If a PRESIDENT job make you unhappy, run away as fast you can...find your spot, don't let others to make you unhappy..YES!!! YOU ARE SOMEONE...you are YOU!

Hugs hon, I am so sorry to fell like that... find another job!

[cockynurse80]

Thanks to all for your replies. It's a shame I am about to say this-but its, in a sense, calming to know others know how I am feeling.

Bigbub: you're right-they really just dont like me....and its not because I have some sort of personality flaw nor is it due to incompetence. Its because I come to work-I do my job-I do much work for others. I won over a tough crowd-the floor staff-and I did this with back biting, lying, and malicious rumors flying straight at me from every direction. I am competent in what I do, I have proven I'm not going anywhere, and I believe I am treated poorly because of fear (?), jealousy, or what have you along those lines.

Only 1 of those who are giving me a hard time is a licensed professional (LPN). The others are not. I am a competent RN who just so happens to be young enough to be many of these women's children. I make more money, have a lot of responsibility and generally handle it well. My screen name would imply I'm cocky-but thats only with my husband. I am very well mannered and have a good bedside manner as well. Its what you do for sick people....make sure all of their needs are taken care of,treat them with dignity, kindness, and respect. For the company-you ensure all of the paperwork is in-line-put on a smile and pucker-up for the families.

I am human-I do make mistakes. Its ok when I do though because someone is always watching...waiting...and making sure they point them out to me... lol I believe these women are intimidated by me. Its been a while since they had some young blood who has shown confidence, competency, and perseverance. I believe they tried to run me out before and since it didnt work-they are trying a different approach and sadly, I have been letting them get to me.

I dont work to please them. I go to work to pay my bills and take care of my family. When I am at work, I am there for my patients.

Do I let them run me from a job I love? Maybe....maybe-but not today. When this crap stops-something else will start. I will either need to learn how to stay above it all and not let it get to me-or get out. We will see-but at the end of the day-its still just not right and I dont think I will ever understand why people think its ok to treat others so poorly. I like surrounding myself with others who are competent, intelligent, and have a good work ethic...its hard for me to understand why others dont.

Thanks again everyone! It was very kind of all of you to respond :)